Tanzi

Are you dating, bf and gf or just friends? EDIT: Sorry, I've just realised you called him your bf in the title. How long have you been together? Personally, if someone said that to me he would be gone. At best it's just plain rude (depending on how long you've been together). At worst, he is putting you in your place.

Why can she not be on her own? I think the answer here is key. It shouldn't matter who he lives with or apartment shares with, there's always a way to spend time with someone you want to ... or is he just never going to go out/have a social life again? I really don't understand why she can't be on her own.

Why? Just why? It deeply bothers me that this is the norm nowadays. No-one seems to know what being in a real relationship is like. Is this what being intimate is these days? **sigh** The reality is, this man has hundreds of pictures and videos of you that he is now threatening you with. I think you know the answer to this. This guy is a real creep. How can you love a guy who has made such a disgusting threat. Why would you contemplate letting a man like this in your son's life? You have to end things with this creep ... but something tells me you won't.

Maybe you shouldn't dwell on this either. You ended things for a reason. Stay with it. Her sugar daddies are probably tired of her games too.

You are not a terrible person, May .... but, yes, you are being selfish (and I don't mean that in a judgemental way). You know none of this is fair on your husband. If you no longer love him, you need to let him go. Do you think there is a chance you could fall back in love with your husband if you cut Albert out of your life?

You are being too harsh on yourself. I don't think you are being shallow or judgemental. As has already been said, you are overthinking things. Quite simply, she just isn't the one.

I personally don’t think she needs to text him. He said he was going to stop texting her so I’d leave it where it is. There’s no point in opening up communication. I’d wait to see if he makes contact again first.

Quite simply, he was STILL manipulating you. He was getting all he could from you in the same way he did before, ie. reeping all the benefits without the commitment. You are doing the right thing. You have to put yourself first. Staying in contact with him - being used by him - will never make you happy. You will only move on and be happy once you fully let go.

I agree with Lambert, you are taking this too seriously. There was such a negative vibe in your post regarding something that could have been exciting and fun. After all, you seem to like her. Chill. Text her. What’s the worst than can happen? She says “no”. Well, at least you tried. If you do get to meet her again, for goodness sake don’t bang on about the whole friends thing, otherwise she will think you’re friend zoning before you’ve even got anywhere. Just have fun and if you enjoy the evening, ask to meet up again.

Yes you should end it. I agree that he is behaving like a typical teenage boy but that is no reason for you to accept his behaviour. Let him know it really isn't cool by ending it. As hurtful as it may be, it's only been a month and it won't take you long to find someone else.

Why do you think people are attacking you, Usa1ah. It’s called having a difference of opinion. You have done exactly the same thing. What is there to wonder about? Are you trying to goad me? Anyway, I don’t want to argue with you. I’m just stating the facts as I see them presented. She got with her friend’s ex pretty quickly but they were both single at the time. Admittedly, the timeline is not completely clear but I haven’t read anywhere that the loves notes etc were sent before her friend had broken up with this guy.

Separating yet being exclusive doesn’t make any sense. It’s either one or the other. She is agreeing to it because it’s easier than not. Also, it helps knowing that someone is there for you. Great for her … not great for you though. The bottom line is she wants out. She wants her own space to “grow”, which could mean anything, including eventually meeting new people. There is no point in hanging on. It is too painful. If it is meant to be then you will find your way back together after some time apart but it is better to NOT assume this is anything other than a break-up so you aren’t rooted to the same spot whilst she moves on with her life. After, 8 years it’s going to be hard to make a clean break and it would be unrealistic for any of us to assume that will happen … there is always a “breaking up” period where there will inevitably be contact. Nevertheless, there will come a point where you will have to accept that there is no such thing as an exclusive separation.

She wasn’t cheating. He dumped her five months before. She didn’t have to go running back to him the moment he changed his mind. Granted, choosing to get with her best friend’s ex wasn’t the best choice but seeing as they were both single then, technically speaking, they weren’t doing anything wrong. It didn’t work out and she chose to go back to her ex. No-one is changing the subject and no-one has mentioned anything about the OP being “creepy”. Only you’ve come up with that! People are just saying it as they “see” it and, again, technically speaking, he had no reason two year’s later to be searching through her phone. Not at all. Just people having a different opinion to your own. I think someone is a little hyper sensitive! I’m sure the OP will be glad to know that, on the whole, no-one thinks his gf did anything wrong.

I don't think you should keep contacting his ex-wife. I am sure she is well aware what her ex-husband is like. Leave them both to it ... whatever they are or aren't doing ... and just be grateful that you are well out of it.

YES YOU CAN!! You can 1,000,000,000,000,000,000% tell him “no”. You don’t have to listen to his crap either. Your boyfriend is controlling, manipulative and abusive …. and this is all at a distance. Imagine if he was just around the corner and could (and would) turn up as and when! Get rid … like yesterday!

Maybe I should have read the whole thread! 😂 I don’t blame you for messaging her. At least you have an answer now and can move on.

I was wondering this too. She may have felt she was being ghosted, especially if the OP wasn’t in the best of moods. That aside however, it was very rude of her to shout out to people that you weren’t vaccinated. I’m not sure what she was hoping to achieve by this other than to humiliate you.

Right, okay …. from the little you have said, it seems there is a whole bunch of other stuff going on here. It’s hard to comment on the items in your car situation. A little more info would be good. What were they? Where would they usually be? Did they need to be in the car at all? You said he makes you feel stupid. Is this all the time or just in regards to this situation? He said you accuse him “so much”. Again, is this in regards to this situation or do you accuse him a lot. I mean, you did say you have massive trust issues and you “accuse him”. Accuse him of what? Reading between the lines here, I’m already picking up that this could be a somewhat toxic relationship but it’s hard to make a judgement when so much seems to be missing. There’s more to this.

There is a big difference between prostitution and having one-night stands, FWBs and casual sex (though the sugar daddy thing is questionable). Prostitution is a means to an end for many women in dire situations. The majority of them are exploited and are putting themselves in danger in order to live. That is not the case with FWB or one night stands where no money is involved and it is what both parties who are physically attracted to each other want at the time.

Rightly or wrongly, I would not be okay with a partner having had sex with prostitutes ….. but to NOT get tested …. well that would tip the scales.

Her contact is almost inevitable. The “danger” is you letting her back in. Everything you have done so far ….. ignore, block, delete, post ….. has been to manipulate her feelings as much as she has yours. The only reason this has gone on and on is because you have allowed it. Having blocked her several times in the past, you have then allowed her back in …. so, of course blocking her looks like another knee jerk reaction …. until she knows you mean it this time. You are absolutely spot on when you say that having her in your life is much more painful than not, so stay blocked, stay deleted and stay away from social media …. for the time-being anyway. It sounds as though you are doing well so far. Stick with it and allow yourself to COMPLETELY emotionally detach from her. Your last paragraph above did make me giggle but in all seriousness, try to focus on some positives around you and, for goodness sake, don’t get sucked into any more drama. Watch from the sidelines if you have to …. and be grateful that you’re putting your own drama to bed.

That’s because he is making new memories with someone who is far more important to him than you …. and, yes, she IS more important to him than you …. in the same way that your husband is more important to you than him (hopefully). Why not concentrate on making new memories with your husband instead of trying to hang on to the way things were. You’re all beginning to settle down now. The dynamics of your friendship will inevitably change. You’re attitude towards this friendship seems somewhat unhealthy. You are beginning a new chapter in your life. Why not enjoy that instead of worrying about his relationship, which is really none of your business anyway. You’ve been able to carve out a life for yourself and get married, accept that he should be allowed the same. He doesn’t have to be at your heel for the rest of his life. To start talking about abuse because he chooses to spend more time with her than you is unnecessary. Unless you have evidence of this then it is totally unjustified and you have simply thrown that out there because you don’t like her.

It sounds as though he is friends with both you and your husband which means it suits you both to still have him in your life in the same capacity as before ….. but that’s YOUR life and YOUR expectation of him. You can’t seem to accept that he is entitled to have a life away from you with someone of his own choosing. You really have no place to tell him that he needs to move on from this girl …. all because her anxiety inconveniences you or has changed the dynamic of your friendship …. but life changes ….. and never more so than we find someone we want to settle down with. The bottom line is, he has every right to put his girlfriend’s priorities above yours. Seems to me you expect it to be the other way around.

Given the circumstances, it is perfectly understandable why his parents have moved in to HIS house to help him. It’s hardly the same as still living at home with his parents. It doesn’t sound as though your friends want to see the difference. Don’t let them blindside you.

The simple answer to your question “What should I do?” is to leave. That’s what you want to do anyway but she’s still controlling you by making you stay. She doesn’t seem to care about your feelings and making you happy so why make yourself ill trying to make someone happy why will never be happy. You will never convince her that you aren’t a cheater because she has serious insecurity issues …. and they are pretty serious. Things won’t get better, they will only get worse. Time to grow some balls and get out!