ophelan
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Posts
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I suppose that might be helpful. Message follows: Also, the lousy photos of me. Any suggestions on how to get better ones? This is rather hilarious, because I'm a photographer (as a hobby) and have done several absolutely awesome portraits of others. I just can't shoot myself for the life of me. link removed link removed Thanks! Ophelan
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Right, so I've recently become single again after a 3-year relationship, and think I have finally come to terms with it. I've actually made some major attitude adjustments to myself, and am slowly trying to become a more social person (I tend to be rather shy). Anyway, I contacted a girl (23, political science PhD candidate) in town that is on Orkut (sort of a Friendster kinda thing, but invitation-only and by the Google people). Haven't gotten a response back, so I'm wondering what is wrong with my approach. Crappy message, perhaps? I've not yet mastered the art of talking to/email people I don't know. Crappy photos? Taking pictures of oneself is a pain in the butt. Any suggestions? Interestingly, my coworker dated this girl a couple times, and gave me her number as well as some additional insight on her. From what he said it actually sounds like we would work well together if I could actually get a date... Thanks all; looking forward to some advice! Ophelan
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Good luck tomorrow night, GeeCee! Hope you're getting some good sleep now, and will be ready tomorrow! Make the most of it, and keep the upper hand! We'll all be thinking and praying for you tomorrow evening! Ophelan
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please help me out i want to know what to do to get my baby
ophelan replied to Chachii's topic in Getting Back Together
Right on, Beec. Every relationship needs space. Both of you need time alone, and time to spend with your other friends. It sounds like you two might have been spending every moment possible together. This can only last so long before one of you either gets sick of the other, or sick of not having any time alone, or you two get into a competition trying to devote more time to the other. None of these scenarios will be successful. Anyway, it sounds like you guys have a really solid foundation for a relationship. It sounds like a great friendship, and that is what it should be - your lover SHOULD be your best friend. Just make sure you keep another best friend around to discuss your relationship with Give him some space for a bit; good luck! Ophelan -
JAHOYFT Just Ask Her Out You Freakin' Tool! 'nuff said. I know it can be hard; I'm not anywhere near good at asking women out. But half of the success stories out there started with just that. Don't screw around with pickup lines or anything like that. Don't tell her you've fallen in love with her. Just ask her if she'd like to grab coffee, or dinner, or something low-key like that. Next time, you can go for the romantic walk in the park. For the first date, though, stick to something with a distraction (coffee or food) so you have something to do if things get quiet and you can't think of a topic to discuss. Good luck! Ophelan
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If you really like this girl (and even if you hate her), give her the space she wants. Smothering her is quite possibly one of the greatest causes for ruining relationships, and it is difficult to deal with. When she gets unhappy (due to the smothering), you want to spend time with her to make her happy. And then the cycle repeats, until you get tossed to the curb. BREAK THE CYCLE! Be the strong man she wants you to be and give her space. She'll come back, and she'll want you more than she ever has. Give her what she wants, and spend time with her. Just don't overdo it; save time in your life for you and your friends. There is a reason that on TV you always see the single guys spending time with women every night, and the married guy hits the bar with his buddies a couple nights a week. To have a successful relationship, you both NEED to spend some time apart. Tell her to have fun this weekend, and that you'll talk to her later. Ophelan
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You're far ahead of where I was at your age, man. i didn't truly have my first romantic kiss until my freshman year of college. And it was also my first serious relationship; the very girl I'm trying to get back right now so I can marry her. Back to your kiss. When I kissed Sarah the first time, it just happened. It felt natural, and we both knew it. Don't go out of your way to plan it; simply act upon the opportunity when it presents itself. Women seem to love it when a man takes the inititive and DOES. He doesn't talk about, or think about, he just DOES. So, the next time you find yourself in a romantic situation like that, looking out at the stars and all alone, go ahead and kiss her gently. If she wants more, she will show you. If she doesn't, then you didn't intrude on her to any great extent and she won't hold it against you. Good luck! Ophelan
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Shag her, tell her it means nothing, shag her again. Just kidding. 8) Honestly, I think you should go ahead and ask her out for a nice romantic dinner or something. Show her that you want her as more than a friend, and see how she reacts when it is staring her in the face. People react differently when placed in a situation, as compared to how they talk about it hypothetically. If you don't try, then you'll always wonder. If you try and it doesn't work out, at least you'll know it wasn't meant to be. Good luck; let us know what happens! Ophelan
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I'm not yet to the point that I'll lower myself to a lovedoll. I haven't seen GeeCee, though... ;-) Wow, waiting until Thursday must be killing you. I have a hard enough time waiting until the next day when I expect something positive to happen. Good luck, once more...if you persist, you will succeed. (Anyone ever notice that it is SO much easier to give advice than to follow it?) I had a great day today. No contact with Sarah, but she went home from work this afternoon sick, so I grabbed some flowers on my way home and left them for her with a note that I hope she is feeling better, then went out with some friends so I wouldn't run into her. Ended up having a fun night eating and drinking at an italian place, and I'm tempted to ask our waitress out if I run into her again. Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with Sarah, but that isn't going to stop me from living my life today.
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GeeCee: The last opportunity doesn't truly come until you reach the point where you don't feel the relationship is worth the effort you're putting into getting it back. I know for a lot of us that would take quite awhile. 8) Good luck finding a nice sexy outfit for your date; make him want what he can't have! Had a pretty decebt day yesterday, then when Sarah got home she got really upset with me that I didn't finish rearranging our rooms (some computer stuff needed to be relocated to her closet, and her dresser moved, after I moved my computer to my room). Anyway, we both got quite upset. Then I realized that she had no right to be upset, as I never promised it would be done yesterday, and she didn't even know if I would be home to do it. So we both admitted we overreacted, and got the hell away from each other. Not really a positive or a negative overall, but I think it is a good reminder to work on communication skills when/if we get back together. Ophelan
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I know, it was more of a joke than anything, so I don't think there was any harm done. And she is planning on making cookies anyway. But yes, if I can help it, that will be the last mention of the relationship (out of my mouth) until her self-alloted month has elapsed.
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Lol, the ex-parents. I'm convinced her mom thinks I am insane or something. I think she is just pissed off at men in general, as she is having issues with her new husband of about a year. Funny nonetheless; she actually emailed Sarah asking "Also, could Daniel be a problem for you? I'm not really concerned; but could he be dangerous to you, or to himself?" Anyway, I found that quite hilarious, as did Sarah. Finally rearranged our rooms (moved my computer from her room to mine, and her dresser from my room to hers). This should make it easier to spend time apart. She was happy I did this (by myself no less), and offered to bake cookies as a reward. I declined, and asked if I could have a second chance at our relationship in a month (the amount of time she wanted to ponder things) instead. Definitely a better prize than cookies. All in all, doing pretty well today. Thanks for your comment yesterday, GeeCee. Being irrational is just a part of this whole thing.
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Good luck on your date, GeeCee. Glad to see things moving in a positive direction for you! I am so depressed today; I hauled butt out of the apartment before she got back from her morning run so she wouldn't see me like this. And I left her a note asking her not to read the email I sent yesterday night (which probably delved too much into relationship crap, and just isn't what she needs to be reading right now). Of course, there is a decent chance she will read it anyway (I know I've done that before; sometimes it is nice to see what a person was truly thinking before they found the need to censor themselves...I just never let such an email influence me directly) Honestly, what is bothering me the most right now is the guy she has been dating a bit. I know him as well (not friends really, but I know him), as does another good friend of mine (who I've talked to quite a bit about this, as he is a close friend of both Sarah and I and has both of our interests in mind). He seems to think this guy is just a flirt, and just likes to have fun and never have a serious relationship. I'm just worried about the whole thing, and have this feeling of despair that I'm never going to have another chance with this girl again. She just doesn't need a bloody serious relationship right now. And this guy is *beep*ing with her head even more and confusing her even more. Ophelan Edit: Tis funny, it seems like every day I either feel like things are dramatically improving, or hopelessly lost. In reality, things are probably changing very slowly. Such is emotion, I suppose. Edit Again: I should also add that my friend is also good friends with the other guy, so I should probably listen to his opinions on him. I'd really like him to talk to him, but I would feel wrong asking him to.
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Well, today would have been day 3 of no contact. I demonstrated my independence and ability to loosen up and live my life by getting thoroughly drunk at some club last night with some friends, and didn't actually end up back home until 10 this morning. Honestly, I still feel like crap. 8) Anyway, she had left me a note not really saying anything important yesterday. I decided to cheat a little bit and respond by leaving her a note this morning. I apologized for causing the confusion in her life, and asked if she'd like to talk. I know, I know. What can I say, I was hungover and not thinking clearly. I ran into her shortly after she read it (looking for water or something) and she said she wasn't sure what there was to talk about. So, I decided to leave her ANOTHER note (basically asking her not to get into a serious relationship without giving ours a chance...there, I have repented my no-contact sins for the day). Then I went back to bed for a while, she read the note, we chatted for a couple minutes when I got up (she is very disappointed she missed seeing me in my drunken state last night; I am usually NOT a heavy drinker). She liked the fact that I loosened up enough to do that, and was really surprised. Anyway, the conversation was positive, we enjoyed each other's company for 15 minutes, and she suggested that if I don't mind staying up late, we should try to hang out one night after she gets off work this week and watch a movie. She left, and I was rather happy that I dealt with her contact without getting all clingy and begging like last week. On her way out, she mentioned that she was thinking about what I said in the note (basically, don't get into another serious relationship) and asked me to read my email: So, in my biased opinion I feel that even though I broke the rules today, I feel like I have made progress. Opinions?
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Just wanted to let you veterans know that I'm joining the no-contact club. This marks day 1 for me. I've spent the past week screwing up and doing things for her and trying to get her back. This ends now. Wish me luck, ladies and gentleman. This is from link removed if you're curious. I have confidence. I WILL marry this woman one day. Thanks for the support, I know I'm gonna need it. (I kinda live in the same apartment as her) I wanted to add that I had a great first day. Made her bed this morning before deciding that I was done doing things like that for her. She'll notice all the more when I don't do it tomorrow. She has been gone all day, so didn't see her at all. Hung out with some friends tonight playing pool and drinking. I never replied to her email from yesterday, but I talked to her last night (before deciding on no-contact). I'm expecting an email from her tomorrow; I'll consult with you guys if I receive it. G'night all, tomorrow will be a new day.