moodindigo91

Well, first of all, this promise is pretty weak. I mean, how is being on a sex app okay with you in any way, shape, or form, whether he was actually meeting people or not? It's a huge sign of dishonesty and willingness to cheat that he was even on the app. It's too late now, but you should not have forgiven him. Unfortunately, based on that, you should not be surprised that he's still out on the prowl. The trans thing is pretty surprising, sure. But the overall point is that he's disloyal and dishonest and he doesn't seem to care much about being caught. It is very unfortunate that a child is being brought into the mix. In my opinion, you should leave this man, because he's not going to be loyal or honest with you. Contact some lawyers ASAP and try to work out some sort of custody and child support arrangement.

It's probably both of these things plus a plethora of other things. The end of a relationship, even a bad one, is a huge adjustment. What you're feeling is completely normal. Just make sure you stay strong and don't go back to him! Loneliness is not necessarily a bad thing. Think of all the freedom you have now 🙂 Try reframing things as much as possible until you're starting to feel more adjusted. You got this ❤️

Personally, money is a great option. I wouldn't get her anything that is similar to what your brother got her. Gift cards can cover just about anything, they are neutral, and people can use them to buy themselves something they like which takes out all the complication about what to buy someone. Ask your brother about her interests and get a gift card based on that. Like does she like makeup? Great a gift card to Ulta. I feel like any woman I know would love a gift card to Target. Amazon gift cards are super useful. Maybe even a gift card to a nice restaurant in the area would be nice, so she and your brother can share a nice dinner together. A gift card to a spa would probably also be very appreciated. Otherwise, I would stick with something a little more neutral, like a mug that's relevant to whatever she graduated with a degree in (when I finished law school a lot of my friends got me mugs related to being a lawyer).

Just to clarify, have you been snooping through your wife's phone continuously for an entire year, or you did it once a year ago and again recently?

I know what you meant, but I still think it's better to have little to no expectations while dating. Unless you've gone on several dates and you're discussing being exclusive with one another. I 100% agree there's no guarantees even in committed relationships, but you should still have certain reasonable expectations of your partner. After all, you've decided to commit to one another and share your lives together. You don't do that when you're dating. You're just looking for someone who has the potential of living up to the expectations you would have of a partner. That's why I say, no expectations or very few, especially if you haven't made it explicit that you want to date someone and/or vice versa.

Hey now! I'm 31 and single ... 30 is not old at all and you still have plenty of time to find a suitable partner. I understand being in the dating woes, but this is kinda sad. I'm sorry your perspective has gotten so bad as you grew into adulthood. This is something you should really spend time working on improving while you're single. Perception is very much something you can control, and having a positive perception of most situations will have tremendously positive impacts on your daily mood and life in general. Try to perceive dating and rejection as being positive. You're dodging bullets, weeding out unsuitable partners, making room for the ones who are more compatible. I heard something a long time ago that I repeat to myself often, and that is something like "rejection is protection". They're doing you a favor, saving you time and probably heartache. I agree that having zero expectations will be better overall. I would refrain from having any expectations until you are in a committed relationship with someone tbh. Don't give up! Allow yourself some time to feel like crap about this specific rejection and then pick yourself up and keep moving forward as soon as possible.

This is a fair and honest reply. And now you don't have to sit here and ruminate and wonder whether she liked you or not, etc. I still think your reaction of giving up on dating completely and saying this world sucks is a bit dramatic though. Although I get it, being rejected is a crappy feeling. I'm sorry she declined. But at least it seems like it has nothing to do with you. I think it's probably a good idea to focus on yourself for now, and your business. Who knows, maybe manifesting for yourself will bring more compatible people who are ready to date closer to your circle. Don't give up completely, but maybe don't make dating a priority right now!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is such an interesting and inescapable part of the human experience. I think that there is beauty in the process of grief. They say, you never know true joy without knowing pain. You never understand or appreciate the true fragileness of life until you've experienced the grief of loss. Keep finding solace in songs and poetry. You and your cat were lucky to have one another. It was indeed a gift.

I'm very sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I think at the very least, you may try calling the suicide hotline until you can line up some therapy. You should also try your very best to let go of your past. Your past doesn't define you. In fact, your past is already gone. All you have is your present. It honestly sounds to me like you actually have a strong will to live, as you've gone through everything you detailed in your post, and tried many things to "fix yourself." What you need to focus on is realizing you don't need to be fixed. You need to accept yourself and figure out how you can live a fulfilling life being yourself. This is of course not an easy task, and it really takes a lifetime to fully accomplish. Try living in the present as much as possible, because that's all you have. Spending more time dwelling on the past is only going to slow you down and make you feel much worse. It's important to realize that all human beings, no matter how "together" their lives may seem, struggle with this kind of thing in some way at some point. You're not alone. We're here with you. Feel free to private message me if you ever feel really bad and just need someone to talk to.

As a woman, I can say that I have and definitely do divulge personal, sensitive things about my life to them, especially if I am in need of a male's perspective. I am single, however, this would be true even if I were in a relationship with someone. I don't automatically think that is a red flag. However, what IS a red flag, is that this guy is clearly interested in her beyond just friendship. Personally, I think it's good that you've met him because that shows she's not necessarily hiding you from him. However, I think at the very least, the boundaries need to be very clear. Maybe she's being naïve and thinking this guy really just wants to be her friend. Maybe he does really just want to be her friend. In any event, the boundary on her part needs to be clearly communicated/expressed, that she is not interested in dating him, that she is with you exclusively, etc. I think you are right to be worried, as whose arms is she going to run to when you inevitably have an argument? However, first and foremost, if you haven't discussed or explicitly committed to being exclusive with one another, you hardly have a leg to stand on here. You mentioned you're "dating" her. You've talked about moving in, etc., but that's not the same as being in an exclusive relationship with someone. If you aren't exclusive, then maybe you should just leave this connection behind, as there are some real red flags here and it is probably not worth your time and effort to sort them out. She's playing you both. If you are exclusive, then I agree you need to have a conversation with her without jealousy and really ensure that boundaries are clear. It shouldn't be a huge issue for her to communicate a clearer boundary to him, if he really is her friend. And, likewise, if he really is her friend, it shouldn't be a huge issue for him to respect that boundary.

I don't know. I don't think the ultimatum is really like "cut our son and his horrible daughter out of our lives entirely or we're getting divorced". The wife needs to put her foot down at some point if she wants to maintain her own sanity in her own home. I think the ultimatum is something more akin to "grow a pair of balls and start treating our son like the adult that he is or our marriage is going to be on the rocks". The son is 32 years old and married. I have questions. The main one being: Why are you getting married if you're not financially independent? The DIL is not entitled to the home and financial support of the son's parents, IMO. The son has overstayed his welcome. He is a grown man. He should have moved out a long time ago, especially if he was getting married. Also, OP, MOST people in their 20s-30s rent their primary residences. Where I live, hardly ANYONE at any age can afford to purchase a home. It's completely normal to be paying rent. What's abnormal is living under the roof of someone else's home with a partner while completely disrespecting the people who own the home and acting entitled to everything they own. What's abnormal is causing friction in your family who has done nothing but (in your own words) bend over backwards for them, and refusing to do anything to lessen the tension. What's abnormal is paying for these entitled people to live out of a nice hotel because they are too lazy or entitled to go out and pay for their own living expenses. I'm sorry OP but you've been enabling this type of behavior in your son for who knows how long and your wife and daughter are right. He will never grow up or change as long as you keep enabling this poor behavior. Paying for them to live in a hotel is part of that enabling.

Okay, at least you realize there were a lot of presumptions. And it seems like most of your presumptions, if not all of them, were wrong, if I'm being honest. You presumed this and you presumed that. Have you ever just asked her about her feelings, or why she's coming to your office, etc.? In any event, I don't think it's a great baseline for you to presume that women you work with only come to your office because they like you and want to have sex with you. I would say this is rarely going to be the case. You're playing with fire with your mindset. So you asked her out, she basically said no. You then were like, well you don't want to go out with me but you flirt with this other guy we work with? She then told you she explicitly didn't want to date you and you basically implied that she's like a sl*t by accusing her of flirting with other male coworkers while not wanting to date you. I'm not sure what is so unclear about her feelings requiring you to make so many incorrect assumptions. It sounds like she was pretty clear. I'm not sure where you're getting the "as well" from either, when she explicitly said she didn't want to date you. You should probably just continue avoiding her until you feel better and stop assuming women you work with are DTF just because they may be mildly flirtatious with the men they work with. Act professionally when you do see her. I'm sorry you feel rejected, but that is the nature of life. Don't say anything else to her and try to find other ways to handle your feelings of rejection. I'm usually not one to say don't date coworkers, but if you are going to date them, the intention must be specific and mutual and with the understanding that things could go wrong and that if they do, it could be very awkward for everyone in the office. However, I would advise you personally not to date coworkers period because you have a hard time dealing with feeling rejected. You can't just simply cut contact with your coworkers after being rejected, you have to see them all the time. If you have a hard time handling rejection, you should stay away from dating coworkers at all costs!

No, not day 1. But sooner rather than later I would say. Like during the first [official] date, if not then, then before a second date.

Whose making assumptions now? I've been through plenty of difficult things in life without help from my family or help from anyone for that matter. But I'm not 48 and posting on forums looking for sympathy for deciding to carry bitterness and anger all around in your heart. My post is not assuming anything. It's simply saying that no matter what happened, no matter the reason for the estrangement, ONLY YOU can make the decision to either allow this to continue and be bitter and angry about it for the rest of your life, or simply let it go and move on with your life. No one owes you anything, not even your family, especially if you're the one who is putting the space between you. As far as "armchair analysis" - you're the one who came here, posted looking for some advice and/or feedback. We are complete strangers and can only go off of what you provide in your posts. What other kind of analysis could you possibly expect? I mean, grown up.

Probably both, in my opinion. I mean, at 48 years of age, why do you want to carry around all this negative emotion? And what is really the point in going over and over the past with a fine tooth comb to determine whose at fault? You either have to decide to let bygones be bygones and start to rebuild or repair your relationship with your family with the understanding that everyone is human and makes mistakes, and that they are who they are and that you can love them nevertheless. Or, you can choose to continue to feel bitter and angry and allow the estrangement to become permanent. If you pick that path then you need to live with your decision and not expect them to trip all over themselves to help you in "emergencies" or ever. You need to stop complaining about being estranged if you are choosing to actively maintain a level of anger toward them that you refuse to sort through. This is coming from my personal experience with a similar type of family, and some of them I still don't talk to often, but I love them, and I don't feel any bitterness toward them anymore because I decided for me, that it wasn't worth carrying around that bitterness in my heart. I realized I can love people but that doesn't mean I have to like them or even respect them.

reread what I said bc you're just reiterating it lol you're wondering how she ghosted you WHEN YOU NEVER ASKED HER ON AN ACTUAL DATE

Okay, so you were like "hey, we should hang out sometime" and she was like "yeah, sure that would be great" and then you never followed up with asking her to hang out on a specific day at a specific time? She's waiting for you to do that. Were you just expecting you would both randomly show up at the same place at the same time and then start hanging out together one day? I really don't understand the people who post on here and are like hey I asked this person to hang out and they said sure and then I never said anything else to them but we never hung out, did they ghost me? Have you ever seen the TV show Friends? There's a flashback episode when Rachel first joins the group and Ross and Rachel end up alone in a room together and he says "hey, maybe we can go on a date sometime" and she said, "yes, I'd like that" or something of that nature. HE THEN NEVER FOLLOWS UP WITH AN OFFICIAL INVITATION TO TAKE HER ON A DATE. It was not until years later they officially dated. This is exactly what's happening here. It's like people saying I'm having a party on Saturday, never giving you the detail about the party, but then getting upset that you never showed up to it. I agree with this statement as well. You have known this woman for like 5 seconds and you already have a laundry list of flaws about her. I don't know who told you this but it's false. In any event, women are not just going to announce that you'll be taking them on a date. You need to pursue them, give them an explicit invitation to do something somewhere that they can accept.

Yes. It will help you from having to wash your hair every 2 days. My hair is long and thin-ish. I use dry shampoo no matter then length because I only like to wash my hair 1-2x a week and I also go to the gym a lot. I typically style my hair after washing it (either curl or straighten), and then apply dry shampoo throughout the week until I need to wash it (you'll be able to tell when it is time to wash). You can also try things like oil treatments. I have also been using Hers minoxidil to try to regrow fuller hair around the crown of my head with some results. Also, someone said to get a perm. I got a perm last year and honestly I loved the way it made my hair look. But be aware it's expensive, a long process, and you need to care for your perm as if you had naturally curly hair, which means buying specific hair care products, etc. (if you want it to last anyway). You'll need products to keep it from frizzing. Once the perm wore off it took my hair a couple of months to get back to its original texture and honestly still hasn't returned completely. It's way frizzier now than it was pre-perm. So, I guess while I liked my hair while it was permed, I wouldn't recommend it for thin hair because it might damage your hair's texture.

If she is just an acquaintance like you say then I wonder why she is so invasive? Did you date her in the past? If you never really spent a lot of time with her as a friend and developed a close relationship with her as a friend, I have a hard time understanding why she feels like she needs to keep tabs on you. And, to be fair, I would probably not invite "acquaintances" to my wedding anyway. It sounds like you never established any clear boundaries with her. It also sounds like she has a very different understanding of the level of closeness of your relationship. It seems like she views you as a friend, or even more than a friend. While you claim she is just an acquaintance to you. If she were just an acquaintance to you, I also don't understand how her behavior could be causing you so much stress; if you're having minimal contact with her, you should not be stressed by whatever she's doing. It sounds like you need to be clearer with her. And if she is causing you this much distress, then I don't see why you'd want to keep her in your life. People can be wonderful and great people, that doesn't mean you need to be friends with them.

I think you should do something like, take your wife out on a surprise date. Hire child care for a weekend. Take her on a staycation. Have her get all dressed up and take her somewhere nice, somewhere SHE likes. She needs to have fun and escape from the busy life of being a mom to 3 young children. She needs to feel like she is more than just a mother, more than just your wife. Without the ability for your wife to feel like she is her own person, who is attractive and who deserves to have fun and let her inhibitions loose sometimes without feeling like she needs to take her of her duties as a wife and mother, she will view everything in your marriage as being a transaction that is required to maintain the status quo. You rubbing her back at night, I'm sure she is laying there like *ugh he wants sex and that's all and of course I have to give him sex or else he will become unhappy and etc etc etc*

Curious about this as well. Why is he your only family? The fact that when you confront him about these things, he feels attacked, is a red flag in my opinion. I would try to consult with some close friends of yours and get their opinions, and see if they can offer you help in any way. You definitely need to have a conversation about your feelings and his behavior. You should try using "I" "me" when conversing with him, and not "you" "your", that way it is less like you're pointing a finger at him for doing something wrong and more just you sharing how you feel. That might help his feelings of being attacked (but it might not). If this doesn't stop happening, you should really consider leaving this relationship.

I mean, if this is the case, and you've made your decision, then what's the point in posting here. You know we are all going to tell you to leave this relationship because you clearly see this guy sucks and you know we see that, too. You need people to tell you to leave. It really bothers me when people use their children as an excuse to stay in abusive relationships with crappy people. This is NOT a good example for your children. Do you have daughters? Do you want them to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to disrespect them, lie to them, act jealous and controlling toward them, etc.? Do you have sons? Do you want them to grow up thinking it's okay to treat women like they are play things? I mean. Come on. Your children deserve better. You deserve better.

Stop comparing your relationship with your boyfriend to his relationships with his exes. Period.

Spot on. She doesn't like something about how you are as a person in a relationship. I doubt there's anything you can do to "reset" that will magically make it different a few months from now. Leave her be and find someone who likes who you are and how you act in a relationship.

Yes, all of my serious boyfriends have come back at some point with an interest in rekindling the relationship in some form or another. One toxic ex and I got back together and then split up again. My most recent ex who left a little over 1 year ago recently came back into my life with an interest in exploring the possibility of getting back together, which I am remaining open to but not committing to. Anyway, it does happen. Probably quite often. Probably more often than 60% tbh. But I would say, more often than not, a successful relationship hardly ensues after breaking up and getting back together without a pretty long passage of time, some changes on the parts of both parties, and an explicit commitment to sort out whatever it was that caused the breakup to begin with and make it work.