determined

It gets sicker We're going to the best friends house party this weekend. The best friend is a total nutter, she randomly turns up on my door last night and walks straight in and starts talking really loud. Im like shhhh, (the gf lives next door) Then the gf rings the best friend whilst she is in my living room and they have a long chat about me, the best friend obviously not letting on. And I'm thinking, god this is sick and should be in east enders!!!

Spatz I'm liking your post. My relationship with the new gf is crashing and burning badly. Which is great....as I'm currently seeing her best friend. My ex has turned me from the most loyal devoted bf to a sly snake. It's going to blow up in my face!

Well I feel angry at myself for getting upset about it, angry at her for sticking up for loser boy and a little upset that a really good conversation was ruined by my sharp tongue. But to be fair she should never have put that into the conversation, like handing me a loaded weapon

well she rangm, I was quite drunk as I had just been offered a new job so was very happy. She heard about it and rang to congratulate me. on the phone for an hour having a really good chat and then a slight comment about her new bf sets me off on a sarcastic attack on his general being of a loser, she took offence, I took offence that she took offence and the conversation ended on a bit of a downer. Now I'm angry and frustrated when I should be in a complete state of glory after my success at work. DAMN HER!!!!!

AHHHHHHH The ex text me on Sun asking how I am and she saw my ads on TV and how good they are bla bla bla, I ignore feeling good and then just decided to ring her, it's Wed afternoon. She answers with a weird "err I'm in the car I'll call you back in 10 mins" 30 mins later no call........She has my security tennis ball damn it!!! Feeling annoyed at myself and angry at her. Guess they can still get there jabs in when they want to. My advice, never ever ever ever call the ex, reply to a txt yes but DON'T CALL!!!!!

Street, what happened mate?

I learnt that my ex just got back from Ireland from seeing the pikey shelf stacking bum, grrrr, really upset me. The new gf has been going a bit deeo, 2 months and she's already saying "i love you so much" eeeek!!!, I still love my ex and I've told her I still have feelings for her which makes the new gf want me more, she wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares that we got back together...hmmm. Anyway, I am going to be selfish here, work is going awesome, this new girl will do anything for me and I'm not lying to her or treating her badly, in fact the opposite. I'm always saying "you dont know what can happen" as in I know this new gf is not the one. My advice Spatz, go for it, enjoy yourself and keep your distance from the ex

And to you Spatz, and you know I hold you in hiogh regard, dont you dare consider being with someone else cheating. Do you think she thinks that same feeling for you.....you know she doesnt, just like mine. Maybe I'm speaking from a different perspective as you know how much I was into my ex and how bad I was, but I consider myself cured, not just because of this new girl but for a numebr of factors and if this new lady doesnt work out, I'll still be fine. Spatz, you NEED to start seeing other girls, even just on dates so you are interacting and gauging the whole flirt thing. Think about it, you were with your x for x amount of years, like me you'll be rusty and you need to get back on form, especially if you want your ex back, which will take flirting and charming acrobatics, you need to suave her off this new guy but you need to have confidence and that...unfortunately comes from other people liking you. It's wrong but I went through and broke 5 girls in my 7 months, dark yes, responsible no, moral def not, fun yes, helpful yes, regret no..ish, did I benefit hell yes. The world isn't a nice place at times and maybe I took on a ruthless business look at things and thouight right, it's payback, but rather that than being in the depths. There are copious amounts of opportunities boys, one's you never dreamed of and right now your both making yourself blind to them, why....because you are both loving, giving people, and that's beautiful......but dont do it as a sacrifice for someone who hasn't shown you the respect that I KNOW you both deserve. I'm not asking, advising you, I'm GOD DAMN TELLING YOU, get up, get dressed, and go and party...life moves pretty fast and unless you stop and start to look around, you'll have wasted 2/3 years and wonder why she hasn't come back. Emotional lecture over!

ok ok Raider you need to address some of this stuff mate. I was with my ex for 2.5 years, we lived together for 2 years and I was completely besotted with her, she cheated, broke up, I moved out, slept on my mates floor for 2 months and then when she moved away I moved back to where we use to live (her uncles). We broke up mid Oct and I can say that was the darkest period of my life and my depression was rife for about 6 months. I cannot stress how bad this is for you, 7 months down the line she is still with the gimp she left me for and I was getting nothing back for the pain, love and sacrifice that I handed her on a plate. So I got off my arse, worked at my career (I work in advertising in Lomdon) this helped me gain confidence, I started getting better money, travelling with work, making better relationships with people at work...but still she was in the back of my mind. Low and behold I start hanging around with my next door neighbour, a 26 year old, petite lovely who is great fun and very witty & funny. Now we have started seeing each other properlly and mate I have never been happier, any thoughts for my ex are simply passing through my head with no friction, pain or suffering to the point where I dont care anymore, I just don't care, why ...because I gave all and got nothing back. You cant live like that, you cant love from afar and expect everything to be ok. One she will never ever ever ever consider you again if you maintain this die hard policy as you need to be the funny, confident, secure, witty, charming, clever guy which you can not achieve whilst in this frame of mind. I feel for you I truly do, but I believe we can be a victim of our own emotions which means you have the choice not to feel this way. Cut contact, get motivated and involved in your own life and then others will want to be part of it. Take care

Ummm, well I'm quite happy with the new lady right now and have no motivation to chase the ex anymore, guess it's the new and exciting thing that's going on. It will totally rile her though if she did find out, she's my nexst door neighbour and my ex and I use to go out with her and her friends when we moved down here. She started the whole "really looking forward to you coming back to Newcastle" stuff Right now I'd say no i dont want the ex back and not sure I will when I go back, especially if I'm still seeing the new lady who seems to have the stability I've been looking for, she's not likely to run off with a god damn shelf stacking, drug dealing baboon anyway, and I haven't laughed with a girl like I do with her in ages, also she has an engaging conversation which is unique from my previous girl friends

This is just sods law and I would really appreciate your help on this guys & girls. Things have started picking up with the new lady and getting a bit serious. Although last night she came over with all these concerns about how she is scared because she is falling into this a little too quickly and although she likes it she wants to have control, says she hasn't stopped thinking about me and that worries her as she is usually able to control her emotions. Anyway, she's worried that if things go wrong then it would be a real problem, (she lives next door) and she would have to see me in the garden, outside the house, at the trainstation etc etc, I told her there is nothing to worry about and I would never make things a problem for her if this didn't work out, we should chill and let things take a naturel course, I think I calmed her down but how do I go about reasurring her things will be ok. My ex has somehow been able to smell that something is happening and that I am no longer pining for her, she's texting me, trying to call me...whilst I was sat with the new girl. What should I do, I don't feel like I have to tell my ex about it as why should I, but it's so true, as soon as I start getting over her and moving on she tries and throws a spanner in the works?? What's that all about and what should I do. Any advice please

Well things are going pretty well with the new lady. I haven't any motivation to speak to or make contact with my ex. I feel able to pretty much be ok, normal and not really feel fussed about the situation in regards to my ex...is that strange? I'm having a really good time with this new interest and can't remember laughing with a girl like this since.....well....since I can remember. In fact I don't even want to see or hear from my ex and just see what happens in this new situation. It certainly has made me happier, bouncier and I've got the excited buzz whenever we get together. It's now been 7 months since we broke up and maybe it wasn't ever meant to be which I was unable to comprehend before and the thought of feeling like this towards someone else was impossible. I know this is on a honeymoon period and it's all new etc but when I think about it I associate this girl with a fun buzz, challenge and laughter, I think of my ex and I think of deceit, lies, immaturity and being a general idiot.....obviously I don't hate her I just have a bit more of a realistic view of her......I hope this doesn't pass.

well, I still speak to my ex as I do still have feelings for her, very deep ones. She cheated on me and we ended up breaking up and she went off with some complete toss pot. She is always nervous when speaking to me but then tends to warm when she knows I'm not going to shout at her. I say live and let live, if you have issues then abandon that person. I'm not prepared to make myself a victim from her somewhat uneducated decisions as she will be the one with a situation to handle. I wouldn't say we are friends despite we are still close in many ways, we keep our distant and communicate feelings from afar. Besides if you take the harsh line with the ex it makes it very easy for them to turn around and decide to hate you back. This way is much more satisfying knowing you don't have any pent up hatred etc

Since I've started getting myself out and about and mixing with people in order to generally feel better about my ex situation (we've been split for 7 months now my story is under the post Security Tennis) I've also started getting sober. I was hammering work really hard and getting home late, drinking and getting stoned in order to knock myself out and generally not think about what's in my head. Anyway, since then I've started to dream again. Most of these are quite trippy but then the one I had last night left me almost a bit disturbed and confused. I've started seeing a new girl on a very low key basis and my ex and I hadn't communicated to each other for about 2 weeks. So here is what I dreamt: I'm in a crazy snow blizzard at a starting line of a race with a bunch of guys, my ex's new idiot bf is there too, my ex is stood in the middle of a round fence and we all start racing around it and have 10 laps to do, the blizzard is really crazy and everyone starts raciing really quickly, I go slower so that I can beat everyone at the end with a quicker pace. Anyway towards the end I start to take the lead but her new bf is keeping up with me, we run around and around and he looks like he's going to win. Knowing that this blizzard is really thick and no one will see, I cheat and cut accross the circle we are all running around and I win...theoretically. I'm then in our garden when we lived together, the blizzard is still going and I'm sat in the door of one of the sheds facing the other, she comes out and the interior is a bathroom (I dunno she's quite vain so that may explain that one). Anyway she sees me and desperatley tries not to look at me, I call her and she looks uncomfortable, I call her again louder but she still looks away, getting upset, I stand up and motion towards her at which point she runs in to the blizzard and is off. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? This could mean something or nothing. I've been researching what's called nonlocal communication, it's when 2 people who think of each other alot subconsiously communicate in very very vague ways through mental energy, could be balls but then this morning on my way to work I get a txt from my ex asking how I am, bit weird since it's 2 weeks and I haven't heard anything of her and this was the first time I actually thought of her properlly. Don't get me wrong I am cynical this has any real meaning, I dreamt of a wearwolf picking strawberries the night before for god's sake so it could mean nothing. Anyway, I thought it would be fun for some of you to give me your take on the crazy stuff in my head and it does seem coincidental to hear from her directly after. I do love her deeply still but desperately trying to move on and find interest in others.

I don't think I like this girl for the wron reasons. I've been single for 7 months now and I'm pretty comfortable with it. When I say too much too soon I guess it's due to pent up companionship as opposed to filling the void my ex left. What I mean is that this new girl is pretty much perfect and fits in great exactly where I am and how I'm thinking, she lives next door for god's sake how convienient is that! When we are together I never (despite earlier accusations in my last post) think or compare her to my ex, her humour is quite advanced as is her conversation which pretty much keeps me engaged in her as opposed to hmmm she better because of this this and this. I can quite honestly say and I think you of all people will experience this too spatz, is that when someone as engaging as this girl comes along, and they do if you don't hide from them, you respect them a hell of alot more than your ex. I found this breeds self respect also and from that you think pah, my ex left me, she hurt me, I'm happy now and I actually am warming to the fact that I would turn my ex down if she came back whilst I with her. My point being is that being by yourself is really really important, hence being single 7 months. Making yourself available to date, find, fall in love again with someone new is also important. It's not like our exs hung around to "heal" but we did so when they come back after we have finally become happy that's when things get sticky mate, that's when you'll have to make that major call on whether to go with something great new and possibly prosperous or go back to the history with which you will still naturally hold established feelings...in summary...this bit is the easy part and should be fun. Don't look at this as a bleak time but complete uncertainty, mrs right could be right around the corner, or the best time you've ever had and somwhere along the line you will cross paths with your ex. I am really buzzed up about this new girl, we've been out together about 5/6 times but I wont even kiss her man!!!! It's all fun and flirting but one thing my ex has taught me is slowly slowly catch the monkey and I'm especially petrified of rejectiom right now, but the abyss is a hell of alot more sexier than 7 months of depression.