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  1. Thanks for commenting. I think it’s fair to not resent him. I try and reframe it by seeing him as struggling instead of rebelling.
  2. He was always like that. Heard stories from family members...
  3. A bit of both. There are times when he approaches me and it’s been 24+ hours since his last shower and teeth brushing (never more than 48) and well that’s a no... whether morning or night. But yeah I am hypersensitive and that’s something I had to come to conclusion with after reflecting. I can notice even faint scents. I can smell peoples natural body scents even if they’re not offensive or loud. I told him that because of this, it would help if he sprinzes some cologne in the AM (on the nightstand). So in short, showering everyday just once , brushing twice a day and a bit of cologne in the am is all I ask for. He still can’t do that...
  4. I needed this, thank you. The last thing I want to do is nag him like a mom would do. Our relationship is otherwise really strong. I have to practice positive reinforcement but it’s hard because I find myself being like my critical mother, which I know sets him back even more because his mom was critical too. Thanks for commenting!
  5. Thanks for commenting. To answer your questions... we weren’t able to sleep together or even see each other everyday prior to marriage so we just “dated” like going on dates where we obviously presented our best selves. He was neglected as a kid and his mom is super dirty... I visited their house before we married and was able to see the red flags there. He developed bad habits from his upbringing... he is honestly an amazing man. He’s generous, kind, intelligent and I am really in love with him. I care about him a lot... I want to help him heal from the wounds that caused him his current patterns but I don’t know how to help.
  6. It’s both lol. Sorry for my late response I was locked out of my account! But anyway, the night time is perfect, no issues there but only half the time as he doesn’t believe in showering every single day (only every other day). So the night of the day he showers are wins for me... the other nights not so much. The mornings are always bad because of morning breath. I think I am very hypersensitive to smells... because I almost throw up at the slightest stench. That could also be an issue...
  7. Hi friends, so i've been struggling with my husband's hygiene ever since I met him 7 years ago. He thinks it's okay to not brush his teeth or shower in the morning and then tries to initiate intimacy, which I obviously shut down. I tell him why and either he gets annoyed and drags himself to the shower or just rolls over and falls asleep, leaving me unsatisfied. Thankfully, it's gotten a bit better so now he knows to brush his teeth without me nagging him, but he won't shower every morning. His argument is "well I just showered last night" (it would be the next afternoon) and I would smell a bit of B.O. I'm at the point where I don't know if what i'm asking for is unreasonable because I have to be fair...I sometimes don't shower in the morning but I brush my teeth, wipe my privates with wet wipes and water, put some nice perfume on, deodorant etc. If he did those things I would be cool! We've had fights about it, calm and gentle conversations and he still can't shake himself out of his pure laziness. He's in the shower now as we speak. We spent 30 minutes before hand going back and forth about how he needed to wash up first. I'm not even in the mood anymore...it's like I have to put up a fight every time. By now he knows what my expectations are but is still too lazy so he tries to test my limits every time just to see if he can get away with it and I just end up pushing him off.
  8. Yeah, he spent the whole weekend away. I'm not worried about cheating or anything because I've seen him completely lock himself in his office for two days. So I know he's just doing that there lol. But yeah, exactly...that's my concern. I'll have a talk with him after his exam on setting some quality time every week, for an hour or two (when he's busy) and let him know that that's important for me. Hopefully, we can reach that compromise. Because when he doesn't have a big responsibility, we spend a good amount of time together and it's great! He just enters another portal whenever something comes up. Thanks for your insight. :)
  9. That's the thing, I don't want to come off as selfish that's why I wanted to hear other people's opinions. I've never lived alone so that's hard to adjust with and I know that's not his fault or anyone's fault. Just something I need to work out. I do miss him and maybe that's also at the root of how I feel but maybe instead of being frustrated, I can express that in a loving and positive way. Edit** yes, I have a very busy life that's why I want to unwind with my husband like anyone else!
  10. Yeah, he's not usually like that but when he's stressed his bad side comes out. I guess that goes for all of us but it did hurt hearing that. He's always shut himself off when going through something stressful or negative. I'm the opposite, I vent and connect with others in times of distress. I wish he could open up more about how he feels about this because that would be the healthy thing to do in a relationship.
  11. That's the thing, I don't want to come off as selfish that's why I wanted to hear other people's opinions. I've never lived alone so that's hard to adjust with and I know that's not his fault or anyone's fault. Just something I need to work out. I do miss him and maybe that's also at the root of how I feel but maybe instead of being frustrated, I can express that in a loving and positive way.
  12. Thank you for your response. "I" statements would be helpful and definitely bringing this up after would be better as of course, I don't want to stress him out! To answer your questions, I do have a busy career myself and I work really hard throughout the week. During the weekends, I occupy some time with friends, family or gym. Maybe even self-care like bubble baths or whatever. It's just at the end of the day, I want to spend some time with him. Maybe even an hour or two. I don't think i'm asking for much. In that case, me occupying myself has given him the whole day to potentially study. Instead, he decides to stay in his studio apartment out of town because "he can't focus here". I'm trying to be more understanding because focusing is difficult for him. But I miss my husband! :( The discussion about work/life balance does need to be had and i'll try discussing this with him after. Yeah, I always knew he was like this. We've been together 6 years! I just thought he wouldn't be so *extreme* like one movie night together a week isn't unreasonable? I need it to feel connected and refreshed for another brutal week of work. But for him, he just keeps going and going, no breaks!
  13. Hi everyone, I'm new here but I thought it would be a good idea to get some other opinions... So I've only been married for 3 months and we're very happy and in love. My husband's work has sent him to complete a project in another city about 2 hours away, so he's only with me during the weekends. Even when he is here, he's focused on studying for a licensing exam that he's taking tomorrow. I'm trying my best to be understanding and to remind myself that it's only temporary but I can't help but feel lonely and frustrated. I mean...we're newlyweds! I don't want to blame him for this because it really isn't his fault, but I do feel like he can balance things out a bit better...Such as studying for the exam in the morning or evening and taking me out on a date, or spending some time with me the rest of the time. His personality is very much introverted so he's okay with locking himself up in the office for hours at a time. When I tried bringing this up to him he called me needy and not understanding and stated that he doesn't get a chance to study throughout the week cause he works crazy hours and the weekend is his only time. He also told me not to talk about the exam or ask him about it because it stresses him out. I believe this is unreasonable because when it comes to my responsibilities (that stress me out), he is curious and concerned and asks questions and I communicate with him. I feel shut out. Am I being needy? Or is my concern justified? I mean there will be times in our lives in the future when we will have other responsibilities similar to his exam (such as kids, big purchases, job duties etc.) that will request our attention and effort...will he just lock himself away again? Looking forward to your responses. Thank you in advance!
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