Paddy345

Without saying to much and revealing who i am, there is a lot of sentiment in this forum around my criminal record, not making me a catch. But i'd just like to add that my lived experience within the criminal justice system, being educated whilst incarcerated, has kick started my career, i am lucky that i've managed to make the best out of a worst situation. I don't have issues getting jobs ect..

Thank you for you comments, Although it is not fair to say i am settling, me and this woman are uncomtorably honest with each other, to the point she is aware of this. I wouldn't back bite like that. Although i understand your advice, i feel like she is a good fit for me, due to our compatibility, ability to be honest, mature and accept each other...And as i said she is like my other half, my best friend almost.

Thank you for your comment though,it is much appreciated and no i stopped therapy last year due to me not being able to afford it

Yeah my dilemma is figuring out whether or not i genuinely love this girl or those feelings are driven from a deeper insecurity and fear of being alone. She's so great though i do not want to lose her, or hurt her nor her child, which is why this timeout, break whatever you want to call it has occurred.

Yeah although this woman had a child at a young age, she is not your typical young single mum, not in the slightest, usually through no fault of their own, women in these situations come with red flags, not this girl. And i've sorted the issues with her family out. My final dilemma is figuring out whether or not i genuinley love this girl or those feelings are driven from a deeper insecurity and fear of being alone.

Which adds an element of fear of not wanting to losing her, as imagine i don't find someone like her by far she is the best woman i have been with.

Thank you for you comments, Although it is not fair to say i am settling, me and this woman are uncomtorably honest with each other, to the point she is aware of this. I wouldn't back bite like that. Although i understand your advice, i feel like she is a good fit for me, due to our compatibility, ability to be honest, mature and accept each other...And as i said she is like my other half, my best friend almost.

I appreciate your radical honesty, thank you. Although it is hard to hear, perhaps it is what i need

Lets forget she has a child for a second, i do hope me engaging in this back and forth does not annoy you, i just feel alone in this moment, and genuinely feel like she is the love of my life, but then i enter the paradigm of being someone who falls deeply and very quickly due to my lack of self worth. If my reasons for the break are to assess whether i am ready for a relationship or not, what would your advice be.

Hi batya, your advice is very much appreciated and yeah she is aware of my prison sentence, it was a non-violent drug offence. What would you say if the child is not a factor and i am more worried about me not being ready for a relationship as the reason for the break, i feel once i conquer myself i can accept being a step father.

I think i have found the love of my life, and have reached a cross roads, I'll just give you some context about me and my life that can help you, help me navigate through my current struggle. Introduction: My rollercoaster life, as i like to call it. from prison sentences (2016-2018), working in million dollar start ups (2022), to having 18 months of physical injury that caused me to not walk and amplified my fear of of being alone to the point i nearly got sectioned as i was constantly trying to end my own life (2020 - Summer 2022) My relationship History : I started properly dating at 24, had an escort addiction, and lacked confidence, due to years of being rejected by women in my teens. i lacked so much confidence and had a high degree of a fear of rejection, that my friends would have to point out to me that a women found me attractive and wanted to date or have sex with me. I've always sadly been a people please. From 24 I've been with 3 women romantically, including my current gf. The first was a superficial girl, broken who loved bad boys, i was fresh out of prison, and re-starting my university education, due to feeling lonely i stayed with her, got caught cheating. Had sex with her whilst she moved into other relationships, almost had a child with her. And decided to move university, as she was my class mate...Pregnant in our third year with another mans child. Although I cheated on her, i couldn't bare what other people would think seeing her with another man and child during graduation when she was seen as my girlfriend, and on top of that seeing her everyday was messing with my head, so i transferred into a new university. I found another girl at this new university, due to COVID, all classes were on zoom, and me and this international student got too talking. It became romantic, she had planned to live and come to the UK, but last minute either her not getting a job, financial issues or not finding a place to live stopped her. Mind you this was during the time where i was severely suicidal and seeing doctors for my injuries, even walking with a stick, I was failing university, and my side businesses were suffering too. I decided to go see her, in her country (I won't name it) - It was a European country. She ended up being a psychopath, always mentioning how big my friends penis looked in photo's and not being that affectionate, it messed with my head to the point i was doubting my friend who she spoke of, and he did not even meet or know the girl. It didn't look like she was coming the UK, and i feel like i fell in love with her quickly because i was suicidal all year and thought i found a girl who accepted me, but really she has a misconception that i was some rich British guy looking for a trophy wife, and she was looking for a sugar daddy, as she got upset when i said i would not be able to help her financially or allow her to stay with my family. After another suicide attempt around 13 months ago from writing this, we decided to part ways. I found the love of my life or this is the worst decision of my life: Currently, I am with a girl i met through work. I'm 26M, and She's 25F. I have been honest with her about my life, escort addiction, patterns of cheating and self sabotage in relationships, my mental health (Bipolar), suicidal tendencies. She's accepted me with open arms. She has a child from a previous relationship, where the father of the child is not present. I'm from a lower middle class family living in the outskirts of the capital of UK, basically the suburbs. with a few bad neighbourhoods. She's middle class from a single family household, and lives in the hood. Now i know this shouldn't matter but even writing this, the people pleaser in me is coming out. She's amazing and i feel like my soul mate, she has overbearing threatening brothers who have threatened me and promise to apologise next time i see them. I have been unsure about having a committed relationship with a woman who has a child, i don't know if i can financially make that commitment, and I don't know if i am mentally ready for that. Also i don't know if i am mentally ready for a relationship, I am really insecure, have a fear of being alone, and am scared that this is causing me to be in a relationship where i am settling. However i do have a track record of fearing commitment, due to what others think and self sabotaging the relationship, i hope i am not doing that now. Settling for whatever comes with dating a single mother, when there are 1000's of women out there, settling for a woman without a degree and who may not match my financial income in the future, A woman who wants to raise our children (if we get there) another religion opposing from mine. Not to mention the crucifixion i will receive from my racist conservative right wing family for being with a girl from another race, religion and with a child. We're on a break, and i've got a month to tell her what we want to do. I have been open with her, and she recommended a break, where we don't see other people, for me to figure things out and for her to feel like she has some degree of control in this situation, and too mentally prepare if we do break up. I don't want to lose her, but want to see if i can get better, I also do not want this to depress me and put me in the state i was from 2020-2022 Cons Financial limits that come with having a partner with a child and who may not have the career aspirations or capability that i'd expect in a partner. Fear of repraisal from my family if we get married (Which i can navigate through if i need to) Being intertwined with her family, who i do not like or get on with, but again this can be navigated if needs be. Me feeling like i am so insecure i'll never find another great woman, coupled with my getting in a relationship as it'll make me feel better, look better, and who doesn't loved being loved. - But all this reasons are toxic reasons to want to be in a relationship. 5. Feeling like i am settling due to points 1 & 2 above. Pro's She's my best friend i love her - But i fall in love so quickly and easily, almost with anyone who ticks my boxes and shows an interest in me, due to my lack of self worth. She's accepted my true self, the good bad and ugly and due to my physical injuries i will most probably have arthritis that a 70 year old has in my 40's, and has promised to be with me. I am very insecure when it comes to sex and pleasuring women since my injury, she has not been with many men and the sex is amazing, and i have not problem pleasuring her, and she does not prioritise sex as a major thing unlike the previous promiscuous women i have been with. Being with her makes me want to be a better person. I know 4 weeks is not enough time for me to come up with an answer but i would love some advice on how i best spend my 4 weeks before giving her an answer.