hot_to_trot

I suggested the movie, to which he asked why I wanted to hang out, and further commented that it would be a dangerous line to cross.

My ex and I have recently been in contact after about a year and a half of none. I began communication with a simple email saying that I apologized for the argument that we had which ended our contact. I signed off saying that I'd love to hear from him at anytime. He responded about a week later and we've been emailing eachother ever since. He made a comment today after I suggested we should get together to see a movie implying that I ought to have a lot of guys wanting to get into my pants. He obviously thinks that my suggestion is more than just a friendly hang-out session. Then he comes out with, I've had myself one for almost a year now (makes her sound like shes an object, rather than a person). I wished he would have told me this when i asked him if anything was new (one of our first email chats), it's almost like he was embarrassed to tell me. So then I made light of it and said, well I guess that's a good reason why you wouldn't want to hang out. He kept commenting that it would be a dangerous line to cross, meanwhile I'm thinking that all we would be doing is just getting together to see a movie. Anyhow, I further asked if we shouldn't be chatting at all, but he said he was still interested in talking. Although in one way, its a relief to hear that he's been dating someone, or is with someone, but it was also a kick in the stomach. This is the first time he's admitted to actually being with someone. I'm not sure if he's just talking to me to be nice, but if he said no to meeting up, then he could have just as well said no to talking together. If it was me who was with someone and an ex started chatting me up, I'd have told them up front that I was with someone, so it would be their choice whether they'd still want to talk. I guess what I'm getting at here is, does it sound as though he may still have some interest?

Well, I haven't been in a relationship per se for that long, but me and my ex broke up after 3 years. We dated from 22 to 25, he was a year younger than me. I suppose it has a lot to do with circumstances ie. are you eachothers first real loves/relationships. I've always heard that #3 is the big number. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. Anyhow, people get to a point where they have to decide whether they want to continue at the same pace, or make the next step (moving in, marriage, etc.) and I think that people feel that it's either break-up, or make the next step, and that kinda pressure is so uneccesary, unless of course one of you is ready to move ahead, and the other is stuck, then obviously that causes a problem, and most likely, a break-up. It sucks, that's for sure. My ex broke it off because he felt that he wasn't ready to go the next step, whereas he knew I was and I think he also needed to explore what was out there since I was his first girlfriend. He also believes that relationships should be fun, carefree, problem-free, and most of all, require no work. He's certainly going to have a rude awakening one day.

I urge you to be honest with her, and tell her that you are not wanting a relationship with her. Although it may hurt her, at least she won't be pondering the state of your relationship, and getting upset because she may already have expectations, or thinking that you are indeed in some sort of a relationship. Tell her that you can only offer her friendship. You can lighten the blow and tell her that you don't think it's a good idea to get in a relationship since you won't be around eachother for much longer. From then on, you must really just treat her as a friend, NO MIXED MESSAGES!!! Then, the decision will be hers, whether she can deal with just friendship. The worst thing a guy or girl can do in this situation is ignore the person. Take it from one who knows

I met someone recently who I've grown fond of, not so much in a go-go-ga-ga way, but more in a, he's cool, I could hang with him, we have a few things in common, he makes me laugh kinda way. He's not looking for a relationship, he's focused on work and doesn't really know if he'll be staying in town. I can certainly understand his trepidation for wanting to start a relationship. That being said, I gathered that he was enjoying his time with me too. We discussed having a no-strings kinda thing, and I was cool with it. I haven't gotten any for over a year. Not too sure about him. I'm new to the no-strings thing, and I did tell him that. The only other sexual relationships I've had have been with boyfriends. I honestly never thought I could have sex unless I had an emotional attachment with the person, but, I gotta tell ya, it was great. I don't know if it scared him, or what, but we haven't spoken much since, and not for a lack of trying on my part. I sent him an email over a week ago, granted, he did say that my emails to him usually land in his junk email folder, but there have also been times that he has responded to emails I've sent him. Anyhow, I don't want to come off as a stalker (although I'm sure I already have, since he's blocked me on messenger) but I kinda want to at least let him know that I'm still cool with hanging out if he is. Last i checked, he still has me on his contact list, just has me blocked from seeing when he's online or off (I was badgering him to get together, while he kept telling me that he has a project he needs to finish first). I would assume that if you don't want to have anything to do with someone any longer, you'd block AND remove them from your list. Am I right? Do you think it's ok to email again?

Hi there, Out of curiosity, what's an 'f' buddy, or rather, as I know what 'f' buddies do , how does one become an 'f' buddy, and what is the protocol?? ? Can you go for weeks without talking, and then just call them up and ask them to come over to 'f'? The reason why I am asking is because I think I recently got involved with an 'f' buddy, but, I don't know how to proceed. I met him online, we hung out a few times, then we had sex. I don't want anything with him relationship wise, but, I'd love to see him again for a hot passionate evening. I've asked him a few times to come over, but he says he's been really busy. Do I wait for him to ask me now?

Hey VHS, thanks for you response. I'm not sure if I'll send him another message, don't know what else I could really say. I just wanted him to know that I have no reservations, and kinda put it out there that the door is open if he should want to talk to me again. If I sent him something else, wouldn't it be kinda getting impatient, which is exactly what I'm trying to show him I am no longer?

Hello again! I posted my message a few days ago entitled "Newbie...contact". The short version is that I emailed an ex who I've been thinking of a lot lately. We haven't had any contact in over a year. I sent him a friendly email, nothing deep, just saying that I hoped to hear from him sometime. In the past, when we emailed eachother (when we were on speaking terms), he'd respond to me in a matter of minutes. I wasn't expecting a sudden response, but it's been a few days now. Question: How long have you waited to receive a response from an ex who you've made contact with? Anyone been the receiver of contact from an ex from long ago, and if so, what went through your mind? Did you never respond back, or gave it a few days?

What's more important? Your happiness, or his whatever he has with this girl? If you chose your happiness, then get out, cause this ain't making you happy! Respect yourself, and ye shall be respected in return.

Hey sweetie, I have been in your position before, it's extremely frustrating, and can really do a number on your self-esteem. The guy who did this to me didn't have stories about actually sleeping over, etc., but the fact that he treated her with more respect than he did me, really hurt. If he had any respect for you, then he would limit his communication with her. I'm not saying that he should cut the friendship, but sleeping in the same bed?!?! Come on. Sounds to me like he's treating her more like a girlfriend, than he treats you. Could you be "the other woman"? Maybe he's dating her too, and she doesn't know. How old are the two of you?

I sent it to all the address I know for him; work and personal

I haven't been with my ex boyfriend in a "relationship" for over 3 years. Since we officially broke up, we've had several get-togethers (periods of time that we hang out) followed by periods where we don't really talk, usually because things start to get too serious for him again. The last time we had any communication was just over a year ago. It ended kinda badly with him saying he was fed up with me thinking we could get back together, and didn't think it was a good idea to talk for at least a month. I agreed with him, and since then there has been no communication between the two of us. We broke up when we were in our early-mid 20's (he 24, me 25) because he wasn't ready to settle down. In hindsight, I'm sure I was putting too much pressure on us, and my expectations of him were a lot. We had been dating for 3 years, and I was in an unhappy living situation, so I think he felt the next step was to move in together, which he had no plans on doing with me, so, we broke up. I was his first girlfriend, he was my first lover. I decided to send him an email yesterday because I had been thinking about him a lot lately. It was very light hearted. I apologized for my irrational behaviour the last time we talked, and told him that I'd love to hear from him sometime. I have no expectations of reuniting, nor would I want to if he's in the same frame of mind as he was a year ago, but, I feel that we had a connection beyond just bf/gf. I truly care about him, and, at the time that we last spoke, he had some major accomplishments on the go at work and had recently purchased a home, so curiosity has gotten the best of me, and I wonder how he's doing at work and home, and in life in general. At this point, if he told me he was seeing someone, I think I'd truly be happy for him, so long as he was happy. I myself have dated others, but nothing too serious. Usually when we would speak through email, he'd respond in a matter of hours or minutes. It's been over a day already. Do you guys think I will get a response from him?

Well I am female, and cannot begin to understand the male species, but, in all the posts and books I've read on male behaviour and thinking (written by guys), it seems guys cannot be honest about their feelings, and in turn, consciously or subconsciously, will say things to lighten the strike, which we then take as, well, maybe he still does want something cause he's not saying no, he's saying maybe. Listen to their actions!!! If their actions are what's not making you happy, then you have to decide if you want to be stuck in limbo.

Here's a quick lesson in women... when she says no, she means yes If your gut is telling you that she was pissed, chances are she was. It sounds to me like she does not approve of you playing your game console, but, if you've limited your time, then i don't see what her problem is. My ex would play at all times of the day, and I honestly don't ever remember getting upset about it. I'm not much of a video gamer, but just as us women like to shop, you men like to play your video games. Anyhow, maybe you could ask her if she has a problem with it? Just my 2 cents. -htt

Hello everyone, I'm new here, nice to meet y'all!!! Please read my story below and offer me some advice. Thx. I met someone recently who I really enjoy hanging out with. In past conversations we've had, he's made it abundantly clear that he does not want a girlfriend, or a relationship, because he's trying hard to focus on his career. I'm assuming he would say this to me early on so that I don't get any "ideas", which is quite presumptuous of him, heh. His profile on the website I began talking to him through says otherwise. Fast-forward to the past month and I'm a bit confused with his behaviour towards me, or maybe I'm just reading to much into it that it's making me crazy/angry. One night, we got together to watch a movie, had some laffs and some drinks. It was getting late, he was tired, so I told him that he was welcome to stay over. He joined me in bed, and we ended up fooling around; we were both very restless (tossing and turning) so I thought, what the heck, let's make out, heh. Next day, we went shopping, and everything seemed normal. I got excited about something, and gave him a peck on the cheek, and he got really cold with me, so I figured I best leave well alone, he's obviously not comfortable with this. Later I asked him about what happened with us, and he said that he was weirded out, and didn't think it was a good idea to continue, and that he could only be friends. I was totally cool with that. We were chatting a few days later, and got on the conversation of massage therapy, and he implied whether I meant personally, or by a doctor. Quite the flirtatious move on his part, so I rolled with it. He said he could be at my place in 20 minutes, haha, but I backed off. The next couple of times we hung out, we parted ways in the evening, and there was no intimacy at all between us. I asked him on both occasions whether he'd want to stay over, but he declined. So here we are, acting as friends. I figured he's being a gentleman, not taking advantage of me, which is totally respectable. One evening we were chatting online, and I asked him what he was up to. He asked, why, did I want to do something with him? So I implied that I still hadn't made good on the personal massage. He laffed, said he was tired, but that he'd be right over. When he got to my place, we went to my room, and one thing led to another. That morning, he left for work, and since then, things just have not been the same, he's been ignoring every one of my advances to "get together". I understand that if we are going to have anything at all, it would be under the pretense of no-strings, and I'm cool with that. He's been either ignoring my messages, or responds saying he's busy, but says he'll be more open to me once his project is done. Can a guy really give up sex for a job, or is there more going on here? I'm quite certain that he's put me on his block list on messenger as well, since up and until last week, he's always been online. I have to admit though, that in one of my weaker moments, when he was ignoring me, I said, "why don't you just block me if you're going to ignore me". Eeeeek, I guess this is one of those moments where you say, be careful what you wish for?!?!?! In any event, I guess I'm just trying to search out any advice for why he's acting like this, am I reading too much into this, taking it too personal. I know I can't force anything, but I haven't had fun in the bedroom for a very long time, and now that I've found someone who I could potentially enjoy this with (not having the emotional crap that goes with it), I wanna capture that moment, and Kodak just ain't gonna cut it this time! Thanks in advance for any advice offered.