Bambi

And it isn't fun. Listen or don't, doesn't matter but no one else is listening so I'll post it here. It may not even belong here! I'm not sure. But it should cause besides the math, I AM in the middle of an ever joyful mental breakdown eating anything I can get my hands on! Anyway. T_T I'm going mad! We have exams tomorrow in Math. Writing, I can handle...Reading, I can handle. Math, I cannot handle. *Cries* I don't even know how to multiply fractions darnit! I may have learned it at some point but I can't remember. See I have this thing, whenever I have something big like exams coming up I forget it. I'll go to sleep one night planning to study the day away and the next morning remember none of it. And than out of nowhere, 12 hours later it comes and slaps me in the face! On top of all this I am out of chocolate! All I have left are gummy bears and candy necklaces.... It doesn't count againest my report card, but it does count for the courses I will be taking next year. So if I fail these (Which I will) I get stuck with Test Preperations for half a stinkin' year! Half of my High School career wasted on something that COULD have been something decent to go on my College Application! But no! I NEED TO TAKE TEST PREPS! How will that look on my application? I already have many things againest me, but this just garantees my life as a hobo in the city of New York eating scraps of gum off the side-walk. *Rips open a Kit-Kat bar that was materialized out of nowhere* I do pretty decent in my regular math class sure. Good enough to pass to the next level anyway. But the stuff on this test I cannot get. I came from a diffrent school district. I NEVER LEARNED THIS STUFF! Or at least I learned it diffrently. And if I did learn it, I would have forgotten it over summer vacation anyway. But everyone else thinks I'm an idiot because I am not fluent in the mathematical language of today. Hell my grandma can barely get the math we're learning, and she's the best at math in the family. They make it harder every year just to make us suffer...well maybe not but I am entitled to say that right now! *Freaks out* My dog can't even stand me right now (He likes his people happy) so I doubt anyone else can. That's okay I needed to freak out a bit...it's good for me....I'm going to go study all night now...good night.... (If you haven't noticed one of my biggest fears is Math. I am literally afraid of the subject because it's just too complicated. I'm more of a Foreign Language, Social Studies and English person. And it is too late to get a tutor. Thankyou for giving me a place to rant, appreciate it. ^^)

First off wow. I agree with everyone judging from that picture there you are very pretty, better than me anyway. And also do not worry about whining. On this site we are ENTITLED to our whining! As long as it doesn't get ridiculous, but don't worry you haven't gone past that stage yet. You've gotten through some pretty good steps to get better cause heck, the first part to getting better is admitting you HAVE a problem. Now, if you think you're not worth anyone's time, I mean REALLY believe this, try to figure out why. Seriously think of how you could be at fault because you may discover some things you never realized. Writing it down in a list might help. Now that you have an idea what is wrong, do something about it! Try to improve anything that might be wrong (I'm not saying there is). And if nothings wrong, maybe your friends are the problem and not you. As a last resort find friends who appreciate you. Another thing you can do is talk to the people who seem to have a problem with you (Excluding your ex) and ask them to tell you straight what they think you can improve about yourself. But if you really feel depressed this might not have the effect you're really looking for (It might make you feel worse depending on who you ask) Now if you think you're fat..well you don't LOOK fat. But if you feel fat what's the diffrence? Cause I kind of know how you feel in that case. There's only one thing you can do, fix it yourself. Go on a (Healthy diet), excercise, cut down on the sweets or whatever it is and than keep at it until you fee l comfortable with yourself. In the long run you'll be a LOT healthier making it easier to lose weight. There's really not much other advice I can give to anyone with that kind of problem. Have patience. ^^ Honestly now that I read your post over I really do sort of know how you feel. With the friends I have it seems like EVERYTHING I do is WRONG! EVERYTHING! And when I apparently start doing things wrong I get angry and quite frankly (I admit it) when I get angry I am a * * * * *. So everyone ends up mad at ME and pins the blame on ME. Everytime. -_- What I do is I just try to act somewhat low profile. I don't mean being a shadow in the darkness, more like keeping my temper in line. This way they have NO reason to blame me for anything, so if they try I know they are full of crap. I really doubt I helped much, just felt like posting my say. ^^ Good luck! Hope things work out for you.

*Sighs* Wow...yeah well I have nothing to say to you on here. If you would like to know how i feel than I will tell you, just not here. Seems rude to spam up their board. =/ But than after that I am done because I am just plain SICK of dealing with you.

I don't know the whole story but I don't think I need to! Your post says it all. ^^ Great job, and keep it up. It's hard but we all need to move on eventually and just get life going!

NO it is NOT worth losing a best friend over! You know that saying, boyfriends are good but best friends are forever? I agree with that. Who knows maybe one day you might break up with your boyfriend (Maybe) and than what? You'll be without a boyfriend and a best friend. That's somewhat depressing. And just having your guy as a best friend if things get serious won't be too good, everyone needs a friend outside the relationship to keep their life going. You'll be much happier because after all, who doesn't want more loved ones by their side? I suggest trying to get the friendship going once more. Meet her in person, sit her down and discuss this. Tell her how it makes you feel and try to get her to open up. Let her know that just because you're currently involved with someone this won't change your relationship, because you're best friends! Best friends should stick together at all times! If she doesn't come around during this talk...well you tried. But there's nothing worse than letting a friend go without attempting to patch things up. ^^ Good luck. Oh and also, don't try to make her like your boyfriend. Just don't. Just concentrate on HER and keeping her as a friend. Maybe sometime she will come around to accepting that maybe he is a decent person. But you can't force people to feel a certain way so trying to convince her to like him may upset her a bit. :splat:

^^ Thank-you for replying! Your advice was very helpful. Yeah I realize I should just forget but I still feel bad. But than I remember she probably doesn't even care right now so I don't feel AS bad. Maybe someday I'll talk to her but right now I would just as soon jump off a building before I spoke to her. I feel a lot better, better than I have been in a while. I had a concert today and I made a few new friends, ate lots of pizza, and now my feet are killing me. *Nods* Life is awesome isn't it? So once again, thanks for your advice. ^^ I'll keep it all in mind.

*Sighs* Well, yeah I'm confused. Very...very confused. Maybe you can help, maybe you can't. But I need to say this anyway and at this point I don't care who hears! (This is an improvment from keeping it all to myself don't you think?) (Please note, most of what happens with this friend is done on AIM, because she goes to a diffrent school...sort of..than me. Also I don't know if this will make sense because once again, I am confused so be warned.) Well I discovered the root to my problems. At least I think so, but that's where I'm just plain confused. It's a friend of mine that's the problem. She starts off by telling me this story you would need to be an idiot to believe. When I don't believe her she starts on how I don't understand her, that I'm an awful friend, yadda yadda. I finally get her to confess about the story but it never ends does it? No matter what we talk about it comes down to the same thing, I don't understand her, I'm the worst friend to ever come accross this pitiful planet and I'm the most non-sympathetic person in the world is the latest one. Do you know what it does to a person, who already has many self-esteem issues as it is, to be told that you're a horrible friend? Nothing good that's for sure. After this I'm now noticing a pattern. I started to think EVERYONE was againest me. Everyone. I'd snap at people who did nothing and was convinced that all everyone did was talk about me. I was slowly losing my friends. I'll admit I don't make friends as easily as most people, but I was amazed I could lose them easier than make them! See I have this thing, if you bother me I will be mean to you ten times worse. I can't help it, it's not something I do on purpose. The attitude just kicks in and I will lash out even going as far as breaking a person's nose. And than yesterday it happened! She just went too far. I had come pretty close to telling her what was wrong with me and why I was acting so...weirder than usual, but whenever I thought of all the times I was called a 'horrible friend' I thought, "Screw it, she isn't worth it." But still I kept talking to her. She decided to go through a therepist mode where she told me her life story, than I'd tell her mine. Well...I didn't really want to tell her my lifes story but it didn't seem like I had a choice in the matter. When she starts to tell her mine, I realize I THOUGHT (I wasn't sure so I asked) already know what happened to her because I think (THINK, meaning I wasn't sure) I saw her post it somewhere on this website. She didn't believe I knew and DEMANDED I tell her what it was that happened...I don't know if she expected me to tell her how BRAVE she was and hug her and say it was alright or WHAT but when I did tell her (I just said it straight out) she said I was the most non-sympathetic person in the world AND (Surprise surprise!) a bad friend especially compared to her ex-boyfriend who is a complete jerk. So I can't even tell if I guessed wrong and it wasn't her post, OR it was and she was mad that I wasn't treating her like a princess who just went through a horrible ordeal (It happened a long time ago anyway...) At this point I was seeing red...I had barely done anything! (Barely) So I ran to one of my bestest friends ever and he told me right off, "Block the * * * * *. Why are you so stupid as to keep talking to her when all she does is make you miserable?" After a bit he got angry that I was so upset and signed off. (He's not very sympathetic at all, that's his way of showing he cares ^^) I thought about it for a moment, than just blocked her. No thought or anything. I blocked her, deleted her number from my phone, EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to just avoid all contact with her. I started to talk to her this morning but naturally she had her little crowd of friends around her and if I tried and got angry I thought they might attack me or something.... Than an amazing thing happened! I FELT LIBERATED! It was like all of my problems were gone! =D I figured she wasn't worth it and went about my day, and trust me this has to have been the best day I have ever had in a LONG time. I started talking to my friends and realized, they didn't hate me! That was all in my head. Needless to say it was like my head was in the clouds. I even let my friend draw what she had called, "The Fomula of Life." on my hand in Permanent marker to show we were friends, something I would NEVER have let her do before. But now naturally Miss. Nice Girl kicks in. I start to feel guilty about blocking her without even explaining myself, so I'm now torn between, "She doesn't deserve any word from you. I betcha she doesn't even miss you cause she's selfish like that!" and "It might be partly your fault, so maybe you should talk to her." So now I can't tell. Maybe it was my fault, maybe. But my biggest fear is I'm afriad if I DO bring it up all the blame will fall to me and I will be called a horrible friend AGAIN! She doesn't seem to understand she's as much in fault as I am during these, she just immediately blames me. So should I try to talk to her and risk breaking something out of anger, or just leave it alone and forget it? o.O I mean she was my best friend making it even harder. I wouldn't mind having her back as a friend but only if she's willing to compromise and not be so freaking quick to judge...I realize I am at fault plenty, and so is she. I just don't know if she'll realize that herself. Ok now I am done! And I feel about ten pounds lighter hehe. Sorry it's so much, I kind of went into a half trance, half rant...but anyways that's it. See you.

*Has to type this ALL over again* Sheesh! Anyway, yes what I wanted to say! First off, congrats on finding someone you love. You're both lucky to have found eachother, especially him I think because you seem to have a very good attitude about this. Now I have something I just REALLY want to say that might help you a bit if you're having any more doubts. Recently my mom just got married. Her new husband is about 20-30 years older than her. I'll be frank with you, I was sort of a brat when I heard she was going to get married (I hadn't even known they were dating. So just imagine a very angry teenage girl and you have an idea) So I asked her, "Aren't you worried he'd die before you? You'd barely have any time together! And what about everything else?!" She just kind of looked at me for a bit than said, "Well, yes we have. But we love eachother, so we're going to make every minute count. All we can do is value the time we have together and we'll be fine. If we don't we're denying ourselves love just for one tiny inconvience. So which is unfair now? Me getting married and our lives getting better, or me not getting married and being unhappy?" A lot of those words are good to live by in situations such as yours I think. And another thing! It covers most of your worries. Don't let a few details stop you from achieving happiness...cause that would just be plain stupid. ^^ Just live with the time you have with eachother, which is pretty much what every couple needs to do you know?

Hmm. You people who say it's not 'real love' yadda yadda, I only half agree with you. First off even if it isn't who's going to convince them of that? I'd LOVE to see you try. =D Young people have a tendency to disregard advice of this sort (I know I'm one of those young people). But they also have a tendency for mistaking love for the need to be wanted. (Not falling in love with being in love) But than again everyone is capable of falling in love if they meet the right person. You can't say it's not possible, because it is. How do you know it's not possible? It never happened to you, so you figure it can't happen? Yes...well it doesn't always work that way. You love your parents right? (At least I hope so) And also, relationships online, if both are sincere can work better than other relationships. The attraction isn't based on physical appearance. =D So you just like them for them and they like you for you. But there's still things to look out for, you can't tell who's serious and who isn't as it's easier to lie on the Internet. Oh and the two who made this forum. I give you a thumbs up. ^^ I got the message you were trying to give, very insprining and so true. Good luck and be careful with people you meet online. (I'm sorry, no one said it so I felt I had to) Bambi