moodindigo91

I always appreciate your feedback Batya! I just meant there's no right or wrong way regarding telling them that I'm dating to marry at this point! I totally agree that there are some steps/caution to take when dating men online! Yes, I think you're right about most men knowing their general values once they're beyond their 30s. My ex is a special case lmao he has no values or is struggling to determine what his values are. He launched himself into a pre-mid-life crisis, one which I'm glad to not be privy to at this point. He seemed to be on the fence about me, specifically, as he kept communicating with me and continued to do so until recently when I told him I legitimately did not want to hear from him. Anyways, your story about your ex is great! I wonder if the same thing's going to happen to mine lol I am just ready to find someone. I haven't known for so long that I wanted to be married like you did. When I was little, I actually never wanted to be married. I was in a relationship for 6 years with someone who wanted to be married eventually and never wanted to be married. It wasn't until I went through something traumatic with that guy and then when I met my last ex that I really developed that desire to be married and have a supportive, loving, committed partner. But ever since I decided that this is something I wanted it seems impossible haha My brother wrote something personal the other day that he shared with me and part of it said that he worries about his sisters (my younger sister and I) and wonders whether we will ever find the love he feels we deserve and I almost cried lol I know my guy is out there, just gotta be patient I guess

lmao so true

Right, there's no right or wrong way to go about it IMO because, what I've learned from my last relationship especially, is that people change their minds. I, for one, am pretty serious about finding my GUY, the one I can finally settle down with. When I met my ex (we met in person because we lived in the same building), I was just beginning law school and told him I was only looking for serious relationships at this time. He stuck around, we moved in together, he said he wanted marriage. 2 years later, he had changed his mind about all of that lol Obviously I'm a little older now and much more settled in my individual life so the context is different. I think when I join an app I will be putting on my profile that I'm looking for something serious that has potential to lead to marriage, and go from there. I'm not going to make it a major topic of conversation in the beginning, but once I feel a connection with someone I want to develop, it will become a more serious topic. I think it will be a case by case approach! But all this chatting about it honestly is getting me very excited! Which is fun because I haven't felt this way in a long time 🙂

Haha thanks, the advice is appreciated. I think you take things a little too literally sometimes. I am not going to make a profile with big red letters in all caps "LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE" haha I think I know how to be a little more nuanced. 😉 I think researching "popular" apps is actually an important aspect in finding the app that suits my needs. Part of that, in my mind, is figuring out what apps professional men looking for serious relationships in my area are using. I am still a ways away from making any profiles anyway. I am getting busier and busier at work and have a lot of new deadlines and I have actually been enjoying a casual relationship at this moment. I am excited about the possibility of getting back out there though when I have more time! Or maybe I need to make the time, like going to the gym lol ugh

Yep. Sounds like he's interested in flirting and that's it

Yesss! I will definitely be doing this! I am going to do some more research about which dating apps are popular in my area as suggested and go from there!

That's a tough one! I hear it is hard enough dating with 1 kid let alone 4! I find it hard to date and I only have a dog (although she is pretty large and intimidating on first glance haha) - wishing her the best!

I agree! I have met all my previous partners in person or through blind dates set up by friends, of course, in person. They have all been fine. I think for me, what appeals about the dating app possibility is that I can find people (of course depending on the app) people who are looking to date for a serious relationship from the start. I by no means plan to make it my only means of meeting men, just as a way to expand the pool of men I am able to meet. Most of my current friends are in relationships of their own so if I hang out with them it's not really likely that I'm at a place where I'm going to meet men. I don't really drink and therefore don't really go out to bars. Going to bars is also expensive and I live alone and have a dog so it just seems like a waste of my time and money in most cases unless I'm going with someone. Thank you! The anecdote about treating it like a bar is exactly how I was thinking of approaching it. Haha yes! As I mentioned in my original post (I think), I am a decently attractive woman who tends to get attention from men in any event. A lot of it is from men I don't ever care to date, which I expect will be the same if I join a dating app. I do go where the men are in a way. I work as an attorney, a predominantly male profession. So when I attend work-related events or you know, I've joined bar associations, and other types of related organizations that host events which I will attend. Most of my co-workers are married to other attorneys. I also work closely with medical professionals so maybe I'll meet a handsome doctor one day lol a girl can dream. I also go to the gym 4-6 days a week, this is where I meet most of the other men I come across. I really don't see myself dating a guy who doesn't lift weights at this point in my life. I am really into the UFC and am considering POSSIBLY going to bars to watch fights just to mix and mingle with men who share that interest, although I do prefer to watch those at home. I know for sure I will not date a man who doesn't really like dogs since I have a huge one. I enjoy hockey enough to go to games. I enjoy American football as well. I also enjoy spending time at the beach, hiking, traveling, etc. I would like a man with similar interests.

haha sure sure I have been casual since my ex left because I didn't feel ready until nowish to really get back out there in earnest!

Thank you! I appreciate this a lot. I guess I said I'm open to being casual because that's what I've been doing more or less since my ex left. I have had a friend set me up twice. One guy we had a good physical connection but everything else was lacking and we just (I think mutually) just stopped communicating. The other guy was the opposite, very secure and stable, good career, appreciated my ambition, had a fun time on the date, but I was just not physically attracted to him enough to continue that. I already live in a pretty large and fairly famous city, and I also live very close to Los Angeles and pretty close to San Diego. I just relocated here for this job and I would definitely relocate (probably back to San Diego) once I feel like I have enough experience to be hirable at a higher salary (because it's expensive as hell out here lol). But, since I'll have be stay put here for a while most likely. I have never considered attending singles events though. Where does one find out about those? Haha pretty much all of my social outings are work-related or with people I work with. I get along well with my legal assistant who is also a single female slightly older than me.

Fair! I think I'm in between casual dating to wet the feet and serious dating. I am open to being casual but I am also interested in dating to marry at this point. I guess the dating app would be for that purpose, because I can easily find casual dates/hookups without an app.

Hi guys 🙂 hope everyone's doing great. I've been on this forum for like ever. I've had what we'll just describe as "bad luck" with previous relationships dating back a decade if we're being honest. Anyway, I'm 31 now and I have been single now for close to a full year. I have been living alone and working at my new job for almost 6 months now. I am enjoying my job and get along well with my coworkers. Despite my ex still trying to contact me here and there, I am finally starting to feel ready to get back into dating. I met a guy at work who is impossibly cute, and I think we like one another, but he's a bit younger than me and also, of course, I don't really want to limit my pool to people I see at work for obvious reasons. I have never used a dating app before. I am thinking about possibly joining one just to kinda expand the pool of men I meet. I am curious what people's opinions are on dating apps, and which ones would be best to join if you are a woman in her 30's with a pretty demanding career. That's super specific but I'm sure there are plenty of experiences that would be helpful! I don't want to be on multiple apps, one preferred. What do you guys think?!

Pretty much agree with everyone else, this guy sounds a lil too weird. Cut your losses lol

Hi, I see there have been lots of responses to this already, and I haven't read them all. I'm sure they are very good. Personally, I lived WITH a boyfriend when this exact kind of thing started happening right under my nose with our female neighbor, who would continuously insert herself into our lives. They were essentially flirting with each other while he would look me right in the face and say it wasn't flirting. But I was not born yesterday and neither were you. Long story short, our relationship ended, and I moved out. They announced their relationship shortly afterward and actually got married. Sooooooooo, I don't think you're being insecure at all and maybe you should have a talk with your boyfriend.

Personally I would not want to go on a second date with this person. Unless you want to endure what would likely be years of that constant nagging lol

Hmmm I don't know if that is necessarily true. It seems like you're assuming a lot of things? I would talk to her about where you're going in this relationship and see if you're on the same page here, because it does seem like a bit of a power struggle situation. I can put minimal effort into something and say I'm doing it just to make someone feel better about the status quo, that doesn't mean she desires to actually make the move. It's like she is giving the illusion of being ready to move forward while not really being willing.

Does she have a Masters degree? I feel like most VPs/principals have a masters degree of some sort these days. Otherwise, an athletic director position seems difficult to achieve without any prior experience. Being an English teacher is not exactly translatable. If it is, she needs to find a really clear and persuasive way to explain how it is translatable to get the job, otherwise they will almost always pick someone with the direct experience, which she lacks. Perhaps a lateral move is best, and perhaps at a new school, she should try and be very involved with the sports program there and network/lobby. If she's unwilling to do that then I'm not sure where that puts your relationship. You're 3 years in and just now discussing moving in/marriage, etc? I'd make sure you guys are on the same page about future plans.

I'm sorry to hear about what is happening. I am not a doctor or medical practitioner, but I am a lawyer specializing in medical malpractice. First, I agree that she is responsible for her own healthcare, especially if you two are not yet married. Secondly, if her friend is so involved, maybe this friend can help takeover some of the burden you're apparently being faced with. I don't see how you could lose your job over this but if that is a concern of yours, you should address it with your employer ahead of time. I also agree with what others have said, in that, your fiancée is not a child and does not need to be accompanied or chaperoned by you every time she attends a doctor's visit or needs to go to the ER. Or perhaps, other people can help share this burden. Thirdly, your fiancée should obtain copies of her medical records from the hospitalization during which the surgery was performed. It sounds like there is a possibility that something happened during the surgery that your fiancée may be able to obtain legal compensation for. A second opinion from other physicians would be helpful in pointing in the right direction. If you believe there's a claim for medical negligence upon reviewing medical records and obtaining a second opinion, you should contact an attorney to review the case.

Coming from a woman who spent 2 years in a relationship with someone who likely felt exactly how you feel now but made the decision to make the "commitment" to me only to ultimately abandon me later on causing a whole bunch of hurt and pain that could have been avoided, trust your intuition. There's something telling you this isn't the one, you should listen to it. Otherwise, whatever hurt you think you'll cause her right now by telling her you don't want to pursue this any further will be amplified a million times more when you ultimately leave her down the road.

I would double check whether you actually have an LLC - because as someone has mentioned already, those are created only through the state, usually the Secretary of State handles business entity formations. LLCs provide protection of your personal assets. Insurance is an entirely separate matter. You should consult with a local business & tax attorney to determine what you'll need to set up a valid LLC (including an operating agreement, which is the standard foundation document of an LLC, and which you should have even if your LLC consists of only you, since you may expand in the future). This even includes things like naming your business, since many states have naming conventions or rules you must follow when naming your business. Insurance being an entirely separate matter, you should have least have some form of professional liability insurance - do some research into what types of liability insurance is available for someone in the real estate fix/flip industry and consult with providers. While the LLC protects your personal bank account from being tapped into, professional liability insurance can help protect your business's assets from being tapped into as well, at least to a certain extent. Also, please be sure to keep your personal and business assets completely separate. There should be NO commingling. You must have separate banking/asset accounts for your business, otherwise, courts may be able to "pierce the veil" and use your personal assets for company liabilities, even if you have a valid LLC. Hope this helps.

Thank you! I am looking for jobs where I used to live or in southern California generally. I miss my old city and my friends and the coffee shops and the groomer I had for my dog and even the hair salon I used to go to 😭 Plus 90% of my belongings are in southern California. I am in non-coastal northern California right now and it is just not my style.

Thank you! I agree. He kept trying to say that he didn't want anything from me but that was clearly not that case. He wanted, at the very least, to keep on conversing with me on a daily basis. I told him it felt like an expectation now, an obligation. One that I was unwilling to fulfill.

Feeling like everything is a constant uphill battle lately. Ever since my ex left I've been struggling daily. When he left, my finances tanked since I had no job and no money and was studying for the bar exam. I then had to sell or give away much of the furniture, clean out our entire apartment, hire people to move the rest into storage. Meanwhile, I packed a small amount of belongings for myself and everything I needed for my dog into my car and drove 10 hours to stay with my brother. Now, I have been living here since mid-March. I have no privacy. I have not slept in a bed since the night before I left to come here. I JUST found out I passed the Bar, but I have to still wait for them to send me the oath packet/bar card to take my oath. I pay my brother a few hundred bucks to stay on his couch but he often asks me to borrow money (which is astounding to me bc he has a full-time job making $80K a year and I am working part-time at best as a law clerk). He keeps saying he has money he just needs to "move it around". I've given him money about 3 times since moving here. The only reason I have any myself is because I got my tax refund & rental deposit back around the same time. My car needs new tires. I want to move out and have my own space, some privacy. A bed to sleep on. I am still ridiculously heartbroken over my ex (but I think some of that has to do with the fact that I'm in this weird limbo and I haven't been able to really live my life in any meaningful way since he left). I haven't had the ability to celebrate any of my accomplishments, including finishing law school, taking the Bar, and passing the Bar. I missed my law school graduation ceremony which was just a week and a half ago because I am 10 hours away in a different city (not that anyone would have attended on my behalf anyway). I am now looking for jobs but the starting salaries are sometimes even lower than what I was making pre-law school. I need to start paying my student loans back next month. My credit score has taken a pretty significant hit. The cost of living here is impossibly high to the point where I do not feel like I'll have the ability to move out on my own any time soon. I just turned 31 and I feel like I've been working so hard for so long and every time I feel like I have accomplished something I never thought I could, my life plummets. Like a year ago I really thought I was on track to having it all. Everything I wanted. A loving relationship, a successful career, was working on strengthening and repairing relationships with family members and friends, etc. Now I feel like I am at the lowest possible point and I don't see how I'm going to possibly get out besides several more years of struggle. I'm not sure I'll ever have the life I always dreamed of. I'm not even sure what kind of life I've always dreamed of. Except that I know that I want a life where I am not struggling to pay my bills and feed myself. I want a life full of people who love and support me, a partner who won't abandon me. Idk why it seems like I will never truly have those things. I am beyond frustrated and I feel like I can't even process it because I don't have the privacy here to be vulnerable or cry or anything. I have just been living day to day but it's starting to really take a toll on me. The only thing that has been helping is going to the gym like 5-6 days a week. Sometimes I spend over an hour there just because it's the only time I have to myself these days. Anyway. RANT OVER.

Hey guys 🙂 update: I never reached out to him for professional mentorship in any way. I never wanted him to be nor intended for him to be a mentor. I simply asked him if he could read my paper and give me feedback. When he asked to meet for coffee, I thought nothing of it, because I've met dozens of people for coffee in all types of situations. I have married men who are friends. I am also friends with college professors I had in undergrad. I was also meeting with several people in that time period, both personally and for networking purposes. It didn't feel strange to me at that time. There was no line I was straddling. I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to make him be honest with me about his wife, whether that meant casually bringing her up in conversation or being point blank about it. Whatever his marital status/issues, they're not my place. And the less I know about it, the better it is for me in my opinion. Maybe this sounds mean, but I don't really care about his problems with his wife. I also don't really care about how he feels about me. But it was somewhere along the line (probably when he started buying me things) that I realized this wasn't just a friendship to him. That's when I started feeling uncomfortable. I began phasing him out of my life. One time I didn't text him for 48 hours and he tried calling me (we've never spoken on the phone before ever). He tried to write me these very long text messages that sounded like formal letters. He was very careful to use language that sounded romantic but didn't use any directly romantic words. I read some to my brother for some advice from a male perspective. It started to become like a mental crisis for me because I am an empath and I have a hard time being clear about my feelings if I know that how I feel may hurt someone. But eventually, after trying to phase out the conversations and being really distant hoping he'd take the hint, I finally told him I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to handle what this intense feeling he seems to have toward me, that I thought he felt confused about his feelings toward me, and that I have been and must continue to focus on myself right now. I still didn't mention his wife -- that is something he will have to figure out on his own. After that, I stopped replying. He still texted me a few times in the following few days, but has since stopped. I feel much better lol

We haven't been romantic in anyway and I enjoy our conversations, but not necessarily the "attention." We only met in person once for coffee. He wanted to after that but I was in the middle of moving so I said no. Since then I've been in another city 10 hours away. I didn't ask for the ice cream but had to graciously accept it. He tried to offer to buy more ice cream last night but I turned down the offer. Anyway I agree I think the best way to handle it is to just simply not text him!