Phoenix Down

well, sounds like a dead end. too bad. she was one in too long to get through walls... but there will always be another i assume. no way to stop the games huh? sux. i'd step up, but burnt out.

i'm lost, met a girl, hit it off, alittle odd, but she was cute, didn't want anything serious. things started to grow, but then also fell apart. both started playn games. drifted. there was a time where she chased me, then i chased her. tried to meet a few times, said ok, but never showed, said bump it, so i did the same...got too weird. alwas had an excuse. she has a drinking problem which i assumed had something to do with it. as for me, i have a touching problem, as in touching other girls while i'm seeing one, but was kinda hope'n we could help one another...the last time we tried to meet, she stood me up again, so i said no when she tried again, she said she wnated to tell me something, so like a fool, agreed, sent a text when i got home, didn't hear anything back. so shut the door a final time. woulden't you know it, next day she comes back with "please don't hate me, grandfather died had to fly to london". didn't want to be a dushe (sp?) but i was done, said sorry about the news... she starts say'n she wants me, so on. i asked what she wanted from me, and what will the excuse be this time. said no excuse, wants just me. blah blah. (not try'n to be cold, just burnt out) i write music, did asong about us, if ya wanna hear it, go to link removed it's called "kath". after all the crap, it just came out. 3rd party says were just play'n games, i blew her off, she blew me off, give and take. after the song, and all the BS. should i care, try to do something, or let it be. i sent her a text about the song, told her it was kinda messed up. made me re-think if meeting up was really worth it. she replied with "really don't know right now" * * *? siad she'd listen to it. haven't herd from her since. 3rd party-friend and i talk still, she's the gossip type so i don't know how to take what she says. claims i care about the girl more than i admit, which is true to a point. when i met kat, didn't want a relationship, but the way she touched my face when she thought i was asleep knocked down walls i had built. fet invaded. she made me feel great, truly, but i fear games got in the way. i know this is long, i'm sorry, i live in a small town so wanted an outsiders advice. if you listen to the song, let me know how you think she may have taken it. tried to be light hearted about the song when i told her i posted it. said it made me horny, which is true, but i'm partly sadistic. thats me being playful so she didn't think i was just being a jerk. music is my diary. hard to control what goes in, have to be honest to me, but when i wrote the song, i was pretty fed up.

Hey, Well, we're talking again like people, She decided she's not happy with her dude. I want it to go slow, she agrees. I siad I'd update, sorry it took so long. Other than that good luck every one, any advice or bumps in the road to look out for? We're both afraid still. Wish us luck. Phoenix

I just wish I knew what to do. My brother and I cannot fight her demons she has to. But we can be there when she needs us. She's just become hateful twards me. She even blames it on me from time to time. (I know better than to believe that) but it still sucks to hear it.

Apparently if you want you ex or in this case ex's to call you ask God to pull you family apart and they will come call'n. (please dont do that, it was a figure of speach) My dad closed the book on us (family) and took off with his new chick which is cool I guess, they weren't happy at all (mom and dad) But yeah, I must have some underground a cult watching over me reporting every little messed up thing to the people I dont need sympathy from. This year has been by far the most $%#tty. But seeing as how I found out the same day as they called to check on me is driving me crazy. Bad news travel too fast for me. (I know this sounds crazy but I'm fine with everything, my dad told my brother and I a few months ago what he was doing.) I coulden't say anything, but like I said, they both wern't happy. We are having to take care of my mom tho, she's a wreck. Any time I try to give advice she tells me I don't have the experence and I'm too young to help. I'm still going to try tho, she's my mom. But it's almost like trying to pull someone from a fire while there stabbing you over and over again. Any tips from people who have recovered from devorces? Hepl right about now would be nice. Thanks Phoenix

Glad to hear it works. Keep up the good work, and good luck, toss me some if you get a chance.

I'd have to say your convo was much more personal than mine. I did most of the talking, all she said was "I miss you 2". But Nothing more, she thought I was jealous of her b/f which is the ex b-4 me, but if you knew this guy...nope. I did say I hope he makes her happy b/c she deserves it. She does, like I said our timing was off. To give you an idea I'll give you a link to a site with some of my music on it, the song "suitable abuse" was one I did for her when we first met. I was still in love with someone else and was heart broken. I told her it wasn't a good time, but she insisted to lick my wounds, so I let her, but you'll tell from the song how I felt at that time. Any way too much time went on with her minding my wing and me flying off that I 4-got how much she was to me. Hell, I didn't even give her all of me. But once it was too late twards the end, I knew I was loosing her and it was too late so insecurity out of nowhere finnished us off. The song I did the day after was called "Deepest Apologies" (it's not on the site, but if you want to hear it I can email it to you. ) It was too late, I think the fact she saw me stumble over her the way I did the other blew up her head. I was in a rut. Any move I made would push her away, so I did no contact. She'd call atleast once a week about pointless things, but that just made things worse. That went on for 6 months and I broke down to tell her how I felt just n-case she missed me, but when I called a friend to get her number she said she'z started to see her ex again. All one big mess, I'm sure you see now why it's hard for me to try anymore. I'd love she show her what I ment, But I'm not even sure who she is anymore. So "Burning Bridges" for me and every one on e-notalone is whats helped me through this. (It's on the site) Well, as for you, I'd stay away for a while, she left, let her come back. If she knows your wait'n around, she'll take her time which allows her to 4-get you. Make her wonder, but no games. The site with the music is... link removed go to search and then to artist name and type in Deja Juniper and it should bring everything up. I hope my story can be of some help, and I'd like to hear what you think if you have time. Thanks Deja

She's such a good person, I hope she finds herself and someone who makes her happy. I had the chance but the time'n was very wrong. But oh well, life is a lesson, just make sure you learn.

Yeah but when she said that it was the same night I poured my heart out to her. After she said that I even said stop by when ever, (she somehow found out where I live), still nothing. Plus I'm not even sure what the hell i want anymore. To be single for a while for sure.

Well, I guess I dont really know, but she was a good person, I only hope for her sake she finds her place in life and finds happiness. When I think of her now all I see is this little girl trying so hard to "dig herself out of a hole". Needless to say the hole will only get deeper and deeper n-till she finds other means. Thanks man, try and talk to your girl and see if you can help her punch through this mindset. Everyone should be "who they are", not what others expect. This world gets more and more crazy with every day that passes.

The girl made it sound like it was deeper than just clothing and whats on the surface, thats all I've noticed, I haven't really hung around her to understand quite what she means. She's very smart tho, not sure you can fake that. I don't know what to tell her then. Every ones got their way I guess. She's just young I think and hasn't found her place yet. That would be my guess, is there no condition for this? Oh, and yes the sex was some of the best, still alittle shy on somethings, but I'm sure she'll learn more. I almost hate to say it, but I am a guy, it'd be fun to maybe meet up with her 4 or 5 years down the road to see what she's learned. Thanks

Thats it, I'm getting a rock garden. j/j, thats a great way to put things into light. I love the window in which you view the wrold of relationships. I've weeded the garden and I'm ready to put in a coy pond and some fish for a change. I'm just not sure on what I want to grow yet. But be sure that the weeds will be removed on sight when I catch them trying to grow. We cant save every flower in the garden but we can always grow more which took me a while to understand. Keep up the open mind and I'd love to hear more. Phoenix

Lets say I met this girl who was all into country and even had a nick name "Dixie", then one day after we dated for a while she transformed into someone who loves everything I do, like she droped the whole country thing and went all asian and european as far as clothing and intrests (where I'm from, and lifestyle). Then after a while we split up and she becomes some one completely different aggain, like she's a shape shifter for who ever she's around. What is this called? If theres even a name. It's like the person in qustion molds to her enviorment. Is this an insecurity issue or just not knowing what she wants? It makes it hard to judge who she is. (yes I'm speaking of the ex) I'm just trying to understand, it's helped to get over her b/c it's like the girl I fell in love with at one time is dead. It's hard to miss what was never there if you get me. I saw her best friend at the store last night and I asked how everything was going, she said she's not sure, it's like my ex is a completely different person and woulden't you know it, she blames me. (the ex, not her friend) I took a human beheavor corse a while ago and her friend asked if I'd ever herd of it. All I can think of is she's still young and doesn't know who she is yet, but she says it's deeper than that. (now I'm kinda glad I got away, but is there a condition for this or is it she's just young? I have no clue, but I told her I'd look into it. Any ideas? Thanks

Take all the time you need, dude should understand. If not, tell him you need time to lick your wounds. How does your ex feel? Do you want him back?

" i quickly hung up and said "what the hell am i doing" and shut the cellphone off for the rest of the night." Best move you could ever make. And if the ex does have another person over, thats up to her, not us. Keep that in mind. Go out, be you and have fun! Trust me, wasting time on hurting your self makes things worse, I know it's hard man but get out, go to Walmart if you have to just don't sit at home while the sclience crushes all your dreams. Make them happen. (Start by not going by her house) I had a chance to see where my ex lived and I chose not to know for the very reason. We live on the same road, that was hell enough. I have a feeling she's going to try for me again, but I also get the feeling it's going to be too late, b/c of how she is now, or where I may be. (Happy with someone else) Look out for you now, you might not know it, but you need you to be there for you. I know it sounds crazy but one day you'll look back and say, that dude from the internet with the crazy ex was right! Take care. Be safe and stay away from the ex, trust me. (N-less she calls and says, "hey, I want you now, in that case I'll direct traffic for you man, just let me know where and when! Good luck. Phoenix

"Only thing I say is either NC for awhile, and she will contact you, or go to her and kill her with kindness, and see her reaction then... Gotta do the opposite of what they expect........." I think I'll keep doing "nothing". (I know thats a doubble neg, but you get what I'm saying) She's bad luck anyway, every time I step in her direction it all hell brakes loose with roumers and goes to her head. I'm done with that. If one day she comes to me and acts civil then that's the day hell freezes over and we mend things. We had a peaceful ending, thats why all this is so dumb. I dont get her at all. I just hope her cars ok. j/j

That would be a trip if a cop got her, but then it would some how be my fault I'm sure. She's already wreked it 2wice (not b/c of me tho). I'm gunna have to take a side road just n-case she goes into warp and crashes. This is kinda bad, I'm showing more care for her car than for her. oops,

"Some people just don't appreciate what they got and just seem to push away the ones that love them most. It's difficult to understand" Very true, but you know what...one day they'll look back and see what they had, and nine times out of ten (at least in my world) you're going to be so happy else where that you'll blow her off with pride. Good people seem to finnish last, but when they cross that finnish line there smile'n Be good to yourself. Phoenix

I know you guys are about as sick of this as I am, but this is so retarded. Ok my ex and I of 3 years got the chance to put everything to rest alittle over a month ago. The last thig she said was she'd still like to see me from time to time, I thought ok, sure why not. (I'm not going to go out of my way) That being said, tell me what's up with this...We live kinda close to each other so we see each other on the road, but every time she see's me she floors it and peals out. (smoke and all -sometimes) She's got a nice new car and drive'n it like that is going to tear it up. But what the hells her problem? It's things like this that have made getting over her so easy. I guess she's mad about something, but this is sick. It wouldent be so bad if it was every once in a while, but damn, every time she sees me??? I almost want to find another way home for the sake of her poor little car. She's a trip.

It was fear that stole my ex from me as well. I was very insecure, but what gets me is we always know what steps to take when theres no one left to walk with. I'm sorry to hear about your ex. All I can say from her point of view is it's so hard to believe something or someone's not going to go away after life has tought you other wise. The only way the fear will pass is when we're not afraid. For me, I had to be alone. I had to face the demon that stole my happiness. Tho I still dont have that chance to show the one (like you) what went wrong, I know time will show her why I did what I did, and how I never ment to push her away, but at the time fear's grip was so tight I couldent speak to explain even to myself. Good Luck, and I'm sure she thanks you for having the heart to understand the moment. My ex may never know how sorry I truly am, even through my music she still seems to be deff to what I sing, but oh well, I deserve someone who will listen. We all do.

Thanks man, I feel like a new guy. Good luck and best wishes.

It's been some time but I'm lightly seeing my ex (not the resent one, but the ex b-4 her). It seems like just under 2 years ago, I would have done anything to get back with this girl. (even distroy a relation ship that deserved a chance) But now that she's calling me all the time, I see how much wanting what we can't have can mess with what we need. For those of you out there who know you will move on, remember this is only a small set back. Pick your self up and move in your direction, for you. For the rest of us who aren't sure, think of it this way, all this wanting and needing may just be in our heads (to a point). We all know loosing someone is hard and it's going to hurt, but the amount we let it hurt may be in our control. I guess it's like climbing a big mountin. At the start all we see is this big thing in our way casting a shadow on our lives. Cant see over it or around it. But on the way up you'll start to see the land around you and where you started and once at the top, you can see all. How far you've come, everything around you that this big rock was blocking and where you want to go next. For those of you that are half way up this moutain and still think thay need that one someone to go any further, stop. Keep looking up, theres still a ways to go. Dont give up or give yourself limits n-till you've reached the top, and by that time you will see. That you are the only person you truly need back. The one you're missing is you. We loose ourselves in others so often it drives me crazy. I've just now reached the top, so I still have much to see. I just want so much to let everyone know it's not so bad. Just give it time. Things will come around and when your YOU again, you will know where to go and what you want to see next. There are people who fall and wont get back up. I was one of those people, but this site picked me up and got me half way. I owe every one a big thanks. Don't give up on the ones you love, but get you back before you try to get them back. Your mind may change. PS sorry if this is crazy, I had to type very fast. It's time to go to lunch. phoenix

It sucks at the same time, like when you pour youeself out to someone and they act as if they could care less, but then again, it's nice to get some things out. Keeps you moving. Thanks man,

You guys have no idea how great that makes me feel. I'm just glad others out there relate to me. You guys have made my crappy week have a perfect ending. Thanks so much Deja, I have lost more, I hope to have my own site up and running very soon. I'll keep every one posted. Oh, and on the new album I have a "thank you " section in the book, I can put your screen names in if you dont mind, I have a list, but I have to ask every one first.

Thanks so much for the time. I always write for me, it's just the topic may involve others. Trust me, the way she's acting, I'm trying my hardest to change as much as I can so it wont blow her already big head up. Only problem is I'm starting to write about one night stands and being drunk at the club, but it's happy sounding. Very up tempo. I don't like doing depressing stuff, it's just not me. Tho I wish I had better topics, this will do nicely. P.S. , if you want to burn some, just tell me what songs you liked, and I have more that arn't posted, so tell me the style you like fast / slow and I can send you some via e-mail. Every things copy right protected so burn as much as you want. Got lots. Thanks so much again for the time. I just wanted you guys to hear where I'm coming from. My e-mail is in my profile. Have a great weekend. Deja