Phoenix Down

Even if the ex and I dont work out , it's just the fact that if she did find out she would have a bit of hate for me. I know messed up things will be said. I like peace over conflict and the message will travel through my friends, then they will look down at this as well. The ex ex and I ended up hating each other and our friends split down the middle. I just dont want conflict. (It's been 4 years of peace.) But I enjoy the physical acts. Who wouldent? We're like two kids after school rushing before the parents come home. But I kinda feel bad for dude tho. She says all kinds of messed up things about him. I talked to her, and we agreed to play for just a little while longer and then let it go. It was a nice rematch, but I need to move forward not behind. I want something new.

Heres a quick recap, We dated for 3 years, wasn't ready because of last ex, but she insisted. Over time I saw she was good for me and we tried for a while, but then I became insecure because of what happened in my last relationship. (Dumb, lesson learned everyones different) Any way, she said she wanted to start over and be friends and slowly work back into a relationship, I thought she was just being nice so I said no thanks. I went into no contact (she knew how I felt for her, wanted to retry) She contacted me atleast once a week for one reason or another. This went on for a while, then she sent a e mail, we talked for a while and then she moved into her new place, she no longer has internet. So now this. She still calls from time to time, but still about off topic things. I decided to call her last week and said I'd like to see her. (Just to brake the cycle) She sounded happy and said ok, but still now word. (not really waiting by the phone) I just want us to atleast be able to talk, even if we end up as just friends. I just want to put a stop the games.

Thank you.

I'm just going to let things be then. I told her last week I'd like to see her. I think thats enough on my part dont you? If we do this we're going to have to be friends and take it very slowly fo what ever we dscide to do. When we broke a lot was going on for both of us so we may not even like each other anymore. I know it's only been 6 months, but thats still a lot of time. I'd be willing, but only time knows. I have to keep working on me right now, I've got too much going on to put too much of this in the mix. I would like for us to at least talk so we could act like people. Any advice is always welcome. Thanks for your time

I'm not waiting for any body. Why does she want to know anything then. It just makes me mad from time to time. I'm trying to show her we can talk like friends with out this.

She still hasn't called but she stoped by and talked to my dad at his work yesterday. She was asking how I was and when I was moving into my new place. But she knew more than he did, because of everything between my parents I keep a lot to my self some of you know why. I havent really told anybody but the friends that are hooking me up with the place. One of them does work with her so thats how she found out I'm sure. I really dont have a problem with it, I just wish she's come out and talk to me about things and not others around me. Oh well, maybe she's not what I should be looking for after all. It's not like her, I've done my part and said "I'd like to see her." As long as it goes on like this, I'll drift further away till this mess is sorted. It already is startring to feel like too late for me. It's just if she wants to know how I'm doing she should just call me up, but she still goes to others for info, turn off.

Yeah it's the same girl we talked about. But the sex is so much fun. She has no feelings for me and I have none for her, it's just sex. But at the same time, "do on to others as you would have them do on to you" If I was her man and she was cheating on me, I'd be pissed. So once again Karma comes into play. If she leaves dude tho, well then again Crystal. I dont think this is worth it, atleast until I find out whats going on between her and I. But if that falls through I've got a play mate for a while I guess, but I wont let it go on for long, it's not healthy for my place right now. If anything I need to find some thing new.

I like the way you think. I'm still going to do that show thing at south paw, but I got called up do work with a cupple rap artest here in town (local) nothing too big. I know it sounds crazy but our styles mixed sounds unique. We've got tripped out beats fast and slow with some flow and me coming in and out with my vocals. Do you know how to up load music on the web to send to some one? I've got those few songs on the college site, but I want yall to hear my new stuff. If you find out, please let me know, and I saw your pic, your very cute, your ex is retarded.

Thats the whole thing, She's never been with anyone else, as far as I know. (Crystal) And the reason she hates her so much is because when her and I started to date the ex ex keept coming into the picture and Crystal knew she still had a part of me. Thats also part of the reason why her and I broke up. All it is is sex, the ex ex and I cant go any further because I dont want her that way. I think I should put an end to things, the karma thing is what got me. It's been done before and I really dont want this to come back and bite me. Why cant fun come with out a price? I might just one last time for lod times sake. N-less karma takes that one down to. Ughh, this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not really a big deal but my ex, ex and I ran into each other at the club the other night. (Not the one I've been doing posts on the one b-4 her,4years not that it matters.) We both got to talking a bit, the music got loud an she stated we should go back to her place and catch up. At first I was thinking no, but then again I thought no harm could come of it no matter what tohe out come. So we get back to her place we get to talking, she was asking about Crystal, my resent ex, and played her a few songs I had done for her. (It had been so long sense we sat down and talked like friends but that quickly changed.) In mid sentence she jumped on me and I got lost in her touch. It was like we traveled back in time and relived one of our moments. (our relationship was based on sex, we both thought we we're in love but at that age we didn't know better.) Anyway after everything, we talked alittle and jumped again. And I stated I had to go, I had work the next day. She then said she was still with someone and not to say anything. She said she'd like to do things again, but to keep it quiet. We're both older now and the sex is great, but I need a moral check. Plus if Crystal cought wind some how that would be the end of everything between her and I(she hates her), but if it's kept quiet and we just pleased each other is there some distructive sign here I'm missing? What should I do at this point? We dont have feelings for each other other than to see how long we can go before we brake each others sprit. But honestly, what do you think I should do here? It's fun, but...no, just fun.

Whats a blog? How does it work?

It sounds like she's torn between you and her ex. I would play the friend role and be there for her, but ler her make the moves. If you come off as ready and willing she may take more time to make up her mind. She has a lot to think about so let her think. If your pushy it may be pushing her twards her ex. Be neutral. Her mind will set in time. Show her your there for her, but don't tell her how you feel all the time. I guess be you, but in friend form for the time being. I have to warn you tho, no one has the answer to this problem, tips are different for everyone. Do what is best for you, but don't be needy. Good luck, and brake me off some if you find it.

Thanks, you had a lot to do with that. This site has helped in ways you wont believe. I just hope I can apply what I've learned for my ex if it's not too late. And if it is, then who evers next will see what I've been trying to do. It's all in how you look at things. Theres a time where they are all that matters to your happiness. (ex's) But then almost over night the world opens up and you see just how many more options are out there. Oh and I've cut back on drinking, maybe for like birthdays or special times, but I still smoke from time to time, I've cut that back as well. Not ciggs are out the window. But MJ helps me view the world in a different light making the music come to me. It's easyer to fix the problems when I'm not messed up all the time. someone on this site brought that to my attention. I blew it off at first but they we're right. I still party from time to time but we all have been taking it easy. (friends and I) New years thing. I'm the only single one left in the group now so on with the show. We'll see what will be. Deja

My Dad finnaly told my mom about the devorce last night. My heart is alittle less heavy now I dont have to keep that under anymore. Things suck for the time being, but soon I think they will both be happy. It just sucks tho, After the hurricane I had to move in with them for a cupple of months,Thats when my dad told me about everything. I move into my new place on the 20th of this month I cant wait.Moms taking it all out on my dad, brother and I, which I understand. It's just hard to hear you mom say some of the things she's say'n. But all should be well soon. As for me, I know I'll never let something like this happen to me. (Now that I said that watch it happen ) No, When and if I find that "one" person, I know we'll work through anything. Everything does happen for a reason, it sometimes just takes time to see it. Sorry for the flip of topic. My plans to tell my ex my thoughts are still. And no matter what her answer is, everything will be ok. Trust me. Good luck to ya, Deja

I agree, make him chase you, dont be so open to him. Let him see what he's about to loose. It's sometimes the only way people see.

Past post will explain in detail. My ex called last thursday to let me know she was coming to pick up a few things from my parents house. (long story) She needed some extra space. Well after we hung up, a few hours had passed and I decided to ring her back and ask a qustion. We have been playing games for a while and I want ridd of them so I called her back and went out on a limb and said if we could get our times to match, I'd like to see her. (A big change in our past talks) Her tone changed and she sounded happy, and said yes. But still no answer sense, was this a mistake, a chance for her to see she still has a part of me?

I have the same problem, is there anything I can do to try and change that. I try but by the time I respond it's too late, I've said something to turn it down. I geuss what I'm asking is, how can you learn to love yourself (if thats what it is) I want to be positive but half the time I'm the opposite. I want to change that. I've already taken steps, but if theres any more advice I'd love to hear it.

I just thought of something... I was reading about the "New years kiss thing". Her best friend the one she moved in with is dating her exboyfriend again, but the catch is her ex boyfriend is best friends with my ex's ex boyfriend so now they see a lot more of each other. Tho she hated him, even before we got together. I used to work with her and she'd always pick on him and say how retarded he was, but time changes people. I'm thinking theres a chance they may start things again or they may not but the point is Should I still ask her this now? I dont want to come between her and her happiness, or look like a fool. What should I do?

Well this week she's coming to pick up her friends stuff. When she called last week I put my foot out and said I'd like to be there when she when she does that, and that I'd like to see her. (a major change from past comunications) To my surprise she sounded happy. (Dosn't mean anything). When we meet, I'm going to tell her I'd like to start over, the way she wanted to. Even if she flips things on me and says no way, My heart will still rest after all is said and done. I'd like for us to have that seccond chance, but even more I'd just like an answer so my world can move again. I've grown and it's now clear to see. No matter what happens My heart will know calm again. And for sure who ever is next will know what I ment all this time. I've learned that it's not fair to judge sone one's actions based on anothers. We are all different people. Dont jump to know what someones up to just because you've seen "this" before. I also wanted to say thank you to every one whos helped me through these broken days of wonder, and helped me to see it's not what we can do to "get them back" It's what not to do again to them again or whos ever next. It's how to become you again through all the confusion, because if you get lost, the plague of qustions will take you and keep you from happiness. Rise above all that is and see where you stand. Do you agree with what you see? If not than true self change is needed. I hope that made sense. Thank you all again. And I'll let you know what the out come is. But No matter what it may be, I can see now. I'd love to hear what you all think of the story as of now, and I hope you all have a good new year. Deja

I got a music offer today, this may change a few things. For the better. I might get to move to Canada.

You and I are in the same boat. I'm still going to ask her about starting over. I'm just happy to have had an actual conversation. Not the same old BS. I'll keep my head up too, but no matter the out come, thats where it'll stay. Good luck to us.

She called back to let me know she'll call me some time next week as to when she'll pick her stuff up. (she left some things over at my parents house, so I wanted to meet her there). So I went a head and put a foot in and said I'd like to be there when she comes, and that I'd like to see her. It felt good to be the first one to brake the "role playing" and come out and say something. To my surprise she sounded happy, her mood changed a bit, more like her. She said she'd like that. That still dosn't mean anything. We'll see what hapens.

to the point. When we broke up she said she wanted to take some time to her self and then start over with me. I thought it was BS so like the dumb#$% i I was, I said no. But now that all this time has passed, I know now it's something I want to do. So when she stops by to pick up her stuff I was going to come out and say, I made a mistake and would like to start again as friends and see where that goes. But now her ex is around and I dont want to look loke a fool again, if anythng might happen between them. The friend that told me about her ex being around also said something about how she's changing back to how she used to be. (what ever that means) But in the same breath he also said they wern't together or anything, but still, I dont want to interfear with what she wants. Just incase that may be what she wants. Should I still bring it up to her? Or does it sound like we took too long? Almost 6 months. I miss her dearly, but we've been involved with our own lives things have changed a lot for both of us. (She always found a way to keep contact tho) I know it dosn't sound like much time, but trust me on my end too much has too fast, and as for her, it's sounds the same. But thats what she wanted I guess. I think I will bring up us starting over again. Things just have me shaken. It's like when I know what I'm going to do, something cpmes up and throughs me off. Please help me if you can make it through this whole thing. She said smetime next week is when she'll stop by. I fear if I dont move now, I may loose my chance if I havent already.

I didn't give all of me to her. My ex before her was still playing games and I was afraid to give my self to some one else so soon. We we're together for 3 years. It dosn't really bother me too much. I was about to turn my back on things then she started to make contact again.

Right after the brake up 6 months ago I was a mess. I sliped and fell time and time again. Ant then no contact was advised to me. I tried it. It seemed to work. She started to call me more than me calling her. But the calls are strange and pointless. It seems to be a means of contacting me just to keep me in her life. When we first broke up I asked for a seccond chance, she said she didn't know what she felt. Any way, I'm seeing some one else now "very lightly", but she knows of her. Her best friend asked me a bunch of qustions a long time ago, my answers we're vague. We would email each other in between her calling me. (basic stuff,) A few times we tried to get together but our lives are in such disarray. She asked if I wanted to get up with some of my friends and go do something with her, but I was going out of town so I couldent make it. I felt bad so a week later I called and invited her out but she said she had to work all week and study for a final, so I said ok, and wished her luck. She stoped me before I hung up and said she was free next weekend if I wanted to give her a call. My friends and I really wern't doing anything so I never called, but the next weekend she called me. Just another BS call asking if I knew the name of a teacher we had a class for, and to let me know she was moving into her new place the fallowing week. I woulden't mind seeing where this goes but it's like we;re both afraid to make any kind of move. I would come out and say something, but she dumped me, and I'm sure she knows how I feel from after the brake up. Is there anything I can do to see if this is something I should keep doing or let it all go? She left me, but we're like at a stale mate. Any advise on what she might feel or what I could do would be great. Also our would be anniversary is coming up on new years. Not sure if that can be put into play, but my frustrations are making me feel apathetic at times now. Before we fade, if theres anything I can do, I'm willing to try. Plus we never had closure. Aaaaan merry Christmas and happy new year. Deja