Cherylyn

You did the right thing by blocking and deleting her from your life. You do not need toxic and abusive people in your life. Anytime a person is toxic and abusive, they're not your friend. They're merely using you. You are nobody to them. This is how cruel some people are. It's good that she removed you from her LinkedIn. It's better to sever all ties. It's healthier for both of you to permanently go your separate ways. Parting ways is a form of permanent peace. I agree about your disdain for people ignoring you in public after you've helped them or even if they know you. It's happened to me in the past and it's part of life. They've demonstrated their real character which is disgusting. You did the right thing by not being confrontational. It's better to release certain people from your life than confront them. Confrontations are very intense, stressful fights and it's not worth the aggravation and feeling worse tomorrow. It's better to stay away from people who don't behave honorably. My mother taught me to always stay away from people who don't treat you with respect, dignity and stay away from people who don't bring you joy. Don't care about her bad mouthing you behind your back to mutual friends. Whenever anyone bad mouths anyone, it's alarming because suddenly I question, "What are they bad mouthing about me?" I don't trust those who bad mouth others within mutual social circles. Your friends know who you are and know you're a decent human being. They've forewarned you about her not being a good person. I'm glad you eventually heeded their warning. The best thing you did was to get rid of her from your life. Good riddance! It's a relief. Life's experiences taught me to become very wary and jaded which is to my benefit because my guard is up and hopefully yours is, too, RuedeRivoli. In the future, beware of those who exhibit unnatural, overzealous behavior regarding interest in you. Those types of individuals have an agenda in mind, tend to use you and discard you when you no longer benefit them. Or, if they no longer need to use you, they'll discard you like garbage. This very harsh lesson happened to me. Normal people don't act off, strange and weird. Normal people know how to behave with their interpersonal skills. Normal people are empathetic and possess decorum. Normal people are moral, conscientious and extremely secure. Stay away from everyone else otherwise you'll end up getting hurt, offended, you will become infuriated and it won't end well. You'll be busy trying to eliminate toxic, dysfunctional people from your life. It's to your benefit to become a harsh and better judge of character. Live and learn. I was once you. All was not in vain. Bad experiences cause you to mature, become more intelligent and gain wisdom.

Try joining organizations or clubs at your uni. I agree with Batya33. You have to put yourself out there and be pro-active as they say. Join a church if you're faith based, charitable events which will have empathetic types, sports groups if you're athletic, intellectual gatherings, hobby groups, special interest groups, etc. Your options are limitless if you're willing to be creative and branch out. People won't come to you. You have to go to them even during covid. Where there is a will, there is a way. My college niece met a great young man through mutual friends and their various organizations which they belong to. I met him last month and he definitely has my approval! He's a catch! He's currently enrolled in a grad program at a different uni and as soon as both of them graduate, he'll propose and they'll get married. My niece and this fine young man eventually want to raise a family sometime in the future. She snatched him up. If she can do it, so can you. All is not lost!

Even though what you've said to her was very good, if you don't wish to be bothered by her anymore, give her a final message should she reach out to you again. Text her this: "I wish you all the best and please respect my wishes by not contacting me anymore. Thank you, Your Name." You do not owe her an explanation nor sympathy whatsoever. She's a grown woman so let her take care of herself. You are under no obligation to her nor are you responsible for her well being. She is responsible for her own mental state and life. You need to dissolve and exit this toxic friendship and make it final. Or, since she refuses to take a hint by your distancing yourself from her, practice ignoring her, then ghost, block and delete her. There are times when you need to take Draconian steps in order to attain your peace of mind. Whenever you sympathize people, they'll pounce on you and take advantage of your soft heart. Unfortunately, kindness is sometimes perceived as being weak, vulnerable and easy targets for some predators. In order to protect yourself in this world, you have to be cool in order to mentally survive. I was once you. Before you know it, you'll be in "doormat" mode again if you don't learn to develop a backbone and toughen up. Often times, it's to your advantage to judge harshly in order to protect yourself. This is how the world is. You have to learn to dodge a lot of bullets and ELIMINATE intolerable and unacceptable energy vampires from your life.

Thank you for your kind words, RuedeRivoli. Beware of energy vampires indeed. Remember, energy vampires exist as long as you allow them to have a grip on your life. I agree, they suck you into their endless drama and their constant "woe is me" mentality. (Same with other serious mental disorders such as narcissists, sociopaths, manipulators and other unstable types.) Whenever you're available, people will always take advantage of your softness and kind heart. Unfortunately, it's the way of the world. Over time, your radar will be up, you will become quickly alarmed from any unusual behavior, experience will teach you harsh lessons and you'll develop street smarts. Live and learn the hard way which is the best way. Never let your guard down. Always protect yourself. Better safe than sorry. Thank you for clarifying that you no longer work together anymore. Thank goodness. If she ends up joining your place of employment, remain professional, respectful, polite, well mannered yet maintain a deliberate, safe distance. Yes, those are your new enforced healthy boundaries. Of course, people are on their best behavior in public. Then when you get to know them better, you discover their real personality and character. Suddenly you'll look at them with great disdain. Your observation is typical. The problem is you have to stop being compassionate to those who take advantage of your very nice disposition. People take advantage of your niceness. You will change to be on your guard if you don't want to attract those who can find an easy, vulnerable target. I was once you. I'm compassionate towards others and include them in my prayers. However, I have my limits and I let others know this. If you don't learn to say, "NO" (or politely decline), then as long as you're available to them, they will never release you from their sick grip. They're like a spider and you're caught in their web. These types of people impose and become your stress filled burden. When you release them from your life, suddenly you're unloading dead weight, feel less stressed, relieved, feel freedom and you'll be at peace. Some people seek you or others out as therapists because it's cheaper and more convenient. Never be used as their free psychologist. I'm sorry about what you had endured with a mentally unstable parent. You will become resilient, stronger and tougher as you cut off toxic people from your life. Don't feel guilty for cutting certain people off. Either people behave properly or they're cut off. This is what I do with them. If they're in my midst such as in my case, certain relatives and in-laws, I enforce extremely strong boundaries with them. I don't allow others to disrespect me anymore because I deliberately do not make myself vulnerable to them. I'm no longer their easy target and I make myself unavailable. I stay faraway from troublemakers. I don't engage. I too have encountered those who've ignored me if I didn't play their dumb mind games, didn't acquiesce and didn't play dumb. If I was ever owed an apology, it's NEVER forthcoming. They have no moral conscience, no guilt, remorse nor human decency. Forget it. If this is the case, I've lost my former innocent desire to enthusiastically keep the relationship afloat. Sure, I'm polite and respectful. However, I maintain a very cool distance. It works for me. The way you cut people off and the way your parent cuts you or others off is different. Your parent was unreasonable whereas you cut people off because some people chronically and habitually disrespected you. There is a difference. Don't mix the two because they're not the same reasons. You're right, both situations are completely unrelated. Cutting people off is often times a form of survival. If you don't cut certain people off, you'll drown in misery and unnecessary angst. You need to save your sanity which impacts your health negatively. Eliminating certain people from your life is actually a very healthy mindset because you no longer tolerate their _ _ _ _ . Yes, I agree, we hold family and friends to a higher standard. Unfortunately, some people have terrible defects or "foibles" as my MIL (mother-in-law) prefers to call bad people. She's more old school in accepting people as they are whereas I'm more contemporary and realistic by enforcing very strong boundaries with disrespectful people or I cut them out of my life, if possible. There are no ands, ifs or buts about this. I'm steadfast, unwavering and absolute. Behave properly and I'll knock myself out for you. Misbehave and I'm gone. Sounds very good regarding taking better care of yourself. After you politely text her: "It's time to go our separate ways, I wish you all the best and request NC (no contact). Sign off with Thank you, Your Name." If she's relentless with resuming contact despite your well mannered and respectful request, then ignore, block and delete her. Over time, she will be out of sight, out of mind. If you cross paths publicly, act natural or if you prefer, you can ignore since she did the same to you when she was with her boyfriend. Follow her cue and ignore. Don't expend energy to be nice when others are unkind to you. Go your own way. I too absorb other people's problems. You will realize that you are not responsible for other people's problems and their life. You have a life, you're very busy and grown adults are responsible for themselves. They don't have the right to bother you and impose. Don't ever give others permission to abuse your good heart. As long as you keep busy with bettering yourself, you will attract those who are attracted to your positive, industrious energy. Normal friendships always have a healthy set of enforced boundaries. Normal people know how to treat others with respect, common courtesy and common decency. It's ingrained into them and they wouldn't accept anything else. Normal people adhere to "The Golden Rule:" "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's common sense. Some people don't have common sense. Be with those who practice common sense and you will be fine.

Your "work friend" is an energy vampire. She vacuums the life out of you and drains you dry. Google "energy vampire." Energy vampires dump on you constantly, couldn't care less about how you feel or your life. It's all about them and they cling to you like a bad rash. Then in public, they pretend they don't know you or treat you as if you don't matter much. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. I would send her a final text if she bothers you relentlessly: "We're incompatible. I will treat you professionally at the workplace only. It is time to go our separate ways and I wish you all the best. Please do not contact me and respect my wishes. Thank you. Sign your name." It's a respectful yet firm finality. Follow through by treating her professionally at the workplace; no more no less. You're not a toxic person. It's actually good to cut people off whom you can't relate to. There is a way to do this diplomatically. There is nothing wrong with having your own set of high standards such as rules of treating each other with respect. Don't be baffled. You will have various people waft in and out of your lifetime. You weed out the bad apples by winning some new friends and dropping bad friends from your life. It's perfectly fine to say you don't want to be a doormat because it's a reflection of your common sense strength and toughness. Never be taken advantage of just because you're a nice person. Been there done that. It's also very fine to be harsh and absolute while going this route respectfully. I do it all the time. Maintain a frosty yet polite, safe distance from people who are not good for you, unrewarding and disrespectful. Or, if you've had a negative history with them. It's perfectly natural to become wary, jaded and distrustful of those who don't treat you with consistent, habitual respect. Always enforce healthy boundaries with others. Only associate with mentally stable people. Mentally ill people are to be dealt with at your own risk. Often times, you lose and regret getting entangled with people who have serious mental disorders for which there is no cure. (It runs the gamut: gaslighters, manipulators, narcissists, sociopaths, etc etc) The best thing to do is to stay away! Far away! This was my mother's advice to me long ago. It works. Protect yourself because no one else has your back except yourself. You will attract good friends in your life even if it takes a while. Patience is key. Psychologically sound and empathetic people attract alike minds. In the meantime, learn to be secure within your own skin, focus on your health, interests, hobbies, sports, etc and you will attract those who share your similar lifestyle and mindset. During your quiet moments, it's better to be alone than lonely with wrong people in your life. If you're faith based, there are a lot of people at church whom you may have in common with. Or, other organizations and groups which branch out into blossoming friendships. You have to start somewhere.

It's fair to be upset about this. She should've told you in advance as opposed to the last minute. If she refuses to alter her behavior, you cannot change her habits. Either accept the way she is or realize she is not for you long term.

Yes, it's fair to be upset about this. I'm currently working from home (tele working) as is my husband due to yet another pandemic surge. I don't want to home entertain even after tele working all day. I'm tired. I remember my long commutes to work and coming home exhausted. I wouldn't appreciate having to don my social face for visitors in my house! No way. My house is my sanctuary after a long day at work. I want to clean up, feel refreshed, relax and eat in that order! I'm in no mood for home entertaining whatsoever. That's out of the question. Compromise with your partner. Request cooperation from her. Ask her to socialize OUTSIDE your home such as meeting her friend for coffee, tea or refreshments somewhere in public. Then she'll come home feeling content, you had some peace and quiet with a chance to relax and it's a happy medium.

Jump at the chance and snatch up your new job! Choose your dream job. Don't buy into your boyfriend's threats. Let him go so both of you can move forward with your lives. I doubt there will be regrets either way. However, the only regret you will have is remaining in the states with a dicey boyfriend who will not give you a happy future. Your boyfriend is considered history. It's time to go your separate ways. Best of luck on your new job and congratulations! As for the soon to be ex-boyfriend, "Good riddance!"

Deflecting, flipping it onto you and changing your perception of the facts is called gaslighting. Google "gaslighting." Gaslighting is psychological warfare. The perpetrator makes you think you think you are the bad person, terrible person or the insane person while they refuse to take responsibility and blame for their harm and damage to the relationship. Good riddance! I'm glad you had the courage to leave him. I hope you can breathe easier and have peace knowing that you've since greatly reduced your unnecessary stress.

To him you're just "the girlfriend" who helps pay some of the bills. You are a convenience without strings attached. That's all. He is not financially nor legally bound to you and wishes to keep it this arrangement. Either accept him as he is or dissolve and exit the relationship. You don't have a happy future with him. It's looking abysmal.

Don't tell her what your intentions are. I agree with others. Get to know her first and observe what type of human being she is and she should do the same by observing your character as well. Both of you shouldn't go in "keeping your options open" because that's a negative thought from the very beginning. Stop predicting what you do not know. Don't tell her that you like her without getting to know her first. You're moving too fast without having any facts about her personality, character, whether both of you mesh or not, whether both of you are compatible and the whole lot. Slow down for heaven's sake! She'll perceive you as not being a player if you don't act like one. Just behave naturally, remain kind, polite, well mannered, gentlemanly, gracious and thoughtful. Have a good time, enjoy engaging in good conversation, be a good listener and always possess "emotional intelligence." (Google "emotional intelligence.") There is no green nor red light. Take it one step at a time and time, positive or negative energy and dynamics will dictate the trajectory of this relationship. Or, who knows? Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Or, it could endure. At any rate, give it a chance and see where it takes you. Don't overthink otherwise you'll scare her away. Don't overthink nor act weird otherwise you'll be perceived as insecure and strange; neither which are good. Relax and have a pleasant time. Also, keep in mind that LDRs (long distance relationships) tend to obviously become inconvenient, expensive to travel back 'n forth, you can't be together frequently and absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart eventually. Remain realistic. It's better to date locally for obvious reasons.

Save your breath and energy in all forms including in person, texts, emails, voicemails, etc. No one will change for you. A person is who they are. Either accept her as she is or find another woman who dresses chic and modestly. No one wants to be told what to do. People usually dress to garner attention. Either it's to impress due to good taste or they want to look desirable and sexy. Usually, provocative dressers are insecure and crave attention in order to fill a void. Don't lecture her. You need to find a woman who is compatible to you and she is not.

With all due respect, you're only 23 years old! Live it up! I remember when I was 23 years old and old age was NEVER on my radar! I was extremely busy having a great time! Enjoy your youth to the hilt. Old age will creep up on you one day so you might as well take advantage of your youth now while you have it. Concentrate on being young because it will never come back. One day, you'll look back and think you've wasted far too much time and energy worrying about old age when you could've enjoyed your youth instead. Life takes on many, different seasons and stages in due time. In the meantime, concentrate on what most 23 year olds do such as focusing on your education, career and take good care of your health. No need to fret. Think positively.

B) and C). It's only been 3 months. Give it time. Get to know each other better including personalities, characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, idiosyncrasies, etc. Perhaps she prefers that you initiate messages because you're better at electronic correspondence than she is. I've known quite a few people who are much better in person than texting, messaging, emails and voicemails. They're even better in person than phone chats. Maybe she doesn't have any good ideas for dates so she defers to you. I think the best thing to do is to ask her if these issues bother you. Either tell her that you would like for her to message you first every now and then or don't say anything. Either tell her that you would like for her to come up with dating ideas or don't mention it at all. Be nice about it. Don't sound demanding and commanding otherwise she'll want to break up with you. Clear communication is important. If anything is bothering or concerning you, then let her know how you feel in person. Don't go back 'n forth electronically for what you should say to her in person and remember to be a good listener, too. Hear her reasons.

I see several red flags. First of all, the thought of "giving up on her" entered your mind at 3 months and then you told her that she should prioritize time together. Even though she agreed to try to communicate in different ways, no one enjoys being told what to do. I hope it works out for you. It seems that both of you are not in lockstep and there isn't a mutual understanding with maintaining this relationship in a normal, harmonious way. I hope with time, both of you will find a good rhythm. Keep in mind, not to read too much into a person's inability to communicate electronically the same way you do or expect. Not everyone has the finesse to correspond carefully. I've known several close people in my life who write bluntly, tersely, roughly and rather abrasively. Manners are sloppy. However, in person, being with them is very pleasant, humble, enjoyable and comfortable. Perhaps she falls in this category which is common. Also, some people are flaky. I have friends whose schedules can change and I try my best to be accommodating and understanding. Many times, you have to look at the big picture and ask yourself if you can remain patient instead of trying to be "right" all the time. I understand the principle of the matter. However, you also have to look at the longevity of relationships or friendships and have a selfless attitude in order for everyone to be happy. Every dynamic has sacrifices somewhere in order to make it work. This is the part where you need to decide if it works for you or not.

I think you're being overly needy and overbearing. Go with the flow and be easy going. Don't have any high expectations because with her, plans can change due to sickness or other plans she had forgotten about. This is her personality. If you don't like it and her schedule is too zany for you to keep up with, then date another woman who is more predictable, sends you warmer communication through messenger and willing to see you more often. On the upside, she introduced you to her family which means she thinks highly of you and she wants you to have dinner with her family again. Whenever anyone wants you to be with her family, she doesn't perceive you as her mere passing fancy so you should feel honored that she thinks this highly of you. Hopefully, you left a positive impression on her family as well. Keep in mind, not everyone is warm and engaging electronically. Some people are better in person than giving you or others constant, warm correspondence. I've known several people who are perceived as blunt electronically yet very kind in person. Some people aren't adept at correspondence. 3 months is nothing. Give her a chance. Then determine if you're patient enough to remain in her life. If she has too many shortcomings for you, then perhaps she isn't for you and it's time to move on. Since she's at your place of employment, avoid awkwardness by remaining natural, kind and professional.

Thank you maritalbliss84 for your mourning dove pic and what you wrote. Thank you for sharing your story about your son raising the baby dove and setting it free. Wally is a cute name, too. ❤️ Unfortunately, we had to bury a baby dove which fell out of its nest last year. The surviving sibling eventually flew away though.

I have a hummingbird feeder outside my window in my back yard and I'm especially grateful for Spring. I need to refill the feeder often. We use clear liquid for the feeder which doesn't have red dye in it. I too enjoy seeing birds and butterflies. I've seen a few colorful birds outside my son's bedroom window. We also have a mourning dove nest outside my enclosed front door courtyard area. We have eaves and I'm impressed by the very sheltered location they chose which protects them from predators, wind, rain, cold and heat. The mourning doves have since raised several fledglings. They make a melancholic cooing sound.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope time will heal your wounds someday. Pain is always acute shortly after the passing of loved ones. I hope you can do things which will improve your physical health such as healthy eating and exercise. Good habits will help you handle stress better. Also, I hope you can do other things such as immerse yourself in healthy distractions, hobbies, reading and the like. It helps to turn all electronics off, go offline, stay away from social media, computers, cell phone, TV, etc. Give your brain a mental health break from excessive screen time which turns into a huge time trap. You'll waste your day on the Internet. During my previous bereft state, I turned everything OFF and was amazed at how industrious and productive I became. I had postponed so many tasks and chores such as decluttering, organizing and getting my life in order. Once I became organized, I could actually think more clearly without chaos, disorder and junk surrounding me. I hope you will continue to grow closer to your sister without bombarding her with your sorrow. Exercise discretion. I'm sorry your daughter is distancing herself from you. You are a mother of kids so you have no choice but to take care of them which in many ways is a positive distraction. I remember when my sons were little. I didn't have enough brain space for grief because I was frenetically paced tending to them which was to my benefit and hopefully yours, too. Get fresh air, take a walk and don't be cooped up indoors. Remaining sedentary is so bad for your mind and you will go crazy with misery. I've found that whenever I'm super busy, I'm super distracted so I no longer have time and energy to dwell on sad, negative thoughts. By the time, I have time to think about any depressive thoughts, I feel so exhausted that I want to sleep instead.

Can't you just say, "NO" ??? No shower, no teeth brushing = no sex. Yes shower, yes teeth brushing = yes sex. Be adamant and speak up. Teach him how to treat you with respect.

Happy Birthday! 🎉

Congratulations on your retirement and job well done! 🙂 I would develop a routine if I were you. Continue getting up early, take your dog for walks twice a day, be industrious with chores and tasks, concentrate on your health, eat well, rest, engage in hobbies, read great books and surround yourself with moral friends and family even if virtually. When this pandemic is over, volunteer in your community. The volunteerism is limitless. Do charitable good works. Help at a food bank, feed the homeless, donate your stuff (& declutter), help the disadvantaged, volunteer at your local library and do what is rewarding to you. If you're faith based, join your local church. There are plenty of ministries to join, serve, belong to study groups, social groups, be part of community serve groups and the like. This new stage in your life will be an adjustment to be sure. You'll grow to enjoy these new phase in your life.

Merry Christmas and Have a Happy New Year!

I'm an anxious person. Exercise daily whether it's walking, cycling, aerobic fitness (within moderation to prevent overuse injuries), changing your diet so you'll feel better, lose weight if necessary and having good interactions with very moral, upstanding people or friends and work around during this COVID-19 pandemic. Do what you enjoy whether it's hobbies, cooking, decluttering, organizing your home, read books, watch good movies, documentaries or whatever you can immerse yourself into. Don't sit too much because it's bad for your health. Never stagnate your body otherwise your brain will turn into bubblegum or mashed potatoes. Get your blood circulating and get moving!

On cable: 'Rocky' and 'Hacksaw Ridge.'