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Everything posted by soulsista29

  1. Every week we go for family dinner at my parents place. Majority of the time it is good, I get to catch up with my siblings and parents and my kids (5yr old and 6 month old) get to see the family. Last night we were discussing something where my dad said asians respect their elders but westerners don’t (We are Asian but have grown up in a western society). Anyway he was in the wrong. During the argument he made me feel like I was not bringing up my kids in the correct way and it felt like he was saying I was a bad parent (he didn’t say that but I felt that). Then for the rest of the night he barely talked to anyone, I didn’t want to look at him. And since then I have been feeling all emotional and have been questioning if I’m a good parent or not. I watched my 5 yr old today playing by herself, asking me to play with her but I’m tired, I have to feed the baby, it’s the end of the week. I feel like I’m letting her down. Also during the argument my 5 yr old said to me ‘why do you always talk to him like that. Stop squabbling’. I felt bad. Is this what I’m like? I don’t want her to not have a relationship with them but I feel like they like to compare and complain. When we visit they don’t interact with them much and when they do they ask my daughter the same things. If I leave my 5 yr old with them, she’ll be in front of the Tv majority of time. And then my dad will complain that she doesn’t want to talk to him. My parents have been comparing me and my siblings to our friends since we were young and now I feel like they are doing it with my kids. Like the other day my Mum said my cousins baby is sitting already, but my 6 month old isn’t. I know that babies develop at different rates and I was not at all worried until she made that comparison. She wasn’t saying ‘why is he not sitting yet?’ But that’s what it felt like from past experience. If a friend had told me her baby was sitting I would not be comparing but when my mum says it I feel inadequate. So for the past few months with the baby I have been relatively ok emotionally aside from the lack of sleep. But this recent argument and comparison has been questioning how I am as a parent. And it’s got me all emotional which in turn affects my parenting. Why do I feel this way? How do I not let my parents actions affect me and my family?
  2. My friends dad passed away. I am conflicted whether to attend the funeral or not. I dont know his dad and have only met him once. If I attend it would be to support my friend. The thing is he is a friend from college and we have caught up over the years but lately I have not been feeling close to him. When we do see each other he likes to talk about himself and rarely asks about me. If his dad didn’t pass I don’t think I would want to see him again. I feel truly saddened that his dad has gone and feel guilty not going as a few college friends are attending.
  3. I have a group of college friends, 4 of us. We'll call them A, B, C, and me. A recently came back home to visit and asked to meetup. On the morning of the meetup, B said she was sick so cancelled. We found out that was just an excuse and she wasnt really sick. A few months later we organised another meetup and B 'was busy'. At that meetup, C told us that B was pregnant and more than 12 weeks along. I had actually just had a miscarriage a couple of weeks before but didnt tell any of them. In a way I was glad she wasnt there as I dont know if I could have held it together. The thing is B and I were pregnant together and had our first child around the same time and met up regularly for play dates. I'm annoyed that B hasnt told me that she is pregnant. And now after 4 months she has asked to meetup. We're not super close but close enough where I would expect a text from her telling me she's pregnant. How am I supposed to react if I see her and she's 7 months pregnant?
  4. Any suggestions on how I should approach him for a referral? What should I say in the email?
  5. I know but in my workplace other bosses I know would have done the right thing and at least let them know a few weeks in advance. I mean I have been working with him for a long time.
  6. Yes I feel he should have reached out to me at least after HR did. My last day was before Xmas. I won’t be going into work again if I don’t have to.
  7. I am on a yearly contract and my job is dependent on funding. We normally get notified by nov/early dec if our contract is renewed for the following year. I have been at my workplace for over 7 years with the same boss. From Nov I have been asking my boss every week if my contract will be renewed. He said that we were still waiting to hear back. On my last day of work for the year my boss acted like we may still get funding and he was expecting me to come back in the new year if we get the funding. The next day I get an email from HR saying that my contract won’t be renewed as we are unlikely to get the funding and my skills are different to what is required for the position. I’m angry and annoyed. This is not how my boss should have treated me. I still have not received an email or anything from my boss. I feel like the least he could do is email me to let me know. I understand in this line of work that contracts may not be renewed. I was expecting my contract to not get renewed, as it has happened to many people I know. I don’t know what to do now. I feel like it’s awkward now. Can I use him as a referee if I apply for future jobs? Do I want to use him as a referee? Do I wait for him to contact me? Or do I be the bigger person and email him?
  8. My parents have always compared my siblings and I to others, particularly to do with grades. It seemed to stop when we became adults. Now I have a child and I feel they are doing the same to my child. They dont say it directly but they say things like "A's grandson was walking at 9 months". "A's grandkids can speak chinese so well, play the piano....etc..." They are not saying why cant my child be more like them but I feel like they are comparing. I mean my child is only 17 months and can only say a few words at the moment. But when my parents make comments about their friends grandkids, it makes me feel depressed and anxious. It makes me feel like I'm a bad mum and I'm not doing enough. I feel this will keep going on as my little one gets older and when my siblings start having kids. I currently dont compare my child to others, I know that kids develop at different rates but once she starts activities or school, I feel like I will start comparing her to others and I dont want to do that. How do I stop comparing myself/my child to others? How do I not let my parents comparison comments affect me?
  9. My ex and I broke up a year ago. The first few months were hard. It then got better and life was getting back on track. I was over him (thats what I thought anyway) I have not contacted him since we broke up. Although I still see him online on MSN but dont talk to him. I dont know why but I checked his profile on Friendster and checked his blog on MSN. I found out he had a new gf, he graduated and now he's working and living overseas. I feel as though he has moved on and changed his life so much and I am unable to do so. He has a new gf. I feel I am not ready to date yet. I tell my friends that I am not dating bc I am enjoying single life (which I am) but I sometimes feel that it may be bc I am not truly over him. I thought I was. I also cant believe he is working and living overseas. I would never have imagined he could do that. Maybe I just cant believe myself doing that. I dont know. Why do I have to know whats going on in his life? It just makes me more depressed. Why is it that he has completely changed his life while I am stuck not moving forward in my life?
  10. My ex and I broke up about 10 months ago. The first few months were hard. I did not talk to him at all. I talked to him maybe 2 times on MSN messenger in the first couple of months after we broke up. I got over him. I dont want him back. The problem is that a couple of weeks ago I was on MSN and saw he had updated his blog so I decided to check it out. I found out that he had a new girlfriend. I was a little jealous. And then I had this feeling like we had just broken up the day before. I was depressed, upset. And just then I looked up his profile in Friendster and I saw a photo of both of them together. Why am I doing this? Why am I upset? Dont know. I mean I dont want him back. I deserve better. He was my first boyffriend and we had a 4 yr relationship. I guess Im just angry at myself that I am unable to move on and he is able to move on so easily. I havent felt like Im ready to date again just yet. Im not ready. I guess its just me and I dont know what I really want which is a good thing, right? So whats wrong with me? Do I still like him? How can I get 100% over him?
  11. Its been 9 months after he brokeup with me. The first few months esp the first month was hard. But I distracted myself by going out with friends and making new ones in my new job. Things were going well then after a couple of months I felt I was back at square one, it was like he broke up with me the day before. But I recovered somehow and continued on with life. So for the past few months I feel like I'm a zombie just getting through life - getting up, going to work, come home, sleep, go out on weekend, cycle continues. Im bored with my life. By the way I havent spoken to him since we broke up, have only contacted a couple of times. So he's still on my msn messenger list and I occasionally check it (and other ppls) to see if they have updated their blog. He had so I checked it. I have no idea why I did. Anyway it showed photos of his graduation and his new girlfriend. And now I feel upset. Im not upset that we broke up. I wanted it as well. Im upset because he's been able to move on so much easier than me. I also feel that he cheated on me with this girl but I'll never know for sure. I feel Im not ready to date again yet. I feel that if I do, I'll always compare the new guy to my ex. What should I do?
  12. After my first yr at uni I decided I didnt want to go back to study medicine. I dont think I could cope. I dont know how I got into the science field. Because I was good at it in school? I dont love it. I want to own my own business, but what kind and how? I also want to do graphic design but more as a hobby. But if I do further my study in a different field, I feel that I have wasted the last 4 yrs at uni.
  13. I feel I have no direction to where I'm going in life. Heres a bit of background : I finished high school with >90% score. I wanted to do medicine but couldnt get in so I decided to do the next best thing at the time, Biomedical Science which is just a science degree but more towards biology. After a couple yrs of that I (and others) realised that the course was exactly like a science degree with a major in the biology. The thing is for Biomed Sci we needed to get >90% and for Science we only needed in abotu 70%. I feel like I have wasted my degree. I should have done a double degree because i had the marks for it. Anyway so I completed my degree and went on to do an honours degree (1 yr) bc it was easier to get a job. And now one yr after I am a Research Assistant for a medical institute. I have wondered about furthering my career in the science field but I dont think I want to stay in Science forever. My friends from uni have all gone to do a PhD which is another 3 yrs. Because I dont want to stay in science I have not gone down that path. But the thing is many people keep telling me to do a PhD eg my supervisor at work says Im very capable, parents (only bc they want me to come out as a Dr), and my friends that are doing their PhD. I dont know what I want to do. I know that when I was younger these were the types of jobs I though of doing: doctor, lawyer, doing something in IT, runnning a business, graphic designer, architect. Not once did I think of becoming a scientist. So how did I end up here? I know Im young (Im only 22) but I dont want yr after yr passing by and still being stuck in the same job with no direction. Also people have asked me what I want in life (not career wise). Family? Kids? I dont know. I was with a guy for 4 yrs (broke up before I started work) and I never once though (or could imagine) getting married and having kids with him. I know I am not ready now but what happens if by the time I really want kids, its too late. So after about 10 months of being single I have not felt like I am ready to go out into the dating world yet. My friends seem to always meet new people but I am not. Im feeling lonely and clueless. I feel so lost.
  14. My parents are thinking about going to Malaysia for holiday (we live in Australia). Im not sure if i want to go. My parents are Malaysian and my sisters and I were born in Australia. We go to Malaysia to visit relatives every 4 yrs or so. We just went back last Christmas and now they're proposing to go back again this Christmas. I dont want to go b/c all we do there is visit relatives that dont know our names, they dont even care who we are. To me they're not even my family. Its really boring. Reasons for wanting to go is to shop (much cheaper over there) and we may go to Phuket which would be cool. Another reason for going is that I dont want to spend Christmas here alone. Even if my sisters dont go, Christmas will just be with them. I dont want to be alone during that time. I dont know what to do. I need to give them an answer soon. SHould I go overseas this CHristmas or not?
  15. Its been over 4 weeks since we my ex broke up with me. Apart from a couple of emails in the first month, i have had no contact with him. I have been thinking about him alot lately. 2 months ago i was going great, starting a new life - new frens, new job. But then i started to feel depressed. I feel that i've also broken up with his group of frens. I was part of their group and i thought i was one of them but it seems that they only saw me as 'his gf'.Im not sure if I'm missing my ex or missing the idea of having a bf. I mean i do miss my ex, we chatted on the fone nearly every day and now we dont talk to each other at all. I scared i'll bump into him one day and have no idea wat to say or how to act towards him. My question is 'how long should nc last? and should i call him or wait for him to call me?
  16. nubianlove, he broke up with me bc i was not a gd enough gf for him...he blamed me for our relationship ending.... the thing is i was thinking about ending it with him the next time i saw him..the last time i saw him i sort of new it was over already...i guess we had just grown apart... he did it over the fone bc he is a coward...he didnt want to do it in person bc he couldnt face me bc he knew id be upset...we had been together for 4 yrs, he at least owned it to me to break up with me in person...i would have.... so anyway thanks for the comments so far...i think im not quite ready to talk to him...i feel im not totally over him yet...i'll just give it some time...
  17. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We had been in a relationship for nearly 4 yrs. He broke it off with me over the phone and I was really angry and upset with him at the time. I have had no verbal contact with him for 3 months. During the first month we chatted a couple of times on MSN as though we were friends. To me it felt fake and weird. When he broke it off with me he said he wanted to remain friends. To me a friend is someone you talk to regularly, someone you can go to when you need help, otherwise they are more like acquaintaines, right? So when he wanted to remain friends I thought he wanted to be 'friends' not acquaintainces. We have not talked to each other, not even on the fone since the break up. I want to be his friend but I dont want to be the one to make the first move if you know what i mean. I want to keep my pride. I feel that I am getting over him slowly and having no contact with him helps. But he was a big part of my life for 4 yrs. How can I just erase him from my life? So should I call him or wait for him to call me? What should I do?
  18. so my ex and i broke up 1 month ago, as some of u may have read in a previous post, he broke up with me over the phone and we havent talked since... i wrote him an email a few days after we broke up to tell him how i felt and he replied... also about 2 weeks ago he started chatting to me on msn, like we were friends or something, talking about anything, i then told him i was still upset with him... the thing is he said he wanted to remain friends...at first i said i didnt know if i wanted to be friends bc of how he broke up with me but now i do want still be his friend and i told him that in an email.... so if he was the one that wanted to be friends in the first place how come he hasnt called? i want to call him but he was the one that broke it off with me so shouldnt he call? also i dont want to call, i guess sort of a pride thing...i dont know...and also i think i may let emotions involved if i do... so is it time we meet up and chat? we used to talk every nite now i havent talked to him at all.........what should i do???
  19. so i had been going out with this guy for nearly 4 years...he recently came back from an overseas trip and a few days later he broke up with me...(about a week ago)...i guess i was ok with the breakup ie not that upset bc i sort of wanted to break up with him anyway..the thing is i was very upset and angry that he had to break up with me over the phone...can u believe it...i mean did i not mean anything to him...i feel like he didnt care about me at all...and when we did break up he said he wanted to be friends and i told him i wasnt sure what i wanted bc of how he broke up with me....i felt that he shouldnt of done that to me, i feel like ive lost a little respect for him and maybe he wasnt worth it anyway... i wrote him an email telling how i felt after a few days and told him that i did want to be friends with him, that i couldnt imagine him cut out of my life, i mean he knows me too well... so its been just over a week now and i feel like i should call him...im afraid that i will bump into him this weekend and seeing and talking to him for the first time since the break up will be odd....so should i wait for him to call?? or should i call him???
  20. My bf has been overseas for 2 months studying and on holiday. I miss him alot. We have been going out for nearly 4 yrs now and this time apart is the longest we've had to endure. He is coming back on saturday morning and I am unable to pick him up from the airport as I dont have the car. Instead I am going to catch up with a friend (a guy) for lunch and watch dvds at his place. I dont have feelings for this guy, he's just a friend and I think he thinks of me as 'just a friend'. I am planning on catching up with my bf later in the evening. The thing is I feel like I'm doing something wrong, like I'm cheating or something. I feel like I should be picking him up from the airport and spending time with my bf as soon as he gets back. Am I just being stupid?
  21. I've been going out with my bf for nearly 4 yrs now. I started going out with him when i started university and now I have finished. I sometimes feel like I have wasted my uni yrs by not getting out much and being too attached to my boyfriend. Right now my boyfriend is overseas, he will be back in the next few weeks. He has been overseas for 2 months and this is the first time we have been apart for so long. It was hard at first but Im coping. Also, I have a social life bc of my bf. When I go, I go out with him or with him and his friends. I rarely go out with my own friends bc we've lost contact. I cant picture myself with him for the rest of my life. I cant imagine myself being married at all or maybe I just cant picture myself being married to him. Ive been feeling like this for the past yr or so. My dad doesnt like him bc he thinks hes not good enough for me, education wise. I have graduated from uni and hes still in uni, unsure of what he wants and failing subjects. I sometimes think my dad is right. What should I do? I know that being smart isnt everything but I dont know. I feel I should break up with him when he comes back, but I dont know what to do. I feel that if I continue to go out with him, I wont be able to back down. I mean we've been together for 4 yrs, thats a long time. What should I do? Should I continue to go out with him and hope that my mind will change? Or should I break up with him? Any advice??
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