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Thread: I think I ruined everything

  1. #1
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    I think I ruined everything

    Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now and she just broke up with me yesterday. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, and that we're both busy and we haven't talked much lately and she needs time to find herself. She also said that she still wants us to be friends and close friends. I told her that it's alright, don't worry about it, studying (we're both in uni) is more important right now.

    The next day, I texted her saying that I didn't like how we ended things, and that I know we haven't talked much lately and it's because of the pressure we're both in and that I believe we can fix things. I told her that we should have a talk about what each of us want in this relationship, what we don't want, how often should we talk/call/text, how to be more emotionally connected and such. I also told her that she's one of a kind and I don't want to lose her just like that.

    She responded saying that it's more about me than it is about you I can't be in a relationship right now. She also said that she feels there are things missing from our relationship that are just not there and won't end up being there even if we talked about it, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us. That it's going to be a relationship "by name" and losing each other more than anything else and she doesn't want that to happen, that she still wants to be friends. Finally, she said that she is sorry that she doesn't mean things to end up this way and that she doesn't believe she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future.

    I think she completely friendzoned me forever when she said "Anytime in the future" :((((((((((
    Notice how her response changed? Did I royally **** up by sending her that text the next day? Is there any chance we could end up together again, or did I royally **** things up???
    I don't know what to do. I'm in love with her and I want her badly ;(

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss. The friendship thing is usually offered out of guilt. Whatever her reason, the fact is she doesn't want to continue being in a relationship. It sucks but it's part of life. The only thing you can do is let go. And BTW she already made her decision awhile ago, it wasn't in haste or last min and you didn't do anything wrong. It's a sad reality but people just simply fall out of love or weren't really that into you. I have a feeling your intensity for her made her realize (and she even said this) that she can't be the person blah blah blah, meaning she can't give you what you want. Your feelings don't match.

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    Is there like anything I could try to do? i'm pretty sure i can rebuild her feelings for me, i just don't know how.
    I don't want to give up on her ;(

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    She's made it pretty clear she has broken up with you. Yes it hurts but you will get over her and you will find someone new. If you pester her you will make her angry, so leave her alone.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I have been in your shoes, and I know it hurts, and it's confusing. She's been as kind to you as possible as to make this not so hard on you....but as you can see as soon as you pushed, her words got harsher. She is pretty firm about the breakup. If you want the possibility of her changing her mind, you have to completely cut her off, go no contact, dump her off all your social media. Slam it right back at her. To be desirable is to be unavailable.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How old is she? Unfortunately 12 weeks is just enough time to see if things are working and enough time for the newness to wear off.

    What did she mean by "she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future"?. Was there pressure to have sex, change her or lack communication to the point of being fwb?

    It's good you sent the text because it gave you definitive answers rather than the usual "I need to work on myself" vagueness. Now you know to simply delete and block her from All your social media and All your messaging apps and not "stay friends".

    Do Not Contact her and Do Not try to reconcile. She just wasn't feeling it. It's possible she met someone or went back to an ex. "Work on myself/need space" is sometimes code for that.
    Originally Posted by Squeezyy02
    She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, and that we're both busy and we haven't talked much lately and she needs time to find herself. She also said that she still wants us to be friends and close friends.

    she doesn't believe she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. How old is she? Unfortunately 12 weeks is just enough time to see if things are working and enough time for the newness to wear off.

    What did she mean by "she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future"?. Was there pressure to have sex, change her or lack communication to the point of being fwb?

    It's good you sent the text because it gave you definitive answers rather than the usual "I need to work on myself" vagueness. Now you know to simply delete and block her from All your social media and All your messaging apps and not "stay friends".

    Do Not Contact her and Do Not try to reconcile. She just wasn't feeling it. It's possible she met someone or went back to an ex. "Work on myself/need space" is sometimes code for that.
    She said that she can't be the person I want her to be. Not now. Not in the future.

    I believe she said that because she doesn't want me to wait for her. There are still feelings buried deep within and I'd like to work slowly to extract those feelings. I know this sounds stupid but I'm pretty sure of my feelings for this girl, I think I'm in love with her. I want to play it nicely and see how things work out. I won't try to force anything

    And no, ofcourse there wasn't any pressure of sex or whatsoever

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I have been in your shoes, and I know it hurts, and it's confusing. She's been as kind to you as possible as to make this not so hard on you....but as you can see as soon as you pushed, her words got harsher. She is pretty firm about the breakup. If you want the possibility of her changing her mind, you have to completely cut her off, go no contact, dump her off all your social media. Slam it right back at her. To be desirable is to be unavailable.
    Yes I can see that. I shouldn't have confronted her about it tho... My bad. I wasn't thinking clearly after the breakup. I was so frustrated.

    I believe I can win her back. Not now but later in the future. Like really later. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but for this girl I'd do anything.
    Do I make sense?
    Do you think I can slowly rebuild that connection we once had and in the right time to ask her out again?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Three months? That's hard to say. It's so short. Just a blink of an eye. Give it time to settle. I think you're grasping at straws and panicking quite a lot in withdrawal. When the dust clears you might see this person isn't worth a second thought and you'll meet someone else who does want to spend time with you or be all those things that she wasn't. Appreciate the good memories and let go of this. Focus on your studies.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Rose seems to have said what I was getting at it a zillion words.

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