aha

I do agree this is a great post. Very uplifting. This site has been very helpfull, especialy in the first few days when I found this site. I even met some great people from here. It's nice to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. TT, I have to say I liked your quote when I first read it sometime ago and like it even more now. Thanks!

I've been following your post because it's so similar to mine. Yes you will be ok. Deb is right. Memorize this: Print it out, carry it with you. if you EVER get the urge to email or call him again, come on this site, read a book, rent a movie, take a walk, bake some cookies, go shopping, ANYTYHING. Take all that energy you are focusing on him and redirect it to YOU -- A much more worthy object! Good Luck, I know it doesn't seem like it, you will feel better.

Hey Fantasia, I hear you. It wasn't as easy for me to just walk away from something I truly cared about. I thought she was worth fighting for. But I just made a fool out of myself. I realize now, she wasn't really worth it agt all. If she can move on so quickly, that just tells me she didn't care at all. I felt like I was a worm on the end of a hook. I was holding on to hope some sort of hope since the end of March. I'm kind of relieved knowing there's nothing to hope for any longer. it was driving me crazy. I feel like I can move on finally. Thanks

Hey Chandler, For some reason it's the opposite with me. I was devastated when she broke it off with me. It still hurts, and I've known for weeks it's been over, but for some reason I either didn't want to believe it or just couldn't accept it until now. I guess this was my final closure. The closure she failed to give me from the start of the end. If that makes sense. She knows how I feel about her, but she chose to ignore those feelings. -a

Based on history with this girl or lack of in terms of feelings, It's definitly done. The ride is over.

Heard from the ex this week. We had a couple of friendly emails, nothing special just how are you stuff. Anyway. she said she's seeing somebody else. I said, OK, thanks for telling me, take it easy. As soon as she told me, I thought, that end that chapter in my life. I was moving on with no contact and it wasn't easy. I think it will be easier knowing she's with somebody else. It hurts, but, I think it's best I know that. In a strange way. I should've known she didn't really care. Now I know for sure. Everybody told me stuff like, it's painfully obvious, she did you wrong, move on. Thanks dE! You've been there for me and I appreciate that!

Hey bebe282828, I did the same exact thing. Randy's right. you acted from your heart. Maybe she'll realize that or maybe she won't. Time and no contact will help YOU in the long run. I'm starting to feel better about the things I said. I mean, at first I felt pretty bad about it and even appoligized to her. Take care

Hey Lisaria, I've read alot of your posts the past couple of weeks and I think you give pretty good advice. Some days are good and somedays are bad. I think you said somwhere, you have to take one step at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. And sometimes we take steps back. I wish I had better advice for you. Just keep looking forward. I'm learning not to look back and my ex is missing out on a good guy. I'm sure he is too. Take care

I think you should call him next week. You told him you would, he'll probably be waiting next to the phone. And if you don't call, he may get angry all over again. Just my 0.02

yeah, i'm thinking the same thing. No contact from now on. i told her last week all of this could have been avoided if she would have just picked up her damn phone.

So here's my story.. Three weeks ago today my ex told me she needed some time to sort out her feelings. (Via Email, two days before my birthday). We had been seeing each other since the beginning of Janurary. We had a lot of fun together, I would stay at her place quite a bit during the week. The day before she told me this she had seen an ex boyfriend at a place where they used to go. Actually it's a skydiving place. I didn't really know her ex did that. Anyway, she thought she was over him, but after seeing him she said all of thee feelings came back. So, in the next few days we talked once or twice on the phone. I even told her that I loved her on the phone and all I heard was uh, um, uh, um. That was the last time I talked to her on the phone. We had IM conversations most of the time because she wouldn't answer the phone when I called. Well, I tried to start no contact during the second week for 3 days, each day she would try to contact me for whatever. I had no self control and answered her every time. Sometimes I would wait three or four hours before responding. At the beginning of the second week I told her that I couldn't see us resuming a normal relationship after every thing that has happened. And I would need to let her go. She responded by saying I was making more out this than it really was. And what she meant by that was, the other day she FINALLY admitted that what she wrote in that original email was not what she was thinking That's this was only to be temporary, after she figured out how to get those feelings worked out. Because she didn't want to be with the other guy. And I believe her. During the relationship, I didn't tell her how I really felt about her. i told her I cared,but, that wa it. I was waiting for the best time to do this and part of me thought it was to soon to tell her I loved her. Well, I told her in one of the emails. I felt I didn't have a choice because she wouldn't talk to me. Then she said that was real manly of you to tell me in a email that you loved me. What I didn't mention was some of the hurtful things I did. When I told her on the second week that we were done, I sent her a link to a post she did asking advice about her ex and how she thought he was seeing another girl. I told her I didn't want to be like that in a few months if we tried to work this out. This post was back in sep. She accused me of spying on her. Before the end of the first week, I didn't send her a long email telling her that I was sorry for all of the pain I caused her by the hurtful things I said. Last week we had a huge bashing, once again via email because she won't talk on the phone, I called her immature. And I said she was immature for hiding behind her voice mail and IM and not talking about this in person or at least on the phone. I sent her an email last week telling her that she was pathetic for just giving up on us. She once told me that she can't stand people who give up on things. Well, I threw that back at her. I also sent her an email telling her that my kids still ask about her and I don't know what to tell them. I know now I just sent this one to be mean. I think I said some other hurtful things, but I can't remember exactly what now. She told me to stop emailing her. Yesterday I sent her an email just saying, Hey, I know I caused a lot of damage, I just wanted to say Happy Easter. During our relationship I was NEVER hurtful towards her. I always respected her. I was just wondering if time heals most wounds, do you think time would heal some of these? Right now she's not speaking to me what so ever. I actually think she hates me now.

Thanks Mahlina. It looks like it's worth looking into.

I was wondering if anyone knows of any good self help books on how to survive break ups? or any other type of books relating to this. Thanks

Yeah, the no contact is the best way to go. I knew about it, but, I didnt follow it and now i'm paying for it. I have tried to talk to her, but, she won't respond to anything. That should tell me something right there.

Well, I've convinced my self and after talking to a few people, the air plane thing is probably not a good idea. I'll just give this thing some time and see what happens. If I stil feel this in a month or two, then maybe I'l give her a call.

As easy as that sounds, it's not. I've already done the i'm sorry thing, making a complete fool of myself when she broke it off. We've all been there. Leaving a VM won't get a reaction. I've tried it.

Yeah, the problem is she won't answer her phone when I call. but maybe if I did leave a vm she would think about it. But at this point I really doubt it.

Last week I had a huge fight with my ex. We both said some mean things and I have been thinking about it every since. I feel so bad for the things I said to her. She doesnt even want me to email her anymore. Well, I want to apologize to her, but saying it in email will just piss her off even more. Sending flowers or a card won't send the message. I was thinking about hiring a plane with a banner to fly around her work next week. With a message saying something like, "*name*, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Love me." What do you think?

Good Idea! I would be very intersted in this topic. I was thinking about it this morning, but, I was still thinking about it.

I agree with you totally. I also act on emotions and thats why I pushed my ex too far away. She just couldnt understand how i can act that way. She called it irrational. I wish I could send that piece of advice to her, but, it would just piss her off. Thanks! I know that those who don't act on their emotions can't figure out why it's so hard for those of us who do act on our emotions not to be that way. To them, it seems so easy to separate the two.

Wow, what your'e going thru now is what I went thru two weeks ago. Except I am the new BF. I wish in the future I can have a "meeting" with my ex to tel her exactly what your ex told you. I was so mean to her that I pushed her to far away. She made me so angry about her decisions. I dream of the day I can speak to her again. If it's possible. But looking at it through her perspective, I can now see how confusing things are.

I just wanted to thank everybody for responding to ALLof my posts. I never would have looked at this site before two weeks ago. But I have found alot of good advice on here. I know i wil continue to look at this site on a daily basis. Maybe even post stuff. Everybody has good and bad days. I know I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. After the conversations I had yesterday with my ex, my instincts tell me she inst the right person for me, but my heart still tells me she is. I will get over that.

I just wanted to thank everybody for responding to all of my posts. I never would have looked at this site before two weeks ago. But I have found alot of good advice on here. And I will continue to look at it. I don;t how many times I have read the post by LARZ "The no contact rule and why it works" but it makes makes alot of sense. I know I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. After the conversations I had yesterday with my ex, my instincts tell me she ins't the right person for me, but my heart still tells me she is. I will get over that. Thanks!

Hey SLBG, I'm not sure what your next move is. Yesterday I had contact with my ex and I KNOW I did more harm than good. The more I think about the no contact rule, the more I like it. I will probably never have a chance with my ex after yesterday, but, I do know deep down in my heart that I tried EVERYTHING to salvage what we had. The only thing I can say is, lok at it as a positive. Maybe contact her next week when things cool off.

Thanks. You're right, it does take a lot of self control. But, I blew it yesterday when I sent a simple, polite email asking for some stuff and before I knew it we were at each others throats so to speak. So, I'm back on day 1 of no contact today. I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. So the no contact will be a tool for me to get over this and move on.