Dilly
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Everything posted by Dilly
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Man, I really need a big car!!! Sorry about your Gramps, Muffin!!! Hope he gets better soon!!!!
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I totally agree!!!
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Great points, BTR. You can't be everything to everyone. R- expects too darn much! Nonetheless, pretty great reaction to your New year's don't ya think! HAHA!!! I wonder if he's the type to think well-she-had-fun, my-turn-now, only twice the serving.
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He is so manipulative, it's amazing! He is trying the nice-guy routine! His arguments are so ridiculous and stupid. It's all about what YOU can do for HIM! What does he expect you to do, abort the baby NOW? What an indecent thing to suggest you are trying to get at him, like you have so little self-esteem. He's power-hungry and likes pushing you around. He likes emotionally abusing you and I think he would be that way with your son. He has been emotionally abusive to his daughter (the surfboard thing was just his way to get her to cry). What a jerk! The good thing is that it's so easy to see through him. He's stifled. His maneuvers will work less and less on you because he isn't even mastering the art of manipulation. He is either trying to guilt you by bullying you or playing the victim in life (bully roles change from you, his boss, his ex-wife, everyone but him). He has two modes, so easy to predict. Did you ever find out exactly what he did on New Years? I wouldn't talk to him until I knew. I would so have him drug-tested if he's serious about wanting you back. If he's serious, get him tested every time he takes a hiatus out of your life. Three days - he could still get tested now prolly. Anyway, hair testing would tell such an amazing story. Don't they test hair?
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Man, that turned out perfectly. God, you really are handling it most perfectly.
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I care alot about you and really can't stand he called you in your own weak moment, and you were so scared of losing him your hands were shaking. Man!!! Been there, trust me, know it. I know what's going on. POOR THING!!! HUGS
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OK, I just now read this post. YES, it's absolutely nothing more than an excuse to see you. He's a bully and a coward. A bully when he wants to push you (either away or towards something he wants) and a coward when he's scared of losing you and the sad thing is ... you let him off the hook (no accountability for New Years or his ugliness). You are nice and easy and that's probably putting a huge smile on his hangover-induced face. What, did the girl he just slept with go to her job (whatever that is) today? I'm sorry, BTR, but I am beginning to HATE your stupid boyfriend.
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NO, why are YOU bringing it to HIM??? WHY??? I know the site you are talking about and he is an idiot trying to tell you that's why he called. He called and is hiding behind this lame excuse, that he needs something from you? He should own up to it and tell you he's sorry, that he wanted to call because he feels badly. But instead, demands are placed with sugar coatings to get you to jump through hoops. He should COME SEE YOU! YOU do not owe him a trip accross town. He's such a punk! Do you want to see him? Also, regarding custodial hearings, are custodial issues with other children permissable to address in the courtroom?
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CONGRATS! Now, make sure the next little lovemaking session involves protection from STD's and unwanted pregnancy! GOOD LUCK!
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Agree completely with Hope. You know, I have kept an open mind about R, but it's closed now. I say move on. Turn over a new leaf. He's really exercised his last chance with you and now in the new year, you have a ton of possibilities before you and you certainly have us. I hope that is more consolation than might seem with anonymous forums, but still, we really all want the best for you and little baby boy. You're going to be fine. See the lawyer, talk about what ammunition R- will have against you and what you have against him. Calling him would only lead to continued codependence. What do you get from him, other than the false fancy that he's a dedicated loving boyfriend. He is when he wants to be, but not when you need him to be. Isn't he an atheist? The idea that he did lines off that verse is sort of sickening and disrespectful or maybe his true love is the line of drug he uses. He's like a sitcom character that people want to see the downfall of.
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Agree with Ilse... since your periods are so irregular too, hopefully you are not pregnanct and perhaps these are merely symptoms of how vulnerable you are to hormonal change (pill). Hoping your not and if you are, that you will start prenatals asap and make a decisive move.
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But in spite of my last comment, I do know you love him and that he is the baby's father and you can't change that. I don't want you or your baby to feel or be vulnerable to his vices (addictions, tempers, impulsive behaviors, manipulation, manipulation, manipulation, lies, and laziness). Know that you are no captive and you owe him nothing and follow the path your on and see a lawyer.
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Like Scarew, I'm also proud of you! You are a wonderful person with a great head on her shoulders and a ton of desirable qualities!!! You don't need to worry about R gaining custody, but you should talk to a lawyer at some point before the child is born. A month should be alright if you land a good one right off the bat. Don't call him. YOu did hang up on him, but he was trying to worm his way into the junkie hole again. I'm beginning to think that's where he belongs since that's where he seems most happy and stable, at the bottom of the pit. Let him be. He'll swagger back to you sooner than late. And when he does, don't give him the time of day if he starts laying into you for how you hung up on him. He's so not worth your love.
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I agree with Beec, as always! But I think there is sort of a race to the court to sue for custody, is there not? I mean, if he files first in his county, will she not have to get a lawyer to go there? If she files first in her county, will he not have to get a lawyer there?
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What cycle length do you normally have? Are you clockwork? Do you know what day you had sex and when your last period started? Do you know what day you are due for your period. Usually, if you have a 28 day cycle, you are vulnerable to conceive from days 11- 20, but usually around 14 days after the first day of your last menstrual period. Everything you are describing could be due to any of the three issues you are identifying: 1) stress 2) pregnancy 3) change of pill.
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Like Axel said, take the test when you can, usually 1-2 days after missed period. The experiences you describe could have been due to a change of the pill, which usually requires a reliable back up method (condom, etc) for the first month, stress (breakups and seasonal blues are common this time of year), and early pregnancy. Don't flip out, just take the test? When is your period due?
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I'm not suggesting we start a custody thread, because if anyone in Robert's family knew I visited this site and my identity, they would go straight to the thread. Anyway, I'm glad you see him clearly now!!! You could acquire evidence in the meantime if you had any inside friends that could do a little recording. I know this is very sly, but so is he and he DOES NOT deserve any rights to custody. Alternatively, you could give the police a heads up if you knew when he might be partying next. I know this is really callous, and I'm not sure I could do this, or that I would. I honestly don't think I could because it's so deceptive. But what are your other choices if he is going to deny it? oops... guesss the post above wasn't a duplicate... just deleted it. But there it is above.
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I wish we had a thread strictly on custody. I have also been advised NOT to put the name of the father on the birth certificate. And not to give the baby my boyfriend's last name. But you know, I have heard from other lawyers that THAT is not always smiled upon by the courts. Some judges look at that non-disclosure by the mother as a nasty little sign that they are hiding the truth or that they were promiscuous and slept around. I don't know, may be worth asking a lawyer.
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If he moves, he can't take the baby with him and he will have to pay his own way to visit the child.
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You have every right to demand supervised visitation, if he gets visitation at all. Courts dont' tolerate drug use. You also need to keep your nose clean as a whistle from drugs/alcohol/shady friends. These situations can escalate into removal of the child from both parents if you both have a dirty record. He CAN be drug-tested. I'd talk to a lawyer immediately and refrain from any verbal committments to his mother or anyone else until you know more. You're going to have all rights to custody no matter what. All you have to do is keep doing what you're doing and keep him at arm's legnth. Glad it's over. Maybe he can get back into shape with his life, but doing that on New Year's Eve, it's apparent his priorities are partying and gallylagging! Split!
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Would you want him to go away? I honestly would at this point.
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Hope you hit it on the head!
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It really sux he left you in that state of mind. His excuse will be that you hung up on him. I wouldn't have given him that out. I wouldn't have wanted him to be able to fall back onit. It's just really tumbling out of control, now, isn't it? He is such a schizophrenic in terms of his addiction to sex, drugs, and laziness. I really think you're better off without the dead weight. What will you do if he calls you?
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She may be struggling with something, a decision that is very difficult for her, and she may not have felt she was in a forum to discuss it when surrounded by your friends. Yes, she is troubled, find comfort in that if it's there for the taking, but don't get your hopes up yet. She is probably expecting you to call her after hearing about the interactions last night. She knows they are aligned with you, period.
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