live_to_love

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I agree with the closure comment, maybe this is the "event" that really let you know what your ex is like. They say everything happens for a reason, and maybe this was the reason. My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days, and I plan on sending him a friendly birthday card, hoping that he doesn't misinterpret it to think that I wnat him back and that's my wan of letting him now. I just want to make it a firendly gesture, without letting my feelings of wanting to be with him shine through. I just hope it's the right thing to do. Reading your posts made me realize that it's a good thing to do, so thanks. Hang in there!

Hang in there! This sounds like me a few months ago, when me and my boyfirend borkoe up, and I know that this gets old, but trust me that it will get easier with time! My situation was basically that we (him more tan me) didn't feel we could have a relationship, but still had feelings for each other, and felt that we wanted and could be friends, to build a base, if not for a relationship, then at least for friendship. I kinda felt like we dived "head first" into a relationship, missing some building blocks along the path of excitement for finally being together.But I dunno. I think that if we become better friends, we'll get back together. Atfirst, I though I neede some time off, not contacting at all, just to let the feelings get lost somewhere. When I felt I was ready, we tried to be friends, but it turned out to be not what we thought it would be. That was a couple of months ago. I have stopped trying to force it onto ourselves, since I see that I can't just settle for friendship right now, when everytime I see him, I fell way tooo much for him. Time has helped me realize that I need to be truly "over" him to be friends. I would basically advise you to be friends with him only for the right reasons, adn only if you feel like you can handle it. I couldn't, so I had to back out for a while. Time has helped and I have gained some distance and hope that we can make an attempt at friendship some time soon. Good luck to you! I know it's hard to be confused, and I wish you all the strenght I can to hang in there! Also, if you try to be friends, keep in mind that it might make moving on from the relartionship harder, but might also give you a chance to have the "friens" aspect of it.

thank you both for the advice! John: Our breakup was mutual, basically due to the fact that both of us weren't feelibg enough for each other to continue to do the long distance thing. I decided that I should be strong and just realize that he might be feeling less for me and that I don't want to be stuck in a relationship with no commitment. We talked about breaking up for a couple of hrs, and ended the conv. on a good, but sad note. I think the main thing is, he couldn't see us doing the long distance thing and I didn't want to pressure or be stuck in something in between. I do regret givin up that easy and I hate the thought that this could possibly ruin our friendship. You are very right! I do want him back! And seeing him like this makes me want it more. I think that I'm also acting like that, and I think he's getting the same impression. Is this an endless cycle for us now? little242 : Thanks. We're just friends now, but it's easier said than done. I wish I could just be friends, but it seems like we're both playing a game I think it's the fact that feelings are still attached. Thanks again!

i think you should stop the NC and just allow yourself and him to open up and talk about the whole situation. it seems like you both could benefit from it!

i saw my ex not too long ago and the way he looked and behaved confused me even more. we broke up a couple of months ago, and haven't seen each other a lot since that time. every time i see him, he looks like he's doing fine. could you please tell me what this could mean? do you have any experience with this behavior? could it mean that he has truly moved on, or that he wants me to notice what i let go, what i set free when we decided to break up? please post if you can help me figure this out at all! i guess i want to know since i am kind of doing the same thing every time i see him, so i don't wnat both of us to go on pretending. the last time i saw him, he kept on having awesome conversations with may people, was enjoying the dancing at the birthday party, looked very hot, and seemed to be content. he even tried talking to me like it was no big deal. we ende up chatting for a few min. i think that maybe he got the same impression from me, cuz i was laughing, i think i looked pretty hot also , and i didn't mention our breakup at all. the truth is that i regret our decision a lot, and have a glimpse of hope that he does too, so i want to know where this is leading. if you can, please post any suggestions! thanks.

thanks. yeah, i plan to just keep it friendly and to avoid all mooshines, just a normal birthday card like he would get from everyone else. i just hope he won't misread it and view me as desperate for him. i do want ot be with him, but i know you can't force love to happen, so i just want this to be a friendly gesture.

Hey me and my ex broke up (mutually) a couple of months ago. his birthday is coming up at the beginning of august and i plan to send him a birthday card. i plan to write simple, yet truthful and sincere wishes, in a friendly way, with no references to our breakup and no attempts to regain contact. i havent talked to him for about a month now, but i think that he is aware of the fact that i want us to get back together, so i don't want this card to look like a lame attempt, because that is truly not the reason I am sending it. I have tried to contact him before, but that hasn't really worked, but when we meet in person things are awkard, but ok. we talk like friends would and it seems like we both make an effort. i am pretty sure that he knows that i felt very strongly about him, but i have also made it cleard that i don't want us to stay in a relationship if both of us aren't feeling it. i need any input, commments, ideas, personal stories that wil help me with this. what do you guys think about me sending him the card? and how would you take it if an ex sent you a card. especially if you yourself are confused about your feelings and have tried to forget about the relationship, but have some feeling left? also, would this be a bad way to first contact after a few moths of no contact? Thanks for your help

hey yeah, i can relate to how you're feeling. i thought that i was doing much better and that i was getting closer to moving on, but every once in a while, something remindede me of the feelings that i wanted to throw away from my life simply to keep on going like any normal person. i basically wanted to make myself forget how much i loved and cared and to realize that he is gone, and that our mutual break up was real. well, i feel much better and i have other things on my mind besides him, and overall i think i have grown a lot during the past couple of months. but, other times, i do something or something happens and i get stuck in a period of confusion mixed with sadness. some of these things that have set me back are: hearing some friends compliment on the person he is without knowing that he is my ex, seeing him having an amazing time at a party where i happened to be also, and even hearing my mom's comments about him which she makes hoping that someday things will work out, as she thinks he is the best one for me. when it comes to dating, i know what you mean. about a month and a half after my breakup, i was asked out by two guys, a day apart from each other. i think it would be unfair to them if i came into tjhis with all my emotional baggage, so i nicely said no thanks. also, part of the reason is that i can't really see myself dating someone else, as there is one person that i love so much. and that one person is not with me. good luck with moving on! and remember that you need time and that it is normal to breakdown once in a while eeven when you feel like you're doing better. you are human and emotions play a big part in our lives. hang in there.

hey that'sa great poem. it show's true emotions, not bounded by anything. it shows the mixed feelings that so many people experience when they go through a breakup. i could really relate to what you were feeling and that added impact.

thanks a lot yeah, your situation does sound similar to mine. you gave me one more reason to just move on, to stop having false dreams that ican't live in real life with someone who doesn't dream like me. i too felt like he wanted to just have someone who he can have a good time with, and this is really not what i wanted and sadly still want to have with him. i would like to talk to him, but there are two things in the way. first of all, he's on a study abroad program right now, and second, i don't know how the talking would go. i guess that i'm simply scared, scared to make another mistake. but, i know i should try because i don't wnat to regret not trying and not following my heart later. he will be back in a few months, so i think i just have to wait it out and hope that i don't chicken out

hey first of all, good luck with this! it's nice to see someone who still has the road to some of their dreams open, so i hope it all works out for you two yeah, talk to him in person. that way, you can get more pesonal time and it is easier to use the situation to your advantage. i think coffee would be ok, but you might want to try something more "active" too, so you two have a conversation starter right away. i would advise you to just talk to him online and try to figure out what you both like to do and make plans to do it together! good luck.

Boxers or briefs: either one Curly or straight hair: straight Tall or short: tall Six pack or muscular arms: arms Good or bad guys: good, but bad when necessary Hat or no hat: no hat Ears pierced or not: not Tan or no Tan: tan Dimples or not: dimples Stubble or neatly shaven: shaven Rugged or sporty: sporty Studly or cutie: studly Accent or not: either one Glasses: doesn't matter Smart or dumb: smart What sport should he play: water polo, swimming, volleyball

that's a god idea. i think she might not be sure what she wants at this point, so just give it time

ok....i broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago (it was mutual), but i was the more attached one and i am still recovering from the crushed dreams, while he seems to be doing better. due to the fact that 3 of my best friends are also in his circle of friends, we have met a couple of times since deciding to go separate ways. we parted on good terms, with the thought that the timing was bad and that i was too into the relationship when he wasn't sure what he wants. i am just confused and want to now how your ex boyfriends acted around you for the first few times that you met, especially if the meeting wasn't arranged. also, how did you act? i am getting mixed signals and just want to know what to think so i can move on. thanks for any help also, has anybody experienced an ex being hostile and hiding any feelings from an ex who he still cares for. or maybe you've done the same?

thanx fo the reply. yeah...he might of not known about those feelings and it sucks that i don't know if he ever will. it seems like we're both trying to prove to ourselves that we're ok with our decision, that we are moving on...and we said we want to be friends but the fact that we both have feelings makes it hard. also, i think i just realize that that was the past. now it seems like i have them and i don't knowif he does...maybe i lost the chance for anything to happen between us? i think i'll post a separate topic for this question: do you have experience with an ex pretending to be moving on? or with an ex hidig his feelings when you try the "friend" thing?