69_king

Not actually true. The pain from regret goes away once you meet someone else. In fact, it is possible to look at regret as better than rejection. Think about it: If you go for it and you are rejected then that may stop you from asking the next person out because you assume you will be rejected again. BUT... If you don't go for it and feel regret then the next time you meet someone you will definitely not want to screw up again so there is a greater chance that you will go for it. It feels like a second chance (or third, or fourth ) And that opportunity to make up for your inaction in the past will definitely spur you on.

I don't even know when it is. Most years I don't even realize it happened. I've never had a girlfriend during Valentine's day (or Christmas either) which is a cool thing because I didn't have to buy any presents! Actually, of the girlfriends I have had, I have never been with them over their birthdays either. So I have never had to buy a present at all! (except for a few little things just for the hell of it)

I know, thats how I feel, but apparently that is a turnoff to a lot of girls.

Wow! You admitted that! I never admit that I studied computer science any more. As soon as I say that immediately the girls are like "Geek Alert"! Seriously, I have had girls immediately lose interest as soon as I brought that up. And now, the way the market is, its worse! its like "Unemployed Geek Alert"! (just joking )

Ha, I majored in computer science which is 5% female and they were all asian too!

Yes, you're right, but there is one thing I need to clear up here. We are not all equal. Some people are better than others. Like, for example, Mother Theresa is better than Adolf Hitler. Or a man who loves and cares for his wife is better than a man who is identical in every way except he beats his wife.

Now that I have moved away from university I have trouble finding guy friends too for the same reason. At university it was a differnet story. Now, my only guy friends, apart from old friends from uni that live far away, are guys I play golf with. And we only ever meet at the golf club and they don't have girlfriends either Oh yeah, and few of them are my age. Kind of on a separate note: I was just thinking about why I am afraid to ask girls out and I think the main reason is that I am afraid of embarrassing them or putting them on the spot. I don't care about being rejected myself but I don't want to make them feel awkward unless I know they are already seriously interested in me.

How exactly do you "dance" with someone at a club? Other than grinding. I was at a rave on saturday (actually most of it was sunday I guess ) and you can only dance "next to" someone, not with them. I think it would be physically dangerous to try to dance to rave music when connected to another person. I guess its different if they're playing R&B or something and most clubs are playing R&B these days (which is why I don't go clubbing anymore) In most clubs these days it is too loud to actually talk to anyone anyway. And from my experience I haven't really seen that many people getting together in a club. It happens of course but its a small percentage (like maybe 5% or less?)

What you "want" and what you will "accept" are two different things. Everyone wants someone who is the best. They may deny it but think about it. If you were offered two people who were nearly identical except one had some slight advantage over the other, which one would you pick? You would pick the better one. Now, if you were presented with another person who again was nearly identical to the one you picked but ever so slightly better you would probably prefer to have the new person. Now just keep repeating this process and you will end up with the perfect person. BUT, you may "accept" any of them, even the lowest, depending on your standards. So, everyone may want what the original poster described but what will people accept??

Yeah, I think about that too but then I realize How the hell am I going to know she is the one? I'll probably end up just walking right past her and never see her again. The only way this "meeting you soulmate walking down the street thing" is ever going to work is if you stop every person you come accross and initiate a deep conversation with them. Its not like their is a sign over their head saying "I'm the one"!

Yeah, you can't just "wait around" for love. Lots of shy guys don't even have female friends or acquaintances. So you can't say "Every girl that I've liked, the feelings developed from our friendship." These guys don't even have any friendships to be developed. How do you get girls to be friends with you in the first place? Love isn't going to find you if you don't get to know any girls in the first place. I was in a coffee shop today and I saw this guy sitting with three girls. How does he do it?? I'm not really shy and even I can't do that. But I've found that, for some reason, I'm not really compatible with girls my age. It seems I only ever get along with girls who are either a lot younger or a lot older than me. Maybe its because I am kind of a different person and if there is an age difference then you expect the other person to be different but if you are the same age then they want you to "fit in" with their life, their friends and just be normal. I can't find female friends my age because I like different music, different TV shows, different food, different activites etc. and it just scares them away. I'm not a freak or anything, I actually seem like a perfectly normal guy and girls seem to come on to me at first but once they get to know me they become disinterested. So I can't just wait around for someone to find me because the chances are too low and I have to actively (and up to this point unsuccessfully) try to find someone who I am compatible with. Unless you are a normal guy you can't just wait around. I did a test on some website a while back and it said that about 10% of girls matched what I was looking for but only 30% of those girls were looking for someone like me. So thats 3% of all girls who are compatible with me and then how many of those are single? Probably a lot because they are in the same boat as me but lets say 2 out of 3 so that 2% of girls or 1 in 50 that would be good for me. So I have to go out and try to meet and get to know 50 girls before I find someone. That is going to take a while! And also, if you are over, say, 22 then you need a good job and money or the girls will think you are a loser.

We had kind of moved the conversation more into the general starting about 1 page ago. My comments do not really apply to the specific situation of the original poster. I'm just putting up a hypothetical scenario in which the teacher and student are in real love. Which is more important then? the relationship or the job?

Your brainwaves need a medium (ie. a brain ) to survive. So they couldn't really leave your body and become one with the universe. I mean you are eminating waves from your brain all the time. Are they becoeming part of the universe already? They just dissipate. Brainwaves are just sort of a product of the functioning of your brain. They are not the brain itself. Once the brain stops functioning (due to lack of blood, oxygen etc.) it stops producing waves. You can't prove anything 100% (except in mathematics where a proof is not accepted unless it is 100%) so it may be that the universe is some kind of illusion and that we go somewhere else after we die. We can't know for sure, there is no real evidence supporting any afterlife theory. Even the theory that everything goes black and its over. Personally, I don't care if there is or isn't an afterlife. If there is then that is cool! but if there isn't then I will not be around to realize it! Do you get my point? Its not like you have to lie there staring at darkness for eternity! Either their is an afterlife and you are their to experience it or their isn't one and you are not around to know that there isn't one. I am not afraid of dying I am only afraid of how I will die. If, without any warning, I suddenly died right now I wouldn't care! Because either I wouldn't be around any longer to care, or I would be in heaven! You can't lose!! Another thing I think is that the Earth is like a giant organism and I am just a part of it, like a cell in the human body. When I die it is not all that important because the Earth still lives on. I said above that I am only afraid of how I might die. Like, for example, I think being deep fried would probably be one of the worst ways!

When you are in love with someone you would care more about them than your job. And if you are in a big university then the chances of having the same teacher twice are rather low so you could just keep it quiet for a couple of months until the term is over.

Rape is such a difficult subject and I think as a man (and I'm not being sarcastic or anything here, this is what I truly feel) but as a man I'm not qualified to comment on it. It's just not possible for a man to understand what it really means. So I will cease to discuss this further because I don't think I can help any more.

could you somehow post a picture or something so that we can all tell you that you are not fat?! Your body does tend to feel fatter or, more precisely, flabbier as you age but at 17 you should probably not be experiencing this too much yet.

Yes they should , but they can't !! We do not live in a Utopia, don't try to be an idealist, there are dangers out there and we need to be aware of them. If you want to be safe then you need to be careful. You need to accept the truth!! You can't just say that something should be this way or that and live your life asuuming that is how it is. You need to realize how things really are and live your life according to that! This is a big problem in today's society. People do not want to be responsible for their own actions! If someone goes running down the sidewalk in the middle of winter without looking where they are going and they slip on an icy patch and break their leg, what do they do? Do they accept the fact that it was their fault for not being careful in the wintery conditions? NO! They find someone to sue for not putting salt on the path!! Watch out for yourself and be careful, as much as you don't want to admit it, life is dangerous !!

Ha! There is a bowling alley accross from my house but I'm kind of at war with the owner so going in there is a dangerous situation which I am going to avoid! I read over my other post and I think it sounds a little harsh. The point I was trying to get accross is that, though it is mostly the guys fault, the girl in a situation like this needs to admit to herself that she could have played the situation differently and possibly have avoided the outcome. And that this was a lesson and in the future she will be a little more careful. (of course though, as I said above, if she was drugged then there wasn't much she could have done)

Sorry, I didn't realize the extent of it. You blacked out? If they drugged you or something then that is a different story. That would have been pre meditated and that is definitely more serious. In the eyes of the law too, I think. In that case it's hardly your fault at all.

YES!! It would be very appropriate. It would be partially my fault for walking down the alley. I would know I was taking a risk. And if I decided not to go down the alley then it would not have happened. You have to understand the world we live in and the risks that are out there. Whether you like it or not you need to think about these things and be careful. Like if you walked into a Lion's den and it ate you are you going to say that is entirely the Lion's fault?? These guys were lions and she walked into their den. People have to be somewhat responsible for their own actions. This girl would not have been raped if she had not spent the night getting drunk with some guys. She took a risk. What they did was wrong and they should be punished but she put herself in a bad situation. Just like if she decided to walk alone through a city park in the middle of the night. She had the power to avoid it. That is what I am trying to say. I am not defending the guys, they are b@stards, I am just saying that a tiny bit of the fault is hers. And also, I must point out that not all rapes are the same. There are definitely many situations in which the victim is at absolutely no fault. The topic of this thread was "I was raped so why was it not affecting me?" I offered a possible answer to this question, I was trying to help. Maybe I can't tell from personal experience, sorry, I didn't realize that you wanted advice only from women who have been raped. My 16 year old niece died in a car accident last year because she was with a bunch of guys who were drinking. Was it entirely her fault that she died? Of course not. But it was at least a little bit her fault for getting into a car with drunk guys and nobody doubts that. She could have avoided the situation if she was more responsible but she didn't.

Maybe you feel this way because it wasn't like they set out to rape you. You were so intoxicated that you lost control of your actions. Were they equally intoxicated? Because then they would have lost control of their actions. I'm not really trying to defend them but perhaps you don't blame them as much because the alcohol was in control. I don't know the details and I don't know what kind of people they are so I can't really judge the situation properly. Still, they should receive some kind of punishment for this whether they were drunk or not. But maybe you would feel a lot worse if you had been assaulted on the street or in a park by someone who had intentionally set out to attack you. You have to admit it was partially your fault for getting into the situation in the first place. So you will learn from this experience and hopefully you won't let it ruin your life.

Yes, thats true. You need to start thinking of yourself as a great catch and, as bad as it might sound, you need to think that you are better than the girls you are asking out. (Like they should want to be with you instead of you wanting to be with them) Not that that is really true, but you need to convince yourself of it. So that asking a girl out feels just the same as going into a store and ordering a pizza. So that when a girl turns you down its like the guy saying "Sorry Sir, we're out of pizza" and you're like "Oh well, big deal! I'll just go to the next store" Because you are not so serious about it. And because of that then when a girl does accept your offer then you will not suddenly be like "Oh My God, I'm gonna marry this girl". Basically, you just need to think "I'm great" and don't take dating any more seriously than any other daily activity. I know this is hard, I have the same problem because I respect the girls too much. So you kind of need to brainwash yourself. Good Luck!

It was probably a one way window with a mirror on the other side and she was checking out her hair

Every time you get rejected it just lowers your confidence even more. So you have to somehow build up a big reserve of confidence before you start approaching girls/guys. It's the same with applying for jobs. I was the top of my class in High School. In my last year I won $1500 for having the top marks in various subjects. I thought I was The Man! I was going to go to university and immediately get a $100,000 a year job when I was done. Well, I was in the Co-Op program at uni (school one term, work the next) and I had a hell of a time getting any kind of good job in my co-op terms. In fact, in the last 2 terms I could not get any job at all. There were so many smarter people at uni. I went from the top of the class at HS to below the middle at uni. I left uni feeling like an average joe and in the 3 years since I have not found a real job. I've only applied to a handful and didn't even get an interview at any of them. Now, I can't bring myself to apply to any good job because I just don't have the same confidence I used to have. I also have this fear that if they do hire me then I will end up not being able to do the job well enough. Its the same thing with girls. I fear that if they do go out with me then when they get to know me they will start to lose interest because we have hardly anything in common. Its also really annoying when people say to me "Why don't you have a girlfriend? You should have a girlfriend. If I had your looks I would have a different girl each night!" or "Why don't you have a good job? You're so intelligent. You should be earning big bucks by now!" That stuff just makes me feel guilty. Like I'm wasting what I've got.

You know what's scary? Being 26 and knowing people my age and younger who are married! I still want to have some fun first. I still feel like I'm 20.