FelixXavier

Super... or Dave, whichever name of brevity you prefer. Here is my history, if you care to indulge: So.. I followed your plan of NC for about a week, and it started driving her crazy. Calling me on Friday, Saturday night.. texting me.. etc, etc. I broke NC and told her on Sunday I was going to pick up my things this week once and for all. I go to her house last night, ostensibly to pick up the rest of my things. We sleep together. No relationship talk, no resolution. Just pure, unadulterated sex. I'm still in love with her, I'm really not sure if she is (she ended the relationship, but initiated the sex, and even went so far to ask if I was going to 'stick around and hang out for a little bit' after i 'got my stuff'). Suggestions?

Here's the background...: Thanks to everyone who has given me their advice in the past, BTW, much appreciated. So.. Last night I go over to pick up some of my stuff. On my way I call her, tell her I'm coming to get my things. She says, "You're not going to stay over for a little bit?" Ding. Little little blub turns on, and I instantly know where this is headed. Long story short, we sleep together. I gather my things, she says "You can leave that stuff here if you want." Implying a similar meeting in the future. I want the relationship. I want the sex. She wants the sex. I don't know if she wants the relationship. Troubles ahead... Need to have a clear talk with her, but it's so difficult when as soon as we see each other, we know what we're meeting for.. The last time we hooked up (2-3 weeks ago), we ended up getting back together for one more week. Freakin' roller coaster. I want to have the talk, but I also want to take things really slow. I know, I know.. we're already having sex, so taking it slow is kind of a moot point at best. Thoughts?

Oh God... I just went on her Myspace and there's a picture of some guy on there. I think I'm going to be sick....

Here y'all go: The first one - The second one - The last one - I'm going to see her on Thursday. I have a feeling she's going to tell me that she doesn't want to work it out and that she wants to stay split up. My question for everyone is this: Should I tell her I'm going NC? Or should I just do it? I want to ask her one last time if she wants to work it out, tell her one last time that I love her, and then go our separate ways. Tell her that the only way she can contact me is if she realized she made a mistake and wants to give it one more try. Good idea???

Here y'all go: The first one - The second one - Honestly, though. Right now I'm strongly thinking that when I see her on Thursday, I'm just going to tell her I'm going NC. Tell her to not contact me UNLESS it's because she wants to work things out. That will be best for me, I think. I will have closure in knowing that I did what I could and I said my peace. Tell her that I love her to bits and wish things worked out, but I also can't be her friend for the foreseeable future. One day I might be ok with it (likely when I meet someone else), but if I stay friends with her, I'm just going to go insane when see starts seeing someone else, or I start thinking about what she's up to.. no, no, no. My hearts not in it. Best to just end it clean and move on. But, still let her know that I really want to work it out. From all my research with the forums and with friends in real life, this really seems like the best plan. Anyone have their 2 cents to chip in???

So.. My girlfriend and I split up about a month ago, got back together after a few days, were together for about a week, then split up again. The first time around, I called her, kept in contact, kept asking her if this was really what she wanted to do. Eventually she caved, and felt like she did want to give us a second chance. For a few days, it was perfect, like the honeymoon all over agan. Then the same issues came up, and she ended it again. This time, however, I've been implementing NC. We broke up 2 Fridays ago. She texted me Monday, then again on Tuesday. Called me on Thursday twice, called me on Friday twice, called me again on Saturday night at 2 in the morning, texted me twice the same night! All the messages were the same: "I just want to see how you're doing," "How come you're not answering?," "Are you ever going to talk to me again?" I didn't tell her that I was going to go NC. Well, I cave and call her yesterday. We have a brief conversation, about 10 minutes. Let her know I've been doing well, and asked her if I could get my stuff back from her once and for all. We agreed to meet Thursday, under almost the exact same auspices as the first time we got back together. I want her back, badly. But I also don't want to play these games anymore, back and forth together. I'm worried that she won't bring the relationship up, and thereforeeee we won't have an earnest discussion about things. There is an outside chance that it will get physical, just like last time. Argh! I'm caught in this infinite loop of emotional turmoil. She's calling me on a Friday and Saturday night for a reason, right? Anyways, my plan is on Thursday to tell her not to contact me ever unless it's about getting back together. I think it would be best for all parties involved. Any suggestions??

Penetration. If you're straight, vaginal-weiner. If you're both gay males, anus-weiner. If you're both gay females.. well.. this is a matter of contention. May I recommend "CHASING AMY" for a little investigation onto this topic. Ben Affleck and Jason Lee seem to think 'penetration' MUST in some way involve the male anatomy. Which might be a tad sexist - after all, why can't lesbians 'lose' their virginity as well? Joey Lauren Adams, in the same film, seems to think otherwise. Yes, I'm from L.A. and I moved here to make movies. So everything I do and say involves a reference of some sort. I'm weak.

Good sir. Such comments as "there are other fish in the sea," and so forth mean nothing to you. I know! I'm in that position myself. Some say the best way to get over a girl is to start dating another one. Alas, you can't give that relationship your full heave-ho unless you are truly over the ex. Again, a position I've been in. It takes time, it takes effort. BUT! You can actually find someone better than previous. And, to be true, it might not even be about 'better.' I was with a girl for about 4 years, from age 17 to age 21. We were in love, we fell out of love, we shared so many firsts with each other. And when it was finally over and she moved on to someone else, sure I was devastated! And, lo-and-behold, in that time frame, I've dated a bunch of girls, had a blast, and about 7 months ago, found someone who really REALLY competed with the ex. It's not even about 'better.' It's all about different. My ex, I met in high school, went to college with her, we were from the same damn suburb, had the same aspirations, so on and so forth. The girl I was just recently dating and honestly thought I could spend the rest of life with? She's 5 years older than me, from South America, has a kid, and does all sorts of things my ex would never do! Life's an amazing journey, man. Enjoy it. Ups AND downs. Can't appreciate the ups without the downs.

Well, I've really only been in four "official" relationships... all other girls were just casual things, hook-ups, etc. BUT: 1.) The first girl I dated. I think I was 17. She was a tomboy, I was a punk rocker. My first kiss, yadda-yadda. I think it lasted a couple months. When it ended, I'm sure I was devastated. Looking back, it was almost a joke. We broke up because she got bored. Gave me NC for a week with no reason, then told me it was over. Such is high school! 2.) This was my high school sweetheart. We met in high school, around the time I was going out with number 1, were together for 10 months, broke up for a few days because she had a crush on another guy, got back together for another spin. At some point, we broke up and for the next three years we alternated between being together, not being together, losing our virginity to each other, went to college together, lived in New York together for a while, and basically stayed best friends no matter who we were seeing, or what happened. In all honestly, those were the most gut-wrenching, strenuous times of my life. It shaped who I am, and how I think. We still talk to this day, pretty often, after everything we've been through. Sometimes I wonder if she really is the one, after everything. Some other times, I think I want something different. We broke up for so many reasons, and on so many occasions: She liked someone else, we got in arguments too much, I became a pothead for a couple years... etc. In the end, she started dating her crush (from 3 years earlier!) and that was pretty much the end of that. They broke up quite some time ago, and she's with someone else. 3.) This was a girl in college I met. She had a crush on me ever since she met me. For about two years, I would still hook up with and be hung up over number 2. I finally gave in and started dating her. It didn't feel right - she wasn't number 2! So, I broke the poor girls heart. We broke up because I just didn't want to be with her and she wasn't number 2, who was wat I really wanted. 4.) THIS girl is my last girlfriend. I moved out to LA a year and a half ago. She met me then, when I first got here, and I knew she was really interested in me, but I didn't give it any thought... she was 30, a single mom, and I didn't want to deal with baggage. Plus, I'm a new kid in a new city, I'm not looking for commitment or anything like that. Well.. 11 months later, I hang out with her and some friends, and I start looking at her in a different light. She was really cool, and I start falling for her, hard. We start dating and get real serious, real quick. I'm totally in love. I haven't felt this way about a girl since number 2. Some crazy drama went down a couple months ago, I confronted one of her best friends about something he said to her, and a whole drama explodes in my face. We break up over it for a week. We get back together, for a week it's bliss. Then, she breaks it off again. We broke up because she lost one of her best friends because I confronted him one night for being a scambag ****face ***hole. This is what I'm currently going through, and you're more than welcome to read my previous posts for details on this latest rollercoaster.

Here's my previous post, which also contains a link to my first post: So, I've maintained strict NC since Friday, when we broke up. She texted yesterday, asking how I was doing. She texted again today, it said: "Ur never going to talk to me??" I feel like I should let her know I am planning on talking to her again. My plan was to get my head cleared, take care of some things, and call her sometime next week. Thoughts anyone?

Aye... she just texted me. I know I shouldn't write back yet. But I do want to speak to her. And I do need my stuff back. Will she think less of me should I ignore her? Or will it make her realize what she left even more? She's got lots of experience, she can see through the NC game. But I also don't want to look too contactable right now. Hmm.. decisions, decisions..

Well, you're obviously not over the ex. In my past experience, when you get with a girl while you're still hung up on someone, you pretty much doom the relationship with the new person. You're not going to give them the attention they want, because you're still going to be pining for your ex, consiously or unconsciously. That said, take more time to get over the ex. Don't worry about the new girl, maybe meet her with some friends. Pique her interest, but don't necessarily reciprocate it. And, after and only after you get over your ex, go after the new girl, who will be even more interested in you because you've met her and everything, but still declined to immediately get with her. Make sense? It worked for me. I was hung up over my ex of nearly 4 years. I got with a few girls, but never took them seriously because I was still in love with the ex. I finally met a girl that I really wanted to make it work with, and she really liked me as well. I met her, hung out a couple times, but didn't really date her because I knew it wouldn't work as long as I still loved the ex. Meanwhile, because I was acting "hard to get," it just made her more interested and curious about me. I wasn't purposefully acting "hard to get," I just knew I needed to get my ex out of my head. Eventually that happened, and the new girl, who got very keen on me over the course of several months, was quick to say yes when I finally did ask her for a date (we met in January, I asked her out in November). And that relationship was awesome. And I lost her last Friday. Which all my other posts are about. Such is life! Getting with girls will definitely boost your ego. But it won't make you forget your ex if you're still in love with her. You need to take care of that on your own, THEN get with someone new to finally clean up all the remnants of your feelings for the ex. Otherwise, it would be unfair to the new girl, and ultimately yourself.

So, I've been good and maintained NC all weekend. Last time we spoke was the day of the breakup, on Friday. And she hasn't tried to contact me either. I'm at the point now where I'm starting to accept that it's over, but I'm also still very much in love with her and in all truth would take her back in a heartbeat. I know things might not work right now, but I still want to keep her in my life. I'm friends with all my exes, and I'd like to keep her in the same boat. I'm not the kind of person that thinks just because things didn't work on one level that should mean things couldn't work on another. One of us is going to have to contact the other eventually.. she has some of my things that I'm going to need back. What's the best way to do this?? Part of me says, just call her, get the stuff, and go right back to strict NC. Part of me wants to actually ask her to see if she wants to hang out (and rekindle something). I know I should take time off, improve myself, get what I need to get done. But I miss her terribly, and I just want to see my baby again. ARGH!

Yeah, "The Friend Incident" is a little confusing. If I use fake names, perhaps it's better understood: Katie is my (ex)gf. Jay is one of her best friends. Amelia is Jay's gf. Sandra is another of Katie's best friends, and Jay cheated on Amelia with Sandra. SO.. When he panicked and admitted to Amelia all the slimey things he had done, Amelia told Jay that if they were ever to get together again, he would have to cut off all contact with Katie. Katie, in turn, is hugely mad at me because she holds me responsible for confronting Jay about a stupid comment he made to Katie which sent him into this panic. Yes, I know I shouldn't have said anything! If I knew all this would come about, be certain I would have kept my mouth shut! In regards to the previous post - Things were iffy because she had learned about me confronting Jay. THAT'S really when things turned sour. It wasn't because she was busy, or needed to get her life in order, as she told me previously. It was really because of "The Friend Incident." She tells me that she has tried to forgive me all this time, and acknowledge that it was just a foolish mistake on my part, but she just can't. And with Amelia texting her, and e-mailing her threatening and degrading things about her and Sandra, that certainly doesn't help. To boot, Jay and Katie work together, and now Katie feels her job is threatened because Jay knows things about Katie that could land her in hot water! My goodness, it's not like I cheated on her, it's not like I abused her. The complete opposite, I loved and cared for her with all my heart! And when Jay said, "Hey, what if I wasn't with Amelia, and you weren't with Felix?" of COURSE I'm going to confront him about that! He's such a scumbag compulsive lying jerk! On top of that, he used to make sexual comments about my (ex)gf all the time, saying that he would sleep with her if it weren't for her having a daughter!!!! I HATE HIM!! I absolutely do. All I did was tell him not to make such stupid comments to my gf, and look at all that's happened!! He's ruined my first love in years!

I'm not completely sure of that. We seriously had no issues, and it felt like genuine, reciprocated love. I can pinpoint exactly when she started acting weird, and it was when she learned that I had confronted the friend. That is exactly when everything soured. Like I said, we had no problems up until that point. I know deep down that I'm just going to have to move on. But I want it so that if one day she does find it in her heart to forgive and forget, I want it so that she would be open to being with be once more. She's the first girl I've fallen in love with in a few years! I really, REALLY, wanted this to work, and I would jump through a million hoops to have what we had before all this nonsense happened. It doesn't help that the estranged girlfriend texts and e-mails my ex, calling her names, making her feel bad for introducing her boyfriend to the girl he used to cheat.. It's complicated.. But, I'm at a total loss here. God, I'm going to miss her. She was so much what I wanted in a girl...

Hello all.. This is only my second post here. If you look at my first one, you can get a little background. So, anyways, three weeks ago, my gf of 6 months breaks up with me. A while back, one of her best friends, a guy, asked her at a club "What if I wasn't with so and so, and you weren't with Felix?" She played it off as if he was drunk and stupid. Well, I caught wind of it, and she implored me not to mention it to him. Well, needless to say, I did - you don't say that to someone's girlfriend!!! He was sent into such a panic that he not only admitted what he said to his own girlfriend, but he also told her that he had cheated on her (not with my gf) in the past! Somehow, the girlfriend holds my ex responsible, and for the past couple months has not allowed any contact between the two former best friends. Well, my ex blames everything that happened on me! For the past month she's been treating me poorly, and 3 weeks ago, we break up. I'm not too stunned, as I could see all the warning signs. Well, a few days pass, she calls me... I ask her if this is really what she wants, if she really wants to lose me. About a week later, I'm at her house, we hook up, and everything is back to normal for the rest of the week, like were back in love! But then, this week, she again starts acting all cold, ignoring me, telling me she's too busy to see me, etc. etc. I talk to her on the phone on my lunch break today, and she breaks it off. We have a long conversation: of course it was "The Friend Incident," as I like to call it, that was responsible. She admitted that deep down, she still loved me, she knew I was a great boyfriend, and that we really could have been something. Like, we even talked about living together after only a few months! But, she added, she just couldn't get over what happened with the friend. She couldn't look into her heart to forgive me. She said I treated her well, and except for the one mistake of confronting her friend about that stupid thing he said to her, I was golden. So.. This is the second breakup in three weeks, and this time it feels official. Like she said, there is a part of her that still loves me. But this time it just feels final, like she really made up her mind. And now she comes up with other little reasons why she wants to break up, like the fact that I'm friends with my ex, or that I might have said some bs comment like, "I can get any girl I want." (Which, by the way, is completely out of jest and was more of a joke than anything else) Anyways, it feels like the situation is just so far gone that I can't do anything else about it. I've apologized a million times, I wrote her a book about my feelings for her (i'm a writer), and I tried to explain all those little things she kept bringing up, which she is just bringing up because she's seeking out excuses. What do I do? NC? Move on? I really love this girl, and I know if it weren't for "The Friend Incident" we would be perfect. We were both SO in love before this happened. Please help...

A little background info: I'm an average 25 y/o male who has been in a few relationships, long term, short term, committed, non-committed, etc. I'm of the opinion that I've had a pretty normal dating life, and I'm still on good terms with (most) of my exes. SO.. About a year and a half ago I moved to Los Angeles to pursue my dreams of making it in the entertainment industry (it's what I studyed in college). I came out here single and planned to stay that way for a while, at least until I figured out the city better, got more into the local culture, expanded my friend base, etc etc. I had met a few girls when I got out here, but only one stuck out to me... great personality, attractive, from South America, which I find crazy sexy, and to seal the deal, she liked me back too. Only thing was, she was/is a 30 y/o single mom that still lived with her family. Now, and I certainly hope this doesn't come accross as snobbish at all as that's not my style, but I went to a pretty prestigious school, and my friends don't usually date single parents that are in their thirties. So, almost all my friends advised against it. I go against the grain, though. This girl is too sweet to pass up. Fast forward to 6 months ago. I finally ask her out on a date after mulling whether or not I should. She says yes, we hit it off, everything is great. I get to know her pretty well, I love her daughter (and the kid loves me too), I'm accepted as part of her family, and I pretty much spend all my free time with her, which has been great. To the crux of my position now! It's now May and we've been together for 6 months. I'm totally in love with the girl. I've dated plenty, but I haven't felt like this for a girl in a few years. And she loves me back. Unfortunately, she never finished school, so she doesn't make much money. She works really hard, saves money by sharing rent with her family, and is barely making ends meet, what with L.A.'s exorbinant prices. Truth be told, I don't make much money either - so many people try to break into the entertainment business that the studios and other companies can get away with working us poor saps 60 hours a week and for minimum wage. Now her mom is pressuring her to move out of the apartment and be independent. She is, after all, 30 y/o, she has a daughter, she should display a little more responsibility. And she knows she needs to move out too, but it's really tough - like I said, she's barely making ends meet. We even talked about living together, me, her, and her daughter. But I had to decline. Again, I hardly make any money to support myself (a damn shame considering I went to school for 6 years) let alone to help support a household where there's a kid involved. Strike one - I think I let her down by declining to move in with her. The past couple months, she's really been feeling the stress of life - her bills piling up, the hours she works, raising a 2-year-old kid - all that stuff. And the past few days, she's been getting increasingly distant. I took note and asked her about it. She said that she's not mad at me, but she needs to figure her life out. For the second night in a week, she asked me not to come over and spend the night with her, something unusual considering we almost always sleep with each other. No, she's not cheating on me, I would know, but it still weirds me out that she needs to be alone to figure it out. I'm a really good boyfriend, and a really good guy with her daughter and her family. She acknowledges it and even said today that part of the reason she needs to be alone was because she knows she's been really short with me lately and that she doesn't want to mistreat me. We aren't broken up, and she insists that she doesn't want to break up. She tells me that it's not a money issue, but part of me can't help but thinking if I was pulling 50k a year this wouldn't be an issue, and we would be living happily together. And I know she's not a golddigger or anything - otherwise she would have never started dating me - but I get worried that she's on the look out for someone that CAN provide for her and her daughter. Ugh. Like I said. She says she doesn't want to lose me, but she needs to be alone to figure her life out. This conversation about needing to be alone happened this afternoon. And I just spoke to her about an hour ago. She's going to call me in the morning, but I don't know if I'm going to see her tomorrow. Am I worrying too much? Is there anything I can do? I really don't want to lose her, and I don't think she wants to leave me, but I can't help but feel like the relationship is moving towards a precarious position with each passing week and I really don't want it to fall apart because I'm not making the money that I will be in a couple years, or because she doesn't have her house in order. Pretty lengthy, I know, but if anyone managed to read through the whole thing, any comments or advice would be appreciated. Many thanks...