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sunflower

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  1. sunflower
    I had a panic attack last night with my bf. I freaked out and I dont know why..about our whole relationship. Im scared of going back in the same routine and getting horribly hurt again.(we broke up for 2 months and now we're back together) I dont know what to do..I really need a lot of help. I came close to ending it with him but then I freaked because today Im startying a really stressful job and I felt I needed him by my side to help me through it. But I cant be with him only befcause of that. And thats what scaring me. During our break up my independance was slowly coming back and now I feel it slowly slipping away....I mustnt let that happen otherwise Im set to get really hurt again. I dont know what to do...I love him..and hes so good to me. Yet I dont know whether the love is still there or this is just a phase and I need to get used to things going back to normal.... help...
  2. sunflower
    I had a panic attack last night with my bf. I freaked out and I dont know why..about our whole relationship. Im scared of going back in the same routine and getting horribly hurt again.(we broke up for 2 months and now we're back together) I dont know what to do..I really need a lot of help. I came close to ending it with him but then I freaked because today Im startying a really stressful job and I felt I needed him by my side to help me through it. But I cant be with him only befcause of that. And thats what scaring me. During our break up my independance was slowly coming back and now I feel it slowly slipping away....I mustnt let that happen otherwise Im set to get really hurt again. I dont know what to do...I love him..and hes so good to me. help...
  3. sunflower
    Well to answer caliboy, yes I feel major urges to be with people. And him! I have dreams about sex with him all the time! But I realized that we've been through A LOT. my feelings have been on a roller coaster ride for the past WHILE and I really need to RELAX and go vbery slow with him. He seems very KEEN on this relationship. He told me he will wait for me while I am in Europe and he will want to settle down when I get back. Like move in together. he said I was the only girl for him etc....those things kind of scare me becvause hes so young and I am the only girl hes ever had sex with. When he says things like that I just sort of hug him and kiss him on the forehead. I want to go with the flow because YOU NEVER KNOW what can happen. These type of things are very sketchy. All you can do is relax not think too far ahead and take it one day at a time and wherever you go is where your meant to be. Now, reborn, I have my reasons for acting the way I do. My bf has lied to me a lot in the past over stupid things. And the trust is beginning to slowly come back. But I feel I cant have sex with someone I dont fully trust. So that is why I am hesitating right now. As much as I feel the urge I can't. I get scared. And I explained this to him and he seemed to understand. One thing I am very greatful is he treats me with the uttermost respect. How old are you and how old is he? Age does matter as well. If he is afraid you are going to fall in love and he "doesnt" and thats whats stopping him then I suggest you talk things through with him and tell him your intentions and ask his. Because the worst is being in a relationship that you think is going to go somewhere and really the other person is just having fun. Communication is the BEST KEY to keep a relationship LOCKED and STRONG. Hope this helps!
  4. sunflower
    I been with my bf for 2 years. Im 23 hes 20. 2 months ago we broke up. I didnt feel he was going anywhere in his life. I wanted him to get himself together before ready to be in a relationship. FOR HIMSELF not for me. So a few days ago we got back together. Hes doing very well now, Im very proud of him and I missed my bestest friend in the whole world. However I am not sure about things still. I still love and care about him to death but the other day we were going to have sex and for some reason I was afraid and awkward to. I told him I needed more time. I have all these thoughts in my head. Am I not attracted to him anymore? Am I not in love with him anymore? But when I am with him Im very happy and when I look at him I think hes a big cutie. I feel I have to make a choice asap because I don't want to lead him on and I dot want to hurt him. But I dont know if what I am feeling is normal? Or not...Help
  5. sunflower
    heya... Its been a week since I officially ended it with my ex....and I am starting to miss him again. Ive posted "At the verge of a nervous breakdown" if u wanna read my story. What I miss is the fact we shared a lot of the same interests and went to a lot of the same events...I dont have any friends who are interested in the same things--theres a 3 day party coming up and I have to go alone because normally Id go with my ex but obviously I cant and none of my friends are interested in that sort of thing. It really makes me feel lonely....he was the ONLY one who really was my second half. And its making me think maybe I should go back with him. I dont know anymore... Help... : /
  6. sunflower
    Hi Guys!! Im doing A LOT better these days....I mean apart from still being unemployed. I am still looking for a job in my field--trying hard. My ex wanted me back. He pleaded he was going to change. Last week was horrible. I was stressing on what to do. I didnt feel the instant connection again when I saw him again. Instead there was nothing. We kissed.....I felt nothing. I felt more confused and nervous then relief. So I told him I needed to think about things. He said to take the weekend, have fun, get my mind off things and then decide. So I went to a party. (rave) Had a BLAST. I havent gone in AGES. Almost a year. So it felt really good. I met a guy there. Nothing happened--but he was really into me. And I was VERY attracted to him. We danced, talked for about an hour. He was VERY shy. I mean VERY shy. I had to do most of the talking. So in the end I gave him my number, when I had to leave. Its been 4 days--he hasnt called. Im guessing he chickened out. But this helped me make my decision. That there IS better out there. Someone BETTER for YOU. if your really not happy then seriously dont settle for less just get whats better. I love my ex to death and care about him more than anything. But as a couple--I dont think we are ready for that right now. We're both too young and need to explore new things--see what its like. I explained this to him. I didnt tell him I met someone because I didnt see a point. Nothing is going to happen anyways. he hasnt even called. I just told him were not meant to be right now. He did too much damage to my emotions and trust in people I couldnt face it again. I had gotten used to being alone. And was afraid of going back to the old habits. It felt like forever the first month we were apart....and I never realized--I WAS getting over him....and it only hit me when I saw him those few times. I just didnt want to feel the pain I felt when we broke up again. I had a feeling it would happen again if we were to stay together. And it scared me--taking that risk. I am just living life now. Seeing what else is out there. So I hope my story inspired some heart broken ones out there....because I was so depressed it was to the point of suicide. You guyd arent alone. And now I am actually relieved and happier. I still miss him...but Im moving on...and ENJOYING LIFE!!!! Peace all xoxoxox
  7. sunflower
    Hey thansk guys for the advice... I still am thinking about things--I told him I needed to. Tell me what you think: Sometimes I think -Man were both young lets just have fun and go wit it and see where it leads us. If it doesnt work THIS TME at least we can have closure in giving it our best shot. Or, -What if I start to lose interest and I hurt him or vice versa? Are these things I shouldnt be thinking about? Are they just typical worries of a relationship? I asked him yesterday if he wants to be with me I gotta see some progress in his lifestyle...meaning Ive gotta see him getting his act together. He said hes making a regular salary now, and trying to pursue his music career. And I said ok...well I wanna know that if your gonna make promises like taking me out for dinner and then last minute u cant cuz u have no money then I dunno....and he said no more of that. He kissed me the other night when he asked me all this and I felt more confused than passionate.....It was at an odd-shocking time--but I still cant help but wonder--does it mean Im not into him as much anymore? Or I was just shocked and wasnt sure of my decision? Ugh what do you guys think....
  8. sunflower
    Thanks soooo much. I think thats what Im gonna tell him tonight....just to go with the flow--which is basically what he wants too.... but going sloooow would be a better thing...I mean he kissed me right after he told me this and it was sooooooooooooo weird not being with thim for a month and a half--trying to get over him--realizing all his bad habits and then BAM hes there again and Im like WHAT?? Hes saying all the things I wanna hear--but once again Im gonna wait--he can change his mind any second. Like he did before... Or I can? Who knows...I just dont wanna get hurt and feel like I am wastng my time. Thanks guys for the advice And I am going to belgium--Amsterdam I am still debating
  9. sunflower
    Hey... I posted "e wants ME back" and "He changed his mind" I saw him again last night. And he told me he really ***ed up. He said that when he changed his mind he got suddenly really scared. And I asked why. And he said hes not ready to be serious. And I said what is serious to him. And he didnt like the idea we were too dependant on eachother--he wants more independance. We used to ditch others plans if one couldnt go--that type of thing--he thinks we should just go and not worry about the other not going. He feels this should be the last tme we can try and if it doesnt work we can get some closure. Also I am going to London at the end of this yr...I wanted to explore my options...if I stay with him I'm obviously not going to. I am highly confused. I mean sometimes I want him back and sometimes I dont. He promised me he is going to treat me like a princess--hes in the process of getting his act together--and no more lying, most of all. He thinks its best we dont tell anyone--go for a month or so this way and see what happens before we do. We kissed last night and I felt more confusion than passion....is that normal? When we broke up the first time and we got back together we kissed and it was INCREDIBLE. But this time it was different. He got really scared and emotional when I told him I needed tot hink about it. The problem is when I think he is not interested it draws me to him more--when I know he wants me back so bad--I get scared. Whats wrong with me? Also the fact hes been changing his mind shows me he is highyl confused as well. But last night he kept saying how happy he was because he is not confused anymore and he knows what he wants and it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders...I hope he means that. I dont wanna hurt him, I want to be with him, Im just scared of what everyone will think (my family and frineds are against it) and Im scared of getting seriously hurt again. I really really need advice...help This is the most confusing/scariest thing Ive ever had to go through...
  10. sunflower
    hiya I wrote the post link removed Now he called me and told me to forget what he said he was really emotional seeing me but he really doesnt think it would be a good idea to get back together because hes not ready and doesnt know when he will be and doesnt expect me to wait. He feels that it is best to move on because I know what I want and he doesnt. I feel hurt but I think I am in shock still because I havent cried yet. He only told me this an hour ago. When we met up a few days ago HE WAS THE ONE all over me and I was completely controlling myself. I didnt let my emotionas show because I didnt wanna give in. He kept telling me how much he missed me and wants to start over. And now he says he regrets it because he doesnt want any of us to get hurt in the long run. I told him not to worry because I felt the same way--only I was thinking he wanted something again so I was willing to try and be friends and see where it goes. But now he doesnt wanna even do that he just wants to move on. He said if we are destined to be together we will be together but if not at least we can move on. I am hurt and confused. I guess this is a good thing I dont have to think about anything but I am still really sad because I thought he really loved me and wanted to try. Thats what makes me sad. I need comfort
  11. sunflower
    yeah your right. I thought a lot about everything...hes giving me time to think. And I think I am just going to totally go with the flow if hes willing to try and change. Im going to London in November for 8 months...so its all a big risk all this. Thats why I need to see him once in a blue moon get updates on hown hes doing and if he really changed for himself it will draw me back to him. If hes still the same then at least Id have moved on .... This is all so complex!
  12. sunflower
    Thanks a lot guys... But how come I dont feel so lucky? my mom is against it, my friends are against it... We broke up because we were always fighting because I couldnt trust him because of past lies hes given to me. they were all dumb lies. But I do still love him--we been together for 2 yrs and its oly been a month since weve broken up. We have discussed what went wrong--he knows all his faults. And that is why he told me he wants to start over and go very slowly this time. As if we first met. I just need advice on what I should do--hes 20 yrs old--I am looking for true committment--am I wasting my time? Will he never change? Will my family and friends accept him? Its very difficult. My heart is saying go for it but the logical part is saying--BE CAREFUL. So I really honestly need some advice....I thought Id be jumoing for joy at this. But I am just afraid hes going to continue lying and talking and not putting action to his words.
  13. sunflower
    Hi! Well...its hard because all my friends and family are against it simply because he is young and their scared of me getting hurt. I decided that I am going to tell him that for now I just want to be friends...and maybe hang out once a week for a few hours at a cafe or sometrhing. And Im not gonna jump into anything serious with him until I see he is making changes for himself as well as for me. Once I see that, yes I can fall back in love with him and start over. (I am still in love with him but Im not gonna let him know Im giving in) . Every time hes asked me back out (well we only broke up twice including this one) I always gave in. Not this time. This time its going to take a litle more effort than that. What do u guys think? Am I wasting my time? I mean Im asking him to set more ambition in his life, stop lying, and proove to me Im worthy. he just turned 20 is there a chance or am I wasting my time....
  14. sunflower
    Well what I wanted him to say he said it. He asked for me back. But now IM thinking second thoughts. His exact words were "It feels really good seeing you again. I missed u so much. I really would like to start over with you. Act as if we first met. Fall in love all over again. Im not ready for anything serious RIGHT NOW but Im open to the possibility. WhatI am trying to do now igs get my life together. And I see you are too. But Id love to date you and see what happens. Im not promising it will turn into someting serious because I dont know. You want to go to europe etc...I d like to just gow it the flow and if we get serious see what happens--see if its emant to be. But we'll never know until we try. All I know is I really mis you a lot." What THE HELL do I do??? These are ALL THE THINGS I wanted him to say but everyone says Im walking on glass! And it DID feel good seeing him, yesterday....I had a great day at work so when I saw him he saw I was happy and moving on. I think whenever Im like that it attracts him to me more. The independent thing. So Im just gonna do my own thing like Ive been doing this month and maybe he WILL realize its tme to change? I DONT KNOW!!
  15. sunflower
    Hiya Im in my depressed mood again. To know my story check out my previous posts. I just got a job--working as a dog groomers assistant. I am pretty depressed because I am going from having my own office, being a grpahic designer to a dog groomers assistant. I really need money so I am taking anything and I wanted to work with animals. Im just not making that much money. Right now is a really tough time for me. And I just really wish I can call my ex and he can comfort me and make me feel better. I miss him sooo much even though hes got his bad qualities I just miss him like crazy. I dont know what to do. its been a little over a month since weve broken up and I still get these bad moods where I am desperate to be with him. Am I kidding myself? Deep down are we really meant to be? I am scared of calling him because I dont want rejection. I just wish hed cme to me and tell me he wants me back. But I dont think he will. I dunno. Im tired of the mood swings. I really miss him right now.
  16. sunflower
    Yeah he lies to his friends...thats why they have been coming to me telling me they consider me more of a friend. i still have mood swings all the time with him. Like sometimes I freak out and want him back...(most of the time actually) and other times Im ok....I do admit its better than it was a month ago. But I still sometimes think--maybe we are meant to be we just dont know it right now? Ugh I dunno....its rough.
  17. sunflower
    Well if she still calls you, then I think the best thing to do is tell her that you think its best not to communicate right now because its making it really difficult to get over her. It will be hard but I think thats the best thing. And as for your second question, I think the best thing to do in a break up is just keep away and not try and work things out. That will give the person to really respect you and your decisions and who knows--may realize what they lost and want you back. but the best thing is to just move on. If you keep calling, depending on the person, I dont think they would get turned off, but more annoyed and frustrated as to what they should do. its best to leave things be.
  18. sunflower
    Hiya caliboy I agree with Swing Fox. Concentrate on yourself. Its been 5 months and she is still sorting herself out? I think its time you move on. And perhaps one day she will realize what shes lost? Just dont wait for her anymore. Move on with your life--meet other people, do things, take care of your health. Because calling her every now and then is setting yourself up to never get over her. And its even not giving her a chance to move on either. break ups SUCK and Im going through the same thing and its horrible. But the best thing u can do is stay away as much as possible. ive yourself time to get over her.
  19. sunflower
    Hiya Thrawn888 Wow. I can totally understand what you are going through with the paranoia and trust issues. I have been ***ed over many times before, and thereforeeeeeee it lead up to me having those problems as well. I dated someone for 2 years and had those issues with him. However, he did lie to me a lot so I had my reasons--he made things worse. Did your GF ever lie to you? And you caught her in it? Because if she hasnt--I would really not worry about anything until you have proof. I would just casually go with the flow and not care--be your own person. Now, you are both very young. At 17, I can understand she is not ready for something serious. And you know what? If you are why not go get yurself someone who you will be able to trust and not play these games? I know its easier said than done but its worth the horrible wait. Just concentrate on school, your future and if she comes back then you guys can have a talk. but if she doesnt at least you are being successful at what you are doing and u will meet someone else. trust me. All this really isnt worth the stress.
  20. sunflower
    Thanks Swing Fox! You are right....I just called him to have a mature convo with him about all this. because we like to attend the same events and I just wanted to see how he felt with both of us going. And the convo turned out well--on my part but he lied about all kinds of things trying to make me feel regret, or make me feel hes moivng on or whatever I dont know. he is young he just turned 20, but he is the type of person to over exagerate and would NEVER swallow his pride. And I guess that sort of helped me realize hes not the one for me. I guess in my own way this is helping me move on faster? I dont know. The feelings of me missing him to deatha re still there--but there slooowly fading.....I think.
  21. sunflower
    Well....I called him. it was said that we were going to be attending the same party next weekend--and the discussion we had last time was to avoid all forms of contact because it would be too weird. (there is a website we go on and a list of people attending parties so thats how we both saw eachothers name) Anyways I called him to discuss it with him. He said "Thats ok i was invited to 3 other parties" . His friends have been calling ME and asking me to hang out....andf told me they consider me more a friend than him. So anyways, he also mentioned hes "really rich and making a lot of money now and is going to travel this summer" this was AFTER I mentioned I was travling to London at the end of this yr. my friend called me and told me he spoke to him a few days ago and my ex mentioned he was dead broke and depressed. So I guess hes trying to make me feel like hes moved on? Uhh these games. What do you guys think?
  22. sunflower
    Hi, maybe I didnt explain my situation properly.... I been with him for 2 years. And in those 2 years he hasnt had a job once. So I obviously didnt care about material things from the beginning (never have never will). But when it comes to a point where we cant even go out because hes always broke, and I have to pay for everything I can only take so much of that. In all honesty, it never bothered me to the point of wanting to break up with him. The fact he was a liar made me want to break up with him. But yes there comes a time when a woman does want to be taken out once in a while. And he did take me out--I can count on one hand in 2 years how many times hes taken me out. But still! I didnt let it get to me. He kept lying and that was what made things really rough. So I hope you understand--money isnt all that matters to me.
  23. sunflower
    Wow thanks guys for all the advice....Its very true what you are saying. Its a tough situation. And I hate every bit of it. At moments I do go on and feel good. And then there are other moments where I feel like crap--specially now I have the stomach flu. I never get sick and this is making things worse. You said to stay away from people who will tell me how he is...that is what i am having MOST trouble with. You see, we became so adjusted to eachothers lives that all friends were OUR friends. So now everyones caught in the middle. We both went raving a lot, and now he hates to which is good on my part but I am guaranteed to bump into a lot of people we know and they will ask all kindsa questions etc. And the problem is this is the only form of socializing I love to do. And without that--my life will be boring. I am taking a trip to eurpe at the end of this year(hopefully) to work and get away from everything. He knows about it, and sounded kind of in shock. Because I am going for 8 months. he is a strange person to read. A month before we broke up he had told me that he wants me to move to Toronto with him. And he always told me that when we move out it should be seperatly at first and then we can move in together. But he told me he wanted to prove how serious he is with me so he asked me that. I hesitated at first and said I willhave to see because it was a pretty serious question. I told him later on that I MIGHT because there are a lot more job offers down there than here. And he sounded happy. Then he breaks up with me. It just doesnt make any sense. I guess I have to stop analyzing right? heh
  24. sunflower
    Heya thanks for replying... Well, he made it perfectly clear he does not wanna be friends for a while because he said otherwise he will never get over me. And he is not thinking too highly of this relationship right now and doesnt wanna go through the "break up" all over again. I know if we do see eachother we will totally get back together out of emotions taking over and not logic. When I am feeling needy I wanna be with him. He was always there for me. But the logical thing was he lied a lot I was always stressed over what was true and what wasnt, it drove us both nuts. He didnt even make an effort to try and change and make things work so he thought a break up would be best. And I thought about it and thought the same because trust is the number 1 imortant thing is a relationship--who am I kidding to be with someone I cant trust you know? But now that we are broken up i really miss him and feel like a part of me is missing. And I wonder if he feels the same....the last few times I spoke to him he told me he thought the same. I think I know his problem..I was/am in a high stage in my life right now--Im a graphic artist, graduated from college, going traveling at the end of the year, good with money--hes not working, feeling sorry for himself, not going to school, and terrible with money. He told me he always felt "lower" and couldnt understand why I was with him. I hated him for telling me that--but then Id lecture him about getting a job and that way we can go on more dates!! We hardly went out because he never had money! And Im not gonna pay for everything. I agreed to at least pay for myself (I believe in equality) but he couldnt pay for himself! A part of me wants him back and a part of me doesnt. I am in a touch situation in my life right now--I just graduated from college, I quit my current job and am looking for something else , my life isnt as busy as it was before. So I am always thinking about him. And it sucks. My moods always change. Is this normal?
  25. sunflower
    my question is....how do I get over this? I been thinking suicide. But I dont want to leave my family. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. help.
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