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DancingFool

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Everything posted by DancingFool

  1. Personally, I think you need to take a huge step back and get real with yourself. After barely two months, you may have great sexual chemistry, but outside of that, you really have no clue who this guy is and whether he is a good person worth your time or not. Be realistic here for your own sake. Also, baby momma custody drama usually has way more to do with the fact that he just learned how much child support will cost him if he is not more involved with the baby than anything else. This is actually a red flag. Finally, consider that in your late 20's you have soooo many better choices of professional men looking to get settled down without the baby momma drama. Aim higher for yourself and don't get caught up with lust.
  2. It doesn't occur to you that when you decided to end the relationship and move back to the states that he also felt betrayed and took the time to grieve the end of the relationship and start to detach and move on? What did you expect to happen when you showed him that you are willing to discard your 3 year relationship and then suddenly up and change your mind again? Did you really think he can just flip a switch after all the pain and just go back to normal like nothing happened? Do you not understand that you just put him through hell yourself? I don't know that you can recover from this. His behavior right now is certainly highly passive aggressive. He knew you would see on your phone who he contacted and what was said. It seems that once you set the break up into motion, he now wants you to go ahead and finish the job and leave even if he doesn't want to be the "bad" guy who ends things with you.
  3. So how many times does the OP have to point out that if he does that, it upsets her. He's already tried that route without a good result. So yes, he needs to stop avoiding the conversation that they need to have about boundaries and simple respect toward each other when it comes to having company, when, how often, and how much notice each need for that. When you are single and living on your own completely, you can do whatever you want. When you live with someone else, basic respect and consideration should be common sense and if it isn't, then they do need to talk and come to some compromise that works for both them.
  4. I think you need to seriously consider how compatible you and him really are. Reason I say that is that messy people do not change. You are correct that he can literally step over a mess 100 times and never feel the need to pick it up. Also, this is not a man thing. Plenty of men are clean and will clean up after themselves and you too. This is your particular guy is messy and it doesn't bother him and that will not change no matter what you say or how many times. That said, have you considered hiring a cleaning service to come out at least twice a month to alleviate the issue? Scrub the bathrooms, wash the floors, etc. Usually these services are quite cheap and you can negotiate price depending on what you want done. If he won't clean up after himself, then can he pitch in $$ for cleaning so you can both live in peace?
  5. She is nice on social media because she wants to project a certain image of herself to strangers/acquaintances/etc. She doesn't care about image management with you. You know who she really is. Overall, she sounds highly narcissistic and manipulative and no, that stuff will never change. You will simply need to learn to step away from your desire to please to gain her approval and be careful with that tendency in your personal relationships as well. No she is not going to play fair, no she will never apologize, yes she will always see herself as a victim of life, no matter how good her life actually is. Also, never ever give her advice about anything. People like that aren't interested in advice and can react badly to it and end up passively and not so passively punishing you for that as they see that as an affront to their greatness. Not every narcissistic person is overt, so you may not be aware and that makes things that much more confusing. Anyway, the way to deal is step away from trying to be good and trying to please her. It will never happen because she will always move the goal posts and you are just playing into the toxic mess. Instead aim for a much more distant and polite type relationship. You need boundaries and distance. When she tells you that you are awful or did whatever terribly, don't bother defending yourself. Instead just say "sorry you feel that way" and walk away. She may get thrown off and back off, she may fly into a rage. Either way, don't engage and walk away from her and stick to it - sorry you feel that way.
  6. She may know in theory, but not in practice. Just like you would with roommates, you and her need to sit down and work out some basic house rules, including and especially when company is welcome and when not. It's not about being upset and quietly stewing in resentment, but rather about communication with your partner. Be clear and honest about what you want and need and seek out some kind of a compromise that works for both of you. Now if you try to approach her about it and she refuses to listen, gets upset, doesn't want to see your point of view and doesn't want to compromise or adjust her behavior.....consider that you and her are not compatible and will not work out in the long run. Try to talk about this when you are both calm and have some time to hash things out so you can both be happy. Remember that partners aren't mind readers and living together does take some adjustment for both people and a whole lot of getting used to. Especially when you have opposing personalities, aka introvert/extrovert.
  7. Depending on where you live, the stores are probably rolling in fall clothing now. That said, you can always google "men's summer fashion" and you'll get what's the latest, all kinds of shorts, and where you can buy them online or pick up in store if you want to try them on first.
  8. I'm really sorry, OP, but there comes a point where you need to realize that your mom is the quintessential Debbie Downer. You have spent 22 years listening to her complain about your father. Surely you are old enough now to realize that her marriage isn't the issue, she is. Also, that your father isn't the only person she would complain about and that you aren't the only person she will complain to. This is her personality. She will complain to everyone about everything and I mean everything. If you want to get along with her, then smile, nod and listen with a there there thrown in here and there. Your relationship went cold went you stepped away from that role and actually gave her practical advice she wasn't interested in. Keep in mind that people like that are also ultra passive aggressive. So no, you aren't going to sit down, tell her how you feel and all will be solved. She thrives on misery and has zero interest in solving anything. What you do is recognize that this is who she is and she isn't going to change. Stop trying to please her. It is not possible. Quite frankly, the harder you try, the more she'll trash you. Step back instead and go back to the only thing that works - she whines, you listen and do not advise. Meanwhile, put your energy into finding a job and moving out asap. If you have questions about the house, call your dad instead. Realize also, that while you are living there, you can see that her life isn't the horror show she makes it out to be so instead of whining about your dad, she makes you the target of her bs. Once you move out, she can flip back to normal - meet up for tea and lunch and whine whine whine how horrible her life is. Just listen and nod and never dare to suggest that she do something about it. That's where you over stepped with her.
  9. Your e-mail was very nice, but also very formal. Never in a million years would I read anything personal or any genuine invitation to meet up into that. He responded in kind. If you are that interested, then I think you will need to step out of your comfort zone and just ask if you could take him out for coffee or drinks after work and see what he says. It's neutral enough and he can always say he is busy if he is not interested.
  10. Good job that you got rid of him. Now just finish the job and be sure you block him from all of your social media and tighten up your privacy settings everywhere. He is a creepy creep and he made that comment knowing it will upset you and perhaps hoping to get a rise out of you or a response. Don't fall for his games, just block block block.
  11. lmao....you are literally buying into the oldest lie in the book.... Are you really that desperate, that naive.....like seriously.....what is going on with you that you think a cheating floozie is worth your time? Of all the women in the world...this is the kind of trash you are choosing to waste your time on? Really?
  12. ....why buy the pig when all you want is a bit of sausage???? On a serious note, OP, please sit down and talk to him about your future life and plans. If you can't speak to him about that, you are in the wrong relationship AND have very wrong ideas about how real life relationships work. It's not all romance and butterflies and the guy magically reading your mind. No, nope, nope no. When you signed up for buying the house, you didn't sign up for commitment, you simply told him that doing this without being married is OK with you and you acted as such. If you want marriage, then you need to learn how to communicate your needs AND stand by and enforce that with your actions. If the guy walks away from that? He was NEVER going to marry you anyway. Learn to stand by and act on what you actually want and believe in. Rolling over and silently going along with whatever doesn't work. You are learning this the hard way.
  13. Nope nope nope. His psychological issues are not her problem. PERIOD. IF he threatens her with suicide, she should hang up on him, call emergency services, let them know what he is threatening and where she believes he is and let them handle him. OP needs to get away from this guy yesterday and cut off all contact with him. Even IF he does something to himself, that is still NOT her fault or her problem to handle or deal with and NO, she did NOT make him. Again, NO she CANNOT make him do anything. Someone who is that unhinged mentally is completely outside of the realm of sanity and control by anyone, let alone the OP. Not her burden and not her problem. That is why we have psych wards. I cannot stress enough that the OP needs to stop involving herself with this guy and learn for life that this is what abusive control and manipulation looks like in real life. Dump him, block him, and be careful for a long time because freaks like that don't let go easily. This isn't caring, this is psychopathic control.
  14. That's a really really healthy attitude. For what it's worth, it seems like the stress, covid, puppy, etc. all kind of overtook both of you, but you both actually made very sound and healthy choices to fix those issues. Rehoming the pup was definitely the right thing to do and you both also decided to address your respective health/weight issues through working out. Again a good choice you both stuck to. That said, I think you are still feeling some insecurities about yourself and that's perhaps making you more sensitive. The trouble that many couples get into when they decide to get fit or lose weight together is that there comes that competitive element into it and whoever is doing less well starts to feel off or a bit insecure about themselves. Thing is that your marriage and your partner aren't your competition. It sounds like you are doing well supporting each other, communicating, overcoming things and not getting lost in the journey. My only advice is don't get stuck in a rut of work/gym/tv. Shake things up. Go on road trips on the weekends. Find something that you both like to do as a hobby or just try some new things in general every so often. You'll be fine. Don't worry about some guy she occasionally chats with as you both seem to have a healthy view toward opposite sex friendships as well. Ultimately, you can't stop someone from cheating if they want to, you can only make the choice to leave them. However, don't let suspicion and perhaps some lingering personal insecurities poison your relationship.
  15. How was a dog getting in the way of your marriage????
  16. This is extremely manipulative. He is basically trying to guilt trip you. With friends like that, who needs enemies..... You owe him nothing. He didn't just mess up once, he's been messing up for a long long time and you've been trying to talk to him for a long time and putting up with too much for too long. That sense of peace you are feeling, it's telling you just how toxic and stressful this relationship really was. Good that you left him and don't look back and don't let anyone manipulate or guilt trip you into thinking otherwise.
  17. What makes you think that she knows? Also.....for the love of everything on this planet do NOT force yourself on her!!!! Which part of she is in a relationship that is not clear to you? Dude, you need to stay the eff away from her until you cool off and your sanity and judgment come back. She sees you as a friend, someone she can trust and invite into her home. You sure have some very unfriendly ideas about where you stand and what you want. If you really really need to push this to be clear, then tell over over the phone what you want from her. If she tells you "no thanks" or anything along those lines, no matter how nicely she cushions the rejection, be sure you accept that at face value and move on.
  18. He is telling you point blank that this is exactly the kind of an a hole he is and he is not going to change. So either how he is treating you is acceptable to you or it's not. If this is acceptable to you, then realize that you will always be his punching bag when things don't go his way, be it gaming or something else. It doesn't matter. In just 2 months he is already calling you names! Please don't try to mother him by trying to teach him or argue with him about what is right. He knows, he doesn't care and is telling you that point blank. If this is not acceptable to you, then dump him with extreme prejudice and move on. You've barely known him 2 months. You owe him nothing and walking away at this point is easy. You can do better. Never ever put up with a guy who throws temper tantrums.
  19. ^If this doesn't make it clear to you that she doesn't care one bit about her marriage and about you, then I don't know what will. Stop trying to explain to her what she knows herself very well. It's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she doesn't care. As you said yourself, life happens but you didn't cheat. Most people don't. Cheating isn't caused by hardships or relationship issues, it's just pure entitlement and lack of character. You can't repair a marriage that SHE chose to break singlehandedly and has zero interest in repairing. I know it's difficult to accept this and disorienting to find out that your life partner, someone you love and care about, doesn't give a flying eff about you and is a liar and a cheater and remorseless about it to boot, but the sooner you do, the better for you. Leave her and you will thank yourself soon enough. Cheating is one of those things that you don't forgive. You can only choose to shrivel yourself to nothing and turn a blind eye to your partner cheating and cheating until one day they will still discard you. You can try to police your marriage, but realize that when people want to cheat, they will always find a way and it's you who will lose your health due to all the stress of policing and lying to yourself that this is working just fine. Don't choose to live in that kind of misery and hell. At 25 you can so easily rebuild your life with someone who is not a low life.
  20. Yes it's normal and yes you should. It's one of those life experience things that you shouldn't shelter your daughter from. Yes, it's normal for your daughter to think it's all funny, because she is immature that way and has no clue. After all, your daughter is just a kid acting like a kid. However, seeing the reality of jail can be one heck of a learning experience for her about life consequences. Also, your wife isn't in some high security prison, so yes, perfectly safe and might prevent your daughter from treating these kinds of things like a joke. An eye opening experience if you will. Don't shelter her from that. Let her see and learn and it may well serve her well later on in life. Kids NEED to see and understand consequences and that consequences aren't a joke.
  21. Yeah I do frequent these places and that's why I'm saying she is actually hitting on you and not just for tips. If you like her and are interested, ask her out - coffee, meet for dinner, whatever. You can keep it light. If you aren't really into her, then it doesn't matter. Do nothing.
  22. Besides Hooters there are many other places, bigger chains like High Peaks (yup ... really) and some hole in the wall types. Think of it more like a sports bar that serves wings, a loooong list of all kinds of beers, walls covered with TV's showing all kinds of sports and scantily clad wait staff. Not being a stranger to all that, I'll just say again, that yes sure the wait staff flirt (men and women accordingly) but not normally to this extent. There tends to be a distinct difference between flirting to get some tips and stepping over the line looking for more. So, to the OP, yes she is fishing for more than just a tip. Wake up and step up....or not....as you wish. Just don't drag it out for another month or two and then go, "well gee I tried and she said she has a bf"...no duh. Don't be too late the party if you actually want to party.
  23. ....Dude, she picked up your meal. She is trying so hard and hitting on you sooo hard. For the love of, stop being so dense and ask her for a date already. If you keep dragging your feet, yeah, she will give up and move on. So sooner rather than later, ok? On a side note, yes waitresses may be flirty sometimes, but not to this extreme. She IS hitting on you so hard that the only thing left is for her to put a flashing neon sign in your face telling you she likes you and wants a date. *flash flash* ask me out *flash flash* Come on guy.....lol......
  24. I'm sorry and that's understandable that you feel that way right now. However, I would really encourage you to seek out a few psychiatrists and have a full evaluation. This is not about this particular situation specifically, but rather looking back at your previous threads and relationship/life history. You are either completely off or you are going at 100000000 miles per hour and acting out on impulse. That's not normal and it will not get you the life and results that you want until you do figure out what's going on with you and get the help that you need to get a handle on that. It's not that you can't have the life and relationships that you want, it's that you need some help getting on the right track with that.
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