TheBecksterKid

hey add me on msn link removed[/i]"]rachylittlesoldier@link removed

I have bpd, borderline disorder, ive been in a mental ward for 3 months and have a therapist that is going to baby sit me like a * * * *ing 5 year old for the next 2 y ears. im 18, its not fair.. they also think im bi polar, because sometimes i get really really depressed and i get delusional th oughts, is this normal in a bpd? it usually happens after my eye gets twitchy and nervous, then a sound or somethng reminds me of something terrible and i feel like im talking a walk in death valley, like im not connected to the world anymore. does th is h appen to anyone else here too? Also somedays i feel like dressing like a boy n somedays i feel like being a girl,, this is common in borderline, but can someone tell me how to deal with thes feelings and put them in place? can someone relate?? please answer these 4 questions bye

I have bpd, borderline disorder, ive been in a mental ward for 3 months and have a therapist that is going to baby sit me like a * * * *ing 5 year old for the next 2 y ears. im 18, its not fair.. they also think im bi polar, because sometimes i get really really depressed and i get delusional th oughts, is this normal in a bpd? it usually happens after my eye gets twitchy and nervous, then a sound or somethng reminds me of something terrible and i feel like im talking a walk in death valley, like im not connected to the world anymore. does th is h appen to anyone else here too? Also somedays i feel like dressing like a boy n somedays i feel like being a girl,, this is common in borderline, but can someone tell me how to deal with thes feelings and put them in place? can someone relate?? please answer these 4 questions bye

I hope that i answered ya question ...and i dont consider my girl a butch...Butches are UGLY. -- I'm a butch, and I'm pretty darn good looking, I don't know what your talking about. I take offence to that.

how r they symptoms?

About a few years ago I met my best friend. We turned out to be the bestest friends, we used to spend everyday together, we used to share everything, secrets, we would always stick up for one another, and we would have so much in common, we really shared great times together. About half a year later we fell in love and decided to go out promising we'd stay best friends if anything where to happen. Our love grew more intense, and I become emotionally attached to him, I never felt anything this strong before. We soon after got engaged, and he gave me a really nice ring. Everything was so perfect, we went everywhere together/ did everything together, we WHERE INSEPARABLE. We talked to each other day after day, I was having the best time of my life, wishing these moments never ended yet still Fearing For the worst. (I can get very neurotic, I don't believe I'm that mentally healthy) On June the 14th, when I went to talk t o him at school that day, he seemed different. I asked him what was wrong and he told me directly and clear He was BORED!!!!!!! Bored of me! I was devistated, I cried for months and months, I was emotionally Destroyed. The worst thing is after that day he didn't even care about still being friend with me or Anything. In fact He told my friends that he didn't even like me AS a friend. How can He forget All the good times we had, everything we shared, All in ONE DAY, while a few years pass and whenever reminded of him I still feel the need to die, like a neverending nightmare. How is it possible to just forget Everything, and not care about the person. At Least in most relationships the couple still Care/ think about each other, but it seems like he doesn't at all. I think my missery made him feel better about himself, and more superior in a way. I remember he always seemed to try to act like he didn't care about anything, or he liked to be emotionaless. Anyway, I'm not finished yet, After that incident I felt I lost myself, I got into deep deep depression at times, I've felt as if reality was fake ( Its hard to explain, but it made me feel like it didn't matter if I was alive or dead which was pretty depressing) It would go on and off, Over time later I became Nuerotic, often found myself having anxiety/ terror attacks, And recently I've been finding so much about myself that I never knew. I also became bisexual,I also became Transgendered. ( I was always a big tomboy, and i always liked to feel like a guy) but now im into fully crossdressing pretty much, and actually considering myself a guy, For some reason I feel as if I HATE SOCIETY, and I have suffered with a very low self esteem and have had feelings of mutilating myself. My questions are. Do you think he still thinks about me and that maybe he's putting up a giant front? How can someon ejust forget everything THat easily. I mean He was my first love. Do you think my Giant change over this year had anything to do with the tragic breakup. I'm suddenly realizing that I may not be mentally stable anymore, and Perhaps its because if I do have a personality disorder, and something bad happens My personality pretty much dies out and everything collapses. Has anyone had simular experiences? Since then I've been grasping onto seriouse relationships, I am terrorized by the thought of being divorced or alone, I feel the NEED to have someone by my side who's stable. I feel if I don't have this , I will be suicidal. I will feel like there is no point to living, and maybe not suicidal but I will be in deep deep depression. I can't help it. Can this be a symptom of a mental disorder, or a chemical imbalancement? Please anyone with experiences , im just trying to get my stuff figuired out. I have lost it a few times , Yesterday night I finally grounded myself, its weird, its as if it all 'clicked' and i touched ground after months of obsession/ compulsive activity/ confusion/ anxiety attacks/ self mutilization/ LOW LOW self esteem/ Lying/ blowing things way out of porportion/ annoyed easily/ being EXTREMELY unreasonable.

Wimpy I feel your pain. About a year and a half ago I hooked up with my first love. We where the bestest friends for over a year before hand, and we seemed to share everything and have everything in common. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me , we got engaged, planned on moving in together, He ment pretty much everything to me and I was emotionally attached to him and dependant. I loved him with all my heart more and more everyday, half a year went by and one day He just woke up and told me He was bored of me. I was devistated , for months. I can honestly say, that was the worst time of my life, I didn't feel the need to live anymore, I was emotionally destroyed. I understand how you feel, How could he do that? After all we shared how could he just out of the blue forget everything that happened between us and act as if I'm a nobody. I mean he didn't even give a crap about me, not even as a friend , he didn't care whether I was alive or dead, while I on the other hand think about him everyday and still do to this day. I feel I still love him and care about him, I will always have my heart out for him, even if he did pretty much destroy me. I just try not to think about him, its futile, and it gets me no where in being happy in life. Whats worst about my experience is usualy when a couple breaks up they still care about each other somewhat, they still feel something for that person but it's just not working out, Thats the usual case, but with my so call ' love of my life' didn't even care, he didn't even like me as friends, or as a bf. Now thats pretty harsh.

Well you know what I have been realizing, more guys are like girls these days. and More girls are like guys. I remember blowing up 20 balloons for my bf and he loved it. But then again, i am the man of thi s relationship, and he does have his qualities.

Per ex. this coupon allows u to a hug. this coupon allows you to a kiss, this coupon allows u to dinner made by me/ massage, whatever u feel is neccesary

Yeah, I've got another good idea for a gift. Get a piece of string, attach a used or old key to it , make it into a necklace and write an attached note saying you hold the key to my heart. Make him love coupons or put him on a mission to a surprise hunt. Uhm as for dating ideas, Have a candlelight picnic outside at night, mak e his favourite food. and if ur really into having a creative date and have a big closet fill the closet up (the floor with little soft scraps of gift wrapping paper) stick a bunch of glow in the dark stickers all over the closet walls and ceilings, and have ur picni c in there. (ps put a bunch of glow sticks in the scraps or on and off lights) that way ull be having a picnic under the stars on top of mystical light up grass. If it gets too hot have a fan, it will make up for a breeze or wind.

perfect idea, ask ur bf for his fav number, blow up that amount of balloons, and in each balloon put a reason why he's so special to u. The fun part if getting him to pop them to find the reasons. He'll love it.

Hey question. I have been looking for a job that I really need for over a year and no body hired me. Is it normal to feel that I'm entitled in general? And to feel like The world sickens me and to feel that society is all out to get me like the greedy little pigs they are. I live day by having an extremely low low self esteem and often feel the need to damage myself And others. I get violent feelings towards society, and I feel like I hate people in general. Is it normal that I feel so isolated, lost, and distorted / cold towards the thought of society and people, this is one of the reasons I seem to act like im 'entitled' I don't do it on purpose it just comes out, not sure why. I also often get violent feelings towards babies, and pregnant women who feel the world revolves around their babies. Not sure why but it feels so good to cause those people somewhat pain, and all the materealistic ***ckers out there who r ruining the rest of the world out there. That really ticks me off too. Its as if everyone around me secretly doesn't care for my wellbeing. It's that kind of out of place feeling I often feel.

Hold on a second. Just because someone feels they would have pleasure in raping someone doesn't mean they are going to go threw it. Perhaps he is sadistic in that sense. But if he said he was going to do something Against your will then thats truly wrong. Like I said, it depends on the situation. I enjoy thoughts of raping and being raped, so does my bf, we both love violent sex and are both very sadistic and share our violent thoughts of each other in pain, but we both know deep down we would never do it against each others will. Where you sure he told you he was going to do this AGAINST your will or he just told you how he felt ( His turn ons, etc.)

yeah but im saying over all, how they react to diff conflicts, their overall views and morals is a Whole different story. and maybe the lust still stays, like i said , it depends on the person, but over all i feel my four stages are correct. a successful couple ( not every couple is) most of them over all will feel that for each other, maybe some couples skip a few and some don't. Thats their business,

i understand that but reasons for break ups are based on conflicts. if there was no conflict, they wouldnt be breaking up now would they