Dilly
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Everything posted by Dilly
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A pregnancy test should tell you as soon as one day after your first missed menstrual period. I would go buy a couple and test. That's the best anybody can offer you.
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I've read that the emotional pain from abortion is worse and has far more long-term effects when relationships end over it. Take that for what it's worth.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE PIE!!! May this be a new year for you and a very fresh start! Let those pretty flowers on your desk be a reminder that after a cold winter spell, seeds of love sprout into the most gorgeous blossoms! AND that's what little BTR is going to do for you! I'm very proud of you, VERY VERY PROUD!!! GO YOU, BTR! As for this weekend with your child's paternal grandmother, let it all go. She may not be on your side (even though you think she is, she really may not be).
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Hey Choco, I can tell you this much! My current flame has gigantic warm hands, is 6'3", and it's quite easy to find myself in a dream state with him. He opens doors for me (insists on it at times), but for the love of God, the man can not even pay his own bills half the time, is not understanding when it comes to many personal distresses that involve other people (he blames me constantly for not being understanding enough, being tempermental, etc), and really is much more of a friend than a protector. Just so you know, I used to say the same thing about feeling safe in his arms. My dad asked me three years ago when I should have split why I was with him and I told him that I liked the way it felt to be in his arms. My dad almost got sick about that because even though I wanted to be with him, it was the worst reason to stay. The man insists on openning doors to restaurants for me, but couldn't pay for his own dinner or open my car door to let me in/out. Sickening. All I'm saying is that this has tought me so much. When I was with my first-ever boyfriend, I had this dream that his hands were not big enough. This was when I was 22 or 23 (22). I broke up with him, not even remembering the size of his hands and made my way over to my future husband, whose hands were decent and normally sized for his height. Nonetheless, I was so stupid to think along those lines. I told you how my boyfriend was freaked when we were together at first. Well, he was coming out of a marriage with a woman who was 5'7" or 5'9" and I'm 6'0", and not a dainty 6'0". I have long slender arms, legs, and fingers, but I can haul lumber with the best of them. I am quite strong and very proud of that. You're probably right when you say taht you are used to a certain set of dimensions. FYI, my 5'6" girlfriend/coworker has a 6'6" husband and she was laughing this weekend in sharing that she couldn't even look up at him while dancing because her neck hurt so bad. She said their size differential is a major thorn in her side. Nonetheless, I caution you against putting stock in size because in my experience, it has led me astray. Just go into this with an open mind - that's all I can say.
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What is the purpose of boots? What is the purpose of curls, earrings, boob implants?
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Oh hell no! I'm 6'0" and look, I addressed this in the other thread, but it's so funny how some people feel awkward around you when you are towering over them. In fact, I FEEL AWKWARD towering over people when they are already short, but only if THEY are avoiding me. I had one man (60 or so) look at me and smirk once when I wore tall shoes. I get the reaction that it's ridiculous to wear tall shoes, but... that's just because THEY have the hang-ups. If my date tells me not to wear heels, I get irritated and may accommodate their wishes initially, but in the end, I become quite the rebel, because heels are sexy and I'm not going to deprive myself of looking sleek because someone else is more comfy with my looking frumpy! WHATEVER is my attitude even though initially I'm accomodating. I wouldn't let it slide without comment and I look at it as THEIR PROBLEM, not mine. I have so much respect for people, especially short guys, when they go out of their way to show me my height is not an issue for them. They do this by turning their bodies directly to you, maintaining a high posture, and looking you straight in the eye. There are many subjective hints taht a dude has an issue with height, usually the darting of eyes, shirking away posture, or even avoidance. Anyway, we are all entitled to our preferences. I just prefer to be entitled to wear heels. Even though I don't dawn them often, I want to when I want to and that's that! My ex-husband was like three inches shorter than me at our wedding when I had 6" heels on. I was the star of my own wedding, just like I should have been, eh?
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My ex and current flame LOVE it when I wear heels. I don't know why but they were about the same height and since I rarely put on the ritz, I think they enjoy the aspect of dressing up that has me getting MORE attention. I play/dumb down my height because it's comfortable to dress down, but when I dress up (figuratively and literally), they love it, likely because of reasons that have nothing to do with height. I can honestly say that my current boyfriend likes the fact that it makes me a little bit of a standout, more unique and thus, makes him more unique. Anyway, who knows what goes through our minds... when we dissect each other based on various characteristics that we find attractive or unattractive. Take it all as a whole, that's all I can say. When my current flame had an issue with my height initially (when we were naked no less, and I was just thinking how lucky he was to have me in his arms - I know, who's cocky now), he told me my height intimidated him. That freaked me out because my ex- LOVED tall women, especially me. Well, my current got over it and now, looks twice at the tall ladies. All I'm saying is keep an open mind. It's always natural to try to eliminate (elimiDATE) people based on the this-or-thats but really, best to let each relationship run the course and see how the interaction works out.
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Height is the issue under discussion and as a general issue, it gets a general response. Nonetheless, I have known some short cocky guys who can be hell to deal with, not to date, but to accommodate!
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Love ya, Dako! And you know it!
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Sorry... but come on, if you counted all the passes you got vs. this one very rare hit for being tall, you wouldn't think twice about my comment. For those tall and unproud, own up to your free passes. Height is by and large (pardon the pun) a major one-up. Besides Dako, from what I've read, you've had NO PROBLEMS getting your share of the ladies! A short guy your age might have half the experience as you. No offense meant to you, but seriously, let me give the shorties a pat on the back and offer one tiny drawback to the big and blessed.
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I truly hope you didn't get a surprize visit by that boy last night or that he somehow influenced you to miss out on work today. He is a nuissance and nothing would surprize me - the idea crosses my mind that he may have even driven to your house (last night, but not on New Year's???) to break through the emotional barrier that you rightfully erected. Hang in there, BTR. Let us know how you're doing?!
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GOd, I'm so glad you followed your instincts and I agree wholeheartedly with you!!!
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Holy Moly, Choco, I din't realize it was you!!! You have helped me on many posts. No, no, please don't take me the wrong way. I don't want to scold or chastize you for your preferences. You are entitled to them. But please continue to do what you are doing and question them.
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Dude, get off your high horse, no offense. I'm 6'0" and I HATE how tall guys get a free pass. They shouldn't. Short guys get overlooked and it's really sad. I don't feel I suffer from all the biases that you might imagine for being tall because well, lots of models are tall, but if a short guy was comfortable in my presense and bone to bone, we were the same (like femur to femur), I would have no hesitation about bedding a short dude. Not a problem. I've found that many lack the ego drawbacks that tall guys prance around with and hey, if you find that attractive, then maybe he's not your dude. But I am so tired of big ego's and really long for sensitive, funny, and humble.
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He's a freakin' loser. I agree with Hope - he is so predictable and pathetic and you're right, nothing more than a "little boy". Let that little boy go get himself dirty in the pond of life and like a homeless child, let him stay that way until he finds his own way home. BTR, hopefully this will be a pivotal moment in his life when he has to figure out how to map his way out of the mess he made. DO NOT help him in any way from this point on, not emotionally either. He is angling for anythign he can get from you and always keep in mind how he told you he likes it when you cry because he can see you still care. The whole biz about leaving on your birthday, HA! Do I ever know how that feels! What a punk move by a desperado! I'm a bit worked up, you owe him NOTHING! Your mind, conscience, heart, and soul should all be at peace. Rest well, BTR. You owe him nothing, your son owes him nothing, and you should now begin focussing on seeing the lawyer and tying any loose ends. BE DONE WITH HIM! I'm into giving people chances, but the way he manipulates you (OR TRIES TO, more like) are a peephole into his psyche. His pscyche is a scarry place and I wouldn't ever be able to trust him. Maybe I'm venting from my own personal experiences with this type of man!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Haven't read all the posts yet, but wait till they do a background check. Nobody respectable is going to want a dude with a criminal record. I wouldn't hire someone with a criminal record. Plus the drug test. He will not even come close to getting a decent job. He might have the qualifications, but he doesn't have a good, clean paper record. He looks on paper like he looks to us, a total mess.
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Impose away, thanks for the lovely reminder!!!
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How do you feel? Nervous? Mixed feelings? Hopeful that he might leave/stay? Fact is, he could make things work RIGHT WHERE HE IS AT! But if he goes, there are more pro's than cons. You both get your lives back and hopefully, though not likely, he could get his in order. He is always going to want to party though and honestly, he will lose his job to his love of the night life.
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WOW! He did exactly what they said he would! He is trying to put all the decision-making (hence, guilt) regarding his future in your hands when really, he has done nothing to improve the stability of your relationship. Fun and games, that's all it's been and how dare he ask you if you are sure it's his! I think you handled it perfectly. He's a timebomb and he will probably leave, but you haven't heard the end of this! Trust me. He will be back, and he will up the anne.
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Yes, I'm so glad to be going through this during the winter, as well, BTR! LOL. Hang in there.
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Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry! You know, I was so happy for you when I read your story and how you and your husband were committed to raise this child no matter what. YOu don't know the results yet, so relax and meditate. The tears and stress can not be helpful. As much is possible, focus on something positive right now. ((((HUGS))))
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I agree with all posts above. It's gamey at best. If he does get the job, consider it a momentary lapse in chaos and choose peace. He will be back and that's not a promise of peace, but drama. To see the future, judge from the past. Has he EVER once been stable? Even if he leaves, it's likely because he's burned all of his bridges and really to maintain his crazy lifestyle, he wants to leave to find new victims willing to be his next chump. He will burn bridges there, too, and even if he does get his life together, he will respect you more for not caving in. Since you are essentially starting a life-long relationship with R- now that you will be having a child together, laying the ground rules is the best way to re-zero the relationship and put it back to a good starting position. You owe him nothing, but respect for being your child's father, and that respect should only manifest in the way you treat each other, but if he violates your space, etc, you can show him respect by distancing yourself and not subjecting your little boy to it.
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I hope this doesn't sound arrogant but I think I would, mainly because I'm honest, energetic, and smart. But I might intimidate myself at times and that would not be relaxing, it'd be a little intense, but I think it'd be a fine experience with lots of green pastures.
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You may have luck contacting the following societies in Canada for guidelines. Often, these societies issue algorithms for therapy and can be tremendously resourceful! the Association of Professors of Gynecology and Obstetrics1 (APGO), the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada2 (SOGC), the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists3 guidelines (ACOG), MOTHERISK (Hospital for Sick Children, Toronto), REPROTOX, the National Organization for Rare Disorders (NORD) and The March of Dimes. By inquiring from one person to the next about their personal experience, you will get anecdotal information and that is certainly not a high level of reliability when it comes to scientific method. But sometimes very helpful.
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I work for a pharmaceutical company and as such, we are limited in the provision of medical information. However, I can tell you that in the States, the drugs are classified by pregnancy category. You probably already know this, but this website is quite helpful: link removed Having said this, in MANY cases, it is "unethical" to administer medication to a pregnant woman if the benefits of treatment to not exceed the risks of therapy to the mother and child. That's a clinical judgment call and while it may vary from one doc to the next, it's most often going to be a gray area. Often, a health care professional (friend, relative, or even one in the doc's office you frequent) can call the manufacturer of the medication you are taking and inquire about any information on use of this agent in pregnancy. The information the drug company provides will vary depending on their disclosure policies, but my company provides a good bit of information and many companies have pregnancy registries in which they collect ongoing safety information to ascertain safety of various medications according to post-marketing reports. Just a thought. From what I've read though about diclectin in the following website, link removed it appears to be indicated for prevention of Nausea and/or Vomitting in pregnancy. It's basically a vitamin (B6) which doesn't translate into the more, the better by the way. According to link removed, the following is true: "The use of Diclectin® as first line therapy for NVP is supported by many medical organizations: the Association of Professors of Gynecology and Obstetrics1 (APGO), the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada2 (SOGC), the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists3 guidelines (ACOG), MOTHERISK (Hospital for Sick Children, Toronto), REPROTOX, the National Organization for Rare Disorders (NORD) and The March of Dimes. Diclectin® alleviates the symptoms of NVP while improving quality of life and the ability to conduct activities of daily living. Diclectin® delayed release formula and dosing schedule provides 24-hour control of symptoms of nausea and/or vomiting. This may prevent the disease to progress to a more serious condition called hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). HG is characterized by severe nausea and vomiting, dehydration, metabolic disturbances and weight loss, that could lead to hospital admission." As for the cutting and medications to treat that - hmmmmmm, antidepressents and antianxiety medications do present a systemic sequence of side effects and I would certainly proceed with extreme caution.