Runningman21

They haven't meddled no. It's something that's been stumbled upon. I'm wondering how long it's been going on but I'll never know. There's no engagement from me, it's time to completely let go of the little hope that I had. In all honesty, it's probably done me a favour.

Plot twist. I don't know how it came about but I had a call from the new friend I made. I'm not totally sure what she means but basically someone came up on her Facebook messenger suggestions but this guy has blocked her. She thought it weird, turns out he's blocked me too, also friends with my ex. No idea who he is. Doesn't take a genius! So that's that, we move on.

Very good point which I have already thought about and you're absolutely right, maybe there was potential there further down the line but who knows when that would be. She has a very unfortunate and troubled past, I didn't want to add to that too. If she doesn't show up then as far as I'm concerned, that's it...especially as it takes seconds to send a text or even get one of her family members to say she won't be there. Maybe she shouldn't have to, I know. I shall continue on my journey of healing and self improvement, enjoy being on my own and see where that takes me. I already have a lot to look forward to already this year.

Thank you for your replies. She didn't sabotage anything with the new girl. I see you point totally but it was just friendship for me, it's way too soon for me to be thinking about anything else and I made that clear when we met. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out like that for her and she deserves better than to be hoping I'll suddenly be ready for something or to be my rebound. I also told her to block my ex and the family but instead she played up to it. She posted a photo of us against my wishes (I got a text off my ex's sister an hour later saying about my new partner, shows the level of stalking, no shame either). I asked her countless times to stop telling me who was looking at what but it fell on deaf ears. Both immature and noise that I didn't need. I've taken on board all her criticisms of me and I know I have made enough changes, I have worked on myself religiously for my own benefit, not hers. She is a great girl, the arguments were minimal and looking back quite pathetic. She has been betrayed in the past and I think she was terrified I'd do that to her, no matter what I said or done it would have made no difference. This is something she needs to work on herself. She's been having counselling and if she has also made changes then who knows. Obviously, if she's still the same person then I I'm not interested in the slightest. It's back to basics, dates, getting to know each other again and not rushing into anything. This is if she turns up of course. Yes I am blocked on social media and whatsapp, again I see your point but I haven't once called her or knocked her door. Not that it makes it OK, just a note with a few sentences felt less intrusive.

Just thought I'd follow up to my initial post with an update. Firstly, thank you for all the replies and advice. I continued with what I was doing in terms of working on myself, gained a lot of self confidence and I'm a lot more socialble. I'm in a very good place. I met the most amazing girl in November, she's absolutely stunning and I made it clear from the start that it was too soon for anything romantically but we enjoyed each others company. Will spare all the details but my ex and her family stalked her online, all her stories, videos etc so she questioned me about it, obviously I had no answers but I also questioned things myself... If she's moved on why look obsessively? Eventually in early December I told her my history with my ex which left her in tears. Her response was to get her back at all costs but she confessed that she had also fallen for me. It opened up a can of worms for me and made me realise that the things we fell out over were so trivial. They just didn't matter, it was just poor communication and a lack of trust on her part which in my opinion can be worked on. Christmas was fine but there was periods where I missed her more than ever. I sent my ex flowers on new years eve as a kind gesture, nothing more. Wished her all the best for 2023 and seen it as a new start for me too. However, the stalking continue with the new girl, viewing her online for a few days, blocking her, unblocking and viewing again and so on. Her telling me these tales didn't help me one bit so I've cut contact with her for her own benefit, she's too kind to mess around too. There is absolutely no anger or resentment from me at all now, more regret and wondering what's going through her mind. I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather work on things and get it right providing she has also made changes. It's not a case of not being able to let go anymore, it's more about what I want. Having taken the step back I see things a lot more clearly now. I know this goes against all the advice given but I reached out and put a note through her door a week ago. I've booked us a table at our favourite restaurant for next month, told her where and when. Although we've had absolutely no contact, I'd like to think if she wasn't going to show then she'd at least let me know rather than let me turn up. Obviously if that happens I'll know she's still the same person. Will update soon.

Thank you, all makes sense and I hope in time I'll see things for what they are. Just kicking myself a bit, we had it all and blew it. I'm 45 and never had feelings like this! Why is it so hard?!

Thanks for the replies. I think I know deep down that I need to let go, we both agree that it'll be the hardest thing we'll ever have to do. It's made even harder when my children are pleading with me to make amends with her, they were besotted with her and the feeling was mutual. My anger issues have only ever appeared with her, my last partner would sit and talk through any problems and we never argued, it's pretty frustrating! It's not the person I want to be and I guess the fact she brings out a side of me I didn't know existed then that also is a red flag. I think this is why she suggested the couples counselling so we dealt with things better. One day at a time I guess...

Hi, I've got myself into a hole and I need some advice please. My friends tell me to move on and get over it so I've ended up here. There's a long back story dating back many years which involes a lot of hurt on both parts, mainly her. We've both had partners and marriages, was never the right time etc. It's caused a lot of scarring for her and she's tried her hardest to let go of it. However, the connection between us is pretty powerful. We got together as an official couple in June 2021, has been absolute heaven at times. Both confessed it's the happiest we've ever been. But we also clash, she's argumentative where I'd rather chat. I'd get sucked into arguing, I'd be provoked and an ugly, angry side of me appears. We both said some awful, unforgiveable things, mainly me. Her reaction to any disagreement is always to end the relationship, I can't live like that. We moved in together in May this year, I struggled to adapt, her daughter is very needy and also struggled, we didn't bond. She has massive trust issues and questioned me constantly, always brought up the past during arguments. We had numerous flare ups over nothing, we tried to hide these things from our children, mine are 8 and 10 and her daughter is also 10. One occasion it did get a little heated and spill over which was the catalyst for the split at the beginning of August after her daughter told her father that she's scared of living at home, understandable but I think she's playing a game to get her mother back to herself. Here's where I need some help. I was happy at first after the split, I started looking for a new home. She was sobbing every night and I ended up looking after her. I moved out, we still had contact and slept together on three occasions. She had terrible anxiety and couldn't sleep, resulting in her needing counselling. I was enjoying the single life, I reconnected with friends and was going out more. She started showing some remorse for her actions and she suggested couples counselling, which got my attention. I went out for drinks just over 5 weeks ago, she questioned my whereabouts and then decided to fully end the relationship the next day. I was initially ok but things crept up on me quickly. After a week of no contact, I reached out and was shut down, I ended up pleading with her for a week or so and she told me to move on, go on some dates. Again we went into no contact, I asked her to block me on WhatsApp which she found difficult. A few days later I'm unblocked and I reached out to find it's because she was 'struggling emotionally' and nothing has changed. A few days back and forth again to no avail, she refused to talk but said it's OK to say how I feel by email, I sent it but days later she said she couldn't read it, I still don't know if she has. On Saturday she said we will never get back together and she's feeling great about herself again, so I cut contact for my own benefit on Sunday. Question is, what do I do now? Although it's toxic at times, I do feel it's fixable. I literally can't cope with being away from her, I can't eat or sleep. I'm working on myself though, I'm in the gym, I've begun counselling for my anger issues. I have also been referred because it's possible I have adult ADHD. Do I accept her decision as final and respect her wishes? Will some space and no contact make her think about things? I know I've probably pushed her away further by pleading. Is the no contact rule a myth and should I reach out next month some time? Obviously by then I might feel differently but am I just prolonging the agony? Will she reach a point where she questions her decision or does it seem she's come out the other end? It's also her birthday tomorrow, I don't plan on reaching out but I feel awful. I know the obvious answer is to move on but I'm really struggling to process that, particularly with the help I'm now getting. The thought of bumping into her with someone else is soul destroying.