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monsieur

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Everything posted by monsieur

  1. monsieur
    I disagree with the person that said it is not love... I have been through the exact same thing, and it is love, plain and simple. I was more in love than I had been in previous relationships that lasted 3 years and thinking of marriage. I would have done anything for her, spent my last dollar for her, cared for her through thick and thin, dreamed about her, thought about her all the time, totally head over heels in love with her..... unfortunately, just like in your story, she didn't care for me anywhere near as much, and when I told her my feelings, just like your story, she started to distance me. It is totally over now, but I am still in love with her and ruined totally for any other girls, but I know it is hopeless and will never be........ I know deep in my heart I still have a sliver of hope, but it is silly to even have that, as it is for sure never going to happen...... No other girl even compares, I had two really hot girls talk to me randomly today at the mall, and I have ZERO interest or enthusiasm, because they are not her. Life sucks.
  2. monsieur
    And don't do the NC thing thinking that it will miraculously change her opinion, do it knowing pretty much that it is hopeless and the NC will hopefully change your own opinion of her, that is about all it pretty much ever achieves.
  3. monsieur
    Why are you so not-interested in him? He obviously is interested in you. You are friends so the personality compatibility is there. What is the problem? I can never figure this out from women, perfectly good guys that they already get along with and are compatible, but god forbid they try to take it to the next level. I just don't get it.
  4. monsieur
    Try a quiet nice guy just for a change of pace, you might be good for each other. You need to change it up anyway and break the pattern you have been in, so try something different and see how it goes. Good luck!
  5. monsieur
    I agree with Luke. I would probably get even more flustered and would probably completely give up when faced with the even more added pressure of competition in a situation that is pressure and stress already.
  6. monsieur
    it might be a generalization, but there is no doubt that it is a real phenomenon out there, there are many many decent nice caring guys getting nothing out there, that is a fact, and this idiot she describes is getting lots, totally undeserved sure there are decent nice guys getting some too, but there are alot that aren't
  7. monsieur
    well, she actually contacted me this evening to say she hoped I was ok and all, so I think the friendship is back on.... but I love her so much.... I must be friends with her, but it will result in me never going out with any other girls or ever finding true love, even though I know she will look elsewhere for intimacy
  8. monsieur
    The thing I don't understand is I keep hearing stories just like this one, and I can't help but wonder why complete idiot guys like that are getting sex like crazy, when really decent nice caring guys often are getting nothing????? women, why????
  9. monsieur
    What is it with women where they actually seem to grow repulsed by the idea of getting intimate with a guy that they spend time making friends with? I have a good friend and I'm sure there was attraction from her at the beginning, but I am very shy and play it very very slow, and ended up completely friendzoned, and now I know for sure that she is totally repulsed by the idea of any intimacy... whereas for me I crave it more and more.... it is almost like she has made me into her brother or something.... weird.
  10. monsieur
    How do you block email? I have hotmail and can't figure it out. and good for you, you did right!
  11. monsieur
    I remember in many of my relationships, 'being myself' meant going to a restaurant with her and we would both read the newspaper, that is a really comfortable zone for me, but obviously, being myself and being quiet and reading while on a date with a new girl is not going to get me very far, so I have to resist my quiet self and really try and force it
  12. monsieur
    OH MY, it is so sad that a guy this terrible gets sex and also gets a girl that cares for him or about him when he absolutely deserves NOTHING, and there are so many quality guys out there that actually care about the girl they are with, even to the point of caring more for the girl than for themselves. Please, don't even think of spending one more second thinking about this idiot. It is just a real shame that some other girl will probably come around and reward him for his completely inexcusable attitude and behavior. Find yourself a nice guy that actually will consider YOUR feelings more than his own, I know there are many many of us out there.
  13. monsieur
    Luke you are soooo right! It is impossible to not feel rejected and take it very hard that a girl that you are attracted to and can make a real good connection in a friend way with would not choose a romantic connection, and then the real clincher that drives your whole outlook on life right into the sewer is when they meet some total stranger new guy and within a few weeks they are kissing and smooching... like you said with the eunuch thing, they might as well have just castrated you on the spot... and it is a very impossible thing to deal with psychologically.
  14. monsieur
    For me, when I 'freeze up' it is based on nerves for sure. In a conversation, my brain will completely go blank, the only thought that might be going through would be 'think of something to say', but nothing comes and an overwhelming feeling of stress and panic is all there is. I think 'freezing up' my body language probably stiffens and I would have trouble sincerely laughing at a joke or something funny, but I might chuckle nervously at anything I do manage to say. It is a good way to have no chance at all with a girl you find attractive, but many of us just can't help it.
  15. monsieur
    thanks, I now accept that there is no chance and never will be a chance, and I think the friendship is ruined now too, but I am far from over her I am not even going to think about hooking up with any women for now and maybe for a long long time (or ever), but there is a tiny bit of relief I am feeling in that the pressure to try and improve this 'relationship' is now gone, and all of my hope has been crushed to zero. I am now one of those depressed single people you see walking the aisles of the supermarket in the late evening doing his single grocery shopping for the night. I'll never forget this girl, even though she mistreated me, but for the things that attracted me to her I will never find any other girl to measure up.
  16. monsieur
    My whole question started from this train of thought: when a woman meets a new guy, she likes to talk to her girl friends excitedly about him, how great he is and all.... but if a guy has been already rejected by a girl friend of hers, then it is no longer excited bragging rights, more like, "eeeww, he tried to hook up with me and I was like no way" and then after that how could any other girl be able to brag about the guy to her friends, I personally think that it would really tarnish a guy to be rejected and the woman would for sure think less of him if he was turned down by a friend already... sort of like settling for inferior guy that your friend wouldn't give the time of day to
  17. monsieur
    hypothetical situation, say there is a new guy, he tries to date a good friend of yours, but she rejects him for whatever reason, say the mysterious no 'attraction' no spark thing, would you possibly end up dating and falling head over heels in love with the same guy and be able to respect him even knowing that he was rejected? Or would the fact that knowing that he was rejected tarnish your opinion and respect for him and make it less likely that you could fall for him? thanks
  18. monsieur
    I agree with you. I know this last girl I definitely made myself look bad a number of times by appearing paranoid or something, by analyzing small interactions that went on and then bringing it up to her in email, like saying stuff like "I noticed you pulled away when I moved towards you when the movie started, was my breath bad or did you not like my body language, or was I imagining it?"... to which she replied that it was total imagination and "gosh, you are way too sensitive"... I know I lost respect for opening up to her about such stuff, I would have been way better off being quiet and strong and mysterious.
  19. monsieur
    Actually, yours was an outstanding post. thank you. just wondering how you achieved the relax with yourself thing.... that is my number one problem, if I like a girl I just can't relax and be fun to be with. It ruins so many potential relationships, but I can't get out of the cycle. I am shy and get anxious and nervous very easily, so it is hard to break that trend.
  20. monsieur
    well, you got it partially right, I know it is my fault and not the world, and I guess I should try to hide the low self esteem, because opening up to girls has always backfired on me..... and I accept that I have major flaws, but I don't know whether I believe they could ever be fixed, I'm not a really young guy, I am over 30, and I've had alot of experience, so I have no excuse... I have found that in my younger days, partying and alcohol ended up helping me out of the friendzone problem many times, but the relationships were rocky.... now that I am older and don't really drink or anything, I find that I am 99% getting into friendzone, and I know it is my own shortcomings that cause it.
  21. monsieur
    I think you might be on to something, I feel alot of the times that many women automatically assume something and give me the cold shoulder even if I'm not trying for them at all. Like they acknowledge in their minds that you are attractive but they are not 'attracted' to you, so they really put out signals of non attraction that comes off as 'not-liking' you even though there is no reason and they don't even know you, it is like a pre-emptive "no" that they seem to feel they need to give off.
  22. monsieur
    well, I've spent so many hours wrestling with the what happened kinds of things in by brain, tossing and turning and all that, and I remember early on when we started doing stuff together, she got close to me one day and I was in kind of a mood and felt nervous and standoffish, and I remember her getting up and giving me kind of a strange look, so I think maybe I inadvertantly gave off really bad body language when the right body language at that exact moment may have resulted in a kiss or cuddle and a whole different outcome to this story.... I don't know for sure, there were other times too, my lack of confidence betrays me often when it comes to body language and even the things I might say or the way I act when nervous, so I have come to the conclusion that that is my downfall and why I lose girls that were initially attracted to me so often.
  23. monsieur
    And what has further messed me up is the girl that I most recently have been 'involved' with, sent me an email saying how I was so "special" and that I was "nice, better than nice, a really great person", and "sending her love and hopes that I be well" and that she was "not rejecting me, there was just no romantic spark, and it doesn't mean there is anything at all wrong with me", and that "she considers me a really really great friend, and really enjoys hanging out with me, but just as friends, and wants so much in her heart that we can still continue to hang out and be friends"... and then I saw a note she made to her new boyfriend and she is absolutely in love with him, way over head and heels, like walking on air love, a love that I wanted so badly from her and was unable to achieve. It's ripped me apart and I don't know if I will ever recover.
  24. monsieur
    You are right, my attitude stinks right now. I have to do something to forget.
  25. monsieur
    so I guess the thread is mistitled, women do make sense actually, they are just not looking for the kind of guy that I am. I understand it perfectly.
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