Batya33

I think it's fine if he was a photographer and there were safeguards over where they would be disseminated but then she couldn't really share them with any new partner -keeping them for her personal stuff is fine.

It's my personal thing. I was never interested in casual sex and not interested in getting to know a person who thought it was appropriate to talk about sex toys and sex after the first time meeting the person. I'd worry about his lack of boundaries in other situations and be concerned that he was hyperfocused on having sex and having sex early on. If I were a person who enjoyed talking about sex toys with people I'd just met and/or interested in having sex right away/a casual sexual arrangement then this person likely would be a good fit.

I was always extremely busy at work when I dated -often crazy busy -and if I was really into someone I made time for the person unless a true work emergency. I think you're hesitant in general to see him again. For me the sex toy stuff and the rest would be a complete dealbreaker this early on.

This is why I suggested google. I don't think you actually want real or practical advice.

But you were interested in some way in your boyfriend seeing photos of you your ex took -as his birthday present. So you're interested in getting some sort of reaction or attention to show that another man found you sexy.

Yes. And to me sometimes a suggestion to Google is very good advice - it's not no advice. And it's also because of what Tinydance wrote here.

Why didn't you call your insurance company in advance to confirm? I've found that in network docs can suddenly be out of network, etc. I'm sorry for all of your challenges -I know it starts to feel cumulative. I can relate. How often do you do very vigorous cardio type excercise -whether outdoors, cleaning your house, at a gym - for at least 20 minutes at a time? that helps me a lot when I'm feeling this irritable and overwhelmed.

I would also call his physician and express your concerns -obviously there are confidentiality restrictions but the physician is of course permitted to hear what you have to say. Also does he exercise? Can you make time to go for a really brisk walk with him outdoors or even do like mall walking? And I am not a doctor but no -prescribed anti depressants are not addictive from all I have heard (never taken them myself, know many who have). Would he be willing to talk to someone at your place of worship if you have one? My suggestion is to marshal outside sources/resources ranging from professional to trusted friends/family members so that you are not alone. I'm sorry you are going through this.

You're so lucky to live in a world where there are so many online therapy options and also books that help with overcoming addictions or near addictions. I would google those resources and act on the ones that make most sense to you. The rest of what you wrote I have no response as I sense it's more about venting/expressing how sorry you feel for yourself than actually wanting a stranger to tell you know you're wrong, you're deserving, etc - waste of time to take that approach IMHO.

I defer to Lilimichelle as, while I've been assaulted a few times -at work and on a date -I've never experienced her situation and my heart goes out to her. I cannot imagine so I defer to how she analyzed your situation. But this raises red flags Even if her friend didn't know I cannot imagine someone who calls her boyfriend right after to talk about the rape then is ok with an IG story being up like this and not being willing to respond to you. That is what gives me pause. (When my work situation happened I froze during it then took action later- when the date thing happened I did not report it but helped in later years when he went on to harass a number of my friends through dating sites which is also how I met him -in the work situation I was dating someone and that someone knew about what was going on before the assault -the inappropriate behavior -so I included him in all "what should I do" discussions)

Good point. And yes maybe the little girl took them out of the trash because they looked shiny or interesting.

As was I. I don't think you'll ever know. Can you accept that? All you know is she chose to get drunk (I assume she told you she consumed enough to get drunk - not that she had one drink and passed out -meaning, drugged drink) - and chose to drink a lot in a situation with four men she didn't know. I am NOT writing this to say she wasn't raped. She may have been. Or that she deserved to be assaulted or raped. She did not. But what I am saying is choosing to drink and get drunk around men she doesn't know is playing with fire as far as her loyalty to you. It's behavior that is inconsistent with being in a committed relationship. Now if she was hanging out with a close platonic male friend you knew and chose to get drunk, that's different -she would be with a trustworthy person who cares about her. But she knew it was very risky as far as choosing to get drunk at an after party as far as risking staying loyal to you.

OK I admit this is likely not it. Is it possible she is helping a friend -a female friend -hide an affair from her partner and she let the friend use a test at her home? And she still wants to protect her friend?

He's behaving like a jerk. I'm surprised you don't feel that way.

If you had sex at all during that time maybe she decided to test and not tell you. I do find her reaction really odd.

I agree with the others. I know you meant well but how awful for your BF to see these photos and know your ex took them -and it's a present for him? I mean my mother has a framed photo of me at a park - very tasteful -in her house. Taken many years ago by my ex. I'm not sure if my husband knows he took it but why would I ever mention that to him?

I listened to this recently because I listen to her podcast. I highly recommend you listen to it. Bottled Up: Your Stories About Alcohol | Death, Sex & Money | WNYC Studios

I agree and I have to deal with a lot of errors made by customer service people between my medical appointments and my son's and ordering so much more online because of the pandemic. I hate having to deal with my health insurance company -it's brought me to tears -but I am persistent and dogged with it and for example last year I received $500 reimbursement after being given the run around for hours and various lame excuses. It's stressful but no it did not shake my trust in anyone. I would reread what she wrote above.

With a near stranger I'd assume nothing -if the person asks you out for a date time and place you can decline. Otherwise he's a grown up. So are you. If a person says he looks forward to meeting you again it's fine to say if you don't want to leave the person hanging something like "thanks for letting me know! right now I'm really busy and have a lot going on so how about we leave it that I'll let you know if things open up. I wish you well!" That way you save his feelings -and he gets the hint. I've always gotten the hint with don't call me I'll call you. Haven't you? I'm not about "honesty" in that sense because you didn't tell him let's say that you were repulsed by his mannerisms or he was not cute enough etc - I am for being polite and very brief and not gushing about how wonderful the person is which is why I suggested what I did. Dating requires a thick skin. Would you want a person to be "honest" meaning sharing whatever was in his head as to why he didn't want to see you again if it had to do with your physical features -flaws in them let's say? Or that he didn't feel like holding your hand or how you should wear lipstick or more makeup (yes, the latter was said to me once, many years ago -how honest of him). Shy people also have to develop a thick skin very often and very often it is worth it to them because they are looking for a lasting, serious relationship. It was worth it to my -then very shy- future husband. Many years ago I met a guy at a post-religious event coffee thing. We chatted for about a half hour. We walked out of the place together for one block as we were going in the same direction. I mentioned my boyfriend while we were chatting. I did not flirt with him at all. He then found my landline phone number and called me(I did not give him my number) left me a voice mail to say that he was going to be there on a certain date -I think speaking at the service maybe? - and he'd love to see me again. It was very clear he was interested in dating me. It wasn't clear if he'd heard me say I had a boyfriend. I did not return his call or attend the event. I guess I left him hanging. I had no issue leaving him hanging because I never felt I was left hanging when I expressed interest/asked someone out and got silence in return. Silence meant lack of interest. I didn't choose to call him and be honest that I had a boyfriend and was not interested. I felt comfortable with my choice. I preferred hearing nothing from someone who Id told on a first date or first meet or second date that I'd love to see the person again and/or expressed obvious interest in another date etc. I think your intentions are honorable and I'd be careful about trying to play therapist or mom when it comes to declining to see someone again.

I'm sorry this is so stressful. I really don't have enough of a background for the input I'd thought of giving.

I dated someone I met at a religious retreat. This was almost 20 years ago. Our first date a few weeks later was lunch at his place. He told me that around 6 months ago he'd broken up with his girlfriend who he'd been with for a year or so. He told me this because his ex was pregnant and he hadn't wanted to marry her. They were both around 40. She was due with the baby in the next month or so. I would have been very upset if he hadn't told me this right away. I realized after the baby was born that the situation was not for me and after dating three months I ended it.

Oh yes -of course there's no reason to contact to say if you're thinking of asking me on a real first date the answer will be no. Silence is the answer. I always preferred silence to some self serving "you're so amazing but we're not a match"

You know how I knew my husband was a keeper? Well one of the ways. I was talking on the phone to a friend, pacing around our apartment looking for - my scrunchie to get my hair out of my eyes. All of a sudden my future husband silently hands me a scrunchie. He knew. He got it. I felt so cared for. Also two days ago he offered to get up early to take our son to school so I could have more time to myself. Oh and he never finishes a shared dessert in the fridge - he always leaves some for me or he will ask before finishing. He's also made far far more grand gestures over the years. But it's those sorts of things that I recall first and that I focus the most on. Just something for you to consider. Me personally -I would feel overwhelmed and turned off by what you described -it's too much and I would suspect it was coming from a place of fear/approval seeking/insecurity -it would smell bad and make me cringe, not want to be with you. The opposite. Other women might love it!

I thought of this earlier - a subset of this mindfulness discussion -tone. Being very mindful of tone. Not subjecting others to your stress/anxiety via tone and choosing to speak more slowly (especially with a customer service rep) but without slow but condescending sounding lol. Tone is so important and it's hard to be mindful of tone in the moment.

I find it helpful -it's advising the OP to also seek help whether therapy, physician, etc. In 2009 I had just had a baby and woke up from a nap and felt tired and dizzy and weak. And numb. But also I was saying nonsense words. For about five minutes - just the wrong words -not offensive words. This clued my non-doctor husband into a sign I could be having a stroke. He quietly called his doctor friend and convinced me to go the ER and leave our newborn son. My speech quickly returned to normal. I didn't want to go. He didn't want to alarm me about his concerns just wanted me checked out ASAP. Just imagine if I'd argued about how vicious he was to try to make me leave my baby just because I was disoriented after a nap. And numb from antibiotics I was on (according to me). Imagine if I'd had too much pride to admit there was something wrong and refused to leave our baby. That night was step one in getting my stroke diagnosis and proper treatment. Imagine if the OP ignores that his reaction might be an overreaction and it might be because he is "right" about his suspicions but it also might be anything ranging from garden variety sleep deprivation to anemia or to one of the other issues mentioned -why not get checked out -he's a father after all - this way he can be there for his kids as well. Why is it vicious to suggest that someone might be suffering from a medical or mental health disorder or illness if the behavior seems erratic, etc.???