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Thread: He lied

  1. #1
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    He lied

    My ex boyfriend and I decided to try again after a 8 month split. During that time he dated a girl from his home town who still lives there. He said it was over and I believed it although I checked both their social media account just to see what was going on. They both liked and commented on each other pictures.
    I asked if hey were still together and he said no. I had a gut feeling something wasnít right but I continue with the relationship. We dated, spent time together and traveled but something was off. He would visit home and conversation was very limited. The last 3 months we havenít gone out much due to busy schedules.

    He went on a family vacation I didnít go because I was out of town for work. He sent me some pics and when I saved them they gave a location so I went back and saved other pics he sent and google the address and most of them were taken at her house (Christmas, New Years and Presidents Day).

    I was hurt. I checked her social media page and she was on a cruise at the same time he was. I questioned him and he said no he was with family and even called his mother and brother who said the same thing it I didnít believe them. I ask if he wanted to attend an event on the same day of his ex family reunion (which I saw on her FB page) he said no b/c he would be at a family reunion.

    I ended the relationship. He seemed hurt but I told him it was over and why. He denied it all. He even came to my house yo talked to me. He has sent flowers to my job everyday since.

    I looked through other pics and he has been wearing a long distance bracelet and she has one too. I donít understand why he wonít be honest. Why lie about her. Weíre both 41.

    I just donít get why he lied. I wouldnít have dealt with him but to date me and have her for almost a year is unnecessary. I want to say something to him but it doesnít matter

  2. #2
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    You were right to end things. By all accounts, this was fishy, and yes, I too believe he lied. I believe he wanted to keep you going in your city, while he kept her going in his hometown, so he could have his cake and eat it too. The fact that you saw concrete evidence on social media confirms it.

    His age of 41 is unfortunate, because it shows that liars are liars, regardless of age. He'll still be doing this at 71. This is who he is.

    Curious.....why did you break up the first time?

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    It will probably always be impossible to figure out his motives, OP.

    Many years ago, an old friend of mine discovered her boyfriend of 2 years had had another girlfriend the entire time they'd been dating. She had no idea she was effectively the Other Woman, since the other girlfriend had been in the picture much longer. It was only discovered when his two worlds unexpectedly collided and the two women found out about each other.

    My friend struggled for a long time, trying to understand why. Did he want to have his cake and eat it too? Was he a total sociopath? Was he ultimately planning to leave one and take up with the other? Never really got an answer to that. Part of her healing was accepting that she would never really understand why he did this, since she evidently had an entirely different moral compass and sense of dignity. She is wired different from someone like him, and would not really be capable of setting aside her own values and principles and seeing the world from his tainted lens.

    The same will be true for you, I imagine. Be glad you had the sense to check it out and leave when you found out the truth.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Funny, I don't see any "concrete" evidence in any of your sleuthing. All I see is that they live in the same town and likely the "location" is coming up as the same place because of it. My pics often say they were taken in my daughter's town when they were not they were taken in my town which is a half hour drive apart.

    He denied everyone of your accusations and his family confirmed his whereabouts when you assumed he was lying. Why would they lie and cover up for him unless you have some large dowry you're going to be providing his family should you marry or something equally going to somehow benefit them?

    He didn't lie to you about where he would be on the day you invited him to "an event" he just didn't tell you whose family reunion it would be (because he knew you would mis-read things, obviously).

    Anyway, you don't trust him and whether or not your mistrust is justified, there is no point going forward with someone you don't trust so you did the right thing in breaking up with him. Now, close the door and tell him to quit sending you flowers and stop contacting you so that he stops trying to convince you that you were wrong and he can move on to find someone else.

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  6. #5
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    sorry to laugh a bit but reading this, I thought this guy was a dumb 25 yr old. In reality he is a dumb 41yr old. First thing is first. I have to ask you why did you get into the relationship? You knew something was fishy and not right and you didn't end it there, you proceeded so I have to ask why? You knew he lied to you, you knew that something was off and when you read all the danger signs and saw all the flags you still said Im going to do this and Im trying to figure out why at 41 you continue with it?
    Yeah, he lied, he is a jerk, and he hid this girl from you and there isn't much more to say about it. He used you and at 41 maybe he does this to make him feel wanted and attractive still.. who knows.
    But I do like that in your mind you have already accepted the situation. Why did he lie is simple.. because he thought he could get away with it. Guys/people like that will have an excuse for everything so asking him about his lies will be like talking to a chicken. In fact he might turn it on you and ask why are you following him. So I agree that talking to him will do you no good.
    Use this as a lesson. If you feel that something is not right, walk away. Remember.. its easier to stay out than it is to get out.
    Someone is out there for you..

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I dunno......go talk to this girl and maybe she can shed some light on the subject.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Funny, I don't see any "concrete" evidence in any of your sleuthing.
    This seems pretty concrete to me:

    Originally Posted by natashalashay
    He went on a family vacation I didnít go because I was out of town for work. He sent me some pics and when I saved them they gave a location so I went back and saved other pics he sent and google the address and most of them were taken at her house (Christmas, New Years and Presidents Day).

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I dunno......go talk to this girl and maybe she can shed some light on the subject.
    Now there's an idea! Go to the source instead of stalking him and believing everything you assume.

    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    This seems pretty concrete to me:
    Like I said, my pics show me as having taken them in my daughter's town which is a half hour drive away from my town. The way she is going about finding him out is not an exact science. I don't think that any social media supplies the exact address of where a pic was taken. If it was facebook then that would be a complete violation of privacy and they are already in deep for that.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    41? I thought you both were 14.

    Good to hear you ended it with him. He's a liar, plain and simple.

  11. #10
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    Perhaps there is no "concrete" evidence, like there would need to be in a court of law of something lol, but all his actions "combined" would certainly suggest something untoward was going on between them and I too would have ended it.

    JMO but sometimes you don't need actual "evidence; a good strong intuition will suffice and unless you're a typically insecure and paranoid person, I would pay attention to it!

    Which you did OP, good for you!

    I couldn't even begin to speculate why he didn't just end things with you and focus only on her (or vice versa), but perhaps a previous poster was correct, he likes both of you and enjoys having both of you, one in his home town and one in his current town.

    I am sorry this happened OP, best of luck to you moving forward. :)

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