Tanzi
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Everything posted by Tanzi
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Day 12 I feel a bit depressed today but I think thats because I had a bit too much too drink last night and am feeling hungover!! Although its Day 12 of NC its been 2 weeks since I ended our "friendship". I had a slight blip 2 days after ending it when he signed off of msn when he saw me sign on. Talk about make it obvious. That hurt me so I sent a text saying that that had been unnecessary. I have now blocked and deleted him. I've ended our "friendship" twice before and have always contacted him after 2 weeks and things have started up again. I guess its not technically 2 weeks full NC yet but it kind of is. I've certainly never gone this long without talking to him. He usually rings me every 4 days or so - but thats when we are friends, in NC its me that has given in. I can't give in this time. I mustn't. The next few days are going to the toughest yet. I want to feel his arms around me and hear him call me "little one". Three weeks today was the last time he did this. I miss him. I can't understand how we can want something so bad yet not have it. Why on earth do we have to be put through this pain. Sorry guys, you've all done so well, I don't mean to put a dampner on things. I am going out tonight so hopefully I will have a good time. Think I will stay off the alcohol tho!!!
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Go you!!! Day 11 Not sure how I feel today. Pretty much OK I guess.
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Thats all we can do. Take each day as it comes and deal with things as and when the happen. Its best not to try to worry too much about "what ifs" and "what whens" otherwise we will drive ourselves crazy Well done you for deciding on NC and getting through your first day.
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I think we can all relate to that. When a relationship breaks down our confidence takes a knocking. It is just another thing to work on. But you can do it!! Judging from your previous posts you've had better days, you are just having a bad time of it today... or "wobble" as Cat would call it. And we all have them. We wouln't be human if we didn't.
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I don't often go on FB much anymore so its not really been a problem before. I think I will remove him now, however. We met on a dating site and have both been on others before (both of us have been married before). I know which ones he was on (and probably still is) and with some of them you can see who he has added as "friends" and comments etc. I haven't looked at them so I don't know what his movements are but the temptation is there everyday. He reckons he isn't interested in the dating site scene at the moment. Whether or not he is not, I would rather not know. It would just cause me tremendous pain to know that he may have found someone on one of them and is interacting with them the way we used to. I was really down yestereday and the urge was driving me mad. I got through the day tho without "searching" for him and today I think I have my "urges" under control!!!!! Day 10 ..... wahooooooooo double figures!! Onwards and upwards
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God how I wished I felt like that. Its Day 8 for me and I'm not having a good one. Yesterday was a strange day ... It started off good, then there was a bad period then I felt pretty damn good again. I couldn't work out what I ever saw in him and decided that I was wayyyyyyy to good for him lol. He will never find another me!!!!! Perhaps its because I didn't get much sleep last night but today is definitely one of the hardest so far. Thoughts of him with someone else seem to be constant today. I have such an overwhelming urge to check out his Facebook. I have this horrible anxious feeling hanging over me. I thought I had got over that particular urge but it is overpowering me today. I've just got to get through today ... nice bath and early night, me thinks, and hopefully I will wake up feeling a whole lot better tomorrow. I hope so. I feel like I'm fighting with myself here and its exhauting!!! ](*,) Sorry to be on such a downer folks. Reading all the posts on here is really helping me tho. Keep up all your good work. Oops today is actually day 9 - better than I thought!
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Lol same here. Day 8 I'm feeling more positive today. I didn't break NC yesterday, as I said I might do in my post, something kicked in and stopped me. I woke up this morning feeling different. I can't explain it but I certainly felt almost "normal". Most mornings when I wake up it takes a few seconds for reality to kick in ... and when it does, it hits me like a ten tonne truck. Today, however that truck didn't hit me. I even waited for it. However, I think its on its way now but its approaching me slower and with less effect. Oh who am I kidding its only Day 8. That truck will be there tomorrow waiting for me to wake up. It must have stopped off for breakfast somewhere this morning!!! PM Wow its got me. That bloody truck has hit. An image of my ex-boyfriend with someone else popped into my mind and there it was, ... that crushing feeling. I don't even know if he is seeing someone. I have my suspicions but I don't know and neither do I want to - just thinking that he is hurts enough. I knew it would get me in the end.
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Day 7 Looks like I'm going to break NC. Its been suggested on another thread that maybe, just maybe, writing a letter will help to claw things back. He had many issues with our relationship. Mostly created by me. He was very insecure and I never helped him through that - not enough anyway. I held back on my emotions until it was too late. I don't think writing a letter will help but if I don't try I may always regret this decision. It would take me back to day 1 but as I'm only at Day 7 its no "biggie" and at least I can head into NC knowing I have done all that I can to make him believe how I feel ... even if I too late which I suspect by his actions that I now am!!
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Agree. Just highlights what a good mood you were in.
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Only 7 days NC and you've already exchange numbers with one girl and arranged a date with another - not bad!! Its a start if nothing else and a lot further than most people get!! Your ex probably didn't give you a dirty look - it was probably shock or awkwardness. As for thinking you are taking longer to heal than most people - I think we would all say that. How we perceive situations depends a lot upon our emotions at the time.
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It seems to me that you have conquered the hardest part. The rest will all soon follow. Hang on in there. You've come so far already. Well done!!
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Day 6 Another rollercoaster of emotions. What am I really hoping that NC is going to bring? NC is meant to be all about taking time out for ourselves, evaluating our future, learning from the past in the hope that we will eventually be happy to move on. But aren't most of us really hoping that our ex's will want to contact, that NC suddenly makes them face the fact that we are really out of their lives? Aren't most of us hoping that, faced with this prospect, they will miss us. I guess thats what the 30 day No Contact Challenge is all about ... to go through all these emotions and hopefully come out of it with a different and better attitude towards being on our own than when we first started. I am in a dilema now. I posted a thread about my story and the general concensus was that I should write him a letter and that, due to the nature of the relationship, there may be some hope for us. But then I read a thread that quite clearly said that there was no point in contacting an ex. It all made perfect sense and after much deliberation I have decided that he knows how I feel, he knows I want him back. The ball is in his court now. I will be sticking with NC.
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This thread is brilliant ... and funny. Certainly helps vent feeling!!
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I agree. It was me that had major misgivings in the beginning of our relationship. It was me that messed things up because of this and it was me who then wanted things back the way they were when it all finally went wrong!! Whats done is done and there is no going back and when I finally manage to move on I will thank God that he had the strength to do what I didn't!!
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Thanks again Cat, I know I can do it. Philove: Same here, this time next year I want to have a new career and a new circile of friends and a new life!!
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Did I really write this post. Perhaps I should delete it. That doesn't sound like me and I am certainly not feeling that way today. Day 5 I am not doing at all well today. Perhaps it is because it is the weekend and I feel that I have nothing to get up for. Perhaps its just another day, another emotion. Our relationship was a long distance one so we had lots of contact over the phone, via text and MSN. Although we had become "friends" after certain issues plagued the relationship we still kept up a certain amount of contact (every 4 days or so) and, well, behaved as if we were still in a relationship. I can't do this though. I have been hanging on hoping that things will get back to the way they were before. He on the other hand probably sees it as more of an "arrangement" till one of us does move on. And the way I'm feeling - its more likely to be him. I can't hang around for that. I had to end the relationship. Although its only day 5 - its really been 2 weeks since we had "normal" contact. I miss him terribly, I want to hate him but I love him. I don't want Brad Pitt (lol). I want him. I'm rambling. Its helping!! The first thing I did this morning was to sign into ENA. These forums help. I take heart in knowing that I am not the only lost soul out there and I take inspiration from those who have stuck with NC and are moving on. It is a beautiful day again outside and I know he will be lapping up the sun, playing golf, enjoying life, as he has always done. Me, I will probably hide away and do nothing! Perhaps I will mow my lawn!!!! I'm rambling again.
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Yes I was outside enjoying the sunshine. It was nice to be out with a friend, by the beach, having lunch but it just made me think back to my holiday 3 weeks ago with my ex-boyfriend/good friend!!!
