Ownerofalonelyheart

We hear this phrase all of the time- "I need some space". I've never heard it from a guy before, and I've never personally said it myself. What does it mean really? It's very hard for me to understand why someone can tell you that they are your soulmate- that they will love you forever- that they want to marry you- and then suddenly walk out the door, and give you the cold shoulder. I have never done this to anyone I ever dated. But it has happened to me twice. My ex recently told me that she is very stressed about what's going on in her life right now- she has a lot on her plate, and "needs some space". As badly as I wanted to reach out to her, because I care, she doesn't want my help. It sucks- but I know that everyone on this board has been there before. I just need some help understanding. I don't hate my ex, but she is still very angry with me (for reasons unknown- she always kept stuff inside, and never told me when things were bothering her). She knows how much I care though- and how much I still support her, even though she's the one who broke it off.

Hey Guys, Thank you for the feedback. I just wanted to post a few replys- the girl I was with had been out of her abusive relationship for over 2 years. How much time is enough time to get over one of those? I never really thought of myself as "the rebound guy", but I could tell she still had some anger towards this guy. She persued me, told me she loved me first, and told me I was her "soulmate". We had plans to move in together- I guess things were moving too fast. She is definetely suffering from low self-esteem. She told me she "doesn't know who she is", and is very confused. We really had a great relationship, and friendship. But now she is not talking to me at all. It makes me feel like I've done something terribly wrong- my mind thinks "why else would I be treated this way?" I really don't think I played a role in this break-up. I can recognize when I've made mistakes- but I didn't make any here. I learned from the past, and did everything right this time. She just up and left one day out of nowhere. I guess I made the comment about "all women being crazy" because I seem to keep dating, and falling for, the same types of girls. The thing is, I thought my last ex was different. She seemed self-confidant, and well grounded. But it turns out she was just covering up her true self, and feelings. PS: The girl I was most recently with was not a trophy girl. She was just a regular girl next door type. She was a tomboy when she was younger. I fell for her because we had MANY similarities. We had a lot of the same interests, and felt the same way about many things.

Are all women crazy, or is it just me? Why is it that all these women keep complaining about how there are no nice guys out there, but then when they start dating one, they suddenly feel the need to flee from them? I just talked to a buddy on the phone today- he is going through the exact same thing I am going through. His girlfriend suddenly did a 180 on him, and walked out the door- for no apparent reason. This has now happened to me three times! Here's the classic story: Boy meets girl, girl tells boy he is everything she has ever wanted, girl tells boy about her abusive ex-boyfriend, girl tells boy she loves him, and wants to be with him forever, boy says the same thing (although with some hesitation, for fear of getting hurt). Then suddenly, out of nowhere, girl does a 180 and leaves boy- as if she never really cared in the first place. Why does this happen, and why do I let it happen? How can a person completely change the way they feel about you in a period of 24 hours? One minute they're your best friend, and the next minute they are ignoring you. I need some help here ladies. Can you give me any advice? Why can't women just be normal? Why is there always so much drama? Is there a girl out there who actually knows what she wants? Please, help me!

I can understand what you are going through man. I've had my heart broken several times. Most recently- it was 3 weeks ago. My ex and I started offas friends, then became lovers. We had an amazing connection. She told me that I was the perfect guy for her, and that she wanted to be with me forever. She also told me she loved me the day she walked out the door. I just don't understand women. I tried to give her everything she could possibly want. We never argued. This was the best relationship I had ever had. I finally started to believe that love was possible- and real. But she is younger than me (23) and she doesn't know who she is yet. She is trying to figure out what she wants. She's going through a "quarter-life crisis". I still don't understand why she won't allow me to help her through this crisis. But, she wants to be alone right now, and she is now saying she isn't ready for a serious relationship. Don't let this girl toy with you- it's not fair for her to go running around, having her fun, while you suffer. If one day she tries to come back (which there is a good chance she will) you had better be firm with her.

You shouldn't be wanting someone back, if you did nothing wrong. I am in the exact same situation- I did nothing wrong, and she told me this as she was checking out on us. She loved me one day with all of her heart, wanted to be with me forever. Then the next day she was out the door. It makes sense to try and win someone back if you made a bad mistake, which led to the break-up. But you really shouldn't want someone back who doesn't want you, and would have the audacity to treat you like this.

Actually, this scenario has happened to me twice. It's more common than you might think.

Wow- your situation is practically identical to mine. I developed a long distance relationship with someone online, and it lasted 4 months. We also had 5 "magical weekends", although one visit was an entire week. I also believe that she is my soulmate- not a doubt in my mind. I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to come back. She has to figure things out on her own. If it truly was love, real love, then eventually she will return (in both of our cases). But try not to get your hopes up- you don't want to let yourself get hurt again.

I'm really very worried about my ex-girlfriend. She just broke it off 3 days ago- which of course was a total and complete shock (I posted about it earlier this week). She sent me an email today explaining her reasons for the break-up. It was a troublesome letter. She seems to think that she's a terrible person, who does not deserve love. But the problems go beyong that- she cut herself with a knife the day we broke up- on purpose. This is something that she has done in the past, but that I never knew about. She said she wanted to "numb the pain". She told me that her dreams (involving me) are all dead, along with every ounce of her self esteem and respect. I love this girl- even after what she did. I am not a spiteful or revenge seeking person. I am worried that my ex is having suicidal thoughts. She is in a very dark place right now- a place I have never seen. I don't know what to do. I want to contact her parents, but I feel that it's not my place to do such a thing (since I'm no longer her boyfriend). I feel like doing this would make her very angry with me. Any advice? I care about this person, and don't want anything bad to happen to her.

Thank you everyone for the feedback and advice. I appreciate it. I just want to add: I never really put any pressure on her to move to my city. In fact, it was her idea! She did everything first- she told me she loved me first, she made the first move, etc. I just wanted to be with her. I never intended to put this pressure on her. She told me that she was having panic and anxiety attacks- because of the impending move. We came to the conclusion that she should come to me, because I'm already settled in my career (and can't really live anywhere else w/o being unemployed!) and she is just getting started. Anyways, thanks again for the help.

My story is not all that different from any other I guess. But I'll share it anyways: I met the perfect girl for me last year. We became friends, and then quickly became lovers. She told me I was her soulmate, her one true love. She said she would love me forever, and never give up on us. What a crock of s*#t. She turned from hot to cold in a matter of days, and broke up with me last night over the phone. Our relationship was so good- the best I've ever had (and I've had a few serious relationships- I'm just over 30). She however, is only 23, and does not live in the same town as me. She lives 1,000 miles away. We met via a mutual friend. This is what killed us in the end. She said things like "I can't take this anymore" and "I don't know who I am". How could something so good go so bad? Was she telling lies the entire time? We had talked about the possibility of her moving in with me- that meant she would have to leave her family and friends behind. I realize that this is a HUGE step- and what that would cause anyone fear. But I never felt like I was putting pressure on her. I never wanted to either. I have been through break-ups before, so this is nothing new. However, this relationship was different- she was different. We talked about marriage, and kids! Did she just get scared- and ran away? Do you guys have any answers? Because she won't give me any.