moodindigo91

Thanks I ordered a copy. I have been listening to some book on codependency my therapist told me to read on audiobook but I'm finding it unhelpful. What you describe sounds more my arena.

Idk. It wasn't really a test. It was just a funny thing we said. But I definitely wasn't ready to be married when I started law school, and our relationship had just started. Law school takes 2.5-3 years. We figured by then, if we were still together, we'd be ready to be more serious about marriage and stuff. But, as the time for me to finish came closer, he drifted away. We've had a lot of talks. Most of them were about him figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. So, I guess he figured it out and I guess it doesn't include me. I loved him so I thought maybe he'd change his mind. But I was wrong about that too. No, it's not typical. Or maybe it is. I've only been in a few relationships. Honestly, this was the best one I've had. I feel sad because I feel like I meant nothing to him in the long run. And I guess this meant more to me. He made me feel like we were on the road toward a life commitment for a while. I probably should have just ended it myself in September if not before we went to Greece.

Originally, the plan was that we would get engaged when I graduated from law school, if we made it through that ordeal. Instead, four days after I graduated, he left me. A few weeks prior to that, he told me he didn't want kids. That's a subject I struggle with myself so not really a deal breaker for me. I spent most of my life not wanting kids, a small portion of it wanting kids, a small portion of it on the fence. Something he was also on the fence about before he told me he decided he didn't. We talked about possibly moving to another state, possibly moving abroad in the future, future travel plans/destinations, etc. pretty regularly.

I miss you 😥. I feel incredibly broken by your decision to leave our relationship for selfish reasons. I keep thinking you're right down the hall, and remembering you're not. This is the harder than anything I've been through so far. How do I let go of something that felt so right. I wish I could rewind time and figure out where we went wrong.

Yes. I'm experiencing this myself right now. Really makes it difficult to function but I'm hoping to ride it out

Yeah. Maybe. I don't understand why he'd date me for over 2 years and move in with me and help raise my dog and travel with me if he didn't want an LTR. It feels like a sudden change or a slow one he never told me about. I am feeling absolutely devastated over this and I hate it. Why am I so stuck on someone who has clearly shown they don't want me. 😥 I felt so wanted by him up until basically September.

He unfollowed me on Instagram and removed all of our pictures 😥

🥺 Thanks. This really got to me.

Yeah maybe I didn't explain it well or give context but these are conversations we had while we were just casually dating, and I wasn't talking about relationships being important to the meaning of life to me at the same time I told him I didn't want to date anyone not looking for a serious relationship. Before we started officially dating, we were neighbors across the hall. We'd hang out at each other's apartments, and we had lots of really good philosophical conversations. We talked about life being inherently meaningless and how we create our meanings. And I told him, in my view, personal relationships are the key to bringing meaning to life. So anyway. Later on, our connection was strong and that's when I told him I was only interested in dating someone if they were interested in a serious relationship because I'm preparing to enter into a new career and all the stuff I've said a million times in my other posts. I think, in hindsight, he found that attractive at first because he was looking for something to fill a void. I don't think my love could fill the void he has.

Idk. My therapist says I need to depersonalize this because it was his problem and didn't really have anything to do with me as a partner or whatever. And she says I have an anxious attachment style that makes me feel like I did something wrong which causes me to brood, etc. I think that is true in many ways. I think I tried too hard to build a relationship with someone who just saw it as an experience. And now I'm heartbroken because of it.

I say whole speeches to exaggerate. They were actually conversations between us. But we talked about relationships and their importance to the meaning of life and he seemed to be on the same page with me. That's all. Guess things change. If he felt suffocated I don't see why he would have decided to pursue me after that. And yet he did. I'm having a hard time accepting this. He just unfollowed me on IG (I unfollowed him last night) and I just feel so sad lol

Curious to know how it went

Yeah I get that. A moment of desperation for sure. I am feeling more cold than anything. I am still having trouble depersonalizing this and letting go. I can't shake the feeling that he was the right one. It's annoying.

Thank you! I think what makes this so hard for me is that my ex and I both felt that spark too and we talked about it and I thought we were building it into something solid. But something changed along the way. Or maybe nothing changed and that was the issue. I still don't know. All I know is that he left and that it feels like he ripped out my heart and set fire to it. It just sucks to know you are not that important to someone you love deeply. He'd rather go live in Europe alone or whatever than build a solid relationship with a woman he claims he loves. When we met I gave whole speeches about the importance of relationships to me. How I don't take them lightly (any relationship, including friendships, etc.), how I feel like the connections you make are what make life special, especially the one you make with the person you decide to share your life with. He spoke with as much fervor on the subject. So idk. This feels wrong to me, but the decision has been made. I'm just having trouble accepting it right now.

Yes thanks for your reply. I agree. I just don't appreciate how people try to characterize you in some way that isn't true based on what they write in a forum about break ups, like saying you're oozing desperation out if every pore lol it's not true and it's not helpful and it actually just makes me feel slightly worse for even having some moments of panic and desperation in the moments I was watching my relationship fall apart. And as for it being sad to think that this will be just another experience. That sadness feels overwhelming to me. I've never felt like this before after a breakup. And I have experience as well. You know? It just hits different. And I feel really hurt because despite having reservations I really felt loved and wholly accepted by this man.

I was diagnosed with situational depression several years ago and I did talk therapy for that, in person, every week. I stopped going after it was no longer needed (as was decided by my therapist and I). I started going again about a month or two ago by Better Help to deal with the stress and anxiety that I was feeling about transitioning out of law school and my relationship. It took me a while to find a therapist I liked there. I actually have an appointment today with my therapist. I encouraged my ex to go to therapy (which I'm pretty sure contributed to our demise lol). I think people come to this forum for certain kinds of responses and we give whatever information will get those responses. Obviously none of you know me. None of you know how I am on a daily basis or how I act when I'm with someone I love. I can assure you I am not running around in desperation trying to get affection or however it is you envision me. When I feel desperate and I want to get those feelings out, I come here lol so literally all you read about my life come from me in my moments of desperation. So your little diagnosis is just wrong because it's based in incomplete information. And anyway, the reason for this break up has to do with him wanting to go live in Europe or do whatever. Relationships are just not as important to him as they are to me. For him, traveling around is the most important thing I guess.

And just fyi a lot of the pathetic things I said is just part of my grieving process. I'm still feeling like s**t. Having a hard time coping. But getting better. I saw him today and it felt great and also sucked. It sucks to have someone tell you how great you were to them and how much of a positive impact you have had as they pack up their stuff and leave you. He said "we had great times" -- like that hurts me. I didn't get into a relationship so we could have some great times for a while and then go our separate ways. And it just seems like that's all it was to him. Some great times. 😥 Idk. I just feel this like a true loss almost like a death. Other breakups felt like a loss and a gain but this feels like just a loss. I feel like s**t.

Thanks. I don't really agree. I have done tons of therapy. And I am doing therapy. And I don't feel desperate. I was desperate to save this relationship maybe. But that's because I felt something strongly about it. Maybe I sound desperate on this forum but that's because this is where I come to let out my raw emotions. So, I don't know. I don't think this is accurate. Maybe based on the post it is, but the post was written literally right after we broke up and I was feeling super ***ty. I agree with some of this. Everyone tells you you need to be alone to love yourself and blah blah. Idk. Maybe my picker is off or whatever that means. But I did tell my ex when we met I was looking for the man I was going to marry. I told him not to waste his time if he was not interested in something serious down the line. I was seeing a couple of other men when we met as well and was dating around. It's not like he just approached me one day and the next we were in a relationship. And honestly. I feel like we were a good match. I just think he has his own personal things he needs to work through. Things I was willing to help him work through. I get this. Makes sense from what I've posted. But also, I post here only about my problems! I don't come here and tell you about all the wonderful times we had and etc. When I met him I didn't have tunnel vision. I knew I wanted to have a life partner one day and that was it. I didn't really want to be in a relationship at that point bc I was starting law school etc. We took it slow for a while. But it felt so right. And it still felt right. And him leaving feels wrong. And it hurts. I know I've said a lot of stupid *** on here about how I never find someone that stays. But really. It's this one that really hurts.

I have never felt like this before. I am worried about myself and my ability to get through this life anymore. It seems like I try so hard and I can't ever just find the happiness I want for myself. I can't help feeling I did something wrong and I hate that because I know I didn't. What the *** is wrong with me

Yes I've been through this before. But this feels so different. I am just mentally and emotionally burnt out. And all I want is for him to hold me while I process this and it sucks. He was my support system throughout law school and now it's gone and I feel like I crumbled. I'm just having a hard time like getting through it all

Yes I am with my brother. But I have to speak to him tomorrow to deal with splitting up our things. I feel so defeated. I know I need to participate but I'm having such a hard time with this. I am surprised at myself. I am struggling.

I'm having a really hard time coping 😥

😂 Can always count on your for wisdom

I agree with all of this. I mean, I definitely ignored red flags. What I wanted was for him to step up a bit. I was very busy with school and it seemed easier to have him around making my meals and things so I think that played a role in the blindness as well. I'm not mad at him for putting his best foot forward in the beginning. I am a little upset though that he knew he didn't want to settle down the entire time and he made it seem like he wanted to in the beginning. Seems super selfish. He is 32. He shouldn't be able to just galavant around and *** up people emotionally and run away to daddy whenever it gets to be too much. I understand I made a lot of mistakes that led me here. I saw so much potential in him, a lot of people do, so it's frustrating to see someone waste talent that way. Anyway, what do I do in the future? All the men I've been involved with seem to have red flags here or there. How am I supposed to know which flags are deal breakers and which ones are not? I have yet to meet someone who is red flag free. So idk. It is just exhausting. I'm sure a lot of you understand. I'm just exhausted. I do feel like I'm a good person with good values and a good heart and I just want something so simple lol someone to count on. I am fine alone. I know I am. But damn, it's so much nicer to share life with someone else. And I feel like I deserve that. So idk I feel like a Hallmark movie rn lol

So I can't find one because I want one?