NCTuskie

How many of us have them,lol. My ex and I have been broken up for exactly two weeks (this hour to be exact). In that time I've been talking to a lot of friends, getting a lot of advice, etc. Although they have been great with getting me through this, whenever I sit and think about the situation, deciphering the input from my friends is about as hard as trying to think about the relationship with my girlfriend. How much stock do you put into what your friends say?

One girl I was going with... I dumped her for a variety of reasons (drug use being the major one)... and interestingly enough I initiated NC... I cut her her off for two solid months. She called, texted, IM'd and emailed me for several days, which stopped after two weeks or so. After about three weeks of NC on her part, I got weak (and drunk) and called her up. We reconciled... and we're even doing the "good friends thing" now. I think both of us realize that a relationship wouldn't work (I don't think we had anything outside of a sexual relationship anyway). But it was when she stopped calling that made me wonder. I thought I was her everything, yadda, yadda, yadda. While I'm on the recieving end of being dumped, I'm sticking with NC. Knowing that I have been the dumper before, and still made contact with my ex's who I did not feel very strongly about... gives me some hope. Not necessarily in terms of getting back together, but maybe opening some dialouge.

I concur with JGirl... as a "dumper", more so than the dumpee (as I am right now). No contact does do a lot for the dumper. It's a pretty well established fact that incessant phone calls, text messages, and emails do nothing except cement our reasons for ending the relationship in the first place. I often felt whether or not I did the right thing or not. To stroke my own ego, I called once or twice to check up. Most of the time they have moved on (I tend to cut relationships early when I feel it's going nowhere), and there are no hard feelings. I've only had two instances where I've never heard from the ex again.

I guess I need to vent... It's been therapeutic reading the threads on here. In all honesty I thought what I was going through was unique to me and my situation (as silly as that sounds), and I didn't believe there could be anybody else experiencing the same pain that I have. To an extent, lurking and reading has been extremely helpful. When I stumbled upon this site and read about NC, I was already a few days into it with my current ex, but I had never ever seen it written down to eloquently by those on this forum. NC had been something I'd learned on my own from past relationships. With my current situation, I've been able to deal with it in a way that I've never been able to deal with these situations before... experience I guess. This isn't the first time, and when it all went down everything I went through seemed like protocol. For the record this is the 3rd break up I've had that has left me this emotionally damaged. Of the three, this is the one I had the vested the most into, and had the strongest emotional attachment. The other two ended as a result of cheating (one girl got married the next weekend), but I moved on. Looking back on those relationships I could see where my inexperience with dating left me where I was. So I was cautious. After the second failed attempt, I learned to stop looking at every female as a potential "Mrs. Right", and just go with it. After taking time for myself, I began dating again. I did have fun, but I enjoyed being single that much more. When relationships would end during this phase of my life, I was elated to be free once again. Of course I would miss the company and companionship of the opposite sex, but I always learned something else from it. But I felt that I was slowly being seducted by the dark side of dating. It wasn't too long before "I would love them and leave them". While the satisfaction was only temporary, the disgust I felt with myself lasted longer. So it was back to the bachelor life, which I was glad to be a part of. But I did feel more confident. In a way, I carried myself in a "I'm here, but I don't really need this" way. A lot of ladies went for it (instead of having them pointlessly hang on, I would let them go hopefully before they got hurt). When I met my present ex, she took me away from that person, into the loving and caring guy who had his heart broken before. I was afraid of being that guy again, but I didn't want to be the way I used to be again. I felt confident that this was going to be it, and I had really found what I was looking for. 4 months later I'm dealing with heartbreak #3. I do think my past experiences in being the way I used to be, has helped me a lot. Mentally I know what I need to do in order to move on, but my heart is telling me otherwise. For example, in past relationships it would take an act of congress for me to remove photo's, letters, anything that reminded me of her. Now it's just a matter of protocol- five minutes of work, and a shoebox and the deed is done. Does it hurt any less? No. But it was just what I needed to do. It's Day 10 into the breakup. If this were me 8 years ago, I would be an emotional trainwreck still. I still have my moments, but I'm getting by better than I thought. Just needed to vent a little.

A few relationships ago, the girl I was dating called me about noontime. She was upset. She told me that she didn't feel right being with me, because she had just left a relationship with a man, who she dated for over a year. She said that she didn't feel like she could "give me her all", and she said that I deserved more than that, blah, blah, blah. In all honesty I was glad to hear her say that, because I was growing tired of her, and I thought that she needed to have some time for herself before jumping into a relationship. BUT I KNEW that she would make up for me within a week. She made up within 6 hours. I eventually broke it off a month later. Fast forward to today, I almost received the exact same conversation from my present ex. Except this time I've been desperately waiting for her to call back to make up. Hasn't happened yet.

I'm in the same situation, and it sucks when women can't deal with that. To me it sucks, because sometimes I feel like I should stop treating them like that, and maybe by causing a little drama I can keep them around. But deep down inside I'm not that kind of person. Hang in there, I'm with you.

Hello all, Last Sunday, my GF called me up and told me she needed space... Just a little background. We've been dating for four months, I'm Navy, and she was enlisting in the Army active duty. We had about a month together before I left for two months of training. Fortunately my training site was close to her, and I visited on weekends. We had about another month of that before she left for basic training. She also has two kids, but didn't push them on me. I stepped in, to help out on my own, and I can honestly say that she never used the kids as leverage. A lot of what I did for them was purely voluntary, and she never asked a thing from me. A big mistake: The "honeymoon" was very fast and whirlwind. We had a great deal in common (same backgrounds, same goals and ambitions). Of course the biggest hurdle was her upcoming enlistment into the Army. She was the first to bring up the subject of marriage. Knowing it would be beneficial for her, the kids, and myself, I went along with it. We agreed on a JP ceremony at the courthouse, along with a Prenup. We both agreed this was for "Army" purposes only, and would set a date for the "real" wedding when the time was right. If it wouldn't work out, then we both would leave without the financial fallout from a divorce. At least that was the plan. I never pushed along the relationship. I allowed her to move it at her own pace. All I did was initate the first kiss. thereforeeee I felt confident her feelings for me where mutual if not greater. After she left for basic training, she wrote me constantly. I wrote when I could while I was in training, and sent her care packages when time could afford me to do so. Finally the day came when she graduated. It was one of the proudest days of my life to see her march accross the parade grounds in her uniform. Now she's in AIT training for the US Army (boot camp style training, but with more freedom). At this point, we were able to resume regular communication via phone/text messaging. Last Sunday she text me, telling me that she's been "emotionally confused". I asked her to explain, and she said that she did not want to rush into a marriage for the wrong reasons. That left me more confused because I was not the one who brought it up nor pushed it (I know I'm wrong for letting it go on). To make a long story short she "needed her space" to figure things out and get herself together. As far as us she wanted to be friends. My first instinct was to leave her alone, and start doing my own thing. No marriage meant a slim chance of us being together physically, and I wasn't prepared to deal with a Long Distance Relationship. The next morning I had a change of heart, and sent her a few text messages letting her know I still cared about her and would do whatever it takes to make it work. Later that day I wrote a letter, explaining how I felt. That was the last time I heard from her, and I haven't attempted to make contact either. I'm glad to give her what she needs to get her life together. While I'm not nor ever was prepared to get married- really married, I won't entertain that. If she wants to pick up where we left off, I'd consider that but be cautious. But for now NC, and focusing on myself. A week has gone by, and I feel better. I still have moments, but I've been to removing anything that reminds me of her from my enviornment.

In a past relationship the ended really ugly, I would see my ex everywhere on-line. It sucked. So what did I do? I unplugged the net for a whole month. Didn't even check work related email. When my month was up, my net time decreased (still has), I rarely surf (unless I have absolutely nothing to do), and I didn't have the urge to check up on my ex. Well actually I still had the urge, but it was easier to put the net away. Hope that helps.

After 4 months my GF, gave me the "I need some time/space" speech. The next day I sent a few text messages, a letter (and coincidentally sent a card the day before the break up), and a voicemail, no reply from her. Later in the week talked with her cousin, started to talk about her, but we spent the rest of the conversation talking about everything except her. After reading this forum, I've decided to continue with NC. The situation is somewhat unique. She is active duty in the military, and will be going off to her assignment probably in August or September (I'm a drilling reservist). We originally planned on living together, but that idea is shot for now. Before I met her I was planning on leaving the state for a job (and more or less a hobby) halfway accross the country. Because my situation allows for more flexibility, I put that on hold to pursue the relationship. Now that we're apart, my first thought in "moving on" was to complete my original goal. Although I would like to continue the relationship, I want to go on with my life. I feel that waiting for her assignment to come through would not be good for my own mental health, and the healing. But I still would put what we had before the move- does that make sense?