IAmFCA

Mom. Its happening like I said. Starting to like less the moment- fillers and like more those with something else to do. This is Dad's nature, I think. In any event, whatever it is, it is happening and it would make you happy. It starts within me. That always was your goal and your source of peace. ♡

Voodoo Chile - Bootsy Collins voices the words of Jimi Hendrix taken from letters and interviews, against a timeline formed by concert footage, location shots etc. Interesting characteristics of quality emerge: a drive to learn, always. A focus on his craft and an affection for it. Clarity about those whose work informs him. A vision of how his work connects to the world around him.

Burn After Reading I wonder when was the first time i watched it. Slush, back in the Ice era? I got more out of it this time. It isn't the best Coen brothers movie, but I appreciate that the joke isn't told until its over.

May 2014. Look, babe, I am owning it, its become my normal. I like my crush. He's more guarded than you were, even. If this doesn't work out, this trend might lead me to a monk who has taken a vow of silence. Anyway. I miss you. I couldn't have been here without you nor arrived with you. I have integrity now that I lacked back then. I hope you are comfortable.

Jobs Inspired many ideas about leadership and commitment.

Mom, I'm in your hands. All those people, so many. In some ways, it was harder for me to see through so many choices. You always respected my desire to test, shop, move on. Your mom was a special woman and she gave her gift to you. I don't know and I don't have to know. I know that I will get to where I am going. I sometimes think I know who I will find there. I think the guy with a jet is bringing me business just for me. Well, he actually said that. But not so focused on family. The one who is family focused, well - he is doing what he ought to. And meanwhile, nobody is worth my time. Isn't that the point? Investing in myself pays higher returns than investing in these selfish jokers? Lol mom he quoted Shakespeare wrong, and tried to duck my yes or no answer. That's not a gentleman. So, I'm in your hands. Night.

Seriously? That is funny. I wonder if she has any male homosexual offsping. Kinda like how i had a doctor for years whose name sounded like "shots".... wonder if our names acclimate us to a path.

The lawyer who won't stop negotiating for the thing he wants, which thing will never impact his business, not one day. Stuff it!

Sleeping With Other People Its like a series of eNA threads

Hi Mom. It's a sad time down here, stuff you've seen before and surely hoped to never see again. I used to feel not white enough,though i didn't know that is what it was. I knew only that couldn't make myself look like other people looked. I didn't have anything to discuss when i came here. More, the desire to sit down and visit. Maybe, you in your favorite chair, a pleasure because of course you were the last to claim it as your seat, always. Mom, I got somewhere in myself that you have never seen, and i understand my brain in a way you never did. It would be a conversation that enhances and challenges choices you made s a parent, and maybe validate what you were challenged with. You married and then made and raised a collection of crazy brains. Smart and ravenous, also walking in circles, constantly making life harder just to entertain ourselves. I don't know how you did it. I bet we all have had times when it seems like you were the only one who loved us that way you did, that deep unconditional commitment to us. And yet you never attached. You nailed it, mom. You nailed it. I could not have been any more fortunate than I was in being yours. I have asked you to look out for some people. Two are with you, including my friend R. I release you from looking out for one, who has drifted so far. He will come back to shore. God will find him, but he is now in darkness and lost, powerless. He has no faith on the God within, and has given over to cynicism, the vulgarity of trading soul for commerce. I'm sorry i demeaned you with such a lowly assignment. I thought maybe, just maybe. Me, I don't know. I feel kinda good. Don't need a guy, mom. I know that pain, don't worry, I'll let someone find me. I'm kinda happy like it is. No moment sustains into the next; i know it will arrive right on time. Thank you for loving me mom, all this time. Wish we could go hear the symphony together. In my heart, always a symphony for you. Or piano sonatas? Or those French trifles in staccato that made us laugh so hard our shoulders shook in silence? I love you Mom. You gifted me with a light some people never find their whole lives. All I had to do was keep dusting and polishing. You are in my children. Its beautiful to see you there, a light brighter than light itself. Its hard to type with watery eyes! And its late. Thank you Mom. In every breath I take, a thank you.

The Howlin Wolf Story (again)

The Howlin Wolf Story (again)

The Howling Wolf Story. The movie closes with this track, heartbreaking. He didn't write that song, but his story is in the words. He knew he was dying. His mother thought he was playing the devil's music and wouldn't see him even as he was dying. What sort of Christianity is that? I digress.

I have been going back through your thread and I am struck by how responsible you are to yourself. Keeping up with therapy, taking the time off work, diving in to the time that lies ahead of you. I am certain you will be grateful for the choices you are making now. It's hard. I can hear the exhaustion, the mental exhaustion. I just want to say, you have earned applause for how well you are moving forward. We care about you.

True. And Sportster, true! My women friends, we fantasize sometimes about living together. We picture college group house fun. Maybe it would be more like The Golden Girls. I am looking forward to making my home just mine, with no kids in it. But I've 4 more years before that's possible, and I don't imagine living alone from then till I get the ultimate upgrade. I would love a group house.

Right? I do see a continued shift toward humanity and away from gender stereotypes. I live in a liberal urban area, so I know that what I see isn't universal. Many teens where I am think gender fluidity is normal, nobody cares that their classmates are homosexual, nobody cares that they share the same gym etc. My daughters and their friends think the world is theirs for exploration without limits. They are a privileged bunch, granted. We need a man's revolution next. I haven't quite envisioned it's message but we are getting close to its natural evolution. Now, I cross my fingers and cling to my faith in them. I'm hopeful in a generation, we will find marriage or it's proxy adds to the lifespan of both genders. I rather like the idea.

And yet married men live longer.

My heart races with the ethical tensions, the frailty combined with the frightening power of humanity. "Where is the responsibility of the Vatican... of Churchill in 1938... of those American industrialists..." It is not the same, the defense argument is flawed. Nonetheless, the gist is on the mark. And the acting crew. What does it feel like to the actor who plays one of the German leaders on trial, who later played Colonel Clink on Hogan's Heroes. "This trial has shown that... ordinary men, even extraordinary men, can delude themselves into crimes..." The fear itself. The fear of what may be within any one of us.

The Trials at Nuremberg. Riveting. On many levels.

Nah, ever since I read about his sexy sex life, I was turned off. I don't know why. Too sexual, not sexy.

Thought I'd hate it. Loved it. Saw it with my bestie and laughed our heads off.

Varmin entered recently, spoiling everything. FLOUR

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Without hate, all leaders excel. CLIMB