RagingGecko

Even if he got mad at you for calling the ambulance, he'll thank you later. If he doesn't then he's trash, and you don't need that. You should really find someone to talk to, I find that I always feel a lot better after I talk to someone after a traumatic experience.

It really just shows that I was right. She is obsessed with him to an unhealthy level. It's really too bad because she's inevitably going to get hurt when they break up, which I know they will. I can't see them being together for more than a few more months, and after that she's cut herself down to one friend. I really can't see how she blew it so out of proportion, especially when I never said anything to insult her or make her mad, I was just expressing my opinion about her boyfriend. If she can't handle that then she's not gonna have many friends b/c pretty much everyone I've talked to about this guy says the same thing. He's not exactly the kind of person you want to be dating. Oh well, at least the way she's acting makes it that much easier to just move on. With her new attitude she's not someone I really want to be around anyway. 8)

Well, chances are Tiff isn't going to call her now. Dannie left an IM for her calling her a lying little b****, etc and so forth. I guess it just proves me right, the old Dannie wasn't imature enough to resort to name calling. And she says she's a better person now . Oh well, if she's willing to give up a 7 year friendship over something so stupid, I'll oblige.

Well, she's always known that I didn't like him. I've told her before and she said "I know." That's one reason I didn't think she'd overreact. But I could never figure out why she still wanted me to hang out with him all the time. And from what she's said about her other friends (Josh and Rose), I'm not sure I WANT to continue to be friends with her. I'd rather have my good memories of the way she used to be that make new ones with a person I barely know anymore. I'm seeing a pattern now where she just dumps her friends when they need her help the most. I know both those people, and they aren't bad people, they've just made some bad choices. Add her reaction to this, and her way of dealing with things she doesn't like is just running away from it. I think what I'm going to do is just let her cool off for a while and give her time to think. To tell the truth, after the initial shock i'm not too upset. She's just changed too much. Tiff, the girl that agrees with me, said she's going to call her on Thursday after she's had a couple days. I've already said that I'm always there if she ever needs me, so I think the ball is in her court now.

Background info: This is a series of emails we send in the past few hours. Since we graduated she has has a new boyfriend (someone I dislike). I've never gone out with her, and I have no desire to anymore. I saw her Saturday evening for the first time in about a month, we went mini golfing and had a ton of fun. Then I was leaving to go home and host a LAN party and she was going with her other friends to pick up this guy. I got home and got an email from one of the friends saying that Dannie (my friend) seemed distracted and confused that I would leave them like that. I sent this email to Dannie. Warning, this is kinda long, but I really need help. Hey Dannie: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for leaving you guys yesterday. I had a lot of fun and we should do something again real soon. The LAN party was kinda last minute, and it got screwed up anyway. Brian, one of the guys coming, didn't feel good so he didn't come, and his girlfriend wouldn't come without him. That left 3 people, and a 3 person LAN party isn't much fun, so we just called it off and watched a movie. Trust me, I let Brian and Greg have it pretty hard for that one. I also wanted to tell you something else. You are my friend, Tiff is my friend, Rach is my friend, and I love to hang out with you guys. Jansen is not my friend. I don't like him much, never did from the first time I met him, dunno why, I just don't. And I don't really like to hang out with him either. I think he's annoying and c.ocky and sometimes rude and ... well... I just don't like him very much. I'm not trying to change anybody else's mind, but I don't usually hang around people I dislike. I could put up with him, but every time I've hung out with you guys, you don't act like you anymore. You act totally differnet around him. You get so focused on him that you ignore everyone else. That's not cool and it's just not as much fun to hang around you when you're with him. I haven't said anything before because it sounds too much like I'm saying "choose between us," when that's not the case at all. He's your boyfriend and you like hanging around with him, but I just don't. Tiff emailed me last night and asked me why I'd leave like that, well, that's part of the reason. Shea said that she's noticed the same thing around you guys. She actually encouraged me to tell you, even though I was going to anyway. So, anyway, now you know. Write back, we should do something again soon. Shea She wrote back: Shea: WTH! Maybe you and Tiff should do something again soon. If you hung around me more you would realize i act different around you and tiff than myself. I am more used to hanging around jansen and rach than anyone. THEY are there for me when i need someone or just to talk to. When Im around you and Tiff I don't feel like myself and i hate that. You're the one who wanted to hang out and I dont care about your stupid lan party. If anything you and tiff were acting weird and i knew that was why you left. And if it was between you and jansen i would choose him you wanna know why? And its not just becasue he is my boyfriend it is because he cares about my feelings and you said he was c.ocky. He always puts his feelings aside and puts mine first. If he didnt like anyone he wouldnt tell me that because he knows that is hurts me, he instead goes and acts like he is having a good time and tries to make me feel happy. You are totally opposite! of him and you only care about yourself and you are intimidated by him being there well, I dont think i really want to hang out with someone who is to c.ocky like you to stand people he doesnt lie for a freakin hour or 2. Thats all i have to say and have fun hanging out with tiff I'm sure shell do whatever you want and warship the ground you walk on. My reply: Dannie: Wow. That is something I never expected from you. You have just proved my point. I've always tried to be there when you wanted someone to talk to, you just never accepted it. I knew you for all of high school and before that even, Jansen came into the picture this year. You told josh once that you wouldn't talk to him if he dated Cathy Whaley (I think that's who it was) because he changed when he was around her. Well, you've changed, you became exactly what you hated. I absolutely hated myself for writing that email, but I couldn't stand it anymore. I knew you would hate me for it, and it looks like I was right. I wrote it because I was worried about you. You've become a different person since since you started dating him, and this just proves it. You never would have said things like this to me before. Whether you want to see it or not, you've changed. If you can't take one day away from seeing him once in a while to hang out with your real friends, well, maybe it's better this way then. I'd be lying if I said I didn't use to be jealous of him, but now all I wanted was to hang out with someone who I used to concider my best friend. You may think I only think of myself, but I always put you first, that's why I never said anything until now. It kills me to do anything that might hurt you, but you're burning the bridges with your friends, and I was worried that you were only going to get hurt. First you fight with Rose, now this. I guess all I can say is I'm sorry. I know that won't mean anything to you. I hope you guys stay together and have lots of fun, and yes, I'm being serious about that. Believe it or not, I was happy that you were happy with him, even if I didn't like him. I don't really have anything else to say except I'm sorry I hurt you, and please write back after a while. If you don't want to, I understand, and goodbye, and saying that hurts more than you can imagine. Shea Her reply: shea: Me and rose are not friends anymore because i didnt approve of her being pregnant. Me and josh didnt talk during that time because he was screwing up his life not changing. he moved out of his house and almost lost his job, his grades were slipping and he wasnt going to practices for band. I am actually doing better with my life. Im going to college, I have two jobs, i got into the band, and i actually get out of my house now. I have become a better person I am not bitter all the time now and i laugh and smile so much more now. Before I always kept my thoughts and feelings inside because i was afraid i would hurt people but now i see it was hurting me more i couldnt be who i wanted to.And your talking about people changing, you are always with greg and brian or working and never have time for us. GRaduating and get out in the world makes us open up and become better poeple and i really dont want to talk about this anymore ask anyone i am a b! etter person now. Anyone who really knows me like rachel my best friend or my parents or the people i work with and all my REAL friends. If you were a real friend you would try to hang out more and not complain because i already have plans with people who dont judge me like you are now. GOOD BYE SHEA I DONT NEED THIS! My final reply: Dannie: I'm sorry about the rose thing, I didn't know that. You see, you don't talk to me anymore. I am rarely working, and I'm almost always home, and I ALWAYS have time for you guys. You have always had me if you wanted to talk, and you still do, just give me a call or catch me on AIM. You said you kept your feelings inside because you were afraid to hurt people. Well then why did you expect me to keep my thoughts and feelings inside when it was hurting me? I always tried to be a good friend, but you wouldn't open up to me, and that really hurt. If you don't want to be friends anymore, I won't bother you again. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you, and I'm sincerely happy that you are happy with your life. Thanks for the good times, I mean it, and I'll miss you. Shea She hasn't wrote back and I don't know if she will. I'm sorry that I ever sent that email, I had no idea she'd react this way. I guess that sort of proves my point that she's changed, I don't know what she'll do anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like this guy stole my best friend and she's too blind to see it. It's ripping me apart and it hasn't even been a day. Help.

You're correct. 1st base is kissing. 2nd base is above the waste touching, and 3rd base is below the waste touching (ie fingering).

Wow, you just summed up most of my dating career right there. Take Gilgamesh's advice. If you want friends, treat them like friends, if you want a girlfriend, you're going to have to have the confidence to ask.

It certainly seems that girls like the "bad guys." What you think of as being sweet will often come off to a girl as being desperate or a pushover, especially at your age. It's really tough for guys to know where to draw the line, trust me, I know from experience.

Okay, this is supposed to be an advice forum. Does NOBODY have any other advice? Thanks Gilgamesh for what I think's good advice, but come on, somebody must have something else to say.

The one piece of advice I have is to not abandon your friends for this guy. You might think he's the one for you, but it's far from a sure thing. I'm not trying to be a downer or anything, but you'll regret it when he leaves you and you've cut off all your friends. Even if they're good friends, they probably won't just take you back. Trust me, I know this from experience. I have a friend who's on that path. I asked her out, she rejected me and she lied to me about her reasons. She started dating another guy a week later and has started fighting with her friends because she's neglecting them and spending all her time with him. She barely talks to me and we used to be my best friends. We hang out a little, but not like we used to. We haven't fought yet, but trust me, it pisses people off when you all of a sudden just want to hang out with your boyfriend. Certainly you can spend time with him, but don't neglect your friends. They're the ones that'll be there for you when you need them.

Bumping this up b/c I need to know what to do when they ask me to hang with em. She asked me to go bowling with them, no way that's gonna happen. What should I do, lie? I don't really wanna do that, but I guess I will if necessary.

Thanks Gilgamesh, that is by far the most helpful advice I've gotten. Everyone else just seemed to say "just go off to college and forget her." And trust me, never again will I just wait around. I've been kicking myself for weeks because I know she would've said yes if I'd asked in December or January, back when we started getting close. Now I have another couple questions, though. 1)What should I do if they ask me to hang around with em? 2) She already kinda knows I don't like him. I've never said directly that I couldn't stand his guts, but she mentioned that it didn't seem like I liked him much. My other closest friend besides her (who is a guy) also knows I don't like him. I guess just avoid talking about him? Or just don't talk bad about him, treat him like any other guy? It is looking like she still has feelings for me. Last I talked to her she was laughing because earlier she'd called her b/f by my name twice, and he got mad at her. If anyone else has any advice, please post. Especially females, I'd like to hear the other sex's take on the situation.

This is kinda a repost, but I didn't get much advice in the other one. Thanks for the people that did respond though. To sum up my situation. I've fallen for my best friend. I've known her for 8 years and we've been very good friends all through High School. In about November I started having feelings for her, but I'm a really shy guy and didn't ask her out. She's kinda the same way. Her previous boyfriend (who is also still close friends with her) said that she liked me back but would never admit it without me asking first. I could also kinda tell she did by the way she acted. I got up the courage to ask her to prom, and decided that I'd ask her there. I asked her during the last dance, I thought it was really romantic. She said yes, but she sounded kinda unsure. The next morning she had a friend "break up" with me on AIM, she said because one of our mutual friends has a huge crush on me, and she never dates her friend's crushes. I tried to be okay with it, but over the next 2 weeks I asked her twice more. She refused each time. Suddenly, she started dating another guy who took her to friend to prom. I'm heartbroken. They've been together for just over a month now. I can put up with this guy in order to hang out with her, but I severely dislike him. Didn't really like him much before they started dating either. She invites me to movies with them, or to hang out, and I go because she's my best friend, and I still love her, but it makes me sick seeing her with this guy. I've kept my mouth shut because I don't want her mad at me and she's my best friend. Lately though, she's been acting different. We rarely hang out. She does everything with this guy and doesn't do much with her friends anymore. She's started fighting with one of her best friends last week because her friend said that all she does is hang out with her boyfriend now. I'm worried about her, and I need some advice on what I should do. First, I still love her. I would do anything to have a relationship with her, but the whole boyfriend thing has me stuck. She really likes this guy, even though I don't. Should I tell her how I feel, about how it makes me sick to see them together? Or should I just play the game, however long that takes, hope they break up (I know it's selfish), and try to be there for her? I'm going to college at the end of August, so I don't exactly have a lot of time. She told me once that she didn't think they'd be together too much longer, but that was about 3 weeks ago, and they seem just as happy together as ever. Second, she has another friend who lives accross the street from her. This friend is the one that broke up with me for her. She's kinda like the little sister. She adores this guy and that means a lot to Dannie (my friend). She seems to out of nowhere tell me sometimes reasons that me and her wouldn't be a good couple. I'm afraid she might be telling Dannie these types of things as well because she wants her to stay with this guy, and that's not exactly helping my chances b/c Dannie conciders her opinion extremely important. Am I just being paranoid? What should I do about this? Lastly, if there's no chance I can be with her, I still love her and would want to stay friends with her, but it feels like I'm losing my best friend. I try to talk to her on AIM and she seems like she doesn't want to talk. We rarely hang out together and when we do, it's always with her boyfriend and she mostly just plays around with him. She's like a differnt person with him, and I don't like it much. Any suggestions about what to do? Should I tell her I'm worried about her, or is that too forward? Keep in mind that I still want to have a chance with her, I don't want her to think I'm just trying to break them apart for my chance with her, because she'd probably hate me for it. Thanks everyone for any help you can give. I find myself constantly thinking about her and I'm sick of feeling this way and having no hope of ever being with her. Not being able to sleep and stuff is getting very old, very fast. Also, if anyone wants the complete scoop, the other thread is this one: link removed Thanks everyone, I'm at the end of my rope.

I've thought about that possibility, but it just doesn't seem in character for her. Then again, I thought it was pretty obvious she would say yes by the way she flirted with me all the time, so I guess that's a possibility. And no, I definitely won't ask out that other girl. She's a freshman in HS and I'm going off to college. She's a nice girl, but she's kinda the ditsy type, not the type of person I'm attracted, too. She's more like my little sister than a girlfriend. My friend and my personalities just match, I would think we'd be perfect for eachother. We have similar interests, but we're different enough that it wouldn't get boring. I think what I'm gonna do is try to just suck it up and stay friends with her, at least until I go to college, and if they break up I'll ask her again. Another thing I'm not sure about though. Her best friend, who also happens to be one of my good friends, lives accross the street from her, and absolutely adores her boyfriend. She thinks he's the hottest guy on the planet, yet she knows she doesn't stand a chance with him, she just likes looking at him and hanging out with him. She also keeps telling me things like "You guys are too similar, that's why you wouldn't be a good couple." or "You're too close friends." Things like that. I'm starting to get the impression that she's also telling Dannie (the girl I like) these things so she'll stay with this other guy. Am I just being paranoid, or is this a possibility? If I'm right, she might actually be the reason she rejected me in the first place (it was this girl that gave me the initial rejection message). Anyone have any similar experiences?

Just wondering if anyone else has anymore advice. I watched movies with them and some other friends in my basement last night, and it just made me feel sick seeing them together. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or even mad at me, but I can't just act liked nothing's wrong anymore. I've also heard a lot that girls don't like it when guys can't live without them, and that's a turnoff, so I still don't know what to do.

I'd suggest you do exactly what you said, tell them to back off. Don't be rude, but tell them that you don't like this girl at church, and that they can't choose who you should date. Ask them how they'd feel if their parents tried to set them up with other people that they didn't like. I find that to be the most effective way to get parents to back off. Ask them how they'd feel in the same situation.

I know long distance relationships are hard. I think what hurts the most was that she didn't even give us a chance and I keep wondering what might've happened. I think it'd be much easier if it didn't work out and we broke up, but as it is I think we could have a great relationship. The other guy who she seems to really like doesn't help the situation either, b/c I refuse to put her in a situation where I'd force her to break up with him. No matter how much I dislike this guy, it'd be uncomfortable for her and I won't put her though that. I didn't add this earlier, but about a week or 2 ago she told me that even though she likes him, she didn't think they'd be together too much longer. I know it's selfish, but that kinda gave me hope. We went to a movie 2 days later, and met her b/f there. Eating dinner before he got there, she seemed to flirt with me and she punched my arm until I let her paint my thumbnail (yeah, laugh it up, it was pretty funny ), but once he got there they seemed very happy together and I can't tell if she was just playing with my head again (which doesn't seem in character for her at all, but I can't help but wonder), or if she was serious When we left she jokingly told us (me and her other friend there) "thanks guys, you made me miss my goodnight kiss." I am so confused my head hurts, lol. Thanks for the GL in college. Can't wait.

There's a girl I like who happens to be one of my best friends. I've known her since 5th grade, so for the past 8 years. In about December I started really having feelings for her. I was really shy though, never had a girlfriend before. She'd leave notes on my car after basketball games, and we'd talk all the time. I finally asked her out to prom, she agreed and we were gonna go as friends. I knew the guy who she dated before. He was her best guy friend. They didn't work out and after they broke up they pretty much stopped talking for about 3 months. Anyway, after the whole thing got over with they're good friends again and she would tell him everything. I talked to him and he said that she liked me too and I should ask her out. This was around February. I still wasn't sure about it, so I waited. During track season we met another girl who ran hurdles with us. She was a nice girl, and we're all friends, but she had a huge crush on me, and it was quite obvious. I have absolutely no feelings for her, but she is a good friend so I still talk to her. I finally decide about 2 weeks before prom (prom is May 1st) that I'm going to ask her out. It was really hard, but I put off asking her because I wanted it to be special. So prom comes, and I ask her out. So, last slow dance of the prom, I ask her out. I thought it was kinda romantic. She says yes, but sounds really unsure about it. We go bowling with friends after the prom, and everything was great, lotsa fun. We kissed when I dropped her off at home. The next morning I get a message on AIM from one of her friends, telling me that she won't go out with me because of that other girl who has a crush on me. She says that she doesn't date her friends' crushes. This is totally in character for her, and even though I'm pretty disappointed I accepted it. I talked to her, and told her that I understood how she felt and that I didn't want it to affect our friendship. After about a week of thinking I realized that I wasn't okay with it. So I told her that I couldn't control how the other girl felt about me, but I think it would be a mistake if that was the only reason that she wouldn't go out with me. She said that it was only part of the reason, she also didn't want us to end up fighting and not being friends for a long time like happened with her previous boyfriend. She was also afraid of losing her friendship with my entire family, who she is friends with all of them. I also find that she kissed another guy, who graduated last year and was one of her friends' prom date. I was kinda shocked, but she said they were definitely not dating and I thought I still had a chance. I thought I'd give her a while to think about what I said, and the next week I asked her what she thought. Well, she is now dating this other guy, 2 weeks after she "dumped" me after prom. I talked to her and she said that she did like me, but she was under a lot of pressure from her friends to date me and really didn't want to date her friend's crush, then the whole other guy thing came up and she went with it. They've been dating ever since, so about 6 weeks. We're still friends, and we go to movies and bowling and stuff, but her boyfriend always comes along. I don't know what to do anymore. I still like her, in fact I think I love her, and I don't want to lose her, but every time I see her or think about her being with this guy it hurts unbelievablely. I don't really like the guy at all, and that makes it just that much harder. I keep wondering at her motives, especially asking me to go to movies with them. There are always other people there, but I still keep wondering. Any advice would be most welcome. I go off to college in August, so I'm running out of time, and I haven't a clue what to do. I would give anything for a relationship with her. Please help.