DancingFool

First take a deep breath. Second, all medical bills can and should be challenged. You've already contacted billing, which is good. Contact your PCP also. Now, don't expect billing to just fold without a fight, so do be ready to put up a fight and by that I mean stay firm and negotiate with them that you'll only pay what you were told. Third, your credit score/report should not be affected. As of July 2022, all three credit reporting agencies will be removing most medical debt from the credit reports/scores. Yes people are still liable to pay up or settle, but it will no longer have the same impact on people's credit scores. Also, any medical debt under $500 cannot even be placed on anyone's report going forward. Google for exact details of this. Fourth, talk to your PCP, but also accept some personal responsibility. While your PCP might have genuinely believed that this counselor is in network, ultimately it's your personal responsibility to verify things that will affect you financially. In short, step away from the "they betrayed me" narrative to the more reasonable "I should check these things" narrative. It's not on your PCP to hold your hand and ascertain these things on your behalf. Fifth, again goes to personal responsibility. If you don't like the qualification or lack of, of whoever you are being referred to, then speak up. It's that simple. Ditto for if you meet with whatever therapist and you just don't click with their approach. Therapy is only effective if you work with a therapist whose methods and approach are actually helpful and effective for you and that's personal. Sometimes you have to try out a few before you find the right one. It is more like trial and error than a sure thing first time out of the gate. So, talk to your PCP. Give them some feedback and they might be able to give you some additional referrals that might work better for you. Check yourself if they are in or out of network and what their fees are. Get that in writing/e-mail before you go there. If your PCP has nothing, then go through your insurance to get some names and go from there. Also, if you feel like you have too much going on at this moment and will not be able to concentrate on therapy, then maybe give yourself a little bit of time to let all other things simmer down a bit. There will never be an ideal time, but there is a difference between putting out ten fires at once and just general life busy.

^This is more than a forest of red flags, it's a straight up cesspool. If there is anything to take away from this entire situation is that you need to learn to step away from these kinds of things instead of wading deeper into it, regardless of what story you are being told about how he is over it, or a victim, or whatever. If there is ever a time to judge harshly and run for the hills, this would be it. People who get involved and stay involved in toxic relationships and cheating are toxic through and through and don't change. It's just who they are. If I were you, I'd step away not only from your ex, but also from the whole tribe. Raise your standards and find better company for yourself. Any time you feel tempted to confront him about what you know, just remember that when you wrestle with a pig, you'll both get muddy, but the pig enjoys it. You may think that confronting him will make you feel better, but I can guarantee you that you will walk away feeling even lower as he will pound you over your snooping and deflect everything else. He will walk away with actual ammo against you that he will spread around while you will limp away feeling worse than ever.

For what it's worth, I don't think hiding the guy's number under a female name is innocent. That said, whether she actually cheated on you or just flirted with the idea, or just used the guy as a friend and a shoulder to cry on and dump her relationship issues on, nobody knows but her and the guy. Personally, I think it's very odd that 9 years and 3 kids later you are triggered by this guy all of a sudden. You mentioned that you've known him for years and share a social circle. So you really just never ran into him socially until now? Regardless, consider that it's also possible that your wife shared with him your relationship issues and he was being odd around you because he thinks you are an arse hole who doesn't deserve her. Have you been stewing on this the whole 9 years and are now exploding like a pent up volcano or are you looking for an exit and this is convenient? You seemed to be very happy to turn a blind eye back then, but now you've launched a forensic investigation while claiming your marriage is great. Your behavior is not adding up. Adding on to the fact that you've already decided that whatever you find in those phone records, you will hold against your wife no matter what. Are you sure you want this marriage?

YAY!!!! It's tough to cut that last string or two, but it's also true freedom.

Is it the specific location or is it that you aren't really putting in the effort required to develop a healthy local social for yourself or a bit of both? Hobbies like biking and traveling, can be done solo, but are also great ways to join groups and meet people of all kinds and ages and make friends. You can spend one weekend doing your solo biking thing, but you can also find some biking groups and head out with those groups and start making some friends. The more you broaden your real life social life, the more doors open up to meet a romantic interest as well. At the very least, you won't feel so desperate for companionship that you ignore massive red flags. Also, you mentioned that you can move easily. So, if you feel really stuck with no people of your age around, then move to where you have people more of your own age and where finding friends, socializing, meeting dates would be easier by sheer population numbers.

It's easy to say just walk away from the argument. In practical reality, most people do not have the experience and strength needed to walk away when their character is being attacked. Defending your character is an instinctive reaction that is very very hard to overcome. This guy is a forest of flaming red flags and I really hope that the OP listens to her gut and runs for the hills as far away from him as possible. This is not about the game but rather his behavior in its entirety. Especially his snarky remark that going forward he'll just smile and pretend. Talk about passive aggressive. If it was just about the game, he had any number of opportunities to address the issue. Starting with being honest with the OP that he is competing. Letting her know on the spot that a redo is against the rules. Asking her how she is keeping score and why and clarifying with her where he stands. He literally had any number of sane rational ways to approach her. He did NONE of that and chose to use the game to attack her and to carry on for 2 hours. He is vindictive and he went on as he did very specifically to punish her for whatever perceived injury he felt. Problem with people like that is they are dangerous because you have NO IDEA when is the next time you do something that will upset them and when they will again react in some over the top way. I can't emphasize enough that this is just the tip of the iceberg and if she sticks around, she will learn the hard way that this is going to get increasingly worse. Next time he blows up on her it will be 4 hours.

You don't seem to understand just how arrogant your ex actually is. The excuses for dumping you were just that - excuses and a truckload of manure. Checking up on you is her ego and arrogance. She thinks she is so grand, how could you possibly live without her and be OK? She expected you to crawl on your hands and knees, cry, beg, plead, contact her, aka stroke her ego while she waves you away with more truckloads of manure. When you went NC, your self respect took her by surprise. So she sought out ego fodder via the mutual friend. Surely you must be curled up in your place with stale pizza crying your eyes out. Your friend didn't play ball and shut her down, which was good of her or just plain smart. So now your ex came across you on the dating app and again is fishing for your attention. It's been awhile, maybe you are desperate enough and foolish enough to step into her manure trap. Why would you even entertain the idea of giving someone like that the time of day? Head high because you can easily do better. If you are ready to date, then date. If you come across your ex on a dating app, just block her and keep on going on. Don't let some ex hold you back from your life and what you want to do. Also, do block her on your fb. You don't need manure in your life, right? Right.

I think it's only confusing to you because you have this crush on him. All I see from the outside is that your crush is one sided and that he isn't interested in you beyond some basic friendship. It doesn't seem like he ever saw you as anything more than just a gaming pal. Also, that you took some friendly gestures as more when it wasn't meant so. As such, your expectations of him are misplaced and so is your anger. He is free to date or be interested in whoever he wants. He is free to invite her to play and others in the group are right to accept whoever he invites without issues. That is not leaving you out of anything. Of course it hurts to see your crush courting someone else. However, this is where you have to accept that you and him are not a match and maybe step away from his company for a bit so you can cool off and get over your crush. Btw, bickering does not a relationship make. All it should tell you is that you don't really get along.

As hard as it is, you need to work on accepting that she really truly meant to break up with you. She didn't discuss what was wrong with the relationship because from her perspective it was nothing that you or her could fix. She simply judged the two of you as incompatible for the long run and that's that. It was not a decision she made lightly and the fact that you feel differently won't change her reality. As for the back and forth after the break up, it's quite normal unfortunately. Partly it's guilt, partly it's the dumper questioning their decision and genuinely missing you. However, none of that means that they want to date you anymore. Again, ending a long term relationship is not a decision people make lightly, which means that once they make it, they mean it. It doesn't mean that they can just turn off caring about you, however they can care and not want to be in a relationship. Do not reach out. Keep healing and keep on moving on. If she ever changes her mind, she knows how to reach you and you know that she is not shy about doing so. I think you've done very well to tell her honestly that her contact and behavior have been difficult and confusing for you and equally she is respecting that. That said, she has not been confusing in terms of not wanting to date you anymore. She has actually been steadfast in her decision and her actions. Three weeks post break up things are still very raw. So be kind to yourself, but don't rip open those wounds that are barely just starting to heal. Stay no contact and focus on yourself.

He might be cute, but you are finding out the hard way that he is actually a jerk. It's really that simple. Ugly person on the inside. Taking that tone with you or even demanding why you walked is not caring, it's kind of creepy. Since your response was timid and apologetic, even though you had nothing to apologize for, he now sees you as an easy target to be a jerk to and is acting accordingly. Never ever accept anyone raising their voice at you as cute or caring. It's abusive and you should have cut him off immediately. Please do not so easily accept rides from strangers and he is one to you. Even more so when the guy starts to act strange, controlling, raising his voice at you, and even worse, starts talking about how he hates people, including you. Stay away from this place and block and delete him. Do not accept any more rides or contact. Plenty of cute guys out there who are sane, genuinely kind, and respectful. This one isn't it.

Where you went wrong is ignoring all the red flags and creating a fantasy relationship in your head with a complete stranger you've never met. You can't feel chemistry for someone you have not met in person and spent real life time with you. However, you can convince yourself and get lost in this online fantasy that feels real but isn't. Unfortunately, that comes with the consequences you are experiencing - feeling lost and hurt even though you had nothing real with her. If you want to date, online is just for introductions. You exchange a few e-mails/dm's with someone and then arrange a real life meeting face to face to find out IF there is any actual real life chemistry. You stick to people who are close enough to meet easily and only talk to those who are willing and able to meet reasonably quickly. You don't waste time getting attached to someone far away who is loaded with red flags - this is where you went wrong.

OP, the only way forward is for you to accept that marriage is not something that you need in your life and then to do what you need to do - get a divorce and get rid of the current toxic manchild. Getting that divorce will not make you a lesser person, it will make you free of toxicity and able to actually live and enjoy your life with your kids. When you are dreaming of a life alone and your current relationship is so toxic that you are getting stress migraines, it's time to get that divorce. That's where you'll find peace and relief. You have to learn to accept that you are a whole person without a man in your life and actually embrace that instead of supporting one louse after another while literally killing your own health and wellbeing. Keep in mind that this louse in the house is affecting not just you, but your children as well. Enough. Pull the plug on him. Get the support that you need from family, friends, therapist, a good divorce lawyer and do what you need to do to save yourself. You can do this and you will love the result - a peaceful life free of parasitic men.

OP, this is a huge red flag slapping you in the face. He is telling you point blank who he is - that he will boil with resentment and lie to your face until he blows up eventually. He is telling you to your face that he will fake you out and has been already. What you are learning about this guy is that he is passive aggressive, that he projects things to you like competitiveness, that he is petty, that he will blow things completely out of proportion and will attack your character. Yes, a 2 hour argument about this where he accused you of being a cheater in other ways is insane and not something you should sweep under the rug. This is big enough that you walk away, especially when you've been barely dating 3-4 months. This is your getting to know him time and what you are learning is majorly problematic. Don't stick around until you sink in deeper emotionally and get more attached where breaking up becomes harder. Please listen to your gut and distance yourself all the way out of his life. You are a direct person and he is not and never will be. No matter how many times you ask him to speak up or be direct with you about something that bothers him, passive aggressive people just do not operate that way. He will always be passive aggressive because that's who he is. Even if he manages to be direct on a rare occasion, understand that for his kind of personality, it's sweat an anxiety inducing event and he won't venture there often. The reason you haven't had any arguments or even disagreements until this blow is because he hides his genuine feelings and thoughts and when he does explode over something, you are seeing the ugly reality of how that goes. This will get worse in the future if you stick around.

How exactly are you well matched with someone who constantly has one foot out the door? Is it the adrenaline rush you feel from that constant anxiety and wondering if today is the last time you will speak to him as he will bolt? Is it the idea that you are so amazing that you can tame this wild beast and domesticate him into a good hubby who will be there for you and the kids? Is it that deep down you don't really want what you claim that you want - family and kids? I think you need to dig deep within yourself and figure out why you find a dysfunctional relationship with a dysfunctional individual so attractive that you can't walk away, even when it's obvious that you should have dumped him months ago.

OP, his silence is telling you everything you need to know - he doesn't see any future with you, at least not in terms marriage, family, kids and he doesn't have the basic human decency to tell you so and set you free to find a man who wants these things. He is too selfish for words in that respect. He is comfortable using you as warm place holder and he doesn't care about you, your desires, your welfare in terms of your ability to have a family. He is happy to burn your life like that just because he is comfy for now and because he is not bound by biology. He can wait until he is 40 before he wakes up and decides he wants a younger woman and a family and out you go. I know it's easy to say, but you have to buckle up and tell him flat out that either he steps up or he needs to get out of your life for good and mean it 100%. I'd give him 60 days to either stay or get out. You've been together 8 years, so there are no excuses about wanting to get to know you or being unsure or whatever. When you do say get out, mean it and do actually kick him out or leave him whatever way your living situation works best. If you are to leave, I'd start looking at places right now and let him know. Also, I wouldn't be dramatic about, just blunt and direct - I've tried to talk to you about our future, but I don't get any response from you other than shut down. This tells me that our life goals are not aligned like I thought they were. I still love you, but I want a family and children and a man who is excited to build that life with me. If you feel like you are that man, let me know. If not, we will be parting ways on x date. Meeeeaaaaannnnn it and do it.

Yes strict no contact. Those who have reconnected successfully have done so only because they took the time to completely separate, heal, and move on. You can call it growth if you like. They fully let go and reconnected by chance so to speak. If you try to keep on her radar, if you try to reach out this month, next month, etc - you are not allowing for that healing to fully take place and it can lead to resentment and irritation instead. Growth for your sake, not for her sake. Same applies to her too. She needs to go live, experience what she wants and then if at some point she thinks that ending things with you was a mistake, she has your number. The point is not to wait on that, but to focus on living your best life and being open to everyone it brings, whether that's your ex coming back or someone new and wonderful coming in.

How much time do you spend together? It's a tough question to answer, because the actual answer is balance. Yes, every couple needs to carve out quality time for just each other regularly, but also, you have to be able to relax and just be in the same space without needing your partner's attention all the time. From what you've shared, it's hard to tell if you are being too demanding or if your relationship is drifting apart and getting too complacent. Best I can tell is that you are more active and want to do things while your partner is much more passive and would rather relax at home. That seems like an incompatibility between you.

If I recall correctly, you've had trouble in the past where someone stepping into your gig ended up taking over forever. Also, when you are so dependent on getting jobs, I think it's more important for you to take care of yourself in this case and take the job, rather than go to this engagement party of someone who is no longer a close friend of yours. Consider that she will fade even further away from you as she gets married, they start living their life, maybe start having kids and so on. Don't waste your time on someone who has already shown to you that they are exiting your life. Rather than just show up for an hour, I'd call it off completely, send her a present and be done.

OP, who are you kidding? This guy is not over her, is actively trying his best to get into her bed and is lying like a dog to you while trying to make you out to be crazy. You are not crazy and there is literally nothing normal about this situation or his behavior. There is a world of difference between roommates happening to eat together and him going all out prepping a meal with wine for just the two of them while turning off his phone so you don't interrupt his romantic tryst. Come on, if there is ever a time to flip out rightfully, this is what that looks like. I don't know your past and whether you were justified in your behavior or not, but I can guarantee you that when it comes to this guy, he is trash you leave at the curb. This is what an actual cheater looks like and acts like. Delete and block this loser from your life and never look back. Sometimes your gut is screaming at you for reason - believe it.

I know it's easy to say looking in from the outside, but do take a deep breath and don't let some inner clock cloud your personal judgment. There are too many red flags here. Most notably is that she started to push you away BEFORE you went on your trip to learn Portuguese....which is a really sweet gesture on your end. If she was genuinely invested in you, she'd be thrilled about that. Again....she started to pull away before your trip and has used this trip as a weapon against you.

I think a lot depends on individual personalities. From personal experience and observation, those who have successful LDR's tend to have more independent and pragmatic type personalities. The thing about LDR's is that you have to have some very serious discussions very early on regarding your dating and relationship goals. Your finances and ability to travel and see each other. Your ability to move and so on. These are pretty heavy conversations you have to have quickly that normally, would be put way off in normal dating timelines. You pretty much have to start out with these kind of heavy discussions before you invest further. For example, if neither one of you can move, then there is no point in investing further into getting to know each other because it's already dead in the water. In that respect, I think there is a benefit to LDR's in that you are not going to waste time or invest in someone you aren't really that into because it's just too much effort/expense to do so. (I'm not considering cyber relationships as LDR's here) There is less chance that you will be a placeholder relationship. In terms of visiting and spending in person time together, again, it's kind of flipped on its head. You are going to abruptly spend a lot of intimate time together for an extended period of time rather than just go out on dates for a few hours. This means that you'll see a whole lot more of how the person is really like and whether or not you actually can get along living together or not. Again, it's kind of accelerated compare to regular dating where anyone can be on their best for a few hours a week. Where people get in trouble is treating that visiting time as a vacation, rather than day to day living. This is where pragmatic type personalities are important. You want to see your SO in their native normal environment, living their normal life, rather than it be special time exclusively tailored to your visit. It's critical to see how you get along in that mundane, day to day kind of life. Ultimately, whether you date locally or long distance, the most critical thing is understanding clearly what your partner's expectations are when it comes to relationships and marriage. I cannot count the number of times I've come across men who have expressed double standards when it comes to what they will tolerate when it comes to dating v. what they expect from a wife. Beware and be sure you figure it out before it's too late.

The important part is that your husband has boundaries. What other people are doing doesn't matter because it's not something you can control. Her telling your husband that kind of information is not necessarily an invitation to anything and if he doesn't want to have those types of conversations, it's on him to end/change the topic. It's not that someone will potentially hit on your husband, it's how he is responding to it that you need to worry about. So, what is really going on here? Do you trust your husband or not?

Yes she is doing a huge 180 on you. However, rather than knee jerking and trying to "fix" it, you need to take a huge step back and evaluate her and her behavior. You are ignoring a forest of red flags slapping you in the face. Telling you that she has been cheated on in every relationship is a forest of red flags. Anyone can be cheated on once or twice, but every relationship ever? Improbable. Think carefully how she is treating you right now - you are not a cheater, yet she has already decided you are one and is acting accordingly. Consider that she will tell the next guy how you cheated on her and what a victim she is. No doubt he will be sorry for her and also be confident that they will be OK because he is not a cheater....just like you thought too....... The men in her life aren't the issue - she is. Consider also that those who rush to accuse you are often projecting. She is suddenly busy, too busy to really talk to you, she'd rather work out than have any kind of quality time with you. All this followed by unfounded accusations and essentially stepping away from your relationship completely. Pay attention to the fact that she actively distanced from you and is now telling you that she feels too distant. She did this purposefully. Nothing about this is normal behavior on her end. This is where you really need to fight the urge to rush in to save things and actually step back and use your reason. This whole thing stinks like a barrel of rotten fish and it's not about you, it's about her. At best, this woman is seriously unstable and therefore not partner material. Add to that "a baby for Christmas" and you should be running for the hills screaming. This is manipulative af. I'm guessing that you are a guy who is ready to settle down and really want a family and she is well aware. She is playing you, as unpleasant as that may be to digest. As already suggested, I would absolutely not cut the trip short. Be very firm with her that her accusations are not acceptable and that she needs to deal with her issues on her own and if she continues to accuse you, it's better you part ways. This kind of drama is not something you can ever solve. It's on her, not on you. Ultimately, every relationship starts out amazing - feeling of connection, lots of fun, future dreams, rainbows and butterflies..... For real compatibility you have to look at how things are beyond that honeymoon period. Once they start to show you their true colors, believe them and have the sense to walk away. At 6 months, what you have with her are dreams of a future, but the present and her unstable behaviors are showing you that she is not partner, much less parent material.

I would ask your parents to leave her share in a trust that is ONLY accessible to her and that she cannot use or gift or benefit the hubby. Reason I say that is because your parents are probably right that she chose what she did, buuuut if she needs an out......it's the best they can do for her. Whether she takes it or not, whether she is happy with her choices or not, that's on her. However, at the very least, she would have options. It would also take you out of the equation.

No matter how you find out, it always stings to realize that someone you felt close to didn't really feel the same. So big internet hugs to you. Also, given how your ex was, it's very very likely that he painted you black in order to make himself look good and also to garner sympathy, support, and attention from all the people in his circle. His ilk just do that and sadly, there is nothing you can do about it but move far away from all that. Ultimately, those who buy into the lies, never really knew you. True friends would stick by you and ignore your ex. Revamping your life is tough and some days are better than others. Some days, you crave what was familiar. Thing is, that as you persevere in revamping your life, you will end up surrounded by friends who love you for you and just you. On that note, those from your past who aren't reaching out to you, who aren't there for you, go ahead and write them off. It's not you, it's them. You tried harder than I would have.