MissCanuck

Then why on earth are you wondering (hoping) if she still has feelings for you? You need to really ask yourself why you're drawn to smoeone who does not care about you.

I'm confused now. Is this apartment not actually your primary residence? You said your name is on the lease so I assumed that it was your home. But then you also say "my house" - do you have your own home separately, that is not this shared apartment?

Then this should tell you very clearly that she has no intention of reconciling with you.

In short? You can't. If she doesn't want to be friends, you need to respect that and leave her be. She needs to do whatever is healthiest for her, and that may well mean not being friends with you anymore.

You are over-looking the reason why she isn't making a mistake by breaking up with you. You were talking to other women, OP. I gather it was inappropriate conversation. That is grounds for a break-up by many people's standards, and it would not be a mistake. Whether she's got other male company now is not the main problem. The main problem is that you hurt her and betrayed her trust, and showed her that you don't value her. Your lack of insight into why all of that means she doesn't want a future with you is really quite astonishing. It's not about her realizing you two can come back stronger and raise a family - it's about you realizing that you blew it. She is wise to stay broken up from you. Having said that, she cannot keep you out of your own home. Your name is on that lease, so you get to come and go as you wish. It's absurd that she's trying to tell you otherwise, just so you don't disrupt her boink-fest with this new guy.

This isn't your problem to solve, OP. It's his. Look, the relationship is already on very thin ice. Speaking bluntly, I would not stay with a guy who avoids sex with me for an entire year. That is extreme, and my gut says its not just about porn. He's avoiding intimacy with you at almost all costs, it appears. I think there are other reasons he's not disclosing. And I personally would not even care to find out what they are. I would just be done.

It is pointless to ask this. Obviously they are closer than just friends. You need to stop talking to her, though. She doesn't respect you anyway, you're broken up, and she's getting closer to another guy. This is not going to end well for you.

Does he not plan on seeking any help for this? Because if not, this will not get better. He needs to take active, measurable steps to break this addiction (which will likely require professional treatment) and if he won't, well, I personally would not stay. That would suggest to me that he is comfortable with the status quo, and possibly lying about the real reasons he avoids sex.

This is a great idea. This guy is just not that into you. 7 more days of "space" isn't going to make him have feelings for you that he just doesn't have. Don't waste any more time on this. There are men out there who would be eager to date you and not need "time" after 7 months to "soul-search". Men who would gladly and proudly make you their girlfriend. This guy isn't one of them. The writing is on the wall here, ShopLady. Cut the dead weight loose. It's going to end sooner or later anyway.

Given this, what is it you are looking for here? You know this is unhealthy. You know these arguments are not really about a heater or dinner. Yet you stay. So, what advice are you seeking here?

I wouldn’t even want to go anymore. There’s no point when you know he doesn’t feel the same way about you, OP.

That's my read on it, too. She doesn't sound confident at all. She just tries deseprately to put on an act so people won't see how insecure she actually is. You don't have to do that. You should stop doing it, actually. She cannot accept a compliment gracefully without turning it into a major rump-kissing session. Stop enabling it. The next time she tells you to stop coddling her, say "okay" and change the subject.

I personally would not welcome a man like him into my bed ever again. Even for FWB, you're allowed to (and should) have standards.

Congrats, j!!

That's part of the issue though. You (inadvertently) depended on him too much to make your life better, so it's falling apart again now that he has ended the relationship. So the depression didn't fade away - it was simply that your relationship was distracting you from really addressing it. I would take this time to heal, and work on getting your life together all on your own, without anyone to prop you up. It will feel overwhelming, but take it a day at a time. Work on your fears and anxiety, and get into treatment if you haven't really done so. It feels terribly painful now, but bit by bit, you can get yourself to a better place. And that is when you'll have a truly remarkable and healthy relationship.

I am sorry you have had a hard life, OP. Are you in any sort of treatment now for depression and anxiety? What does your social life look like outside the relationship? I do hope you have some sort of support network, and that he was not the only person in your life. This might have been a sign that he was losing interest. It's true that the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, but it usually transitions into a deeper sort of love - it doesn't mean that the couple starts growing apart and that one person starts to distance themselves.

What did you do? I gather this is a court-approved agreement? This is all such a trainwreck. How much time have you actually spent together in person, and how is it that you live on different continents but have a child together - what is the timeline and backstory of how you met and when the child was born, and how you wound up so far away from each other?

I think a big part of the problem is that you say you have no social life and she is your only companion. I would imagine this also means that you don't really date or have much romantic experience. You are going to need to set some boundaries and work on developing your own life, including meeting other people - for both friendships, and as potential dates. Once you are around young women your own age and exploring viable romantic interests, your aunt is not going to seem quite so tempting to you. Do you have any plans to eventually move out?

What has he been doing? Perhaps this has been coming for a while. Has he been making less time for you? It sounds as though you mihgt have relied on him too much for your happiness. You say your life was miserable before him - why is that? A partner should not be the only good thing we have going for us. As for where it stands now, you cannot do much but accept that for whatever reason, he does not want to continue the relationship. But it would be helpful if you could elaborate on what had been going wrong prior to the break-up.

Huge red flags all around here, and this is the just cold open: 1) Still living with ex when you started dating. 2) You've already moved in after just 7 months - girl, why? Why do you tolerate this? Another red flag. And yet you live together? More red flags. Just get out and leave him behind you. This is a dumpster fire on just about every level. And then maybe spend some time on your own, to help you better understand why you ever got involved with someone like this (and at warp speed) to begin with. Surely being single is better than this mess?

This is for her father to deal with.

Well, you can't. Not without any effort from your wife.

Did you not actually know her before you got married, OP?

Don't wait at all, OP. She doesn't feel the way you do, and flying around the world to see her is almost surely going to result in a lot of disappointment and heartache for you.

You are making a huge mistake by prioritizing sex over any shred of self-respect. This is not going to last, no matter how you slice it, so you might as well regain some of your dignity and walk away now. It's only a matter of time before she ditches you for her next punching bag anyway.