Andrina

Of course you'll mourn someone you've been with for 2 years. Doesn't matter that you rationalize it was for the best. Don't worry about taking longer than normal to grieve this. Keep doing what you're doing, and after her photos disappear, in about 4 months time, I'm sure you will no longer be thinking of her daily. Vow to stay alone a minimum of 6 months, and even up to a year. This should prevent you rebouding and entering something new you won't emotionally be ready for. Please learn from this that as soon as you see major incompatibilities, it's best to cut a person loose so you can be free to find your match. Take care.

You discussed your boundaries clearly. She doesn't fear losing you by breaking a boundary so isn't that clear to you she doesn't value the relationship as a partner should? Whatever she wanted to get out of communicating to and meeting up with an ex took priority over respecting the integrity of your relationship, plus your feelings over the matter. I can only say that would be a dealbreaker for me. You only get one go around on the planet and picking a prime partner is of utmost importance. You can start over at any age. I did and am happy for it.

Well, a partner regularly being rude to you would kill the love, wouldn't it? How stressful a job is doesn't give a person a free pass to lash out at anyone. Time to find some peace in your life, so continue flying solo.

If he knew your thoughts, wouldn't you assume he wouldn't want you pretending to love him, just to try to prevent him and family and friends from being upset? People survive breakups all the time. You'll be doing him a favor to break up now, so he doesn't invest any further time in a situation where you're faking it.

Sometimes it catches a person off-balance when you react a totally different way to their comments than you normally do. Instead of laughing which is disingenuous, why not be truthful in a way that's not attacking them but sharing how you feel, like: "Ouch, that comment hurts." "I feel like I'm being picked on and I'm sure nobody would intend to be that mean. Can you tell me what you meant by that so I can understand?" "Yeah, I thought about trying to get rid of my accent, but it's a part of my heritage so why should I change what I'm proud of?" On the other hand, if your bf isn't sticking up for you when someone badmouths you, then why would you stay with who is supposed to have your back above all else? You overheard the bad comment by his bf, but you didn't overhear your bf telling the guy that he was out of line? You can't tell your bf who not to be friends with, but you can observe his behavior as he surrounds himself regularly with people who aren't making you feel welcome. What does that tell you?

Your self-love is in the gutter if you stay with him one more millisecond. Well, actually, there are no "ifs" since you're questioning others to get input for what you should already know. Tell him this relationship is no longer working for you, and then read up on how to improve your self-worth so that you will make wiser decisions in the dating world.

Firstly, when your mother says anything negative about your bf, end the conversation. That's why we have feet to walk and a red button on the phone to hang up. You tell her that you can't force her to like your bf, but you will expect her to be pleasant around him and that you won't listen to badmouthing. She is speaking from a place a fear for you moving away, but it's still wrong. I move away from my parents in my early twenties, and they were not elderly. But when they were entering the retirement years, I told them if they expected me to help out with their elderly needs, that they would have to move nearby me, since I wasn't willing to move to their state. They got to live where they wanted for most of their lives, so they would have to make the sacrifice of moving because it wasn't fair to expect me to move in the prime of my life. It's nice to help parents with elderly issues if possible, but it's not their given right. They did move and then I was happy to help them, and it's convenient that we were only a 10 minute drive from each other. There are always ways to help parents whether near or far. If you are far, and can afford it, you could arrange an occasional delivery of food, etc. You could pay for someone to come in once or twice a week to do housecleaning and cooking. You could help them look into what their medical insurance covers for home health visits, assisted living facilities, and any of their other present or future needs. If you do need to move after marriage, if it makes you feel better, you can buy a place with an in-law suite, or tell your parents if they want your help as they age, they are free to move by you in your new home. If your parents haven't built a social system, that's on them. You shouldn't feel pressured to provide their only social outlet. Finding a great partner is difficult. I wouldn't let this man go. There are always solutions to problems, and I've suggested many options you can use to help your parents out whether you are near or far. Good luck.

You're being unreasonable with this acknowledgement about the monthly anniversary expectations. Things are special because of their rarity. Once a year birthdays and once a year major holidays as an example. If these things were celebrated monthly it's too much, over the top, and gets boring. Who are these friends he gets together with? Male and female or just guys? What do they do when they get together and how often do they get together? Do his friends have girlfriends or wives? If so, why don't you double date? You don't mention any of his good traits. What makes him a prime candidate for your forever person in your eyes?

You never answered why you've regularly seen him over these 4 months, so I'll assume you chose to do this. Seeing someone and regularly speaking about them to friends and family is keeping him very much front and center in your present life. It was the first stage of the process, but that's a stage that now needs to end. To get to that stage, I'd stop talking about him to friends and stop seeing him in person. So in his twenty-plus years of dating, you say his longest relationship besides you was 18 months, so clearly he doesn't care enough about anybody to put in the effort it takes for a long term relationship. He didn't care enough to ask for fixes to what he saw as problems, or maybe he didn't have any problem with you except that you expected forever and he didn't. Yes, you've had the rug pulled out from under you, so you're of course feeling bad. But it's now time to stop wallowing and spin a new reel in your mind: It's good he showed his true self before I wasted any more time on him. I'm now free to eventually find a better partner for me when the time is right.

These are the moments you have to be a mature adult and place boundaries on yourself. If there were no other people to be made uncomfortable in the situation (spouses, co-workers seeing favoritism and fraternization), then this might be doable but still ill-advised. It's like a child eating endless amounts of candy because her brain isn't fully formed to worry about the consequences. A child has an excuse. You don't, because you know better but are still engaging for the inappropriate fulfillment you get from all of this. Mature adults who possess ethics think about how their actions affect others, and if it's negative, then they stop. If it doesn't make you feel better to do the right thing, I suggest making an appointment with a psychologist to try to change the "me, me, me" mentality.

How is it that you're bumping into him now and then? Can that be stopped? I know how it can take longer to get over someone you're regularly having to see, even if briefly. Probably with more time and distance, you will eventually see he was really not the person you assumed, because at least if he had a good heart, he'd be pleasant in passing instead of making you feel worse, with his dirty looks, than you already do. I know that happened to me when a guy I dated a year broke up with me. At first, I wanted him back because I'd been too close to the situation and thought I loved him, even as he stressed me out so badly I got hives twice during the year because of him. By the time he texted me four months later for who knows what, I didn't even want to speak to him, and realized he did me a favor by breaking up. I'm glad you have a good support system of friends. Good luck.

If he's the one who contacted you first online, please know that some people who seek out long distance relationships do so just because they DON'T want a long term relationship. They get what they want during a honeymoon stage and then exit when the relationship should go to the next level with longterm daily effort needed. And getting out seems easier to them since the person lives far away and might be less likely to come around pleading, etc. I'm not saying this was definitely his way of operating, but you're taking bigger risks with LDRs versus local dating.

Because you've known each other a mere 60 days and it's not love. It's infatuation. So someone can dump you very easily at this point, even if it was something shallow like he was turned off by some lint in your belly button. When a person cares, solutions will be discussed, but assume the caring isn't enough on his part if he hasn't suggest what improvements he'd like made. Normally, it's far too soon to try playing house when you weren't even out of the honeymoon period, but in this case, perhaps it worked out because you both had your rose-colored glasses ripped off.

Geez, you're only 24 and you're signing yourself up for such misery. I was getting depressed just reading about what you'd like to return to. Someone being pretty should not override her abandonment issues, anxiety, and all that other stuff that makes a person a poor candidate as a partner. And you just waiting for women to fall in your lap is not a good dating plan. I used to have a friend who did the same thing but with guys, and each one was totally subpar. I told her that she was being passive and it wasn't working for her. Being proactive and taking the reins would've been far smarter. You will have to get used to enjoying social settings with practice, because if you just expect to have a gf without hanging out with friends like other couples and groups, and going to concerts, participating in hobbies, etc., then that gets quite boring and smothering. I was shy but when I was single, I joined Meetup.com groups and people always spoke to me at the events and I made my own effort. I survived and so will you.

Only attempt dating women whose words plus actions=the same interest you have in her. You're there for her as a fan and a listening ear. Don't be used liked that. When two people don't have the same relationship goals, it's time to move on.

Read back on all the beginning responses. In her mind, maybe she felt cornered or that you were pushy and couldn't take a hint (her fault for not being clear and saying no from the get-go). But also your fault as many of us women posters said that we would never let a golden opportunity pass us by if we were truly interested in a guy, and that she knew the ball was in her court and she never lobbed it back. Perhaps she thinks if she responds, since you keep putting in effort without any from her, that in giving you that inch, you'll take a mile. Just guessing as per what I've observed in life. I, too, am often disappointed by others behavior when I know how I'd act differently in the same situation. I hope you have better luck with the next lady you're interested in.

For your own good, please tell your friend you no longer want to hear news of the guy. The sooner his name is no longer mentioned, the quicker you'll get to the healing stage. Glad you will go no contact, and forever, as once you've crossed the friendship boundary, staying buddies will turn off a new dating prospect. A good learning lesson to make sure a guy meets ALL your dating goals from the very beginning. I've made plenty of dating/relationship mistakes as well. We're all human. Enjoy the upcoming holidays with loving friends and family.

I'd go. I'd just avoid being alone in his home or your hotel room. And I'd avoid making out if you two have chemistry sparks. I wouldn't do any of that until/if he starts making effort and going to your town, over a period of time if things go well. Not his first visit.

You think a person will magically change from someone who has the capability of doing this to you, into a mentally healthy, optimum partner? You really need to be single and save up money to pay for counseling. You've begun a pattern of choosing toxic men that will continue until you are in a mentally healthy headspace yourself. I'm speaking from a place of experience because I, too, was in a bad place mentally when I married my first husband who was toxic due to his depression. I wished I'd sought counseling at the time. I'm sure I would've made wiser life choices if that had happened. Listen to your gut. It's telling you you're unhappy for a reason, even as your brain tries to reason that he's stopped being bad.

So many people come on these forums saying that their toxic partner said this exact same phrase. What I've stated each time is that when a person comes with a warning label, it's best to walk away at that very point. As you can see, what he said was the absolute truth. I've never once said this to anyone because I know I'm the best partner I can be to my SO. When you get some distance away from him, you'll shake your head at why you stayed so long. 18 months is nothing over a lifetime. And people start over all the time, even divorcing after 20 years, 40 or more years, etc. Jerks might have moments of good behavior, but it's better to risk your heart on someone who's never been a jerk.

It's best that this friendship ends, as you will be driving away any dating prospects when they feel the dynamic between you and the friend. You have a crush on her, and most women aren't blind to seeing how you won't be a good dating prospect when you would've wanted romance with your friend if the friend had been willing. Many friendships end for many good reasons, and this is one of those times. If she eventually reaches out, I'd explain for your own good, you'll have to go no contact. This will free you emotionally to bond with dating prospects, and free up time to devote to finding a girlfriend.

If you live with him, move out and don't tell him where you are. This is all so toxic, you will shake your head at why you stayed so long when you get a needed distance. Make sure he's removed as a user on any of your accounts, if that's the case.

Never stay when the only way you'll be happy is if a major change happens. When you learned of his situation, what you should've said then, but can still now say is, "Let me know when you're divorced, and if I'm single, we can talk about dating." Because even if he set up a love nest for you two, when he's still married, all his assets go to his wife and kids. If he croaked, you will be without a place to live, being kicked out. You will not have the benefits many married couples possess, such as if I die first, my husband would still be receiving funds from my pension and retirement account. And then you say there is a big age gap. Have you ever thought of the cons of dating someone who is far older as time progresses? Just as many people have to do more tasks to take care of their elderly parents, add a partner to that mix if he's as old as your parents. Those words are coming out of his mouth and I'd venture to guess those are HIS thoughts. A younger hotter woman sounds foul and shows just what his ugly mindset is. A man who is a truly caring person would think about how he wants a second chance in life to meet a treasured partner, and would make financial sacrifices and legally free himself so that his partner's life would be the best if could be because of his wise decisions. You're grasping for straws that the breadcrumbs he throws you mean anything more than that he wants to boink, what he thinks of as, a young hottie .

In moving forward, think about how long you stayed past what should've been the expiration date. Waiting around way too long and hoping for change will be wasting a lot of your time after discussions haven't worked. Something to learn from in future dating. I know how the wrong partner can make you feel "less than" which is not true, because I've experienced the same. With the upcoming holidays, make sure to plan some enjoyable activities with your buddies to get through the most difficult part--the beginning--of your breakup. Keep your eye on the New Year looming on the horizon, full of new possibilities. Take care.

Yeah, not much more you can do, really, since talking hasn't worked to resolve anything. I'd just sit down with her when you're both mellow and say, "I can't live like this anymore. You say everything's fine with you. Well, it's not fine for me, so we have opposite views on what it means to be happy in a relationship." If you stay, you're settling. That's no way to live your one precious life, because there are no do-overs. Hard and frustrating to start over, but when you meet a lifetime keeper, you will thank yourself. You sound like a prize, so if anyone takes you for granted, it's time to exit.