Not sure if this is the appropriate sub forum or the healing after breakup one but anyways. Posted previously awhile ago about a relationship full of drama with my ex GF constantly breaking up with me, and acting manipulatively all the while being unsure of her feelings. The relationship was pretty odd because even though we dated for years, she never introduced me to anyone as her boyfriend, never posted about me on her social media, introduced me to her family as her “friend” and refused to meet my family. I was naive as it was my first relationship and I really loved her and did my best. Eventually she broke up with me and literally within a few weeks had all these pictures up on facebook with her new boyfriend, her introducing him to her family, all kinds of stuff. People are free to date who they want and do what they want, but even if unintentional to me it felt like a slap in the face at the time. Regardless I never lashed out, I tried reaching out a few times after being made aware of all that just to tell her I wished her the best and truly loved her. She never replied and so after a few attempts I went into no contact. Fast forward to recently when she sent a multi paragraph email apologizing, saying she didn’t see a future for us at the time and she couldn’t reciprocate the love I had for her but hopes in time we can be friends. Now bear in mind I blocked her from social media long ago, and for all she knows I blocked her email too. She is still with her “new” boyfriend that I’m aware of so I don’t know what the purpose of this message would be. People can sometimes be friends with their exes but I dont see how she finds that realistic here. Haven’t replied and I don’t think I’m going to... just don’t see what would compel someone to send a message after a few years of ghosting them and treating them poorly back when they truly had the chance to treat them better. Friendship from my end is out of the question, particularly if she is still with this other guy. I don’t want to know about it nor the details of their relationship. Honestly it just made me feel a mix of emotions... happy that she still thinks of me, sad that my non reply means I won’t hear from her again, anger at how she treated me and that she finds it appropriate to message after a few years. Don’t know if I even need specific advice, just felt good to get this out there I guess
Because we started as best friends we still leading up to our separation would always have good chemistry around each other, and even sexually have been attracted to each other up to the end. We were still making plans to see each other moving forward. The relationship has had occasional ups and downs where for whatever reason she’d break up with me and then after a small amount of time we would get back together. She’s always had a hard time reconciling her feelings about me but in the interim periods she’d never date anyone else nor would I. She’s had a hard time telling me she loves me.. but finally told me she really loves me and sees a permanent future. Few weeks later she states her feelings are transient, when I’m not physically present she feels she’s not in a relationship and doesn’t miss me as she should. She then asks for space to figure things out. Soon after I ask to visit and she says she thought i understood she wanted space to move on. She then breaks up with me for what she says is the final time. She says she has feelings for a co worker but doesn’t want to get into anything right away. She states she’d never say never to getting back together but it feels permanent and she wants me to be with someone who can reciprocate my feelings in a way she hasn’t. I then find out she’s been dating this co worker for a month. He’s a nice guy but the only real advantage I can see is that he isn’t long distance and he is the same race as her. He was just in a 10 year relationship, engaged and the wedding broke off end of last year like immediately prior to the wedding date. As soon as I find out.. instead of freaking out I send her a farewell message essentially. I tell her I love her, want her to find her happiness, maybe she finds it with this new guy or maybe she sees that she misses what we have. I state that we have our own issues to address but I love her and she knows how to contact me. I’ve since gone no contact for 2 weeks which is the longest we’ve been NC in 5 years. Still no word from her. My question: I somewhat left the ball in her court saying she knows how to reach me. After going NC for some time do I reach out again? This is a bit different in that this guy is her ethnicity and not long distance, but it is still what seems to be a rebound. They have already apparently met each other’s families despite him recently being engaged, and her being with me for so long. Their relationship seems to be moving quite fast. Again I want her to be happy ultimately but I’d also like to consider another chance. May mean something may not but he tagged her on Facebook in what almost seemed like an engagement post by his comments, but she removed it from her own FB wall. I’ve always chased after her in the past, for once I am going NC and seeing if she will come back. If I had to truly guess I’d think she does love me but is worried about being long distance of 3 hours and importantly family approval due to my race/religious differences. Not sure what to do but it seems she’s moved on for good. In my “farewell” message I did tell her and honestly mean that I want to give her current relationship respect and space. Intruding on it will only be bad for me in the end as it shows a lack of respect to her, and to myself.