Rose Mosse

You have to overcome your fear of rejection. Going to a breastaurant, whatever that is or implies, is no different from chatting up a cashier or barista at a local coffee bar. You are just a paying customer hitting on the staff. She probably won't be rude to you because you're a customer but you're fooling no one about what your intentions are so without further ado just ask her out if you want to ask her out and stop being so afraid.

What was his reasoning for purchasing on his own? I ask to get a better of idea of where he is at. From the outset, yes, he does seem selfish and one-track minded or uninterested in your input or not as invested in your future together. Someone might have advised him it was unwise to co-own with a girlfriend and it was the right time for him to purchase that particular house. Are you interested in marriage or kids? If that is what you are intending for yourself or wanting overall, then this is very far from what it's looking like right now.

When's the social?

This is sweet. You'll be fine. Don't dwell on this and what you said. Shrug it off and enjoy these moments. I think it's great that you've met someone you like so much.

Is it the norm for socials like this to be a place where young couples can potentially meet or for singles to meet each other? At a previous church I went to (pre-Covid) I know there were gatherings for young parishioners to meet other singles and it was ok to talk to different people with the intent to meet to date. If it's acceptable, that should be ok but if it's not the norm, I'd avoid doing this or assuming that others are there with an open mind for romance, so to speak. Good luck either way and have fun.

Please do not tell her your feelings. Ask her out on a date instead as mentioned above. I hope the meeting goes well and have fun.

Saying this will demonstrate the level of anger management issues and streaks of rage and jealousy that you have. If you're here asking for advice about it, it's likely that you are also very aware of this and how inappropriate a comment like this would be and how abusive and controlling your thoughts have become. This is going to get worse, not better, with a comment like this or the longer time goes on. If you've already mentioned her leggings are transparent, she knows. You don't need to keep bringing it up. I strongly suggest you reconsider saying anything like this and go back to the drawing board. You say she's faithful and so are you so why are you not believing that? Where is the ingrained belief that she might be cheating on you coming from? Why does her dress threaten you or your relationship or the way you feel as her male partner? Dig deep and figure out why you feel threatened and uncomfortable. You seem unusually paranoid. Why does your mind automatically discredit her and undermine her or your relationship?

A lot of people try to make sense of their exes and head down the diagnostic rabbit hole for mental health. Best to steer clear of that. It's tempting but it won't change the reality of the situation. If you feel she's unstable leave it at that. Learn to screen out individuals who aren't a match. You were both living together and it sounds like the break up was near the end of May which is still fresh. More time is needed but how you spend that time and organize your thoughts will help. Did you watch the video that Pleasedonot posted on rumination? It's quite good because it talks about being mindful and careful about types of thoughts and how rumination can develop from a coping mechanism into something much more unhealthy and pathological. As for her TMI roommate, it would help to stay away from other complaints about someone (ie your ex). It's not worth it. All it does is feed your imagination and thoughts about what she's up to or doing now and fuel more self-doubt and tremendous anxiety over your situation. I'm sure that roommate or ex-friend wanted to commiserate and help you feel better but it's a poor variation of peace and creates more questions and anxiety than it does offer any peace of mind whatsoever. Remember that misery loves company and gossip. Steer clear of people who just can't get enough of putting someone else down or exposing someone in order to make themselves feel good.

She is not without a care in the world if she's sobbing about pushing away all the people who love her. It helps writing all this out, I'm sure. Even the angry parts. What I learned eventually is that the other person may be going through their own personal hell. You should keep trying hard to redirect all that pain and sadness and motivate yourself to do well and live well. Even if it is so difficult it doesn't quite happen some days, keep trying. Eventually one day you will be moving on steadily.

All that matters is that you find your own kind of happiness and fulfilment that matters to you. Everything else will fall into place, cliche but true. If you're not happy or satisfied with yourself unfortunately you'll run into issues attracting unsavoury types. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am but not everyone is like that. Some people know exactly what works for them early on. Others take a little trial and error. Whatever happiness looks like to you go on and pursue that.

I enjoyed it. I can't really say much other than that because it is really that simple for me. Thoroughly enjoy it still. Every day is an adventure. I wake up whenever I want and do whatever I please, barring other commitments or appointments. I think you're speaking from a place of want though and I've done everything I could want to do in this life so I am content. Why don't you think about pursuing your dreams of having your own house or place to yourself? Find ways to design your life according to what you want and what you like and what you need. Who cares what your friends are doing? I hope you're not measuring yourself by their achievements. Make new friends too. Good for you keeping in touch with your parents. Are they putting pressure on you to find someone?

What exactly is your question? Is this about a recent break up or separation from spouse? You'll have to be a bit more specific regarding your situation so others can offer more insight. Living alone is actually an option and a choice for many, not something a person copes with. Take your time adjusting if you're making a transition. It takes time to get used to a new life.

This does happen with the passing of time. I can empathize. I spent a good deal of my early years very busy I've been having a ball ever since with more time to myself and more freedom to explore. Life is much sweeter now than it ever has been , personally. You will find new ways to enrich yourself and find other things to challenge you. Or, meet new people who also interest you and challenge you to think differently and perceive yourself differently. You know youth is relative too. Focus on your diet and health and exercise if you want to improve yourself. The passing of time is ever more present the more we lose our loved ones too to age and sickness over time. I think you take things in stride and learn not to let the little things move you, save it for the big things - big achievements and worries. You don't have to keep being your old self and you can let go of your old measures, standards, preoccupations also. Tell yourself that. Move forward.

Paired with your other thread, I'm getting the impression that your anxiety levels are skyrocketing and you're almost always guessing whether this person likes you at all. Only you know deep down whether this has a shot at working out. You both work together in the same place too. Is this worth all that hassle? Why are you so worried about her not liking you as much? If she doesn't like you enough, don't hesitate to move on and date someone else. Some part of you is uncomfortable around her and perhaps half of that is coming from you not feeling confident enough about what you bring to the relationship. Why? She is not god's gift to the earth and there are other women out there eventually if this doesn't work out. For the time being, keep things neutral, let her know that you like hearing from her and if she doesn't make an effort or isn't in that space in her life to do so or not mature enough or confident even about herself, move on. Don't let this stop you from finding someone else.

Their mental health issues are not your issues however. There has to be some boundary between how you perceive yourself independently from these people. If you can let go of needing their approval or caring so much about what they think or say, it would do a world of good. They are not like you - that first step is acceptance and then second, to stop measuring yourself by their measures. It's not going to work. You go about your life according to your tune, your standards, your methods and your beliefs. This is also cutting that cord mentally/emotionally while still navigating your life and your relationships with relative ease. I don't have a perfect family either and there have been plenty of ups and downs. Don't take things so personally. I hope this works out and you can relieve yourself of these thoughts and worries soon. Live your life as you see fit and be whoever you need to be to feel balanced, happy, motivated and unweighted by this pain and resentment. You can do it.

Aw but everyone wants to be part of a family. Or at least anyone I know. You don't have to cut them off. I think you just need to be clearer about what you're not available for (those are your boundaries without stating or spelling out b-o-u-n-d-a-r-i-e-s or offending anyone with details). If she asks more questions, reassure her everything will be fine, confirm you'll see them at the time share and tell her to enjoy herself.

Deal with the vacation plans first and leave the other upset and problems with them for the moment. If doing the extra trip and staying over at your sister's isn't something you want to do change it to something that you're not free to do. Something came up. Remove the emotion out of it and fix the issue which is being available for the trip to your sister's place. I know this is hard but don't make any room for it, period. The plans will adjust around what you can't do or aren't free to do. They'll figure out a way to meet you at the time share.

How horrible. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope it is over soon. Thank you for coming back to update. I hope you also have good friends and family around you and have the support you may need.

OP. You have to keep at it if it's something you love to do. And don't stop there. Keep going and learning. The road is very long and you will stumble. This is part of it and it's developing you. Brush yourself off and keep going. Don't give up.

You're getting ahead of yourself. Keep your feet firmly grounded and focus on the things you do have. Lamenting about the state of singles out there is not the time right now. I hope you find joy in the little things. Catch up with your friends, order in whatever you want to order in for dinner tonight and expand on that thought that you don't have to check in with anyone. It is bit by bit. You'll get there. Forget the negative self-talk for now and just take care of yourself.

Not very classy. But you'll have to drag yourself out of the victim mentality eventually. This is all the more reason to put her behind you and start anew. Good grief. Who wants a person like that around?

You were already at a deficit because your emotional needs weren't being met so it's natural to feel down and low and very anxious about whether this person feels the same way about you. The takeaway really should also be "this is a person I've been seeing, things were going well but she seems to be busy with other things and I am not very happy or fulfilled". Take things in stride and don't overwhelm yourself. Spend time with other friends and family - take your mind out of this rut. Keep in touch with your emotions. Don't block them out because ignoring them is ignoring your litmus test for whether a relationship is working or not. How you react to it is what matters and what you do with it. If this situation isn't working you end it peaceably like I said above and do the thing that best suits you. Don't keep waiting around indefinitely or let things get unprofessional at work.

If she's receptive to it and you've addressed this, you will just have to practice some patience seeing whether it takes effect over time. Be patient. You're essentially sh-tting where you eat - same department, same building, same area. Not a good call in the first place. Give it time to unfold and if it doesn't or she keeps cancelling, both of you aren't on the same page or you don't understand or know her well enough on whether her life can even support a relationship at this time. Why is she so poorly with her health and sick all the time? Does she have a medical condition you don't know about or poor immune system? Get to know each other a bit more. If this isn't working out, end it peaceably and go your separate ways.

She doesn't want to talk to you and you appear needy. Don't contact her anymore, respect her space. If you still want to play the game with the same people including her, keep it civil and lighthearted. This is no way to treat your game-mates. Leave the L word out of it as it was likely said in jest or in the moment (not meaningfully). The question of whether she's married or not still hangs. Your ex went crazy - why? She's your ex or is she? Both of you are leaving a trail of destruction or more questions that are left unanswered. The whole thing sounds shady. Have fun with the game but keep things superficial and light. Forget the thing you both had. Hope this blows over.

Give it more time. What's important is that you leave all that at the door and get back on track with your health and heal post-surgery. You both just met so him being all over you or texting you at a time when you're recovering is not exactly appropriate. He may think that you have a lot of friends and family already to answer to and deal with as people may be asking how you're doing and sending you well wishes also. If you don't hear from him within a week, lower your expectations drastically. Don't take it personally. You may be a cool gal but the timing is off. If both of you reconnect later, that's fine. Wishing you a speedy recovery!