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Thread: he broke up with me over phone, some advice??

  1. #11
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Juliaml20
    If he was angry of anything, I asked if we were ok or if he wanted to be ok with me or stay in a relationship with me...
    Yeah, that's annoying. Most guys with self respect are gonna dump you after enough of that, or even a little bit of it. If for whatever reason you're not feeling secure in a relationship, especially just a few months in, just leave. If you find it's a habit, you probably have something within yourself that needs some fixing.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'd like to know this too. Do you mean questions about his life, about the world at large, or questions (as I suspect) about how he feels about you, whether he still cares and likes you, or something along those lines?

    And why are you in the habit of asking if he wants to breakup?
    yes the second type. Because sometimes I felt like something was off, so I asked him, something inside telling me that it was forced.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Yeah, that's annoying. Most guys with self respect are gonna dump you after enough of that, or even a little bit of it. If for whatever reason you're not feeling secure in a relationship, especially just a few months in, just leave. If you find it's a habit, you probably have something within yourself that needs some fixing.
    Yes I understand but why dumping me over phone and being cruel? Maybe if you did care for someone you should try to fix it and not throwing away.

  4. #14
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Juliaml20
    Yes I think so too, but I am hurt because he was telling me that he was very interested and in love, I dont know the necessity of lying instead of be honest :( I feel played
    I don't know why he lied. Maybe it was a way to get you off his back temporarily. You shouldn't feel played. He lost interest. It happens.

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  6. #15
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    Juliaml, your bf is most likely gone for good, but if you want to prevent this from happening in your future relationships, learn ways to manage your anxieties and insecurities on your own, and stop burdening your partners with what are essentially your issues, your neurosis.

    I don't know which came first -- if you were just too needy and clingy (for him) which caused him to need "space" and time on his own, which in turn caused you even more insecurity. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    OR, is he a guy who simply needs lots of lone time, more than you. Which is ok!!

    This could be just an incompatibility issue relating to space issues (he needs more than you generally), you presuming it meant he didn't care, then pushing him out of his comfort zone to prove he does care.

    That is a recipe for disaster, and yes I agree w him, it can get very draining and exhausting -- trying to be someone you're not, give what you don't have in you to give -- all to soothe the anxieties and insecurities of your partner, in this case, you.

    Sorry it didn't work out.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-27-2019 at 02:16 PM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Juliaml20
    Yes I understand but why dumping me over phone and being cruel? Maybe if you did care for someone you should try to fix it and not throwing away.
    He wasn't cruel. You admit this is a routine. You overfilled the silo and now he's decided he's done. If you don't want to get dumped before a surgery, then don't cause needless drama before it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What j.man said.

    If you feel like something is off, especially this early, it's generally a sign to just leave. Or at least bring it up in a productive manner, which is by explaining how you feel, seeing what someone says and does, and then deciding to stay or not.

    People with self-respect don't like being nagged. It's noise and drama that goes nowhere. So if this is behavior you've found yourself engaging in in relationships, you'd be wise to explore that a bit on your own since really it's you playing yourself, not getting played by anyone.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    If you find yourself constantly checking for signs that he's not interested, always taking any of his behavior personal and linking everything to if he wants to be with you, and most importantly, if you do this in all your relationships,you should check the Attachment theory, specifically the Anxious Preoccupied one, for starters. A therapist would be the best so you can overcome all your anxieties.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Juliaml20
    Yes I understand but why dumping me over phone and being cruel? Maybe if you did care for someone you should try to fix it and not throwing away.
    He didn't want to fix it, though. I know that's hard to hear but he evidently was past the point of wanting to try to make it work. At only 6 months, it is a lot to have to keep reassuring someone.How often were you questioning him about his feelings? And what was this last argument about, exactly?

    I don't think he played you, for what it's worth. I think he tried until he just couldn't anymore.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Seeking constant reassurance is a drug. Yes, it feels good to see him fight for the relationship or hear him tell you he loves you, but within a few hours or a day, you'll go right back to questioning the relationship again.

    Confidence is sexy. Also, people like to feel like their efforts in a relationship are worthwhile. He likely got tired of feeling like he couldn't make you feel happy or secure. Consider seeking professional help to deal with this issue. It will likely be a problem in future involvements.

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