moodindigo91

Preferring a strip club over traveling is an interesting perspective. You know, of course, there are strip clubs in other countries haha I agree that travel is expensive, and it can also be stressful sometimes. But you do get experiences and memories that you will cherish for a lifetime, which is not something you can really say about a strip club, imo. Either way, I can understand not wanting to travel. If that's the case, then just stick to your guns. Why do you need people to accept that about you?

I agree that the dream probably has some subconscious meaning. You know deep down that this friendship needs a break at the very least. Idk about the concert thing, but if it helps you cope, then that's great.

Okay, okay. Maybe you love your girlfriend, that's certain. After all the time you've spent together, and the promises you've made to one another. I'm certain you love her. But are you in love with her? Idk. I do think there's a difference. If you do love your girlfriend, then you know it's not fair to her to only be half committed to making your relationship work long distance. And you can't say you're fully committed if you're posting on Reddit and ENA asking others about whether you should breakup or stay together. If you want to explore relationships with others (which is perfectly fine), you should do the honorable thing and let your girlfriend go, allow her to do the same.

I agree with whoever said that if you like your housing situation and your job, I would stay where you are and try to make it work. I think it's normal to feel lonely at times. I live alone myself, currently actually like my house and my job. I also have a dog. But most of my family lives across the country, in other countries. The closest family member I have is about a 10-12 hour drive away. I live in a new city away from my friends as well. I think you should be able to make new friends no matter where you end up living, and I think that you should try and make it a point to go out and make new friends at this time in your life. Especially if some of your current friendships are in a waning phase. You don't need to be so tied to your family. I am still close with my family even though I hardly ever see them in person. We talk often. You seem to be stressing yourself out trying to manage spending time with your family (maybe out of a sense of guilt? or loneliness?) that you are hardly allowing yourself to be yourself and enjoy your condo and your city. Seems like you need to just take a few steps back and think about what it is you really want and what you need to do to get there in your own right. (You don't need your mom to arrange a marriage for you.)

Oh, well. If that's the case, then I would honestly just leave this relationship. I'm questioning why you started/continued a relationship with him after finding out you were the other woman. In my opinion, those relationships hardly work out. Him following her back on IG could be totally innocent, but it could also not be. In any case, it's clear you're not secure in this relationship, and honestly I think it makes sense, since from the very beginning you knew he was a cheater. I think you should not say anything to him about this IG issue, and just break up with him to be honest. You will probably never feel secure in this relationship, and it's not worth investing any more of your time and energy into this relationship if that is the case.

Yeah, I agree with @bluecastle. 9 months of dating is not much, to be honest. And the fact that you're already not trusting of your boyfriend is not a great thing. Has he been exhibiting any evasive or odd behavior since he returned? What prompted you to look at his followers? Also I am curious, is your boyfriend's IG profile public? Some people on IG are very concerned with their follower numbers, and typically follow back anyone who follows them, even if who is following them is a spammy account.

How long have you been together? Who was he on vacation with?

This is great! You will become more comfortable with time. Just be patient with yourself and keep doing what you're doing.

I would encourage you to continue therapy, and to ask your therapist to specifically help you address your fear of being judged. I think it's good that you still go to coffee shops and other places even though you have this fear. You should keep doing that. Try to push yourself each time you go to take another baby step outside of your comfort zone. That could be as simple as smiling at the barista one day. And each time, you will start to feel more comfortable. Of course, people are always going to judge you. They will judge you even if they know nothing about you. So who cares? I think deeper down, there's a fear of abandonment there, which is another thing you should explore with a therapist.

Have you ever seen a therapist? Do you have any idea what causes you to feel so anxious? What is it about people recognizing you that upsets you?

I sort of agree with this but I also agree that someone else's moodiness and depression can be very draining and have real negative effects on the lives of others. This is true especially if you're in close and regular contact with the moody/depressed person. I had an ex who was undiagnosed bipolar for our entire relationship, didn't get diagnosed and medicated until we separated. But it was extremely draining for me and honestly quite terrible. But I also lived with him and was with him every day. It sounds like you were not in such regular contact with your friend. I think completely cutting off a friend in such a deliberate way is pretty crappy. Some people just grow apart, and that's natural. I have let friendships die, but I never wrote them long messages explaining why I no longer wanted to be their friend. This seems particularly unusual to me and unnecessary, especially if she knows you have a diagnosed mental issue. So, all that is to say, you're probably better off anyway. She wasn't a great friend. I hope you have other friends who will be there to support you during this difficult time.

This is the solution. Sounds like you have some sort of phobia that is linked to stress or anxiety or perhaps is borne of stress or anxiety. You really need to work with a professional to learn how to navigate these fears in your daily life, especially as it seems to be getting worse over time.

I wouldn't really worry about this. The company shouldn't divulge your identity to him anyway, and if they did, you should sue the company haha (joking btw). Also, for a statement to be libel, it must be false. Truth is an absolute defense. Anyway, I'm curious. What are you feeling most anxious about, your reputation or the possibility of working with this guy again? I'm glad you contacted your therapist, as I do agree your level of anxiety about this is unusually high. I honestly think you'll be fine. People have done much worse things at work and have come out unscathed. Ask your therapist about coping mechanisms when you meet!

It sounds like you gave up a lot of your personal identity to this relationship. That's unfortunate. In my opinion, the only people you should ever love MORE than yourself are your children. You gave up a lot for this woman, I think you are understandably bitter. But you should recognize the missteps you took along the way and learn from them. Writing letters is a great way to work through the complicated emotions surrounding leaving a messy long-term relationship. Of course, you should never send them. But keep writing them! I also agree that you should consult with an attorney before leaving. The laws governing marital separation are different depending on what jurisdiction you reside in (at least in the United States).

This sucks. I've had boyfriends stay up late and play video games with friends. They didn't do it every single night. Toward the end of my last relationship, my ex would stay up late on his computer, either playing games, or just bumbling around the internet doing crypto stuff. He would come to bed extremely late, and he stopped cuddling me upon coming to bed like he used to for months before we broke up. I think it's a sign that he's either complacent or is losing feelings for you. Either way, you've attempted many times to compromise with him on the situation so you get what you want from the relationship, and he's shown to be unwilling to compromise. Are both of your names actually on the lease? Are there any early termination clauses? Could you afford to live on your own or would you need a roommate? You should begin exploring your options for leaving.

This is classic leftover abuse manifesting itself. You feel this way only because you were walking on eggshells with her due to her inability to be an adult and control emotions. There's probably nothing more you could have done to make her understand how terrible you felt. What's more, she probably did not and does not even care about your feelings. Even if you could have made her understand how terrible she was making you feel, it's very likely she wouldn't have changed. She broke her own heart in that way. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you really did do the right thing by leaving and I doubt she cares about how terrible you felt. Stop wasting your energy and emotion on this woman. She is not worth it!

After 8 pages of commentary (with possibly more coming), I will very interested in an update post a couple of months or a year down the line lol I just came across this video which might be helpful. Maybe you can do a similar experiment, because you would probably get some pretty good feedback. I really think this video helps show that the reasons for saying no are many and varied and may not even have anything to do with physical attraction. It also has a lot to do with your approach, especially your confidence and the way you carry yourself.

Well, this is a really nice sentiment. Since you're both pretty young and the relationship is new, I would move forward taking it one day at a time at this stage. You feel very strongly about this now, about wanting to be with her despite the lack of intimacy, but that will probably change as time goes on as it is also often the case that the more you get to know and love someone you're romantically involved with, the more you'll want to be intimate with them. This situation would be a pressure cooker. Tread lightly, and, I agree with others, there is no need to settle just yet. You are very young and have a lot of opportunity to meet other women who may be more compatible with you.

How did you come across this girl if she doesn't know you? Did you see her in a public place? Do you know her name? How do you know where her mother lives if she lives a couple of hours from you? That is pretty weird. Do you know that she does not live with her mother? No. Not if they don't know who you are in any way, shape, or form. What have you been doing already? Your English seems decent. I would keep doing whatever you're doing for that. As far as lifestyle - what do you mean? As far as fitness, that's pretty simple. Develop a workout routine, and stick to it. There are plenty of resources on the internet. YouTube has a lot of great workout videos you can follow along with, which is great especially if you're a beginner.

I don't see that you've really pressured her in any way. You actually seem to be quite flexible and understanding, in my opinion. And she was the one who initiated the interaction you had. I do, however, agree with the others that she may not be ready for a relationship. Especially with a partner who has the desire to be intimate with her in the near future. Even if you are not purposely putting pressure on her, she probably feels the pressure just knowing you want to be intimate with her and not feeling ready for that. And, it doesn't make you an a-hole that you fear that you may not be compatible with a partner who identifies as asexual. Intimacy in relationships is important to many people and can often make or break a relationship. Unfortunately, it seems like she needs to really figure out what she is/wants before really being in a relationship with anyone.

I would suggest not purchasing real estate with someone you're not married to. Since it's too late for that, I think that it is unlikely that you will get your girlfriend to take back the offer to her friend and her daughter at this late stage. And, it would be kind of sh*tty to do so, in my opinion, if they truly need a place to live. How close is your girlfriend to this friend? I would definitely recommend that you have a written lease agreement in place, including a set term (if possible), so that they have a timeframe within which they know they must move out by, or else take some formal action to renew the lease. With friends, it can be a little uncomfortable asking them to be so formal, but I would really recommend it especially if you are worried about any kind of property damage, including damage or injury to your dog. Your lease agreement should spell out some rules about shared spaces, as well as payment of rent, etc. You'll also need to think about various things like managing everyone's schedules, quiet times, who gets what space (closets, in the fridge/cupboards, etc.), each person's responsibility for the utilities and how that money will be collected, etc. I would iron all of this out before they move in. Prepare yourself as much as possible for living with a 12 year old. I also recommend getting a safe for your valuables or outside locks for your personal bedroom/bathroom doors to restrict access to those areas and keep them personal.

Do you have a ring? Curious also why you are unable to have children of your own right now? Have you discussed with him your role in his pre-existing child's life once you get married? It doesn't seem like you have much of a role in his family unit at all right now.

I think you recognize that you've made a series of bad decisions here that landed you in the situation you're in, where you're pregnant with the child of a man you (seemingly) despise. I'm not sure what caused you to remain with him for all this time and attempt to have children with him when you were so clearly unhappy from the beginning. It's very unfortunate that it has gotten this far. You should just leave the relationship entirely. A plan of leaving for now and getting back after the baby is born really makes no sense logically and probably won't pan out the way you'd want it to. For your sake and the baby's sake, it's probably best to leave the relationship for good, and maybe contact an attorney to help you figure out parentage and custody issues that may arise later on once the baby is born. I'm sorry that the situation has gotten this messy 😞 but now you just need to do what's best for you and the baby.

Honestly, unlike most others, I don't see anything really repulsive or disrespectful about talking about your life prior to meeting your current partner. I mean, should we really just pretend we didn't have crushes or previous partners when we get with a new one? Personally, it seems more immature to me to become upset or uncomfortable with this. If you truly want to have an open and honest relationship with your partner, I don't understand the requirement to censor certain things about their past because it makes you paranoid. I do agree that if you told him directly it makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable and asked him to tone it down, then he should oblige if he does love you and respect you. If he doesn't tone it down, then I would reconsider this relationship. I think, if you're worried about your boyfriend's loyalty, that's a separate problem. You should feel secure with him, and if you don't, you shouldn't be with him.

I'm wondering why it has been 6 years and you're just now coming to this realization. Just seems like you're incompatible in many ways, including the fact that you don't have children and don't seem to want to be a parent or ready to be a parent, he has a child and an ex who he does actually need to "pander" to in many instances as they are co-parenting their child, your relationship needs are not being met and it seems unlikely they ever will be since it has been 6 years and your role in the "family unit" has remained stagnant. No marriage proposal. I would leave this relationship and look for a partner who doesn't have children.