matius

My gf of 2+ years (1+ living together) and I are close to the breaking point. But I've been searching for the answer & I'm still very confused. I'm not really sure if it's time to leave or try one more time get this relationship corrected... - Our sex life is dwindling, for months. I believe the problem exists because of this growing friction that started a ways back, we're both very stubbon. Daily arguments began to grow into resentment that instead of ingniting our attraction -- seems to have lessened it in my eyes. I think she is bothered by our lack and blames me mostly. I can't say I fully disagree. I hate that she hurts in this manner. - She is applying to out-of-state schools and knows I cannot follow (too many things for me where i'm at). She is saddened by this, and so am I. We do care deeply for each other -- and love is there -- but what does it say that I cannot go? - We've had more than 2 'serious' convo's about where this relationship is headed in the past year. Each time we said we'd try we ended back at the same type of convo. - We have a lot in common and like being together...but all of these serious issues are driving me into the ground. I hurt, she hurts. I don't know if my next conversation after the holidays should be about breaking up, or being blunt about the current situation and seeing how she feels exactly, I don't want to be wishy washy -- but again I'm not sure it's time to leave (the idea fades in & out). Has anyone taken this approach? Turned the relationship around? I'm guessing the sucess rate is low. I've very stressed however that she might be leaving. If she does leave in the next year why would I stick around especially seeing that things have been a little rocky. Is it fair to her to try and really fire up the relationship again & become a better mate only to have her leave for the next 3 years. These are the questions I'm faced with. Rough XMAS. Thx for any thoughts, it's very difficult to explain relationships in a few paragraphs.

It might be a good idea to avoid judging others until you have walked in their shoes... Things look differently at age 18 than it might when one is 40, as I imagine it will look differently again when (if) I'm 80... Exactly. But Majorslayer, that is a great outlook on relationships.

Just keep practising by masturbation, the stop and go technique, almost reaching your peak of the orgasm, and then letting go of itI] I keep on waiting for someone to say this has worked for them

If you followed this same advice while masturbating, would it help you get in a bit of "practice" so when you were with a girl, you wouldn't have to bother her by asking her to stop every few minutes? maybe for some, not for me.

Life ain't easy. You have to keep putting in the hours & making the effort to get what you need from it. Honestly, you seem like a decent enough individual. You're in a good job, successful...surely you'll find another job! You had a girlfriend just a year ago. This is hella better than a lot of people I know. Put yourself out there. I've been in some real low points so I understand where you are coming from. But the only choice is to keep on livin' and to try. Try more often if nothin' is coming. You have to fail a lot before you can find success. That means going up and meeting new people - if they don't dig you, no problem...move on to the next until you find someone who does.

Selfish, immature, lowlifes, and they run when they are caught. Who is? I agree with the general vibe of the post...end a relationship before you cheat...but if you cheat before you end it, then your next step before your morning cup of coffee should be to end it. But for anyone who says life is easy, and relationships and human interaction are not messy (a.k.a, * * * * happens) - take a look around the world and think again. Some people are cruel, they cheat as if it's a game - these people are the quotes above. Other people are lost & feeling low, or unhappy and they reach outward. You cannot lump everyone in the same category. Just not that simple.

Well, I would want to know...as much as it hurt. This way I could get tested for any STD's. No offence to you, honest. Just that you never know who this other guy is...imagine going to the doctor and finding out you had Chlamydia (or something)...and have no idea where it came from. Ok, this is a bit extreme but very possible.

I think so. Painful as it is you must move on. You'll find someone just as cool, don't worry.

I honestly dont know what to do ... its causing my depression to come back aswell which isnt good. i keep getting suicidal feelings. Yo! I'm I the only one seeing this. Perhaps you should try talking with someone.

Desire is the seat of unhappiness. This makes sense, but is a double-edged sword...such as life. I don't think it is inherently wrong to desire or to want better things in your life. We just have to call em as we see em. Sometimes wrong, sometimes right. You may spend a long time trying to love the wrong person... when you saw the signs long before. “Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” -Napoleon Hill

Sorry if this has been said...but consider ending the relationship. You don't have to say what you've done. Plus i know thats obvious...but this is what I would do in that situation.

rainynight - I've been there...she was married. The people who claim those who have affairs are selfish & unloving individuals are far from correct 100% of the time. Sometimes, that is absolutely the case. I hate to bring the noise, but life is messy. Marraige, looking at the statistics, is messy. Where is everyone getting the idea that everything is going to work out like a puzzle without any pieces getting lost? Sometimes life drags you down and kicks you to the curb. Depression, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness are all very real and you can really hit some low points. I know that. I'm not malicious, I feel regret for my actions...but I know at that point in my life I had someone there for me who needed me just as much as I needed them. That may sound corny, but until you've been through it please don't judge. There was obviously a void in our lives that needed to be filled...not just sex. I'll even go so far as to say I was able to grow from meeting this person. Anyway, we both new that the relationship couldn't last forever. It was bittersweet, we both cared for each other and new what we were doing was wrong...but in a way, it was comforting. All contact was cut and you know, we're moving on with our lives. I think that if someone has an affair they should be responsible and end the relationship with their significant other. At least come clean and face the music... After all, if you're having an affair, it's time to think about your current situation.

Interesting post. I've been thinking about this a lot as of late. Ideally, we should try to be happy with what we have...experience it to the fullest. If we experience something/one utterly unique and different, and know that it/they must be explored, than so be it...but not until the situation is actually realized... To often our wants & desires aren't realistic...just make believe.

Well nottoogreen, I do appreciate the comforting words. I am 27 so hopefully things will start changing sooner than later

So the question is how to you attain control? I've had this problem for most of my sexual life - 10+ years. I'm probably not the best nor the worst...but, I still can't figure it out. Learning to control your orgasm is much more elusive than it seems. Plus, when you stop or slow down because you are about to go, it doesn't do much for the girl you're with. You know, when she's feeling bored because you keep stopping...that doesn't help the rest of the sexual experience.

Bethany: I agree with you that this situation needs to be handled in a more serious fashion, the kids need special attention. However, I still think the marriage cannot be saved...besides, the unfortunate reality is that divorce is very common.

Yeah, it's over... Give it some time, I think you'll realize how this is the best thing for you.