Tanzi

How do you know this?

He’s not really bothering you though is he. I mean, he’s trying to stay anonymous.

Then don’t keep adding him. Okay, so to play Devil’s advocate ….. He may have thought you “ghosted” him. It sounds as though you reacted because you didn’t hear from him as soon as you thought you would. Maybe he still has a flicker of interest in you. Maybe he thought you liked him too and is confused as to why you blocked him. Why not take the bull by the horns and contact him. Otherwise, keep him blocked and don’t give him a second thought. If you don’t like him like that, none of this would bother you. This is only a big a deal as you make it. Text him or ignore him forever.

But did you really have a plan to marry? It doesn’t sound like you did … not until it was too late. I really am sorry you are going through this but it sounds as though she really tried over the last year to understand where the relationship was going (and who wouldn’t after 10 years) but you kept avoiding the question because you didn’t “want to share your future plan” with her. You are supposed to be on the same page as your partner with things like this. Instead you made her feel as though there wasn’t a future. She didn’t “jump” to any conclusions, she gave you plenty of opportunities over the last year to discuss your future plan but you basically pushed her further and further away. Now all you can do is respect her wishes. Give her the space she needs to sort through her thoughts and feelings. You owe her that much. She knows how you feel. The ball is in her court. Wait to see if she plays it back. Meanwhile, take some time for yourself and reflect on why you didn’t want to share your future plans with her. Maybe the space will give YOU an answer too.

Yes, this is the real him. It didn’t take long for his true colours to come out., did it. This is a sign of things to come … and it will likely get worse. He is insecure and jealous. He will end up trying to control you in an attempt to keep you all to himself. Don’t go there.

Well how did things end when you hung out? Did he say he’d text you or did you say you’d text him.

How do you know it’s a fake account or him? Has he tried to reconnect with you (apart from making a fake account that is). Just block him and don’t concern yourself with him.

I have to be honest, I didn’t read you’re entire post either. There is a lot there and it gets a bit confusing around the “he said/she said” part. If you don’t mind me saying, you could cut a lot of it out and we would still get the gist of things. You may get more more replies that way. Anyway, I read the first part and very quickly skimmed over the rest. I apologise if I have missed vital bits of information. All I can see here is a lot … and I mean A LOT … of drama amongst people who have never even met and haven’t even seen pictures of each other. (Why no pictures, surely you must be curious as to what each other looks like). You’re hurting over a man that you may not even be attracted to in the real world. I don’t know how old you are but this could be some much older predatory guy who is enjoying having two younger girls fighting over his affections. He lives locally. Why wouldn’t you have met yet? I’’m not sure COVID is a valid excuse anymore … besides you could have kept a safe distance. Regardless, no matter what the excuses are, no matter what picture he paints of this other woman, the second you realise there is someone else in the picture, it’s time to leave. It never brings anything other than trouble, heartache and confusion. There is no difference between you and this other woman (as you said), you are both kept at arms length no matter where you are. He is as real to her as he is to you … which is about as real as Daffy Duck btw. In fact, in your case there’s no reason to have not met yet so it’s actually LESS believable that this guys intentions towards you are real, where as there is the excuse of distance in her case. Something did catch my eye that I felt was a big fat lie and that was that she was in an “arranged” lesbian marriage. Is there such a thing? What I mean is, in cultures where they arrange marriages would they even allow, or at least agree with, same sex relationships, let alone marriages. And why would she be forced into a lesbian marriage if she isn’t a lesbian? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure someone is lying here. Hard to say who because, let’s face it, we don’t know who either of these people are. Too much too soon …. and all done via a screen! Not even real words have been spoken. It’s easy to leave this. Just close the lid of laptop!

It’s as simple as that.

Soooo, you didn’t single her out as being a special friend by getting her a birthday gift yet you expected to be treated as a special friend when it came to your housewarming which wasn’t even really a housewarming because you didn’t actually “want people to come over”. How is that a housewarming? I’m not sure what a “registry” is but I’ve got an idea and I’m pretty sure it’s not something people do for a housewarming. A wedding or engagement maybe - but a housewarming that isn’t even really a housewarming because you don’t want them in your house??!! Definitely not. Then after your friend actually went and got you a gift, no doubt as a peace offering, you told her that you wouldn’t contribute to another friend’s birthday present because you wanted to “focus on yourself financially”! Talk about double standards. You expect gifts yet you aren’t exactly very forthcoming when it comes to contributing to someone else’s gift, if at all. It sounds as though she was being genuine when she was asking you about the spa. I feel you’ve projected your own feelings here. It was childish of you to ignore her. Yes, you’re friendship sounds exhausting but I feel you are the one who is making it exhausting. You seem very self centred and entitled. All of the things you have mentioned shouldn’t even be issues at all. It’s a bit “me, me, me”.

So let me get this right …. you lie about a sin to prove your honesty?? Do you realise what you’ve even said there? Seriously, what are you on about? Who has been feeding you this rubbish? And surely if you had integrity you would be a good person. How does confessing a sin that isn’t even real equate to integrity …. Why are we even taking about sins anyway? I really don’t think you know what you are talking about. Not one bit of it makes any sense. integrity/ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. I don’t think anything you have shows integrity. Im struggling here, my brain can’t comprehend what it's reading. Well good luck with that. If you try pulling that, you’ll end up falling flat on your face. There’s a reason why he has hooked up with all these other women around you and hasn’t shown any inclination of doing so with you. He’s got his eyes on the sassy ladies who he can have fun times with, not the weak little mouse who’s going to cry all night!

Oh dear Lord, you really are going to try and pull the damsel in distress routine. Sorry but you’re talking a load of old ********!! You can’t manipulate someone into wanting you … and why on earth do you think a man would be attracted to someone who is weak, vulnerable, and crying compared to someone who is happy independent and fun to be around? That would make someone run a mile. Who wants to deal with that? And why do you think someone who appears to “not be able to control themselves” is more natural than someone who is genuinely being themselves. The mind boggles? You have this so, so, so very wrong.

Sorry, but what you’ve described here is nothing extraordinary or “unexpected”. You’ll read something like this everyday on eNA. You liked his photos he liked yours, you got talking (nothing extraordinary there), he ghosted you, you then decided you liked him. This is all predictable stuff.

You do realise that is every teenage girls dream, right? Not with this unknown band, I know, but still ...... Besides, I thought you said you didn't want anything serious. That's quite serious and it would be a big leap for him also, given his lifestyle of choice at the moment. With that in mind, the best you would achieve here is a hook up. You are a love-struck fan living in a fantasy and wanting a fairy tale ending, he is living in the real world ... and in the real world he just wants to hook up with as many girls as possible. You aren't even in the same story, let alone the same page. I would like to know what these actions, phrases and sentences are? Do you really think that is all it takes? What has actually happened here is they have done something (nothing spectacular) that has made you notice them (and they, you) and from there nature has taken it's course. You've already done that. All you can now is keeping on being you. If he continues to not be interested in you then there really isn't anything you can do to change that. There really, really isn't.

No, what’s pathetic (sorry to say) is the fact that you have this teenage fantasy in your head where you think there’s a magic phrase or action that will spellbound a guy into wanting you and giving up his current lifestyle. What you’ve done before is to get someone to notice you, from there nature has taken it’s course. You’ve got this guy to notice you, you’ve got him to know who you are - and good on you for doing that - but if he doesn’t want to take it any further then there ain’t nothing you can do about it. If we could actually spellbound a guy into wanting us, don’t you think every girl at a One Direction concert would have tried it! Please, for your sake, grow up. This guy is living his best life at the moment with no intentions of giving it up anytime soon and (in your words) has no romantic feelings towards you. The fact that you can’t accept that and seem to think there’s a way to make him fall for you (though as an expert already you don’t know how - so how are we supposed to know) is at best, immature and, at worst, plain bizarre. This isn’t flirting you’re talking about, it’s a miracle you’re after. If it were that easy to get someone to fall for you, all our prayers would be answered! It’s time to put your big girl pants on and set your sights on guys who are ready, willing and available to date. There’s no reason why you can’t still go and see the band ….. but as grown up who enjoys their music as opposed to a teeny bopper hooked on the fantasy that the lead singer is going to fall for her. Honestly, do you not know how all this sounds to us?

Well the chances are he is sleeping with his ex when you’re “off” anyway, so ……. You’ve lost respect for him, he has never respected you. I really don’t think there is a future here … or at least a healthy one anyway. Don’t you think it’s time you cut your losses.

That’s because you’re playing a kids game. This is the real world honey, not Camp Rock. Seriously though, what can we say that you haven’t already thought of? Do you think we all have some jiggery pokery up out sleeves where we can just pull out a magic trick and get someone to fall in love with us. Honestly, there really isn’t anything you can do other than get him to notice YOU … and it will be YOU he falls for, not your fluttering eyelashes or damsel in distress act or your pheromone spray or your rhetoric of poetry. You are lost in a pure fantasy. If it were that easy then don’t you think we would all be doing that to our “victims”.

The trouble is, although OP said she doesn’t want anything “so serious”, she also said she wanted a real relationship with him … and, well, this guy doesn’t seem as though he wants a real relationship at this stage in his life. To be honest, it sounds as though he’s making the most of being single and adored by so many. If she were just looking for a hook up then I’d be inclined to agree with you but I actually do believe she has a fairy tale romance in mind.

Well that's a bit of a conundrum .... you want a guy you can chase but once you've got him, you will no longer need to chase him .... so, what then? At the end of the day this guy is living the rock star life style and is happy hooking up with girls so not only is it going to be hard to get his attention amongst all the other girls/groupies throwing themselves at him but it's going to be even harder to lock him into something more than a hook up or ONS. He's noticed you, he knows who you are, he is friendly towards you .... there isn't anything more you can do. He most likely knows that you are into him so if he wanted to take it further, he would already.

EDIT: just read Wiseman’s post above. Response not necessary. Scoobi, why don’t you start your own thread? I’m sure you’ll get responses.

Yeah, he’s crossing an ethical line. Maybe he’s realised that and has backed off.

Well, it could be that she is just excited about the game.

Maybe they haven’t been back on since you’ve matched …. Or maybe they are already speaking with someone else 🤷‍♀️

I wish there was answer for this. It would heal so many broken or lost hearts. What you are asking for is a magic spell. All you can do is be YOU. You don’t have to do anything extraordinary. If it’s worked before then it will work again … with the right guy … whoever that may be.

Then this is not the guy for you.