moodindigo91

So what advice are you seeking? Whether to get a divorce, or how to go about it? More than 3 lines of context would be helpful

Just be yourself! Everyone is a little awkward. Try not to think of yourself in that way, because it's really a subjective thing anyway. Often, I will use something visible about the person to strike up a conversation with them. Not just in dating, but with other women I often compliment their shoes, clothes, makeup, and ask them where they got this or that. For men, I will often do the same. "I like your watch, where did you get it?" Continuing conversations is really all question asking. I try to pretend like I'm interviewing people sometimes, but make it more natural. Ask them questions as they come up naturally in your conversations. Start out with basic ones "what kind of music do you like? do you have any siblings? what are your hobbies?" Good luck! 🙂

Who cares why she did it? It's over now. Why continue to sit and analyze the situation when you've already rejected the relationship or w/e it was. The most probable answer is that she was bored and wanted attention, and you gave it to her. When you said you were not going to do that anymore, she stopped replying to you. That's everything you need to know.

NO, everything is not fine. He choked you! He hit your head against the wall! How is everything fine? Take photos of the bruises. Make a police report. It's true that after leaving an abusive partner, it is the most dangerous time for women. However, you SHOULD still leave. And do everything you can to protect yourself. Plan the exit, have a place to go, do it swiftly while he is not around, get a retraining order. He lost his ability to have a say in whether you stay or leave when he choked you and hit your head against the wall. He will have to accept it, and you will need to have legal documents in place regarding child custody, etc. Is this the type of father you want for your child? My guess is no. Please leave.

I agree with the others, I don't understand how you are FWB without having met yet and had any sexual intercourse. I assume you exchange sexual messages? Maybe photos? Maybe sexting or phone sex? Idk. Without sex-related stuff, you guys are just friends who flirt. This is confusing. Exclusive FWB? That is a relationship, whether you want to call it that or not doesn't matter. A horse is a horse no matter what name you call it by. It seems like you might be though. I just find this hard to comprehend. You are long distance, have never met, have never had sex, but seem emotionally connected enough to agree to be exclusive. You're going to visit him abroad and spend a bunch of romantic time with him. Then what? Come home and do what? I just don't understand a "FWB" relationship when you're residing in entirely different countries and aren't actually getting the "benefits" part of the relationship. It sounds like you're actually just in an emotional online romantic relationship with this person.

I don't think it would be unprofessional to ask to work remotely for a while until you relocate. It is perfectly reasonable, especially if they've already agreed to allow you to work remotely temporarily. I did something similar when I moved for my current job. Now, I didn't move to an entirely new country, but I did have to relocate to a new city from one city but all of my belongings were in storage in another city, all cities were not located near one another. I needed a lot of time to plan, obtain funds to move, find a place, get my belongings, move them to the new place, etc. When I got hired, I maintained contact with them and told them I would need a certain amount of time to get there but I could work remotely until I was able to physically relocate. They agreed to it and I worked remotely for about 2-3 weeks before physically relocating. I think as long as you propose it in a professional manner and let them know you're obviously still intending to relocate and soon, then maintain good communication with them as far as the status of your relocation during your remote work.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with this, in my opinion. Your boyfriend is either okay with what you're doing or he is not. I don't think there's any way to make him feel better about it or force him to accept it. I don't think it's necessarily a "bonus" for him either (if it were exclusively for him, then it would be a bonus; if you're planning on sharing on social media for all others to see, it's not a bonus to him). If he is not okay with it, and you want to have this swimsuit photoshoot and possibly other future photoshoots, and want to show off your new boobs, then this boyfriend isn't right for you. You can probably find a man who would be really into you doing photoshoots, maybe even proud to show you off, etc. Just seems like your values are not aligned.

If her relationship is dying, why is she still in it? Any time I hear the words, "it's complicated," I RUN. She is not single.

I think you're being dramatic about this. I agree that it is HER wedding. She asked you to be a bridesmaid. She can also downgrade you from being a bridesmaid if you don't want to participate in the way she originally intended. I also agree that it is perfectly reasonable for you to decide not to attend the wedding because of fear of Covid. It could have just been left at that. But instead, you've turned it into an entire thing, pitting you against your friend, the bride, whose wedding she didn't have to invite you to, let alone ask you to participate in, and her other bridesmaids, etc. All because you have a fear of catching Covid. Personally, I have never had Covid, I have gotten vaccinated with the most unpopular vaccine, and never had a booster. I don't wear masks. I am a young and healthy adult with no pre-existing conditions. I assess my own risk level and take actions in my own life based on that. You can do the same, but you have no right to demand that others take the same precautions or actions or that they postpone their wedding so you can attend or that they cancel the wedding or do it differently when the simplest solution would be for you to just stay home. The others who would choose to attend are factoring in their own risk levels in making that decision, just as you are. If they get Covid, that is a risk they were apparently willing to take. Somehow, you've made this woman's wedding all about you because you have a low risk tolerance. I agree with others, you can make the decision to not attend, but you can't then be bitter about it and attempt to force the bride to change her entire wedding to accommodate your low risk tolerance.

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say as it might come off as harsh. You have only been with this girl (woman) for 4 months. She is only 22 and seems to be extremely focused on her career, and reasonably so. You say you made it clear you wanted a committed relationship, is that something she expressed agreement to? Did you ask her what she wanted? Also, after only 4 months, are you sure you "love" each other? You sound infatuated for sure. Even if so, I don't agree that "when you love someone you always find some spare time just to see them." People are not required to give up their individuality or their time just by virtue of loving others. In fact, if YOU love HER, you should be willing to give her the time and space she needs to accomplish her goals, finish university, etc., instead of demanding her time and taking away from activities that are actually beneficial to her like exercising. I also think that, after only 4 months, and without any form of solid commitment such as marriage, she is perfectly within reason to contemplate studying abroad. She can make decisions about her own life "all by her self" because it's HER life. You can voice your opinion all you want, she still has the right to make decisions regarding her own life. You barely know this woman. It is my guess that studying abroad has been something she's wanted to do for longer than she's even known you. Why would you take that away from her? It doesn't seem to me like you have good chemistry with this woman.

Move on. She dumped you. The fact that she's still chatting with you just shows how selfish she is and how much she doesn't care about you or your own healing/health. You have someone else whose actually interested in giving you time and energy and attention. Why would you pick the person who literally told you they don't want to give you any of that right now. Your ex is stringing you along. Cut the string.

I heard or read somewhere that a person's phone contains their whole life, and some of the most personal information and thoughts a person has. Your phone contains (probably) your bank information, other personal identifiers, photos you might not want anyone else to see, notes from a time you were sad and felt like emptying out your emotions, conversations with close friends or family you may never want to share with others. Personally, I feel weird even taking someone's phone when they are trying to show me something on it. I think your friend's behavior is weird and questionable. Why was she looking? What was the motivation? Why did she lie about it when caught? Probably not a friend worth having if you value privacy.

Then you absolutely made the right decision. Say goodbye to your nightmare!

are you sure he unfollowed you or maybe something happened to his account, or he just deactivated his account? I would message back tbh and see where the convo goes lol

Post the same post on the other forum with the line about him having a gf and see how the responses change lol. The fact that he has a gf and that you are married (I think) change the fact pattern completely, so of course you'd get different responses. No one is trying to be mean here IMO some people on this forum tend to think in terms of black and white unfortunately, but in cases where one person is already in a relationship or both people are in relationships with other people, generally, it's always a bad idea to get involved. At that point, you're roping 3rd parties into what will more likely than not become complicated drama that they didn't want or ask for and creating hurt for them that they don't deserve and may never recover from. It's bad form, unless all parties consent. That is just reality.

Ugh I'm sorry about this. It sounds like he really is trying to do right by you though by removing himself from the relationship knowing that he isn't capable at this time of providing you with the type of commitment you deserve. In my opinion, it doesn't have to be so black and white as, should I walk away or hold on. You can do both. You say you're independent and have a busy life, great! Just go on living it. Go no contact for now. But I think it's okay to leave a small space in your heart open for the possibility later down the road. But you should also not let this hope prevent you from going out and meeting new people and possibly fostering other connections that could develop into the type of relationship you want a deserve. IDK if that makes any sense, but I think that is the nature of life. Lots of people on this forum act like life is very black and white, this decision or that decision. Life is much more complicated, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. In any event, he is not ready to offer you what you want from him. So, you need to "walk away" for now.

I don't necessarily agree that he only wants to hookup because he could have tried doing that the night you kissed. But the unfollowing on IG is (in modern times) kind of a big deal in some ways. The signals are mixed. Is he still initiating conversations off IG with you? What was your last interaction like?

This is 100% true. He may even be already dating someone else. Or was the entire time. Who knows? My ex broke up with me swearing it was just because he was lost and needed to be alone and figure it out. 6 months later he told me he had already been seeing someone casually (he only told me bc he said he almost called her by my name a couple of times). Like what! Just remove yourself from the possibility of learning information like this in the future. It will only prolong your ability to move on for sure. He told you clearly he wasn't wanting anything deeper, that's more than most men do. So, go find someone who wants what you want.

Right! I understood that about my relationship to my ex as well, like if he WERE to come back, I would not accept him back into my life. Or, if I did, I would ultimately be unhappy for having done so. That right there is a good first step. I also try to remind myself, that a man not pursuing you is not a man you want in your life. If he's perfectly capable of walking away from your connection, he didn't want it much anyway. You just have to accept that. You do need to be kinder with yourself, and give yourself all the grace possible. I wouldn't even say you have attachment or self image issues because those have such negative connotations. It is perfectly normal and valid to fall in and out of attachments with others, and it is perfectly normal and valid to feel rejection when someone you became even loosely attached to falls out or disappears. Maybe you just need to strengthen your coping mechanisms 🙂 As you said, put your time and energy into yourself!

I would say that you text with him every day is a major reason you are unable to move on from him. It has taken me almost an entire year to feel okay with moving on from my ex boyfriend and a lot of that was because he kept contacting me throughout that time after he left. It wasn't even every day. It was like once every 3-4 weeks. But it was continuous, and it made it difficult (still does) for me to let go completely. I completely understand lacking the willpower and holding out hope. Some people on here say it sounds desperate, but I think it's just normal really. It becomes desperate when you start acting on it, like messaging him constantly, or trying to convince him otherwise. The best thing you can do is block his number, if you can. Don't reach out to him yourself. (Honestly I have not blocked my ex yet, but I have never reached out to him myself, only responded when he did, and I felt like *** about it each time). And just realize that it takes some time to get over that hope for a connection to grow. Be patient with yourself. Do things you enjoy doing alone. Contemplate the meaninglessness of our existence lol Fill your mind with other things that are not him and be kind to yourself for having feelings.

yep

What's his rationale here? I don't see why you moving before or after engagement would really make a difference. I think he's kicking the can. As in, he is either unsure that he actually wants to marry you but is also doesn't think he wants to break up. You're 3 years into the relationship now, you need to figure out if you have the same path in mind for the future and if not, drop him immediately. No compromises. You shouldn't be arguing over whether you're going to get engaged. Engagements should come from the heart, and it should be a decision he feels certain about. He sounds super uncertain right now. That's a sign to move on, in my opinion.

Exes are exes for a reason!

WHAT. How are you not like burning all the bridges related to this person at this point. This is crazy.

Right off the bat I want to say it doesn't matter whether she likes your or not as long as she wants to remain in a complicated relationship with her (ex) girlfriend. I would friend zone her and keep it at that unless she expresses a desire to leave her complicated relationship and date you in earnest. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble.