chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I’m male in my early 50’s that recently has started a new job and after 2 months i have a middle aged recently divorced female boss that keeps putting her hands on me. So far she has had her hand on the middle of my back rubbing me straight up and down the middle of my back while we were talking one day when i first started the job, after that 5 other things have happened that include, Coming up from behind me at work and putting both her hands around my neck for making a data entry mistake, Coming up from behind me and patting me on the back as she walked by me while i was working, Coming up from behind me and bumping her hand on my thigh to talk to me, She even slapped me one day for making a mistake and has also asked me to dance with her at work and she is just real flirty with me but, I don’t want to say the wrong thing and lose my job. I know, I’m the guy and i should probably ignore it but, I really like my job and don't want problems. I’m very confused over why she started doing this in the first place and i have not laid a finger on her. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Yes, this is definitely harassment. And hitting you for mistakes?? She sounds nuts. Absolutely document everything, who was around , who witnessed anything and I would go to HR. Definitely don’t let this go. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 I find a job in my 50's i finally love to do and i'm suddenly walking in a minefield, She's been a supervisor for 23 years is another problem also, i think that'll be a big hurdle to get past with H.R.. Link to comment
Tinydance Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 "I know, I’m the guy and i should probably ignore it but, I really like my job and don't want problems." ---- NO NO NO!! Don't talk like that and say because you're male and she's female, you should just ignore it! That's a sexist view of the situation. Yes your boss IS sexually harassing you! That is exactly what you'd call it! She should never touch you at all! No colleague should touch another colleague. Unless the situation was warranted and welcomed. E.g. giving a handshake or a hug at a Christmas party. But then only if you knew the colleague well and it was comfortable and reciprocal. A manager shouldn't really touch their staff at all, not even for a hug. They are an authority figure and physical contact is unacceptable. The only acceptable thing would be shaking hands. Touching your neck, rubbing your back, touching your knee, no way! I think it's definitely a good idea that you write down all these incidents and the dates and what she did. Can you go to a higher manager, to her boss? I really don't think she should be able to get away with this. This is sleazy and very inappropriate. It makes literally no difference that she's a woman and you're a man. She simply can't do this! Link to comment
Tinydance Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Also you know what always irked me? In the movie "Horrible Bosses", one of the male protagonists had a sexy female boss played by Jennifer Aniston. And she kept sexually harassing him, even though he had a girlfriend. I remember she even took her clothes off or jumped on him or something. And it was portrayed as a joke and comedy and like it was funny. Because the boss was female and she was attractive. That always really annoyed me! If the boss had been a man no way would they get away with it! Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Jesus, I'm in a mess, this is two peoples livelihoods and if i can't get her to stop or have witnesses, the only way out is to quit if the managers won't do something and again she's been there 23 years versus my 2 months. I just don't know. Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I know, I’m the guy and i should probably ignore it but, I really like my job and don't want problems. I’m very confused over why she started doing this in the first place and i have not laid a finger on her. No you shouldn't ignore it because you are a man. I would start documenting everything and notify HR that you are documenting her actions/words because you are worry about your own safety. You need to ensure that you have alerted HR so if in the future, these transgressions turn in to a HR nightmare, at least you can say you did notify HR. Golden standard office rule: CYA Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Thank You, I'll see what the new week brings at work. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Thank You for your advice, I'll see what the new week brings at work. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Thank You for your advice. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Never be anywhere with her in private, ever. Walk to a location where there are other people. I will guarantee you you are not the first person she has harassed. 100% she has done this before and I’m sure HR knows. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I know, I’m the guy and i should probably ignore it Please don't put the message out there that since you're a man you should just suck it up, or that this kind of behavior is okay...it's not okay. It is sexual harassment and it's wrong. She has no right to be touching you at all. Say something to her about not being comfortable with her putting her hands on you and make sure you are heard. You have every right to and it needs to stop. She's obviously not taking you seriously as a professional. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Like you say if i were doing this being a guy, I'd probably be in court headed for a jail cell by now. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 I know, I was just raised up by parents born in the 1940's old,old school ways. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Chevelle, if you're not comfortable going to HR right now, then next time she touches you...back away and say loud enough so she can hear but not yelling.. "I'm not comfortable with that". And if she asks "What?" say..."You putting your hands on me, I'm not comfortable with that". It hopefully will be enough that she'll get the message and it won't have to be escalated. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I know, I was just raised up by parents born in the 1940's old,old school ways. So was I . I am in my 50’s as well. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Hey, Thanks, I had to do this online, it's just embarrassing at my age to be dealing with this, this has never happened to me at work before, I got a man eater to deal with Monday. Link to comment
chevelle1970 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 Thank You lady, I appreciate the advice. Link to comment
1a1a Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 If you can pluck the nerves to say it in the moment ‘physical contact beyond hand shaking, like *what manager just did* in the work environment makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner I just really didn’t know how to communicate it.’ Or not in the moment, maybe that gets sent to her in an email. Once you’ve made your boundary clear if she keeps crossing it then it’s off to hr. That calling her in it in the moment is going to feel suuuuper awkward but if you don’t articulate your boundaries how can people know them? I’ve certainly glossed over inappropriate touching from colleagues etc in the past but I’ve never had to go on seeing them day in day out. Since the contact is on going I think it is worth expressing your discomfort. By making it general ‘physical touch at work makes me anxious’ you give her a chance to modify her behaviour and save face with as much plausible deniability as she can muster so maybe least amount of hurt feelings. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Unfortunately, I have dealt with it about a dozen times. It is gross and ugly. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 She has no right. Put her in her place and let it be well known that you do not like it nor want it. If she's got any sense in her at all, she will back off. Link to comment
Spawn Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Report to HR, draft a formal mail or personally see and report it to the HR director. Dont worry for you being new to the company, all need to be treated with respect and completely professional.This applies to everybody in the company regardless of who or how long they have been with the company. You will keep changing companies but the problem will never be fixed. I wouldnt mind telling my next company that i left for this either. You stood up for yourself and the company values. That speaks volumes about your character. Good luck and take care. Link to comment
dias Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I agree with the rest of the folks here. Report her to the HR. Why these things never happen to me? God damn! Always happen to the wrong person. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 She is clearly not interested in you but enjoys humiliating you. Next time she is inappropriate, tell her directly that you do not appreciate physical contact in the workplace. It is very ok to do that. She might respond well to it. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Do not run to HR. Stand up and just talk to her calmly. Are you attracted to her? Are you dating someone? Why not mention your gf or wife frequently? Why did you post this in the flirting forum? Link to comment
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