moodindigo91

Honestly, this connection is probably gone, fizzled out. Instead of asking him if he is asking you on a date or being direct with this guy, it seems like you are expecting him to assume what it is you want from him and act accordingly. When he asked you to a lounge, you could have clarified then whether it was an invitation for a date. If you like him, I don't see why you wouldn't step up and take a more direct approach at clarifying his intention at the beginning. I think you should just try to learn from this and move on.

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If you want to go out with him, why did you decline several times when he asked you out? Really does seem like you're playing games and now it has backfired on you. If I were this guy I would not have asked again after the first time you declined. I'm not sure what you expected to happen, but chances are he's not asking you out again. The ball is in your court and you are refusing to play it.

I agree that human beings are by definition social animals. I think it's perfectly okay to be okay with being lonely. Often, being alone has negative connotations, people hardly ever discuss the positive side of loneliness, especially in modern times, when it seems nearly impossible to be completely lonely due to social media. A lot of famous and not famous intellectuals and authors have written a lot of literature on the importance of loneliness to the creative process. It sounds like you're in therapy and doing all the work and seem pretty content with things. If that's the case, I wouldn't overthink it. You'll make friends when you want to. If it is a situation where you've been self-isolating for a period of several years without any real human interaction, I would worry and start trying to push yourself beyond the boundaries to meet new people, etc.

what does this mean? do you want to date him or not?

His anger about it and his quickness to mistrust you is concerning. Obviously I can't say this is true here, but often times when partners react in such a way to such things, it's because they're not being trustworthy themselves. I can understand why he might be concerned but it should have been a relatively easy thing to clear up without resorting to anger.

Unfollow him, remove him as a follower, don't text him. Find another guy. Maybe use something other than Tinder to meet men if you're interested in actually dating and not just hook ups.

You come off as kind of a pushover OP. And also as kind of desperate. I'm sorry to hear about your rough spell, but this guy isn't going to make it any better. I would be running in the opposite direction from this guy if I were you, possibly into some counseling to work on your self-worth. Sounds like he just wanted a one night stand or maybe some casual sex with you and that's it. The second you suggested anything more serious he decided to end the connection. You were just a sexual experience to him. That sucks to hear, but it's just a fact that you need to accept and move on from.

Sorry but toxic relationships are not fixable. And they do make you feel like you can't cope without that person, because part of what makes a relationship toxic is the co-dependency that forms between the two partners. Block her, and do everything you can to move on. It gets easier with time and you'll start to feel better about it soon. Do more of what you were doing before, that is, reconnecting with friends, etc. BTW, you didn't "blow" anything and you never "had it all" - it was a toxic relationship from the get-go and was never going to work. You'll find someone better.

If you're not interested in dating him, why are you still texting him? This is what's confusing. He will keep asking you out and keep reaching out to you as long as you keep responding to him. It's as simple as that. You don't even need to block him or ask what he wants (this will especially get you nowhere, you already know what he wants). Just stop responding to him.

I think it is pretty common to "obsess" over the first person you are intimately or romantically involved with after a getting out of a long-term relationship. It's the first time you are experiencing something new for a very long time. They even have a word for these relationships - the rebound. I honestly wouldn't put too much stock in your feelings for him at this point. If in a few weeks or months you are still feeling drawn to this man, then I would consider trying to move the relationship forward. Although since you guys live so far apart, I'm not sure if it would really be the best move for you anyway. You are just getting out of a long marriage. You're not even fully out of it yet! I think you should stick to your original plan of not jumping into anything serious right away. Take some time to rediscover yourself. Spend more time with your daughter. Find new hobbies. Who knows what kind of men you'll meet who live close by. Good sex is great, but it isn't really a foundation for a healthy long-term relationship. I'd chalk him up to a rebound at least until you've finalized your divorce and everything that entails before considering the idea of changing around your entire life for another man.

Either way, this relationship ain't it! For either of them.

I am sorry you're going through this. I think, at this time, it is very important (although seemingly impossible) to separate your feelings surrounding the baby now growing inside of you and the man who helped conceive it. If you feel very strongly about not wanting to have an abortion, then I would strongly advise against having one. Especially if he isn't willing to pay for the expense. If you really want this child, then you should have the baby, whether or not your boyfriend wants to participate in raising the child or not. Hopefully you have some support in the form of friends and family, and the financial ability to care for yourself and the baby during the pregnancy and thereafter. Those should be the main things to worry about going forward. As others have already said, there's always a possibility that you'll meet a man who will step up and be a father for your child in the future if your boyfriend is unwilling to father his own child. You can also raise it as a single mother. In today's world, this is not all that uncommon and many children are raised in happy healthy single-parent households. In fact, that is preferable to a dysfunctional two-parent household. I hope you find the support you need during this difficult time.

I think this is very subjective. You really are beating yourself up, and you should really work to speak to yourself more kindly. If he is really a narcissist, then you have been manipulated in ways that most people will never experience. Give yourself credit for leaving in the first place and keeping him blocked, etc. You haven't given your power away. Your power is always with you. Who cares about these people? Your relationship with him is over. What your ex or his friends think about you should not even be a thought on your mind. They are no longer in your life. Why? Because YOU made that decision for YOURSELF to remove them from your life, for your own good. That is powerful. You should really work on more positive self-talk, I think it would be helpful for you. Try reframing every negative thought you have into something positive. And also try to recognize that people are judging you all the time everywhere, you just have to learn to love yourself and make decision that are right for you, and not care what those people think. Maybe try some meditation, daily positive affirmations, things like that. Keep building up your self-confidence. You are strong for leaving, and you are strong by keeping him blocked. You've made the right decision. Maybe you had a moment of weakness, but it's over now. Time to learn from that mistake and move forward.

I disagree. I think this is what movies have taught us. But in real life, not everything is like so clear-cut. People show and receive love in different ways. Some people, especially men, tend to be emotionally stunted, for a variety of reasons. That doesn't mean they are incapable of loving, but they have difficulty expressing it. I also don't agree that loving someone necessarily means you have to go out of your way to "show" it. That's the ideal for most, but not the reality for most. Life's a bit more complicated than that. The object is for her to find someone who will show her love the way she likes to receive it and who likes to receive love in the ways she likes to give it. This guy clearly isn't very expressive and will probably never rise to the level of meeting her needs, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

To me, it sounds like you guys are incompatible. You have different "love languages" and the thing is, you can't change him. He shows love the way he shows love. And if that isn't the way you like to receive love, then you need to find someone who shows love in the way you like to receive it. He will never buy you flowers no matter how much you think you're hinting at it. He's not picking up what you're putting down, because it probably doesn't even occur to him to buy his woman flowers. He also strikes me as a man who just doesn't like to spend money on things he doesn't "need". My father is very much the same way. He never bought my mother flowers. Anniversary, Valentines Day, birthdays were all just cards for gifts. He bought her jewelry maybe once every 5-10 years. He made good money but wore clothes that were decades old with holes in them. He sees a lot of that kind of spending as unnecessary. He didn't start telling me he loved me until I started doing it, within the last couple of years (I'm in my early 30s). So, long story short, this relationship should not be taken to the next level, and you should definitely not buy property together. I can see you being very unhappy and growing resentment over the course of the relationship, which never ends well. Just bow out and look for someone who speaks your love language. Let him find someone who will accept him for what he is so you can do the same!

There's nothing wrong with remaining single. Especially if you haven't found someone that makes you feel willing to open up your world and change everything around for them (as in, carving out time for them, sharing your home, and all the things relationships entail that necessarily change your life once you're in one). I have been fully single for almost a year now (not long at all) and while I sometimes miss having a man around, I have enjoyed my time alone. I have more time for activities like learning languages, I can go do whatever I want whenever I want, I have complete control over what food I buy and eat. Just little things like that. I had a man I am seeing casually over just the other night and when he left I remember texting my friend saying I'm glad I live alone lol although I thoroughly enjoyed our time together, it was nice to have him leave, if that makes sense. I think if you're content with how your life is going then that's the best possible place you can be in. When you're ready to start dating again in earnest (if ever, and it's perfectly fine if you never are), then you'll know. There won't be an internal debate about it.

You have given him mixed signals. You are telling him you can't see him and want nothing to do with him, but simultaneously seeing him and being affectionate with him. For a narcissist, this is a sign that he still has some form of control over you, that there's still room for manipulation. At the very least, you have shown that you can be weak, and that he can take advantage of this weakness to get what he wants from you, which is more time with you, and subsequently more control. He'll keep doing this until you're back together again as a couple, and it will keep going on and on thereafter if you don't stop this now. He will never realize this unless and until you actually physically break complete contact with him for an extended period of time. Like 6 months to a year at least. Any time you allow some form of contact, he sees it as an opening to gain control over you. It's not up to you to track his realizations or ensure that he understands why you have left and no longer want to be with him. You only need to protect yourself. It doesn't matter whether he ever understands anything that transpired between you in the way you want him to. Just cut all contact with him and work on moving on.

If you have to try to "figure out" whether you genuinely love and want to be with this woman, then you definitely do not love and want to be with her. If you genuinely loved her, there would be no question of whether you can find someone better, etc. When you find the actual love of your life, you will not be thinking about replacing her with someone better. It would not be fair to this woman or her child for you to continue this relationship with her because you would be going into it with one foot out the door already. This is not it for you. And honestly, I would be very hesitant to commit to someone who was regularly trying to take their own life; committing to someone who might kill themselves one day and leave me traumatized and to pick up the pieces. You need to really get into therapy and figure that out before you get into any long term relationships in my opinion.

IDK if you live in the U.S. but getting abortions is not as easy as it seems anymore in many places. Notwithstanding the fact that she said she is at least a couple of months along in her pregnancy. I've had an abortion but I got mine at like 6 or 9 weeks. It wasn't difficult to obtain because I live in a state where they are legal, but I did have to pay out of pocket for it, which many people may not be able to afford. I think you're being pretty insensitive here, especially given the fact that she had her head bashed into a wall by her partner.

I think the OP meant that she is discouraged to contact him again given the fact that he has ignored her two previous texts? What did they (your texts) say? What was or is you understanding of you relationship to him? Did you ever talk about that? I would honestly just ask him directly what's going on. Don't sound needy about it. Just say you want to clear things up. You're right, you're not kids anymore. He shouldn't be playing guessing games. I would just explicitly ask him why he is ignoring texts but interacting with you on Instagram.

Doubt lol I have actually heard this more of women than men to trap them in relationships and/or get child support and it is more like they say they are on birth control when they aren't. I think it would be difficult to preemptively poke holes in condoms before having sex. It requires a level of planning and deceit. Also how would he poke a hole in a condom, then put it back in the wrapper? Not really a concern. It is more possible that one of the condoms broke during sex and neither of you noticed or he noticed but didn't tell you.

Yes, as you implied and others said, continuously asking about whether he wants to divorce you is likely just going to create problems in your relationship that weren't there to begin with. If he comes home from work grumpy, wouldn't it make more sense that he's grumpy due to work? Hopefully you are carrying your weight in the relationship at home, etc. This is interesting to me. If your husband wanted a divorce, you would understand and just let him go? That doesn't sound like a very happily married woman to me. Are YOU actually the one who might want a divorce? You say you recently started your period again after 2 years? Was that because you were pregnant most of that time? Perhaps some hormonal issues? I think it might be worth it for you to see a therapist to talk about what you're thinking/feeling.

Yes. When you talk to your sister, just explain to her that you are feeling fearful of him and would prefer that she keep it between the two of you at this time until you figure out exactly what your plan will be. If you can move back home, I would start planning to do that immediately. Have family help you do it while he is at work or otherwise not at home and not expected to be home for several hours.

At my job, my co-workers drink in the office haha I mean in the 1960s/70s/80s drinking at work was pretty standard. Anyway, personal anecdotes - my brother works from home and he smokes pot all day long, he also sometimes leaves to take his dog to the dog park, run errands, etc. He gets his work done always, even trains other employees, and is highly valued by his company. I smoke pot before work and after work. When I used to go home on lunch breaks to take my dog out, I would hit the bowl before returning to the office, but I bring her to work now or have a dog walker take her out when I don't haha. It often helps me concentrate to be honest. I'm personally not a drinker though.