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blindreepr

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Everything posted by blindreepr

  1. blindreepr
    day 4 nc my first therapy session also, this should be fun
  2. blindreepr
    day 3 nc ugh, nc is terrible. though contact makes me feel even worse
  3. blindreepr
    day 2, here it goes
  4. blindreepr
    day 2 of nc I'm gonna make it last this time
  5. blindreepr
    Back to day 1 of NC. she picked her stuff up, the last of it I think. It's amazing how good three little words can feel (i love you) and its amazing how much they can hurt at the same time. I was doing fine, being strong and everything up until I told her that I still loved her and as soon as she told me she loves me too I starting crying all over again. i hate this
  6. blindreepr
    Ugh. Broke NC After 7 days. I couldn't handle it anymore. I read her livejournal and she was going on about how much she loved life right now. how much she loved her freedom, loved her self destructive impulsive nature, loved getting drunk. I signed onto AIM and she was online, didn't say anything to me. I called her and she asked why I was calling her. Ugh Made me feel like crap. She is coming tomorrow morning to get the last of her stuff. I wont be able to sleep tonight. This is why you shouldn't break NC.
  7. blindreepr
    Day 7 Complete! One Week Down! Day 8 Starting Well, its been a week. Still thinking about her, though not as much. Kinda hurt she hasn't tried contacting me at all, but I shouldn't be. I guess all I can do is stay NC and not be the first to make contact, that's the one thing that I DONT want to give her the satisfaction of.
  8. blindreepr
    I feel the same way. It's been about 6 days of NC and I havent heard from her at all, so much for still loving me. Sometimes I entertain the thought that she has completely forgotten about me and moved on already but the truth is if she has moved on already then why should I waste my time being all beat up over her? Also I know there is no way that she could have forgotten about me. There are ex's that I wish that I could forget but I still remember each and every one of them.
  9. blindreepr
    Day 6 Complete, Day 7 Starting Well, its almost been a week. Sometimes it feels like I'm making progress, sometimes it feels like the first day again. I think I am starting to move towards the anger stage of grief. Angry that she tried to lie to me, angry that she stayed the night at his house AND made out with him, angry that she cheated on me and when I said I wanted to work things out she declined, angry that she had the gall to keep the ring. Why do I want to be back with this girl so bad?
  10. blindreepr
    Day 5 Complete, Day 6 Starting It's starting to get alittle bit easier. Still the urge to call or text or IM is there. Luckily I've held off all of the above. I seriously thought about driving by where she usually parks her car last night since it is on my way home but I gathered the strength to not to do it. It wouldn't help anything if I did. Meanwhile I actually had a good time last night with friends, laughed, made jokes, etc. Mornings and night time are the worst though. I guess it's just the habit of talking to her everyday that I am trying to break. I still want her back but I am more concentrating on working on myself now. If she doesn't ever come back to me then it means she was never really in love with me and I am better off. I just need to keep telling myself that. I deserve someone who is willing to be as committed to me as I am to them.
  11. blindreepr
    Day 4 Complete, Day 5 Starting I think it's getting easier. It still hurts that she hasn't attempted to contact me at all. I guess that just goes to show how she really feels about me. She can tell me that she still loves me a million times but actions are more meaningful than words.
  12. blindreepr
    Day 3 Complete Day 4 Starting Still feel like crap. When does it get better? I want to hear her voice so bad. But I mustn't call. This is for me. She won't forget me anytime soon. She never forgot about any other past boyfriends even the ones she wanted to she why would she forget me? Someone strap me down.
  13. blindreepr
    day 2 complete day 3 starting this is so freaking hard. She's at work right now. I want to just call her and say hello. I know that I can't. I cant help but give myself false hope right now that she will come back. I cant wait till this is over
  14. blindreepr
    Day 1 Complete, Day 2 Starting I feel like crap. Like utter crap. I want her back. I have no appetite and I cannot sleep. This will pass, I know it will. But still, I can't help but feel miserable for the moment. I love her and would do anything to get her back. I can't call her though. I can't text her. I can't email her. I can't myspace her. This is for my own good. I can't but the want is too strong.
  15. blindreepr
    Day 1 of NC It's been two days since the break up. I said my final goodbye. I cried. She cried. I want her back more than anything in the world right now. She knows it. She said she still loves me but needs this for her. I believe her. I feel physically ill right now. We both know that this is going to be hard. I love her so much. I won't be able to do this alone. I need NC. I hope that I get myself back. I'd lose myself completely if I knew it would give me another chance with her, but I know it wont. My only chance is to grow, move on, and eventually try again if I even want to in the future. I've never remained friends with an ex. She always has remained friends with ex's. This will be interesting.
  16. blindreepr
    Finally taking my profile off of private and finally accepting my ex's friend request made her even more curious and wanting to know about me. The more bullitens I posted about all the fun stuff I was doing the more she thought about me and checked out my profile. She told me herself that she checks my profile multiple times a day. Things I posted in my bullitens even "made" her break NC after I told her not to talk to me again. Does she want to get back together? No. Are we friends? She wants to be. Her constant barage of contacting me needlessly and trying to force a friendship on me has pushed me away to the point where I dont even want to see her. BTW, she is the one that broke up with me.
  17. blindreepr
    i am just one of those people that makes a mistake once or twice, gets hella down on themselves about it, then eventually works to become the best, or atleast good at what they were trying to do. I've always been like that. Monday I will redeem myself though, lol
  18. blindreepr
    I am such a wuss, I had like 3 perfect oppurtunities to ask a girl out to a movie or to hang out and I did nothing with it! The worst part is, is that I'm like 80% sure she would have said yes. But I'm a freaking wuss. Why? I have no idea. I am good looking, funny, talented, confident in most other areas of my life, but when it comes to asking a chick out I freeze up and get shy like a little kid. MY brother asked how would I feel if she rejected me or said no, and my reply was "oh well, her loss, there's plenty of other chicks out there." So why can't I just man up and ask a freakin chick out. Dang it, it sucks. Just had to get that out there. On monday I may have some more oppurtunities so hopefully I dont royally screw it up.
  19. blindreepr
    ugh, my ex is doing the same thing, I told her NC, dont talk to me unless its important and she has broken it 3 times in 9 days. So lame....
  20. blindreepr
    I have no hope at all that she wants to get back together. Infact I know that she doesn't want to get back together at all. She is too busy having fun with the single life, partying everynight, going to bars the other nights. Being an all around tool, the kind of person that she used to make fun of. The blogs that she has posted recently, in addition to the last few convo's we had before I started NC make me not want to talk to her, and not even want to be with her at all. Trust me, I am not holding out hope, if anything it should be her hoping that once she is done with celebrating her indepence, once she realizes it takes more than partying and drinking to make her happy, that I will even want to be friends with her. Because the track she is on right now I cant wait to never see her again.
  21. blindreepr
    seriously, unless it's either an apology or her wanting to try and work things out i really dont want to hear from her. but I know that neither of those is going to happen, so why bother contacting me?
  22. blindreepr
    It has been 2 weeks since I told the ex not to contact me. Then yesterday I get an IM. It was the ex ofcourse, nothing important ofcourse, but she prefaced it with "I just want to say one thing...." so I took a chance and just replied "??". It ended up being nothing, just her commenting on a song that I uploaded on myspace, she was definitely just seeing if I was still "there". Fine whatever, sorta irritated me that she broke NC for such a trivial reason. Then 2 hours later, after I work out I go to the grocery market that she works at, since it is the closest one, and I knew she wasn't working so I figured it would be ok. As I am walking out the the store guess who drives up in a car with all her new friends? The ex, not only does she wave, but she gets out of the car completely to make small talk with me. Breaking NC twice in one day. Wounds haven't been reopened or anything. I just more irritated than anything else. I just want her to leave me alone. I am starting to get over her, and starting to realize that I am lucky that she dumped me. I can't wait for the time where she is out of my life completely. Edit: I just wanted to preface it by NC is working because I am not all depressed or wanting her back when she contacts me. I am irritated instead and see her faults more and more. THAT is why NC is working.
  23. blindreepr
    I know at the time I told her I was completely over her, even though I wasn't. I was just trying to be strong. I told her we were friends, and she could tell me anything, but that we should keep our love lifes secret for a while. Then she pressed And Pressed. So I let her tell me. I didnt get pissed, just told her I was disappointed in her, cause I thought she was better than that. Then for the next 3 weeks I made excuses for her, she was just trying to make me jealous, she's didn't realize it would hurt me, etc. I'm out of excuses. Now I'm just pissed. I'm glad I told her not to contact me anymore a week ago. Cause if I saw her I would probably go off. And she was the one contacting me the last two weeks before I told her that, can you believe it? Ugh, I never want to hate people but I feel like I HATE her right now. I am thinking of just writing her off and giving up on being friends ever again, even though I told her we could be friends after a month or so of NC. With friends like her you dont need enemies.
  24. blindreepr
    I am pissed. Not only did she tell me just 3 weeks after she broke up with me that she had been sleeping with someone else without relationship or commitment behind it. She told me it was the dude that she had had a crush on for 6+ months before we broke up, meaning she had been having an emotional affair. She told me that she couldn't wait till her parents went on vacation for two weeks so they they could screw some more. Not only did she tell me, but she forced it upon me, after me telling her that I didn't want to her about her love life. I guess I didn't hear about a love life, I just hear about her skanking life. And I'm pissed. Not that she did that, or told me about it, or is probably continuing to do it. But because I have 2 hours before I need to be up for work and I'm thinking about it, about her and about how much I am still hung up on her. This sucks.
  25. blindreepr
    People change for themselves. It's hard to make someone change for someone else.
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