Kinjy

Thank you Rose Apologies for not being around sooner to thank you for your advise- I have had some internet connection problems as of late. I attended an interview last week, did everything you mentioned and am currently waiting for a response. Fingers crossed I will get the job

...sums up my career in it's entirety! I had a long term permanent job until March this year (I worked there for 6 years) and hated every single moment of it. I was treated badly, so badly I stayed there so long because I didn't have the inclination to find a new job, the working environment was backstabbing and nasty and it was generally very unpleasant. Anyway to cut to the chase, I attended countless internal interviews in an attempt to progress, and never got anywhere as I was not liked by management, and they did everything in their power to make my life there a misery. I lost out to jobs to people who were well known to be lazy or poor performers which did some serious damage to my self esteem, even though in my heart, I knew I was disliked for my intelligence, strength of character and ability to think for myself. To cut a long story short, I quit after being given the option of a demotion or the door (apparently due to "lack of funding") so I took the door. During my employment there, I decided to take evening classes and got myself a Distinction grade at HND level in a creative, non work related subject, which I am very proud of. Holding down a stressful full time job while studying was hard work, but I did it! Yay! I qualified over a year ago. After I left my job, I applied to a temping agency, and now have a temp job. Although the working atmosphere there is much more pleasant, I hate the work as it bores me senseless and feel like I am back to square one- in a crappy clerical office job. Also, the pay is disgraceful- I can barely afford to pay my bills and am not entitled to any paid holidays, even though I have been there for 6 months. I have attended a couple of interviews for jobs in the creative industry, however I never seem to get anywhere, even on a basic admin level, in which I have years of experience. The industry where I live is so competetive as there are very few jobs available in my field of expertise. I can't help wondering what I am doing wrong- I get interviews, but can never seem to gain any success from them. During interviews, I am totally myself- am relaxed and more confident than I used to be, and do not put on any airs and graces. I'm honest about my qualifications and experience and do not bad mouth my previous employers (even though the temptation is there! ) However, I do not know exactly how to judge my interview performance, so am never sure if I have done well or not. I would like some advice from people who have been in similar situations as I feel like a bit of a lost cause- and am starting to wonder whether I did the right thing by leaving a permanent job even though I hated it- to go to a temporary job, which I don't like much either, and which the pay is much much worse. I know I should be grateful that I am actually working, but I want so badly to be in my field- I worked bloody hard for my qualification, put up with years of crap from employers and in a way, I feel like I am owed the opportunity to do a job I want to do! Has anyone else felt the same and if so, can anyone please offer me any advice on how to move forward in my career?

Thanks to you all for your inspiring replies...your responses are much appreciated. xxx

Hi there I am a semi professional photographer and I can tell you that a good model is hard to come by. Personally, when I hire a model, I look for 3 things: 1) An excellent outgoing personality, with a good attitude towards their work 2) Someone who isnt shy in front of my camera- if a model is uncomfortable, it shows on photos 3) Someone with the ability to slap their make up on, whack on an outfit and do their hair within 10 minutes and look fantastic Looks in general arent too important. I have worked with some stunning models in the past, who have had hang ups about their appearance, but Ive also worked with more plain models who have let their personalities shine through. Those plainer girls (and boys) have been the subject of some of the best photos in my portfolio. Trust me, confidence problems and hang ups about self image show on photos! My advice to you is, yes, exercise, yes, take care of your skin, but do those things for yourself to build your confidence and feel good within. As for getting yourself noticed, find yourself a good photographer who is prepared to help you establish a portfolio (some of my models work for me for free in exchange for some photographs) Be prepared to do whatever your photographer asks, and look for one who does something a little out of the norm, maybe someone who will use a lot of unusual clothing, make up and props. This shows initiative and creativity and will give you a good range of photos for your portfolio. A model should be as creative with his/her poses as the photographer is with their camera. I like to see a range of work in a models portfolio- from extreme fashion shots to bare faced portraits. Although a competetive industry, looks arent necessarily the key to being a good model. Photographers want confident people they can relate to and work with with relative ease. We dont want to be directing the model throughout the shoot either, we would rather have someone who is prepared to use a bit of initiative in their modelling work. Its hard work, but worth it for that perfect shot and the satifsaction of the person shooting the images. Dont be afraid to let that personality come out, or make a fool of yourself. These are often the key aspects of fantastic photos. So my advice- find two or three reputable photographers (freelance ones are usually more open to suggestions) offer to work in exchange for copies of the photos and show em what you got! Start at the bottom and work your way up! A good photographer will offer you help and advice, and not take advantage of your "freebies" If you feel that after a while, you deserve to be paid- say so! remember, most photos are retouched anyway- the images you see in magazines have been airbrushed, recoloured, you name it, it can be done. The most important thing is your personality and the attitude you take towards the work you are doing. If you need any more advice, please feel free to PM me. Best of Luck xx

Ok, this is difficult but at the moment I feel like an emotional time bomb about to explode. I have worked in a corporate office job for the past 5 years, in an area in the UK where unemployment is rife and jobs are very difficult to come by. Throughout my time working there I have basically, felt like the victim of a personal grudge from a high level manager. It began when I started the job, I was 19 at the time, fresh out of college and a bit of a non conformist. My team leader decided she didnt like me and I spent my first few weeks shut up in a cupboard sorting paper files on my own. Another team leader eventually clicked on and invited me to join her team, where I happily spent 2 years. Due to being given extra responsibilities I requested a job description for this post and was repeatedly refused, so i approached my union representative. 2 days later I was called into the managers office and basically demoted, for "management purposes" I ended up at a tribunal where I "lost" my case, spent 6 months in my demoted position, but applied again for a higher paid job (a secondment) on the same team I was thrown from. I have worked there for over 2 years now, and management have decided to restructure. My job isnt on it- theyve decided to obliterate the post entirely and as of yet I havent been told what is going to happen to me. Rumour has it that Im going to have to go back to the post I was demoted to in the first place, which means a considerable loss in job satisfaction and pay! I have tried applying for other jobs within the same building with little success- I have been told, in an interview that my chances of getting a higher paid job there are slim, and have not been given any reasons as to why, I have had my interview confidentiality breached on more than one occasion, I have had my personal life brought into account during the tribunal and have basically been on the receiving end of idle gossip and false rumours. I have asked if there was a problem with my performance, or any complaints about me or my work and have been told by my team leader than I do very well. I am always polite and cheerful and treat people with respect. Part of the problem is the fact I take work unrelated night classes at a high academic level which I am shortly due to complete- this has been used as ammunition against me when applying for jobs because they have it in their heads that i have no interest in working for them (which is untrue- I like my current job) I am just so fed up, Im under pressure from exams, and worry about how I am going to manage my finances (mortgage etc) My partner also recently left the place for another job- he had a very prominent role within the building and basically left them in the lurch, and both he and I feel that this has contributed to what is happening to me at the moment. I want to leave but can't find a job with a permanent contract with similar pay to what Im getting now. Im also petrified of job interviews because of my past experiences. I do want to set up my own business and have started the preparations, but this will take time and for my own sanity, I need to leave that place as soon as possible. I feel I can do nothing, theyre not technically breaking the law but I believe their work ethics are totally out of order. Im so sick of being thought of a stupid, lazy and useless, when my performance and praise from clients, as well as completing a diploma while working full time, prove that I'm not. I feel like Ive got loads to offer but every time I get a hint of a chance, its thrown back in my face. I do have a high level of self confidence but feel this is slowly being torn away. It seems like theres one rule for me and another for everybody else. Im also getting a bit scared of myself in all honesty, Ive had some pretty disturbing dreams where Ive taken an axe into the managers office. I basically would love to hear your thoughts on this. Im so ANGRY! I hate unfairness, whether its directed at me or not. I dont feel like there is anything I can do though. The union are more trouble than theyre worth, careers advice has come to nothing. I feel useless, am embarrassed to apply for jobs despite my confidence in my abilities, because I worry that whatever I say will be held against me and am full of hate for this person and his little cronies who seem to take pleasure in making other people miserable. I am sick of hearing myself moan about this, and I am becoming even more miserable because theyre getting under my skin and I don't like it. Has anyone please got any suggestions as to how I can pull myself out of this mess? I really want to help myself- get out of there and tell them where to stick it but feel like a lost cause and dont really know where to start!

I am so sorry to hear what your girlfriend has been through. This has to be reported to the police. I understand there will be complications, but that man MUST NOT be allowed to work with children. It is bad enough that your girlfriend and her step-siblings have to be around him, and tolerate his sexual abuse. He cannot be allowed to act out his sick fantasies elsewhere. Please, try to talk to your girlfriend, maybe gather together some of the video evidence and get her to make a statement at your local station. Try to stress the importance of this. If you are from the UK you will remember the recent Soham case, where a caretaker was found guilty of the murder of two young girls. It is believed they were sexually assaulted also. As for your girlfriend, all I can say is she is very lucky to have such an understanding and supportive partner as you. Keep at it, She may open up and tell you more. Please try to convince her to talk to the police though, people like these men should be where they deserve to be- behind bars! Good Luck, and let us know how you get on.

I have been posting recently about my concerns for my sister, who has an abusive partner. The advice I have received from people has been of great comfort to me. I feel completely helpless and cannot seem to get through to my sister, but people here have assured me there is nothing I can do except be there for her. I believe you should do this for your friend. If he is dropping hints, he wants to talk, believe me- I have seen the same happen with my sister and several friends who have been through hard times. All you can do is reassure him that you will be there to listen when he wants to talk and that he can place his trust in you. You seem like a wonderful, caring friend and this is obviously upsetting you very much. When he does open up, prepare yourself to hear the worst. Don't pressure him, allow him to talk at his own pace, chances are, it'll emerge in dribs and drabs. All you can do is listen, offer a shoulder to cry on and not think any differently of him for what may have happened to him in the past. Treat your friend as you always have done- that is the first step to continuing the trust he has found in you. Offer as much love and support as you can and remember, if he does confess his secrets, he is sharing a burden that has been with him for so long. A problem shared is a problem halved. It takes a lot of trust and respect for that, so he must regard you very highly. Good Luck!

Thank you Murray, your concern for my family means a lot and your advice has been an eye opener. Especially your mention of the "unwanted side effect". I think you've hit the nail right on the head there. However my parents have kind of taken the "theres nothing we can do until she helps herself" approach. My sister is fully aware of my support and support from our parents. She has spoken to a friend of mine who unfortunately went through a similar experience to yourself. It didnt work. My main concern at the moment is this "holiday." She flys out on Thursday and my stomach is in knots. Worst of all, my sis is keeping her mouth firmly shut about recent events, even though I and my parents have told her how worried they are about her being alone with him in a strange country for a fortnight. And Im still worried she might not come back. Personally I believe its an ideal opportunity for him to do with her what the hell he likes, and I can't get it out of my head (and my stomach) that we (my family and I) are hundreds of miles away. It really enforces that helpless feeling. I have checked out that link you sent, and read your posts and PM, and I am so happy for you, finding the courage to get through a truly horrific experience. Well done! I am pleased you listened to your family, I just wish my sister would listen to us! Thats why I have thought about the shock therapy, the photos and stuff I mentioned before, but I am terrified I will make the situation worse, and she will stop speaking, which will only cause extra stress for my parents and for my sister- I dont' want her to feel like she can't trust me, especially at a time like this. She needs all the support as we can give her. I believe my only course of action now is to wait. I just can't see another way at the moment. She knows where I am if she needs me, she has my support and knows she can stay at my house if she needs to (her partner doesnt know where I live) However, if things do get bad again, and she talks to me or my family or merely mentions it, if I see another bruise or mark, I will consider taking your advice, especially after knowing it was the only thing that worked for you. I want this next fortnight to pass as quickly as possible and I will be asking her to ring me every few days to make sure she's OK. My logic is telling me this, but my instinct says otherwise, if you know what I mean... Murray, you said in your post there is so much you wanted to say, please...do so! Is there no end to this confusion, no light at the end of the tunnel without hurting anyone?

Sorry I haven't been around to post a reply for a while. Thank you both so much for the advice. It doesn't stop me worrying about my sister but it has helped me to put the situation into perspective, and made me realise that I can only offer my support , love and a shoulder to cry on. Your kind words have helped to relieve the feeling of guilt and helplessness I have had for so long, but those feelings are still there, and wiull be until she eventually has the courage to leave. I am still very worried about her though, even though I realise now that there is little I can do but offer my support, which, I am finding very frustrating! I am a part time photographer and often ask my sister to model for me. Shes a stunning girl who always looks fantastic on film. I also have a very good friend, who informed me about this site, and who models for me and helps with hair and make up. I had spoken to her about my concerns for my sister and she has been through a similar experience. The other week I planned a photo shoot and asked my sister to model, and my friend to help with make up and hair. It was a proper girlie situation, the three of us having a giggle in my living room, while deciding what costumes and make up to do for the shoot, when my sister mentioned her partner. As you know, they are going on holiday soon and she mentioned he was "being an a*sehole", about the holiday. I asked her how so but she didnt say anything, but my friend started to explain what had happened to her years ago. (She got married to a man who beat her up for the first time on their wedding night, and it continued on for quite a while- some really horrible things happened to her and eventually she saw sense and left) My sister went very quiet and started to blush, and her eyes filled up. I had told my sister I had explained the situation to my friend, as I knew what she had been through in the past. My friend told her story to my sister after talking to me. I took Munecas advice and thought it might help her, but she just clammed up and didnt say anything. Looking at my sister I could see she was embarrassed and I didnt want to continue the conversation, as I saw what effect it had. I know she trusts me to talk to me but she just won't. I feel like shes trying to push me out and tell me, though not in words, to mind my own business. She keeps telling me she's OK and everythings alright, but the marks on her, and the effect on her moods say otherwise. I spoke to my mother again who was extremely concerned. My sister still lives with my parents, but stays with her boyfriend several times a week. She often wanders around the house in a towel, or her underwear if shes getting ready to go out, that was always the way things were in our home; our parents didnt want us to feel ashamed of ourselves or our bodies as teenagers. Anyway, my mother walked into her room the other week and my sister grabbed a towel and covered herself up. I would expect this around my dad, but not my mother. She said she noticed some large bruises on my sisters legs, where the towel had slipped and confronted my sister about it. She reacted by snapping at my mother and made some excuse about falling over when she was drunk and that it was none of her business anyway. A few days later, she came in with a big bump on her forehead- she told our parents she had walked into a door, then sent me an email saying it was caused by her falling over when she was drunk. I don't think she realises her conflicting stories are giving away what she is trying to hide, and I'm not even sure she realises she is doing it. My parents are angry shes lying to them, my sister is angry because she thinks everyone is poking their nose into her "business" and Im caught up in the middle of it all! I just wish she would open up and talk to someone, but I think she is scared of what people will think of her. She is on edge every time I see her, even more so when she is with him, its almost like she is frightened to talk to me at all! How else can I help her to see this isn't her fault? I dont want her to lie and hide away for HIM. I have tried asking an abuse victim to talk to her. Do I opt for the shock approach by showing her images of domestic abuse victims? Or will this scare her even more? Will it shock her into coming to her senses and realise what danger she is in? I am very very confused...

Please help! At the moment I am very concerned about my younger sister. She has been in her current relationship for about 4 years. What I am about to say has gone on for at least two of them. A few weeks ago I met her while out shopping and asked if she fancied a coffee. She was with him shopping for a holiday and as soon as he saw me he stormed off. I haven't, as far as I know, done anything to upset him so I found this behaviour a little odd. My sister went to talk to him to try and calm him down and he started a full blown argument in the middle of a busy restaurant, screaming at her to eff off and accusing her of making a scene and yelling "why is she here, we are supposed to be shopping for a holiday!" She was very upset so I bit my tongue and said nothing at the time, to avoid humiliating her further. Anyway we walked to her car with her in tears. I literally had to hold her up, as she could barely walk, she was in such a state. He was waiting in the car park, but stormed off again as soon as he saw I was there. My sister was distraught and in floods of tears and went after him, despite me asking her to leave him to calm down. I waited by the car and heard them arguing and then...SAW him punch her!!! He stormed off again- away from me. She came running towards me, got in the car and just broke down. I tried to comfort her as best I could but she was beside herself, and certainly didn't want to talk about it. I asked her if what I had just witnessed was true and she said it was. Her arm was red and swollen. I asked her if he had done it before and she said nothing. (My mother had noticed brusies on my sister on several occasions prior to this incident, and had expressed her concerns to me.) I am particularly concerned as my sister seems to be blaming herself for the way he treats her. I have tried to reassure her but to no avail, I believe he has forced every last drop of self esteem out of her, given the fact she is suffering from severe mood swings, depressed state one minute, biting my dads head off the next, but rarely happy. I have spoken to my mother about this incident, against my sisters wishes and she says it only enforces what she already knew. Basically, I am stuck in a rut. I feel like I have betrayed my sisters trust by telling my parents, even though she is not aware of it, but I felt I had to, "just in case" (god forgive) she isnt so lucky next time. Because of her confidence problem, I doubt she will leave him, she says she loves him, but to be honest, I believe shes scared of him, because of both physical and metal abuse (I, and my parents have heard the derogatory way he speaks to her) According to my sister though, he has horrific mood swings, nice one moment, abusive the next, and, in her words, is like Jekyll and Hyde. It is confusing her and she has said she feels like she is walking on eggshells evey time he is around. I really need advice on this matter. I am terrified for her safety, and want my happy, smiley sister back. Worst of all, I know what the cause is and feel totally helpless. What can I do and what advice, or comforting words can I give to her, without laying the pressure on? My parents have tried this approach and it hasnt worked. How can I be a good sister and help her overcome this. She knows how I feel, but I feel that her worrying about me is only adding to her pain. My greatest concern at the moment is the fact she is going abroad with him in a few weeks, for a fortnight. It sounds silly but I am scared she might not come back. I feel sick to the stomach with concern for her. I know this is a long post but I felt I must describe the situation as it stands. Please, if anyone can offer any advice, I would be so grateful. I NEED to help her as best I can, she is a fantastic, caring, loving person and doesn't need men like him talking advantage of that- nobody does. Please help me...