Capricorn3

You're talking in riddles now and it gets confusing. What does people not believing you have to do with "acknowledging that you could be lying to yourself about having feelings for your ex"? 😕

In case of what? 😕

First thing to do is admit you didn't make a mistake. You made a very conscious choice to have sex with your ex. No mistake there. You claim you really like Lily a lot. If that's the case, and you want a serious relationship with her, you need to make up your mind about your true feelings for your ex - you say: ...... "I truly don't recall having romantic feelings for my ex, but I do acknowledge that I could be lying to myself." At this stage it may be kinder to let Lily go while you sort yourself out. She doesn't deserve to be messed with.

^ That right there was your cue to block and go full NC. The question is why you allow this? Is it low self-esteem? As long as you keep responding, he'll keep treating you badly. You broke up for a very good reason. Keep it that way. Block and be done permanently and then focus on your own mental health and healing.

No, not at all. But it may look more like you're desperate. It seems you're looking for any kind of excuse to "stay in touch". Don't. Time to move on and keep your dignity and self-respect in tact.

^ In that case it's going to be very difficult to form any kind of friendship as it will appear to them that you're not interested in them and don't care about them, so they in turn, will eventually back off from you. You've got to put in the effort to keep a friend. Other than that, Wiseman has some excellent advice above. Please give it some thought.

OP, I get the strong impression that you're trying very very hard to convince yourself that you "don't have a problem with her texting your friend, and it's all just fine". Clearly you do have an issue with it (understandable), so best not to be in denial and you need to talk to her about boundaries in your relationship.

Not a problem. I was merely pointing out that when there is so much to read, such a massive wall of text, many people will skip it. If there was a summarized version, you may have a better chance at many responses.

Way too long to read. What's the question?

Threads have been merged. OP, there is no need to start a new thread whenever you have a question pertaining to the same topic. Please stick to one thread when you have a question. Thanks.

^ That right there would be my cue to head in the opposite direction. Thanks, but no thanks. Move on.

Ok peeps, time to get back to topic. OP, if you're still around, feel free to update us.

To me, the fact that she has made it very clear she is "not dating" .... Sounds to me like she doesn't mind a friendship and just casually meeting for a coffee or whatever, but that's it. If you want more than that with her, it aint gonna happen (imo).

It might look a little odd giving them Christmas gifts a whole month later - like an after thought. Perhaps give a nice birthday present whenever that happens.

Just be aware that teenagers still have a long way to go to fully mature - meaning the brain is only fully mature at age 25 - and therefore a lot of changes happen between those years. Teenage years and romances are typically very intense and you can't imagine not being with your first love etc, but the vast majority of high school romances don't last. I know several couples who started out in high school. One lasted seven years and they got married young. Two years later they "outgrew" each other and wanted to live their lives and explore the world and other people. Another couple together for 5 years and split up because they got bored with each other. The list goes on and on. Sure, It can work for some, but just be aware you still have a lot of maturing to do and during that time, a lot can change.

I'm sorry this happened to you, especially when so unexpected. It seems she checked out several months ago and finally had the guts to tell you. Please note that when people monkey branch, without giving themselves time to get over a current and long term relationship, it very rarely works out in the end. Totally rebounding without even coming up for air. The question you have to ask yourself is: When/if her new "relationship" breaks down, and she comes crawling back to you, are you going to welcome her back with open arms? I know you're hurting right now, but think about that carefully, about the betrayal, about trusting her again, about the pain and hurt she caused you. Take time out to process and be kind to yourself.

I also believe that all this digital interaction has led to almost epidemic proportions of young people world wide living with "social anxiety" and living in their bedrooms too afraid to actually meet someone face-to-face, and when they do, are unable to actually have a great conversation. They can communicate and have long "conversations" by text all day long, but once it's in real life, they clam up and forget how to speak. No wonder dating is so stressful.

LOL, my mom is totally deaf too! (and she has hearing aids). BUT, she has no idea how to text (no matter how many times she's been shown), so she always phones and then she shouts into the phone and we have to repeat ourselves a thousand times and shouting back. oh lord,,,,,,lol.

Oh believe me, to this day, I HATE making a phone call, or receiving one. Absolutely have hated phones my entire life, lol. I also don't understand where people find the time to actually do their job with the amount of texting they do all day (to their partners), lol.

^ Agreed, lol. Sounds like way too much work, lol.

Brilliant post Coily. I feel bad for anyone who has to wade through the dating world in this day and age. For me, it all sounds like a nightmare and not much fun at all and rather exhausting. My brain would be totally frazzled, lol. Like Seraphim, we didn't grow up with all this technology. Everything was done face-to-face. And if that didn't happen, it was either a phone call to make a plan to meet again. (Note: A phone call - not many many calls and talking for hours at a time, every single day, lol). To this day, we hardly ever use our phones, mine is usually switched off for days at a time 😄. Our phones get used for things like "can you pick up some milk on the way home please?", and that's it, lol. I can't for the life of me imagine being bombarded with non-stop text messages throughout the day and night. Way too exhausting, lol.

Agreed. Sometimes people just need to recognize when to stop. Having an opinion is absolutely fine and no issues there, but no need to go on and on and on and on and ..........ad nauseam.

Oh my gosh I can't help but feel bad for the OP going through her thread. 😕 OP, keep it simple - do what feels right for you. Trust your own instincts and gut feelings and let the chips fall where they may. I wish you well.

Nope. He made his choice. Let him live with it.

Wiseman, that laughing emoji really cracked me up. Made my day, lol. 😆 You speak my language, lol. Thanks.