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Everything posted by DancingFool

  1. In that case, since you are his source of income, he is not likely to take things further with you. He may not be in position where he can compromise that even if it's not a lot of money. If you really want to know, then next time you two hang out, just ask him if he'd ever date a student of his. His response should tell you where he really stands on that and whether you can pursue more, as in ask him on a date, or stop and just enjoy his friendship. What I don't recommend doing is trying to get more enmeshed with him and invest more time and feelings into this without knowing where you really stand.
  2. I'm a little confused. Are you taking lessons from him or he from you?
  3. Sounds like after three dates you are learning that he is very boring and has nothing more to offer besides some surface flirting and same old stories and pics bragging about himself and his life. I'd pass if I were you. If after three dates you are already feeling irritated, that tells you everything you need to know - hard pass and next.
  4. I think you need to realize that her and her husband are two peas in a pod and happy living the way they do - in filth. Not sure what on earth does a Christmas tree or cleaning house or carpets have to do with just the husband? They are both choosing to live like that and are obviously fine with it. Not sure what you are getting out of this friendship since all you are to her is an errand boy so to speak. She is a user, you are getting used. No surprise that she had a fit when you suddenly refused to be used some more. This is exactly who she is and has always been. You may want to rethink what company you choose to keep.
  5. OP, your bf was not OK with your dad coming to help, only OK with your dad bringing the tools. This guy still very much wanted to stay in control of the situation and not in a good way. Which is why he also told you to tell the other guy who pulled over to help to go away. Your bf is simply too insecure to accept help from anyone. When you told the guy who pulled over that you do need the help, your bf's ego was badly injured and he ended up lashing out at you in way that is threatening and passive aggressive. For this reason and the fact that you've only known him a month - I'd dump if I were you. Don't waste your time on insecure men. They are a nasty breed. You can't understand why he acted out like that because you are normal. Asking for help when you need it is logical. For insecure guys, they'd rather sit there for hours struggling than accept help. It's childish behavior. Add to it that he lashed out at you the way he did and what you are learning is that he is not a very good person.
  6. Sorry but I think you are pretty deep in the friend zone with him. If he was into you, he wouldn't be talking about what other women he thinks are hot. That's platonic friend talk, not potential romantic interest. As for the flirting. Some people enjoy flirting but it's completely meaningless to them and will never lead to anything. Surface fun and nice for the ego if it's obvious you are really into him. Always take flirting with a large grain of salt. As others said, pay attention to actions not words. He isn't asking you out, he isn't interested.
  7. I don't want to be a relationship breaker. Proceeds to contact a guy in a relationship. Yeah....... I don't know if you were toxic at 17 or if you are just over dramatizing your past and were simply a normal 17 year old who rightfully shouldn't have been involved or ready for anything serious. However, you are definitely acting toxic today. Please stop that and stay away from this guy. His silence is telling you everything you need to know - he is not interested. As for you, please get your head screwed on straight. Dating some d-bag and getting hurt isn't Karma, it's just life experience. Now you hopefully know what a d bag looks like and will avoid them in the future. It's not a license for you to start chasing guys in relationships just because you've known them in the past. In fact at your age bracket, 5 years is a small lifetime and people change a lot. You don't know him and whether he is all that or not at all. So please don't put him on this imaginary pedestal of greatness. Usually, idols end up having clay feet, OP.
  8. It's been 2 years - long past due for you to get out of Annie's life and business. The problem with trying to stay friends with an ex is exactly this - life gets very very messy and you'll end up paying a price for that. What she does with who and how is absolutely no business or concern of yours since the day you and her broke up. Unfortunately, when you date someone, it's not easy to tolerate and stay out of. I think it's time for you to stop lying to yourself how this was a mutual and friendly break up. It wasn't and you were obviously hurt and bothered. If it really had been so mutual, you wouldn't have been going around trash talking her and Sam to other mutual friends. The other factor is that you should have addressed things with Sam immediately by either letting him know that you are fine with him pursuing your ex or not, rather than getting upset behind his back. Again, problem with that is that people will opt to avoid drama, so you lost friends all around. Ultimately, it's time for you to step away from your ex and all this drama for good and start making new real friends. Chalk this up to a life lesson learned. When you break up - let go completely.
  9. He pushed your boundaries. You called him out on that. He said he is sorry and that it won't happen again. Now it's on you to decide whether you are willing to forgive him and give him a chance to show you he meant what he said or you can't get past this and need to dump him. The trouble with long distance relationships and only seeing someone a couple of times a month is that you really don't know who he is and what he is really like day to day. So now that you have conflict, you don't know how to judge that. You literally don't have enough information on his actual character to figure this out. Regardless, you do need to make that decision to stay or go, because the one thing you don't want to do is get stuck where you resent him for it but keep dating him and holding it over his head. That will make your relationship toxic.
  10. Dude....you have multiple strangers, that have no pony in this race, telling you that you are over enmeshed and again....you keep right arguing and just telling people that if they don't agree with you, they must not understand. No, we do actually understand. Again, you are over enmeshed. Your own behavior was not stellar to put it politely. Looking up things online to prove your point and shoving it in her mother's face was absurd behavior on your end and completely out of line. So was all the driving your gf around and jumping at her beck and call. You do realize that your gf survived without you and without a car just fine before she met you, right? So much so, that she didn't feel the need to learn how to drive or get a car. Her mother may be toxic, but so are you. You and the mother got into it like two dogs fighting over one bone. If you refuse to see where you went wrong....you will continue to repeat your mistakes again and again.
  11. ... Would you ask a guy who robbed you to comfort you? Whatever feelings you have, write it out and burn it. As for this guy, just dump him. He is not worth your emotions and please don't hope that he will be all sorry about who he is and will have some sort of an epiphany about how wrong what he is doing is. He is not sorry, he'll never be sorry. Get away from him today and save your breath. Any confrontation with him will not go how you imagine and in the end will make you feel worse than you already do.
  12. Just don't leave the game for too long. Taking a time out to sort yourself and figure some things out is all good and needed right now. However, don't go on a dry spell for years or you'll end up with the man in the desert problem - any filthy puddle tastes like divine spring water. 6-8 months and do start dipping your toe in the dating pool and see how you feel and make adjustments as needed.
  13. It's not about blame so much as learning how to keep healthy boundaries for yourself and your own sake and well being. As the old saying goes, "when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one, least of all yourself." You can be kind and good to people around you while also being good to yourself. It's literally called boundaries. Funny thing about boundaries is that when you have them, people will respect you more and when they respect you, they also like you more. When you just give indiscriminately, you'll attract users who don't like you and don't care about you, but they will happily suck the life out of you. There are some books on boundaries and how to develop healthy boundaries that you might like to look into. It might help you a lot.
  14. ..... Relationships that are 7 and 6 years respectively take some serious commitment.... Food for thought here...... You seem to have the opposite problem of over committing to the wrong person for too long and then taking a long time to recover and not committing at all during that time. Sort of like a pendulum swinging too far to extremes in either direction. You've got to work on settling into that happy middle ground - learning what healthy looks like and learning when to stay and when to let go when it's actually warranted. Also, there is a huge difference between wanting perfection and recognizing deal breakers and setting the person loose. You kind of have to sit down with yourself and figure out what is a deal breaker and what is an easy to tolerate flaw for you personally. Keep in mind, that everyone is different on that. What do you need to be happy with a partner and what you would simply like but are OK on compromising on. Literally sit down and make a list and every so often, review it and rethink - is it still applicable or does your life/dating experience teach you something else and you need to add/subtract accordingly.
  15. So if a guy tried to assault you, you wouldn't care if your friend goes on to sleep with him? Totally cool with you? You'd be happy for them both? Come on......
  16. I think you need to rethink what you expect from strangers and also, what you are and are not willing to do for a stranger. Should be common sense not to agree to do something that you find painful or unpleasant. Unfortunately, it seems that you did it expecting some kind of a return on your investment/sacrifice. What you are learning the hard way is that no, you don't get something in return for something you did, especially not from a complete stranger. I'm really sorry for how low you are feeling right now. Please do go see a doctor if you are not feeling right physically and continue to feel like you can't get clean. Also please do rethink what you are doing sexually and what your boundaries should be. You seem to be willing to do too much while expecting way too little if having breakfast after makes it seem like the guy is just great to you. Just because he didn't kick you out in the morning like a prostitute, doesn't make him a great guy. You really need to raise your standards....a lot.
  17. I'm somewhat amazed that the posters here see nothing wrong with attempted sexual assault and would rather call this woman a liar than recognize that this is seriously messed up and creepy behavior by a 50 year old man. I don't care if alcohol was involved or that it was a swinger party. Consent is consent and there was none here according to her friend. All the OP has is her friend's word to go by, which is that this man tried to force himself on her. That should be enough to send the OP running for the hills. Instead, she is sleeping with this creep and lying to her friend about it. This is beyond messed up. To the OP, yes you need to make up your mind who you want to be loyal to - your friend or a 50 year old creep who is happy to fck someone young enough to be his daughter and he doesn't seem picky in how he gets that so long as he gets it. Your life, your choice.
  18. Please don't bother confronting him about it because it's pointless. He'll just deny, lie, shift blame and otherwise gaslight you to death. Unfortunately, you already have all the information you need. This guy is a cheater and will cheat on you while you are away. He has no moral compass and no problem with that. Keep in mind also, that this is how he was raised. If women from his side of the family are complaining about cheating....RUUUUUUN. Do not sign up for this garbage. Yes, it is incriminating enough. Ruuuuun. Get out. Save yourself. What you found is tip of the iceberg. Thank your lucky stars that you are not married to this creep and also, do get tested for all std's. Again, what you discover about any cheater is just a fraction of what they've done. You don't need anything except to value yourself and understand that you deserve better and this guy is trash, stinking trash at that.
  19. Sorry, but no she didn't muck you up. You were mucked up to begin with and have never fully addressed and dealt with your issues. As such, there is no surprise that you latched on to someone who is toxic af. Like attracts like kind of a thing. Not saying that you are toxic, but rather that mucked up attracts mucked up. She is disordered, but then so are you in your own ways. If I were you, I'd block her from my life and put in serious work into getting with the right therapist and getting your own head screwed on straight so that you can be a good partner and find a healthy relationship in the future. Think like a good year's worth of concentrated work on yourself and not just some few b$tch and moan sessions on the couch. Your relationship history is swinging from one extreme to another extreme and there is nothing healthy about it. You need to figure out where balance is. Overall, you fell in to the classic trap where she is hot in your eyes and also a damsel in distress you can rescue because you are not abusive like all the other guys were. Big ego trip that indicates you are pretty insecure deep down. You are still surprisingly oblivious to the fact that she is the abuser and the common denominator in her so called horror life story. In fact, I'd bet good money that not a single guy she dated was ever abusive to her. You are quite literally experiencing how psycho this woman is and ....still can't seem to connect the dots. Why is that?
  20. If there was ever a perfect example of right fighting to lose, this is it. It's actually hard to believe that you went online to do research just to prove her mother wrong and then went on a rant about her abilities as a doctor and how she doesn't meet US standards, etc. Like how on earth did you think that was going to go down? They'll be in awe of your greatness? Dude, you let your ego run you over. She was right to dump you. The mother here is pretty much irrelevant given how unhinged and tone death your own behavior is. Also, you were treating an adult woman like she is your 5 year old kid. If she wants to go to the ER, that's on her and not your business. If her mother doesn't want you looking at her foot, again common sense should dictate that you should step back and leave them to it even if it is strange to you. You need to learn when to step back and leave people to make their own decisions and not play daddy/chauffeur to your gf.
  21. You don't. You block them both from all access. Her mother is not your problem or concern once you break up. If you genuinely feel like you are at a point in life where you'd like a serious long term relationship, then you do need to walk away from this and actually spend some serious time sorting yourself out. You mentioned that before her, you had some toxic dating patterns. So it's no surprise that you were drawn to someone who is toxic. Like attracts like or in your case, it's what's familiar. Please get off that hamster wheel and do what it takes to get your head screwed on straight so that you do find a healthy relationship with a healthy woman that actually lasts happily. You do deserve that. I hope you realize that.
  22. Please stop spackling over the fact that this man is extremely selfish and self centered. Your "relationship" only worked because you were busy catering to his temper and were too willing to put up with garbage treatment with a smile plastered on your face even though he wasn't reciprocating or being good to you in any real sense of the word. Intelligent, articulate, successful, we had good conversations, or I liked his friends does not a relationship make. Your reaction to dump him was absolutely spot on. That was your instinct stepping in to save you. Please please do not go back on that. His "f you" was just tip of the iceberg. OP, you seem to have a poor grasp on what a healthy partner and a healthy relationship looks like. The reason I say that is because you are way too comfortable catering to raging selfishness. A man who tells you that giving in a relationship is giving up power should be your clue to run for the hills screaming. Yet somehow....you either ignored it or it didn't register for you as a severe problem that should be avoided at all costs. If I were you, I'd spend some serious time exploring why not before you venture into dating again. You are too prone to catering to a holes and putting up with abusive behaviors and normalizing them. Btw, you have given good advice to posters on other threads....sooo....maybe start applying that to yourself? You know what's right and wrong, so apply it to yourself too.
  23. I'll just cut to the chase - she engages with him because she likes his attention and doesn't care if that bothers or hurts you or your relationship with her. You can't tell her what to do or who to talk to or not. You SHOULD judge her for her actions and if you don't agree with what she is doing or how she is treating you, then dump her. This is why we date people - to get to know who they really are. This girl is showing you that she'd rather have attention from another guy than respect her relationship with you. That's her prerogative. You don't need to be a doormat who puts up with it. On a side note, stop arguing with her or trying to explain that what she is doing is wrong. She knows, she just doesn't care.
  24. Well....how ironic that she was accusing you of not being a child person when you were the one who actually showed more sense about the children than she did. She is still going through the divorce. The children are literally still processing all of that and now she wants to introduce them to a new man who may or may not work out in the long run. Why would she push that? So they can be even more traumatized? Also, she wants to hold that against you? I'll just say this again. This woman is not anywhere near as great as you thought and you dodged a huge bullet. This is why we date and why it takes a long time to get to know someone for real. Six months is nothing. When you start seeing red flags, pay attention. In this case, I think you are lucky it ended when it did even if this is hard to accept. You are very stuck on "she called me perfect" which is more your ego talking than your rational self. Nobody is perfect and it's not really an endearment as such. Be wary of those who put you on a pedestal as the fall will hard and abrupt.
  25. Thing is that you don't actually know that. You don't have any way of knowing what really went on in their marriage and whether anything she claims about her soon to be ex husband is true or not. You've known her barely 6 months, which is still the honeymoon period. However, you should pay careful attention to the sudden change and how mean she became to you. It's one thing to decide that you are not happy or don't want to continue a relationship and end it politely. It's quite another to start sniping and attacking you with absurd things like your last name, or the way you walk, or the utterly ridiculous idea that you can't be good with children because you don't have any yet. That's pretty cruel and a forest of red flags. Sorry to say, but I think you dodged a bullet here and should actually close the door shut on her for good. Rather than focusing on a good few months, pay attention to the way she is treating you right now because you are getting a good look at what's behind the facade and it's not pretty. She is quite cruel. It would be different if she came to you and said something along the lines that she is going through a rough patch and needs to step away to sort herself out and maybe down the line you can reconnect if you are still single. That would be honest and kind. Instead she is blaming you and accusing you of the impossible, like not having children. Literally....***
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