NCTuskie
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Everything posted by NCTuskie
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Not yet, I know I need to.
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It was about two weeks before I received some contact. I never contacted them, only returned messages (didn't even return phone calls). About a month into me holding up my end of NC, I got the ol' "I miss you". After that I dropped the hammer and told her that she needed to call someone else the next time she was lonely. I haven't heard anything in almost three weeks since then, but I'm pretty sure she'll stick her nose back around.
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As a rule... I don't do ex-sex. Even if I was the one who initiated the break, and I definitely refuse to do it with someone who broke it off with me.
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I don't believe in "The One" anymore. I think you just find somebody who's less psychotic, more tolerable, and easier to deal with than the last "one".
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Stop Looking for it and it will come. But there's a catch.
NCTuskie replied to Imperceptible's topic in Dating Advice
AMEN!!! When I met my ex, I was not looking for love, romance, or even a relationship. I was busy "getting myself together" from my previous relationships. Everything seemed to be going good, and she didn't need me anymore. So now my attitude is pretty much f*** it all. -
I understood that it might close the door when I sent it. But I couldn't allow myself to be strung along until then. If she wants to get back together, she's going to have to put in some work.
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I'm back from two weeks of training. I was alone, out of communication with the outside world, and alone with my thoughts. I didn't think about her very much at all. It felt good. I didn't start thinking about her until I got home. I felt a little down, but hopefully I'll be changing my situation soon. Nothing from her yet, but I don't find myself looking at the phone constantly like I was before I left for training.
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Easier said than done in the present. After this weekend, we're going to have two weeks without any chance of contact with each other. Then we may have a chance to talk after that.
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Despite her reply, do you think she got the message? Nothing lost in translation?
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The text should have said, "the next time you're feeling lonely, need tennis shoes, or want theme park tickets, call somebody else"
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I think we'll have the oppourtunity pretty soon, especially when she gets out of training. Until then I don't want to play the "where's my tennis shoes, can I get some tickets, I miss you" games.
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*for background check threads that have been started under my SN* The other night my ex sends me a text message, "I miss u, (my name)!" The next day she calls, starts small talk, and I finally asked what she meant by her text message. She said, "well it's true. I miss you, and I was feeling lonely". I just said, "okay" and moved on. The conversation ended shortly thereafter. Afterwards I was mad. I wanted to call back and tell her never to call me with that nonesense again. But I didn't. I slept on it. Today I grabbed the phone and sent the following text... "the next time you're feeling lonely, call somebody else". It felt good. I hope I've finally cut the cord. She replied back with "what? Ok"
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Got a text last night out of the blue that read, "I miss you, (my name)!" I guess this NC/LC stuff really works. After her first text a few weeks ago, I knew it was a matter of time. I simply replied with "Ok. Well we need to talk later."
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She asks me about tickets to a theme park. I already had them printed out and ready to go, and we were going to take the kids when she graduated from AIT. Since they were free... I didn't lose anything. Instead of calling me herself, she sends her mother to call about the tickets. I give her the website, and tell her it's self-explanatory how to get them. Her mother didn't say anything about me tagging along. It pissed me off because going there was my idea, and I knew how to get the tickets. But since they're free... I guess I'm not losing out on anything.
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A lot of the information I've been reading, in regards to moving on and healing after a break, mentions getting back into the dating game as soon as possible as part of the process. How important is dating? Now that I'm free... I've been moving on with "The Plan", the one that I made before I met my current ex. If I act on those, I intend on taking myself out of the dating game for a while (2 to 3 years). There are goals that I want to achieve in the military and personally, that I couldn't when I was with someone. Now that I'm single, I'm tracking again. When I do decide that I have time for dating again... will I still be dealing with the emotitional baggage and scars left over from my last relationship? Will I have to put in time on the dating scene to heal in my romantic life again?
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I think with every relationship it's always a case of "I'm too good for him/her", "he/she is too good for me", or "we were made for each other". I think in every relationship... to a degree there is always going to be some imbalance, whether it's social, economical, physical, or emotional. I too tend to think that by "dating down" I stand a better chance of my SO wanting to work through the relationship. I think that by "dating up" or dating at my level I leave myself exposed to being the needy one. Although I've been told I'm more mature and "have it together" than most men my age, I've never been able to get anybody my age or "on my level" because they're interested in people "above them". But on the other hand what do we consider "on my level" to determine if you're dating up or down? I never really take into consideration job, social status... objective factors like that. I do try to look at whether the person is working and taking care of themselves vice doing nothing... but I never look at what type of job or how much money they are making. But making those comparisions are natural though... For example my ex... has two kids, wasn't working (until she joined the Army). But I think intellectually and socially, I felt we were on the same level (or pretty damn close). Just before I met her, I was chasing a girl who's in Law School (I've barely completed two semesters of college), working with no kids, but I felt as if I was "dating up", and I felt as if I were the vulnerable one. Of course, a relationship never materialized.
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I forgot to mention that in my last post... I figured thats what she was up to... absolving herself of any guilt.
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I send a text message last night just thanking her the birthday wishes. She calls within 15 minutes. I pick up the phone. She wishes me a happy birthday again... tells me where she's going to be assigned (which isn't unreasonably far from here)... tells me she's getting physical therapy... then she asks if I'm mad/upset with her... I told her "no, not really, why do you ask?"... the conversation tapers down from there. She said she'd call back when we had plenty of time to talk. Talk about a month's worth of moving on, almost being undone in a 3 minute and 1 second conversation. I felt awful, but the silver lining was that I was glad I didn't get lured into small talk. If I can hold out until the end of this week, I'll be out of communication for two whole weeks, and communication with her (or anybody else) will not be an option. Today I decided not to sit around... I mailed her daughters items, taking away the last legitimate excuse she could use to get hold of me again. I'm also contacting my out-of-state job recruiters, and the Navy detailer... still moving forward. I didn't even entertain looking for a job where she's going to be assigned.
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Well I've been talking to people and folks have been 50/50 of No Contact versus Limited Contact. I agree with not being led into small talk or BS'ing, but I think anybody would know when they're being intentionally ignored.
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She text me and then calls me this morning to wish me a Happy Birthday. She also asked me to call her. Since it is my birthday... I gave her the "voicemail" button. And I won't call her back, right away. Tomorrow I'm gonna send some of her stuff back... actually stuff that belongs to her daughters. I don't want her to use that as an excuse to make contact again. I'm still worried about what to do when she graduates AIT in three weeks. She'll probably be home for a couple of weeks, then sent to where ever it is she's going. It'll be the first chance I'll have to see her since the split up. I do want to know where she's going. At least for the next three weeks (I'll be leaving for my own training) it'll be all out-of-sight-out-of-mind.
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Thanks for the input. Its been a rough month, but I know I'm better now.
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As far as letting her know how I felt... I sent a letter the next morning after she broke up (before I found this forum). So she knows how I feel, but we've had no discussion about it since then.
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I wanted to know how long she'd been feeling that way, if anything precipitated it? If she had any doubts before why didn't she say anything before? I wanted to let her know that while I wasn't ready for marriage myself, I was curious as to why we went back to being friends? I never have had a chance to discuss this namely because she's in training. As the weeks have passed, I've grown to accept the outcome, and move on. So now it's not something thats keeping me up at night.
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I do have a question about unresolved issues... When she called to break up with me 4 weeks ago, she pretty much said her peace, and I couldn't say anything except accept what she dished to me. In the days following, I started having questions I wanted answered. But now it being four weeks later, I don't really care (or feel a need) to have those questions answered. It's not going to change anything as far as I'm concerned. Although I wanted to have my say (which I still haven't had) and would liked to have gotten everything out on the table... that was 4 weeks ago. I don't see a need now. Is that healthy? Should we both come to a mutual understanding of the break up, instead of it being unilateral?
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Should I write or call? I've been a little put off that she's been playing the text message and letter game, when she could have called. I feel like writing is impersonal, but the best route seeing how she's in training.